CHAPTER 8: A FIGHT

"They're going to know your surprise the moment we enter the house if you keep bouncing and smiling like that." He joked, but he was enjoying seeing her happy and excited like that. The doctor advised them to wait until the baby was at least 12 weeks old, but she decided against it. She wanted to experience all this pregnancy was going to bring because it was going to be her only one. Christian was right, though, she was bouncing on her seat with excitement as they drove to Grey Mansion for the Christmas dinner. She was wearing a red velvet dress with a low neckline, with diamond earrings Christian gifted her to celebrate their good news and he was wearing his suit. He looked devastatingly handsome in it and she barely kept herself in check. They stopped having sex since their whole goal was to get pregnant. But they were still affectionate and his tenderness with her made her weepy every time he held her hand or brushed her hair away from her face.

"I can't help it, I'm so excited!"

"I noticed." He smirked. She was so beautiful, her hair in a low bun. It made her neck look even more inviting. He wasn't sure if it was "the pregnancy glow" people wrote about or just the glow of happiness but her skin and hair never looked better. She was constantly smiling, rubbing her stomach, reading crazily about pregnancy and raising children. He also read, but he did his best to keep it secret, for he knew that Anastasia would think that it meant something. It didn't. He just liked to be informed and prepared, in case something happened to her when he was home. He caught Taylor's smirk over the mirror and shook his head. They recently finalized the security plans for Anastasia, both during and after her pregnancy. Presscot and Sawyer were going to be with them at all times and Ryan was going to follow her from afar when she was outside. It was difficult to convince Anastasia for Ryan and Sawyer but she caved in when Taylor showed her some of the disturbing "fan mails" he had been getting over the years, all of them knew that it was going to get worse when people found out about her.

Grace was all warm hugs and kisses when they arrived but Anastasia couldn't help but feel like Carrick and Elliot were cold towards her. She knew Carrick's reason, she didn't blame him. But she was very confused about Elliot, and she pulled Kate aside as soon as she could, to ask her. Kate sighed, rubbing her forehead. She had hoped that Ana wouldn't notice but of course, she did.

"It's just, that he thinks that this is a bad idea."

"Why?" Kate didn't know how to rephrase Elliot's opinions in a way that wouldn't hurt Anastasia's feelings. She rubbed her shoulder, trying to show her support.

"Honey, he just has some concerns about Christian, that's it."

"I don't understand. Christian offered to be a donor, but I didn't ask him. Why would this hurt him?"

"It will hurt him when he finds the love of his life." Came a strong and annoyed voice from the door of the kitchen. Elliot Grey stood leaning towards the door, an empty whiskey glass in his hand. Anastasia was very surprised by his demeanor, he had always been so warm toward her, and she didn't understand what was going on. "You are going to be tied to him forever, because of this. What if he meets someone next year? Imagine loving someone, planning a life with them, and boom, there is this child. The child of your boyfriend, who knows his family but has zero relationship with his father. How would that look?" He walked towards them and stood in front of her, she felt tears stinging in her eyes but she tried not to cry. The picture he was drawing was so hurtful, it felt like a stab in her chest.

"Elliot, stop." He threw his wife an annoyed look.

"No, someone needs to stop falling for this waterworks and tell her the truth. You are going to destroy my brother's chances of finding himself someone. He's going to look like a heartless bastard. And for what? So that little miss barren could have a child?" She felt so little and so humiliated. She never thought that one day she could see Elliot as something other than the huge teddy bear she befriended, but she felt actually fearful as he towered over her with his muscles and height. She feared that he was going to hurt her. She could hear Kate telling him to stop but she couldn't look at them, no matter how much it hurt, he had a point. But she told Christian something similar, and he reassured her that he wasn't going to fall in love. Just because he couldn't love her didn't mean that he couldn't love anyone else, did it? She hurried towards the stairs and ran to Christian's old bedroom. She sat down on the bed and let herself go, sobbing and rubbing her stomach. She never wanted to hurt him, and no matter how much it hurt her, she'd prefer to see him settled and happy with someone else. Did she ruin his chances? But she was already pregnant, what was she supposed to do?

Kate walked into the room, rushing to hold her. She kept apologizing and telling her that he was just being an asshole. It wasn't true, she didn't and wouldn't harm Christian. Elliot had been happy and excited until recently, she didn't know what had gotten into him. She was going to find out the reason and then-

"Is he right? I love Christian but I never want to take his chances away of finding someone he'll love." She could barely talk without hiccupping. "I love him so much, so much! He should love someone like that, too. He deserves it."

"Sweetheart, no, of course, he's not right. Remember what Grace and Carrick told you? About the right person? If Christian has someone else in his fate, they'll love him with everything." She wanted to tell her that the stupid man was already in love, he just didn't see it. "Besides have you met Christian Grey? He'll get whatever he wants. I remember a certain brunette wanted nothing to do with him until he stalked her relentlessly." Anastasia couldn't help but chuckle in tears. Kate was right, if Christian wanted someone, they would be powerless to stop themselves from loving him. They hugged each other for a few minutes until she got her breathing under control and washed her face. It was still obvious that she cried but she looked less devastated and less red.

"Do you want to tell Christian? So he can set Elliot straight? I'm sure he'll rip him a new one." She shook her head. The last thing she wanted was to create a crack in their family.

"No, no. But can you tell him I'm here? I want to talk to him." Kate looked at her in concern.

"Honey, don't tell him you changed your mind. Nobody has a say over your life and your decisions, okay? Elliot is just being an asshole." She tried to smile.

"No, I'm not changing my mind."

"Okay."

She tried to get rid of the headache suddenly started, probably because of crying so much. She was just so blindsided, Elliot had never looked at her like that, in disgust, and never talked to her that way. Why didn't he tell Christian he had problems with her when he told his brother his decision? Or did he, and Christian lied to her to keep her calm? She eliminated that option quickly, Christian would've refused to come here if he ever heard "little miss barren" from his brother. She heard rushed footsteps and a moment later the door opened, a very worried Christian Grey looked at her from head to toe. And rushed to her side, sitting on the edge of the bed, also.

"Are you okay? Why did you cry?" She smiled.

"I'm good, I just got overwhelmed. You know that I keep crying lately."

"No, you don't. I haven't seen you cry even once for the past 2 weeks, you were all smiles. What happened?"

"Nothing, I just got emotional. And I feel very anxious, can we not tell them today?" He frowned. She was adamant in her decision and very excited. What exactly happened with Kate? He noted that she looked kind of guilty when she told him that Anastasia was lying down in his bedroom.

"You were so excited, what happened?"

"I said nothing. I just don't want to."

"What did Kavanagh tell you? You were fine when we arrived. Did she tell you something bad?"

"Christian, no!" She took one of his hands and held it tightly in hers. "We just talked about her marriage, our decision, not living together anymore, etc. I got emotional and overwhelmed. I don't think I have the mental capacity to deal with people. Can we keep our news to ourselves a little while longer?"

"You don't want to tell even Kate?" She nodded. His worried gray eyes stared at her face carefully, obviously not buying her story. He knew her, and this wasn't like Anastasia at all. He saw her cry for the smallest things but this sadness in her face wasn't something small. But he could also see that she wasn't going to budge so he just sighed and hugged her. Kissing her head.

"Okay, Ana. It's your decision. Let's go and enjoy Christmas." She snorted.

"Okay, Grinch."

"Hey, I put a huge tree and it looks as horrible as possible. I'm officially not a Grinch." She smiled and felt better when she thought about the huge, horrible tree across the piano at home. He did it just for her and even helped her decorate.

"Yeah, no. Maybe less Grinch, but still one." He kissed her head one more time.

"Okay, I'll take it."

They went downstairs and sat down for dinner. He tried to coax her into eating more but she just shook her head and told him she wasn't "feeling like eating.". Which made him even more worried. Anastasia's appetite was directly connected to her feelings. Kate must've told her something very upsetting for her to be this way. He sighed and stopped pushing. Conversation flowed, but he noticed how Kate refused to even look at Elliot and how angry he looked. Maybe the newlyweds fought and it made Anastasia upset?

His mind wouldn't stop writing scenarios until they all sat down in the sitting room and his father started to hand out the presents. What had happened to make her withdraw to her shelf like this? Anastasia barely ate and barely spoke. She just smiled politely at Kate and Grace and listened to Mia but he could see how fake she looked. Didn't the others notice how sad she looked? How small and lonely? He pulled her close to him, wrapping his arms around her shoulder. She cuddled to his chest and let some of her tension fall away. She was aware of how worried he was about her but she couldn't stop herself, she had never been a good actress and all of her energy was spent on not hearing the ruthless inner voice in her head. They watched as Mia and Carrick gave out the presents, and people opened theirs, joking, and laughing.

"And this is from Anastasia to Elliot," Carrick said as he gave his son the big box, intrigued by the sounds it made. Anastasia all but jumped, looking at Kate helplessly, who shrugged. She closed her eyes and leaned to Christian in defeat, surely, Elliot would misunderstand and lash out. Instead, she heard the tearing of the wrapping paper and the laughter around. She could also feel Christian's chest shaking with laughter. She looked up to see Elliot staring astounded at the big box of Lego Death Star Set. He looked at her, she rushed to explain.

"I-I'm sorry if you hate it. It was supposed to be a joke because you said-"

"That I'd built a better Death Star than the second movie, yes." He frowned.

"I'm sorry." She repeated, making the laughter die down. She saw Grace looking at them curiously and she blushed scarlet. "You can leave it here, I'll get you something else. I'm sorry." She couldn't look at him and see the disgusted face again.

"No, no. Thank you, Ana. I didn't get you anything, I'm sorry." Mia gasped.

"How?! I told you they were coming!"

"I-I forgot, I'm sorry. I'll get you something later." Mia was still going on about how irresponsible he was but she interrupted her to reassure everyone, that she didn't mind. They kept going. She could feel Christian and Grace's eyes on herself but she didn't have the strength to face them so she just avoided their eyes.

"This one is from meee," Mia said, shoving a tiny package in her hands. She opened it to find a yellow onesie inside, with sunshine doodles on it. In bold letters, it was written "My Auntie loves me" She felt tears prickling her eyes as she looked at Mia, who looked unnaturally shy. She wrung her hands.

"I know there is no baby yet. But I couldn't help it, it looked so cute at the store! And I didn't get pink or blue because it'll be some time until we figure out the gender and you might not even want to find out. What if you decided to wait and see at birth-" Anastasia cut her babbling by standing up and hugging Mia as hard as she could.

"It's beautiful. And the baby's first gift!" She squeezed her before releasing her and smiling through her tears. "Thank you so much, Mia." She smiled, relaxed that she didn't offend her with the gifts, and kept going.

Anastasia leaned into Christian's chest, feeling his heartbeat under her ear and her hands caressing the soft material of the onsie. Mia didn't how much she needed this, at that moment. She needed this acceptance and love. And excitement. Mia was so excited to be an aunt that she bought a present for a baby she didn't even know existed. She barely kept herself from rubbing her stomach and giving her news away, but she felt anger and sadness leave her with each breath. The sting of Elliot's 180 degrees changed and his words still hurt, but this baby was loved. And she tried to remind herself what she learned in therapy. She couldn't read people's minds and she wasn't responsible for their feelings. It wasn't her job to ensure Christian finds love, it wasn't Elliot's either. Christian should've thought about this before making an offer. It wasn't her responsibility. The baby was already here. She deserved to be a mother and she deserved to be there as much as Elliot did. He had no right to make her feel like the dirt on his shoe.

She tried to focus on the positives. Grace and Carrick liked the safari experience she got them. Carrick looked guilty when she explained that her coworker knew someone who helped her get the tour package with a discount and she used her own money. He hugged her to thank her. Mia liked the expensive pastry tools and Kate squealed when she opened the certificate of a star that was named after her. Grace hugged her a few more times and told her that her door was always open. She let her fingers caress Mia's gift all night, it brought her comfort.

She gave her gift to Christian at home, when they finally arrived, after midnight. He also didn't want to give her his present in his parents' house. She smiled shyly as she got the present from under the tree and gave him. He would've loved anything, even a toothpick as long as she gave it with the same shining eyes and pink cheeks and shy smile. But he was flabbergasted holding the thick sketchbook in his hands. Its cover was a rich brown leather, very soft to touch. Inside were sketches of him. Pages of drawings, some colorful, some just with charcoal. He couldn't recognize himself in the pages, for that, the man on the paper was smiling a lot.

He saw himself sleeping, and one of his hands reached across the empty bed. She told him about it in the morning, how his hand kept reaching across to bed to find her body and he cursed a few times when he couldn't find her. His face was relaxed in the drawing, his hair tousled. He saw the scars on his back but they weren't pronounced. They weren't stressed but also not ignored. They were just, there. He didn't know why it affected him so much, the fact that she didn't choose to draw him flawless.

He saw himself pulling his hair and frowning on the papers, working on the kitchen table because he wanted to keep an eye on Anastasia's dinner that day.

He saw himself laughing, his hand thrown back as he watched Deadpool.

He saw himself tickling Anastasia on his bed, she didn't draw her face or hair but he could see it in his mind, she looked very beautiful.

He saw them sitting on the bank in his parents' backyard, a faceless woman's head was on his shoulder in the drawing. He didn't understand why she refused to draw herself.

He saw a very detailed drawing of a chocolate cake, with two holes in the icing, made by him because he couldn't resist tasting it. He thought she didn't notice, she obviously did.

He saw another detailed sketch of a cutting board with awfully chopped green peppers. He tried to help her cook one time and ended up cutting three of his fingers. He wasn't allowed to chop anymore.

He saw himself reaching up to put some decorations on the tree, his face in deep concentration. He was doing his best to keep himself from falling while reaching up.

The last page was a drawing of two hands on emerald silk sheets. The bigger one was holding the other tightly, pressing it to the bed. The veins in his hand were so realistic, that he looked down at his hand for a second. Only two hands were visible but it was one of the most erotic things he had seen in his life. He immediately felt his body responding. He looked up, Anastasia was red from head to toe and she looked worried.

"This is incredible." He forced himself to talk. He really felt speechless. "I had no idea that you draw. These are amazing, you are very talented." She blushed a deeper shade.

"It's just something I started again to keep my mind occupied. I used to take classes in high school, though. Did you like it?" He looked down and gently brushed the cover with his fingers. It was the most precious gift he was given.

"They are amazing. Thank you so much. Is this really how you see me?" She cocked her head to the side, confused by the vulnerability she could hear in his voice.

"Yes? They are all real moments." He nodded, suddenly feeling a lump in his throat. He coughed a few times, trying not to show how affected he was.

"Thank you. It is the best gift I've ever gotten."

"I didn't know what to get you. Anything I buy, you could buy it yourself so I thought-" She was interrupted by his sudden movement. He put the sketchbook on the table and swiftly pulled her into his arms. Squeezing her so hard that she felt her nose hurting a little from pressing to his chest.

"Thank you. Thank you." She squeezed his lower back as tight as she could. Telling herself that Elliot Grey could go and fuck himself.

AN: I know that I promised little angst, and this is one of them. I'll give you a hint for Elliot's change of opinion. It starts with an "EL" and ends with "ENA" ;)
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