Disclaimer: Don't own Spy X Family, nor any of its characters.
Rating: T
A series of connected one-shots, where the duo have come to realize a certain reality they've been trying to deny, and gradually move forward from there.
"Can I say something, Twilight?"
He looked up, prepared for the inevitable.
Across from him, Handler regarded him for a time, before a playfully-amused smile popped up. "You've changed."
"I guess so."
Truthfully, Twilight knew full well what this was about, and was simply trying to keep himself braced. He was half-expecting reprimands about letting himself get attached, but also reminded himself that on occasion, she'd demonstrated a more reasonable attitude to such things.
"As stated in the Scarlet Letter, most people can seldom present different masks to themselves and the public, before becoming confused as to which is real and which isn't" she mused, one hand supporting her face. "Us spies do that for a living, but that doesn't mean we're immune to it either. There are many who might jump to conclusions that, just because someone becomes attached, means they automatically are jeopardizing their true mission. Or believe that we can't become attached period, because it risks our very survival."
"..."
Handler tilted her head. "You don't strike me as the type to do either though, Twilight" she spoke, as a simple statement. "Yet I would hear your thoughts on the matter."
Right...
"Even though I've been trained to do my job without getting attached, it still happened to me" he spoke, even. "By the time I recognized this, it was too late. I have no excuse for that."
"Ignoring the self-blame for the moment, what do you intend to do now that it's happened?"
Twilight met her gaze evenly. "I intend to continue as Twilight, both on Operation Strix, and any other missions that will ensure the peace between nations. Yet my identity as Loid Forger, and the family that he has waiting at home... I have come to realize that they aren't purely an act, not anymore. Even after Operation Strix is over, I would remain with them, given the choice."
She simply appraised him. "I have to ask: has being a family man detracted from your mission performances at all?"
"Not particularly. If anything, I believe that they fuel me even more, though it took some time to realize it. My wife, and our adopted daughter, remind me of exactly why I work as a spy: it is so they - and everyone else like them - can have a happy, peaceful life; that is still the reason I do everything that I do. I just have even more reason to do so now..."
A full minute passed in silence.
Handler's lip curved, though he wasn't sure how to interpret this.
"Well, perhaps some of the higher-ups may disapprove, Twilight, but I can smooth things over if that happens" she stated, sincere - he moved in place, startled by the answer. "As long as you continue to prove yourself with results, there's not much anyone can do about your request, especially if I say it's an incentive that drives you to work hard. And in addition, I think they are a fine "reward" for all you've done for our agency."
He was at a loss at how to respond...
She half-turned in her seat, gaze moving off, but her words remained directed at him. "Of course, if your results were to suffer drastically, that situation would come under heavy review and any resulting decisions might become out of my hands" she mused, though her tone made it clear that she deemed this unlikely. "I presume you already know that, having made this choice. Nevertheless, the warning is there."
"Yes. I fully understand."
Then she glanced toward him, her eyes visible over the curve of her specs. "But all that aside, it does give you a fallback option as well, Twilight" she continued, more serious even as he blinked. "We all know the dangers of this line of work. One mistake, one stroke of luck for either side, can tip the scales for better or worse... and the latter can have major consequences even if death is avoided. Imagine if you found yourself suddenly unable to do field work, either effectively or at all; what would you do with yourself in the meantime?"
He considered that, and the answer came easily:
"Most likely, I would have to settle into a permanent civilian identity" he spoke, if fighting not to imagine Yor and Anya's reactions if they were to suddenly find him at a hospital with major injuries, perhaps even to the level of paralysis or similar - he didn't want to say how well he's 'succeeding'. "My situation would be secured for me by the agency, but what I'd do with my life from there would be up to me."
"Precisely. And it seems to me your family fits that hypothetical role perfectly."
It does, now that she said it as such- the thought of such a life wouldn't be easy, but it wouldn't be all bad either.
"Even so, I'm not about to let myself suffer such injuries" Twilight spoke, confident (yet also relieved). "Not if I can help it."
To that, Handler nodded with a small smile, idly waving him off with a hand. "Then I'd say our business is concluded here" she said, to which he bowed slightly, getting up. "I'll get back to you if the higher-ups have questions or concerns."
"Of course, ma'am."
"Oh, there is one other thing I nearly forgot about."
Hmm?
This time, the Handler seemed unamused due to her arched brows, but the feeling wasn't directed at him. "This is mainly unrelated, but has Nightfall ever spoken to you about your family situation?"
His brow furrowed at that.
"Yes" he said, rather short. "She has asked me to reconsider who could be my pretend wife a handful of times, implying she could do better in the role."
Her look was purely unsurprised, even unimpressed. "Next time you cross paths, perhaps you should tell her what you've told me today" she advised, lower. "This interest in playing the role of your wife is better off nipped in the bud ASAP."
Though nodding, he didn't answer... mostly because he could only (silently) scoff to himself, disgusted.
What on Earth is going through that woman's head?
Come to think of it, after the first time she'd asked him (in code), she had subsequently challenged Yor to a tennis match. Had that been some bizarre attempt to make Yor feel inadequate, and thus compel her to leave?
Yor had seemingly questioned her own worth as a wife around that time too, along with that drunk jealousy(?) behavior too...
Mmm, but by itself, it's not exactly enough evidence to come such a conclusion - only hinted toward it being a possibility.
/
Park
"Ahaha! Bond, fetch!"
"Borf! Borf!"
Watching from a nearby bench, Yor was happy to watch the two enjoying themselves- in fact, ever since Anya's been teaching him how to play fetch, Bond's proven how quick he could be for his size. She remembered that those terrorists had been planning to use Bond (among other dogs) as walking bombs, so clearly he hadn't gotten a normal experience as a dog... which apparently meant not being trained with C4, knives, and more.
That's still rather weird to her, but she trusted Loid's judgment that dogs available to families are trained only to play and be loved.
"Good boy!" Anya cheered, ruffling Bond's fur even as he licked her face. "Ehehe, that tickles! Now let's do it again! And... fetch!"
"Borf!"
Still smiling, Yor did let her attention wander a bit, though her gaze remained in Anya's direction. She recalled that it'd been a little time since Loid's advice about the different kinds of kisses, but she hasn't yet seen a situation where Anya had gotten a cut or bruise, the small kinds of "wounds" that would be great for kissing. A part of her was even imaging such things happening, before she realized and quickly shook her head; um, parents probably shouldn't be imaging their children getting hurt, right? Even so, she did hope that if ever the situation arose, Anya would be happy to receive such attention from her.
"If Loid were to do the same, I'm sure Anya would appreciate it" she thought, hands held together. "After all, she is his daughter. Meanwhile, I'm not even her real..."
She let out a breath as the realization hit, making this thought trail off completely.
Wait- her marriage with Loid is real now, as they'd agreed. That meant that- that Anya's not her pretend daughter anymore.
Anya is her daughter now, even if not by blood.
Literally as she had this realization, a rush of warmth went through her chest - unnoticed by her, Anya had jolted and turned toward her, her mouth wide open. Yet this also made Anya miss how Bond was quickly incoming, holding the frisbee in his mouth; it was only at the last moments that he noticed Anya not looking out, and he tried to skid to a stop.
He mostly succeeded, but nearly lost his balance and instinctively thrust his paws out-
-one of which landed just above Anya's foot for a moment.
"Ahh!"
Yor was startled out of her thoughts, looking forward- she gasped when she saw Anya wobbling, before she fell to the ground. "Anya!" she cried out, instantly up and running over - Bond whimpered, but she barely noticed. "What happened? Are you okay?"
Anya looked a bit pained, touching her ankle. "I- I think so, mama" she said, almost wincing. "I... I got distracted, and Bond ran into me by accident."
*whimper*
Mmm, she supposed that accidents do happen- still, it's merely a scratch, which was easy to put pressure on.
Yor let out a breath, relieved. "Well, what's important is that you're okay" she assured, gently patting Anya's head - then she looked over. "And you're okay too, right Bond?"
Bond looked up, panting a little before he hesitantly nuzzled her arm-
-which made her smile, gently petting him with her other hand.
"...Mama?"
"Yes?" Yor wondered, looking at Anya. "What is it?"
Anya looked at her for a moment, before holding her hands up. "I- I really do love you, mama" she said, earnest.
Her breath hitched.
Small tears gathered in the corner of the little girl's eyes. "You're so kind and strong, and real accepting of me. I'm glad you and my papa married each other" she breathed, before glancing down. "I hope you love me too... b- but I've never heard you say that you have, before..."
Yor gasped, feeling such a rush go through her again... unbidden, she reminded the conversation she and Loid had, after that tennis match with Fiona back then...
Or um, the one she remembered; a-apparently she'd been drunk the first time, and somehow Loid got that bad chin wound afterward:
"All I know about mothering is what I learned from watching over Yuri."
"And that's precisely why you're second to none as a parent, Yor. You've been doing a wonderful job, I'll have you know. *chuckle* If anything, you probably know more about parenting than I do."
"Ah?"
"It's true that Anya is my daughter, but I feel like there's still so much I have to learn, not just about her but about parenting in general. If anything, I should be learning from you, Yor - there are so many times that you've helped me see a new angle on how to approach an issue. And that's why I want you to continue being Anya's mother, along with my wife, if that's alright."
"...Mmm, yes! I- I promise that I'll do my best to improve, Loid!"
"I appreciate it, Yor. But as long as you're yourself, I can't ask any more than that."
Then a lot more spun through her head, even as her heart beat really fast...
For awhile, she was virtually frozen as her mind raced, but Anya didn't quite remain still: she lifted her head at one point, seeming a bit awed about something, though Yor didn't notice. Then suddenly Anya moved forward and hugged her, almost making her hitch, yet when her gaze moved down... Yor saw how tightly the little girl clung to her, and when she lifted her head, how much love and warmth was in her gaze.
It was the latter that made things click; one hand moved to the top of Anya's head, while the other wrapped around her back.
On instinct, Yor leaned down and gently kissed Anya's forehead-
-the little girl gasped, full of awe and wonder.
"I..." Yor whispered, almost trembling as her vision became misty- even so, her smile was warm. "I do love you, Anya."
Anya's cheeks turned pink, yet it was barely any time before she got the biggest, most wonderful open-mouthed smile! The little girl couldn't even answer and just hugged her again, while all Yor could do was hold her (reasonably) tight against herself... they eventually noticed how Bond had joined in, but it only made things better for them.
Yet for her part, Yor could only wonder how she'd been so fortunate to find this wonderful family.
Whatever the reason though, she's eternally grateful for it.
Home; nighttime
What a long day... *sigh*
"That group was far more crafty than they had a right to be" Loid thought, stepping up to the front door, where he composed himself and entered through it. Upon getting in, he immediately noticed that Anya was watching her cartoons in front of the TV (with a band-aid on her ankle), Bond was sleeping, and Yor was on the couch just observing... with an undrunk glass of wine nearby, to his slight confusion.
"I'm back; sorry that I'm late" he spoke, idly taking off his shoes.
"Hi, papa" Anya greeted, cheerfully waving. "Mama wanted to talk with you after you ate some food."
"Oh really?" he wondered, looking at Yor-
-who slowly nodded, if hesitant. "Um, yes I did" she breathed, though she was glancing away. "It can wait till later, so go ahead and eat."
Hmm... between her behavior and the glass of wine nearby, his gut told him that this talk would involve something embarrassing. Although what exactly that entailed was still uncertain; he still recalled Yor barging into his room after he surprised-kissed her the first time, drunkenly wanting him to do it again.
Whatever it was that's on Yor's mind, the wine - however 'modest' the amounts looks to be - made him slightly wary...
Regardless, he'll prepare himself.
"Alright then" Loid acknowledged, immediately moving into the kitchen. "I presume you two have eaten already?"
"Um, yeah. We ordered take-out for ourselves."
"And it was yummy! But mama also made PBGs!"
Hearing that made his lip curve slightly. "PBJ on the side? Good choice."
...
Later
Nighttime
As expected, the moment he mentioned that now would be a good time for their talk, Yor had instantly grabbed her glass and downed it before following him, despite it presumably having gotten cold long ago. He'd been slightly bewildered to see her cheeks immediately turn somewhat red, making him muse that she gets drunk exceedingly easy... but thus far, while Yor seems to have lost partial restraint, she hasn't lost it all.
So far; Loid was nevertheless careful, and eventually they were seated upon the edge of his bed.
"So, what is this about, Yor?"
She swayed slightly, and her head-turn was quick, but otherwise she still seemed okay. "At the park, Anya played with Bond a lot" she started - though a bit 'off', she wasn't slurring any of her words. "Then by accident, Bond ran into her and scratched her ankle."
That explains the band-aid he saw earlier.
"Well, sometimes these things happen" he assured. "And I'm sure you helped Anya feel better."
She glanced down, lip curling... but more than that, her face turned redder.
"I did... but then- but then Anya asked me if I love her."
He shifted, a bit surprised.
Yor swayed as she became more expressive. "She thought that I did, but she wasn't sure, since I've never said it out loud before" she said, aimed at the room in general, yet really earnest. "I was shocked... b-but also so happy, and warm to hear her say that, Loid!"
Loid didn't doubt that one bit; her smile alone was proof, as was the way her eyes got misty.
The former was quite the appealing sight.
On instinct, he scooted a bit closer before he gently held Yor's back with one arm- she leaned against him seemingly without realizing, almost shaking.
"I'm glad to hear it" he whispered, softer.
Yor sniffled, cheeks red. "It- it's not just that though" she said, rather breathy. "It made me remember how you said that... that our marriage is real now. It made me realize that I consider Anya as my daughter, and that- that I do love her. I told her so, at the park. But even more embarrassingly, I... t-this made me wonder if I love you too!"
He was startled, and not just by the sudden volume in those last words...
To be frank, he'd been having an initial, bewildered thought about Yor not realizing that she loved Anya, along the lines of "Maybe she thought care and love were two different things?". Yet now he's having a similar moment regarding her current statement - even after him saying that their marriage can be considered real, and confirming that they both didn't want to give up this arrangement, Yor hadn't thought about if that meant she loved him?
Her mind was definitely one-of-a-kind to have not thought about such until now, or realized it till recently.
...Though it's not like he'd been much better, he mused after a time.
As he had the thought, he let out a sigh while Yor swayed - majorly embarrassed, having realized how close they were and pulling away - but nonetheless, his smile was fond. He then noticed that she'd pulled away from him, and this made him blink, but he soon moved his hand and touched her cheek- she jolted, his touch all-but-making her freeze.
There was something about that look too, that he didn't mind seeing more of.
"...Yor" he whispered to her, partially close. "I think it is love that you feel. And, I believe that I may feel the same way."
It's like her whole body jumped, and a gasp escaped her quivering lips, with her entire face literally turning red and steam metaphorically billowing from it. He worried slightly about that - he had been planning to follow-up with a kiss, given such statements normally ended with affections, but wondered if perhaps this would be too much at once.
"...But of course, there's still no need for us to push ourselves to do anything, or act any differently than we want" he decided to add, mentally adding that he should prepare for future 'too embarrassing' reactions. And ideally, how to keep Yor from getting to that level, if at all possible. "If anything is too much, let's take our time."
Just then, Yor - with a squeak - suddenly stood up and away from him, leaving him to make a sound.
She swayed in place for a bit, face red, eyes hidden by her hands...
"T..."
Hmm?
"...T- Thank you."
Immediately after those last whispered, full-of-effort words, Yor sped out of his room and closed it behind her, leaving him sitting there blinking. He heard her footsteps go toward her own room, which was opened and closed in the span of a second, before he then vaguely heard the sound of muffled bedsprings and various incoherent sounds, also quite muffled.
This eventually led him to muse that tomorrow, and likely the next few days (at least), Yor's going to be too embarrassed for anything else. Still, he didn't realize until later that he was disappointed... not because she'd left, or that he felt that they hadn't made progress, or the like.
It was more that well, he had wanted to kiss her again, in some fashion.
...But that'd have to wait, so he reluctantly shifted gears toward preparing for bed; it helped, though it was also hard to ignore certain feelings in his chest.
Yet he just kept reminding himself that, as long as they communicate properly, they'll manage somehow.
By contrast, getting himself to manage his own feelings felt like a long-time mission he'd never signed up for... or perhaps one he'd simply forgotten/neglected for a long time...
A bit longer than previous ones, but still, I think the interactions speak for themselves :P