Disclaimer: Don't own Spy X Family, nor any of its characters.
Rating: T
A series of connected one-shots, where the duo have come to realize a certain reality they've been trying to deny, and gradually move forward from there.
Home
This was a rare event; his day off from work - both public and secret - and Yor's day off from her work had coincided today, and therefore they're both home while Anya's at school. Given recent events, this was a benefit to their growing 'moments' spent alone, but it needed to be approached carefully; he still felt that Yor was unsure as how to proceed, or perhaps when was appropriate to proceed.
A concern that he shared as well, if mainly because he didn't want to overstep any boundaries- though there was a hesitance beyond such reasons.
Of course, there was a thing or two to take care of today, so whatever they might do had to be timed well.
"This is what I'm thinking regarding our errands today, Yor" Loid outlined, both of them seated. "Simply put, we enjoy lunch together first, then spend the time required to get things done. Then once we're both home, we can go from there and start preparing for dinner, and decide on our evening plans while we're at it."
Yor took a moment, but smiled as she nodded.
"It sounds perfect to me, Loid" she agreed, gentle. "You're really good at planning things."
To that, he chuckled once. "Well, I try my best" he said, rather mild. "I'm just sorry that we have stuff to take care of at all."
"You couldn't have predicted that your co-worker suddenly needed help picking up their child, Loid" Yor assured, quite earnest. "But while you're out, I'll take care of all the shopping that we need!"
"I appreciate it, Yor. But next time, I'll take on that duty so you can take a break."
"Well, if you insist."
He nodded, before pausing a bit...
"Speaking of evening plans though" he noted, if having to fight a tightening feeling in his chest- Yor tilted her head. "What about after Anya goes to bed?"
Her cheeks reddened, and he thought he heard her breath hitch - still, other than that and some fidgeting, Yor seemed okay.
"If you're up for it, I was thinking that we might try using our hands, since we didn't last time. That is, simply brushing them across each other's arms, legs, backs, and so forth; nothing major" Loid continued, faintly - despite his best efforts, he could feel his pulse increasing.
That still semi-baffled him, because he's trained himself to control such things, yet it just... did that on its own.
Unnoticed by him, Yor briefly bit her lip before plucking up her courage:
"...I think that'll be okay, Loid" she breathed, fingers lightly toying with each other. "But um- will you-?"
Loid glanced at her, curious.
Her cheeks reddened a bit more. "W- Will you be okay sleeping in my room?"
Caught off-guard for a moment, Loid then remembered his words about potentially switching who slept in who's room. Of course he'd asked Yor if she was okay with such arrangements, but to hear her ask him if he's okay with it eased the tightness in his chest, at least a little...
"I should be" he answered, quiet yet sincere. "I just um, wasn't sure if you wanted to do it again so soon, Yor."
"Mmm. Well um, I- I wouldn't say I'm over the awkwardness yet, or will be anytime soon... but if we don't keep experiencing it, we'll never get any better" Yor answered, embarrassed yet equally sincere. "So, if you say you're okay with it, Loid, I wouldn't mind trying in a few days."
"I see. I appreciate that."
Yor lifted her gaze, surprised. "Huh?"
He smiled a little. "You being so willing to keep trying these new things; I appreciate that" he explained, before moving. "For now though, we better get lunch prepared."
Though initially 'frozen', seeming in wonder by his words, Yor soon realized this and went to join him. In fact, she insisted on joining him in cooking practice - that is, she would watch what he did and make a second batch under his instructions.
Practice makes perfect after all, and this way he could keep an eye on anywhere that she might err.
Insofar as trying to stuff a lot of flavors/nutrition into the food, when it didn't need such...
/
Later in the day
"So, here ya go."
Loid took the picture from Franky, appraising the false family portrait carefully- it involved him holding a reasonably years-younger Anya, with her signature hair ornaments included, while a woman held them both close. All-in-all, while some features were different, there were plenty of similarities between her and Anya - particularly their overall eye shape/color, and how their hair styled out at the bottom, even if it wasn't the exact same shade of pink.
"It'll do" he answered, satisfied. "After I explain things to Anya, I'm certain she'll go along with this."
Franky chuckled. "Sure, but are you suddenly worried about keeping up the charade or something?" he teased, smirking.
Loid scoffed, carefully folding the picture and stowing it. "Hardly. It'll simply be one more piece of evidence to support the family's cover, and strengthen our bonds if I play my cards right. Both are advantageous to Operation Strix."
"Riiight, right."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I'm sure you know, Mr. Lover Boy. This isn't just about the mission... you want another 'angle' to help you sweet-talk your wife!"
He barely avoided sighing, pointedly taking his leave while Franky just remained smug-
-so annoying.
Putting those comments aside, given the new nature of his relationship with Yor, it was entirely possible that she would ask about his late wife at some point. And while he'd continue to make stuff up as necessary, having no direct proof beyond his/Anya's word... well, Yor did trust them, but it was still better for her to have some concrete proof that this woman had really existed (even if it's a complete lie).
"When and if that time comes, I have a feeling Yor might start comparing herself to this late wife. Unfavorably, at that" he internally mused. "But as I've done in the past, I'll assure her that she's doing a wonderful job, and make her feel confident to be herself. Still, before that happens, this imaginary woman will need a name."
Let's see... Faline seems acceptable.
Nights later
Yor's room
Mmm... this felt so- so... she wasn't even sure what the right word was!
As if he'd noticed her shifting, Loid paused briefly, glancing up at her. "Yor?"
"Ah... I-I'm fine, Loid. Really, keep going."
It took him a few moments, but he did slowly, gradually continue moving his fingers over her lower legs. Rather than her usual tights, she was wearing shorts instead, if still with her normal red sweater... and the touch of his fingers on her bare skin was making her heart race.
But not in the usual way...
"Is it normal to feel like this?" Yor wondered to herself, silently (and nervously) watching Loid work - he looked quite intent, which was helping keep her steady. The way he got so serious sometimes was comforting, because she views it as a sign of his strength, and so he inspires her to do her best as well, even for things like this. "We're just um, trying to get used to the presence and touch of each other. It's not even truly i-intimate, I think, or on the same level as kissing... and yet it feels so different from what I expected."
Almost unbidden, she wondered if Loid had the same reactions as her during past experiences... she nearly jolted when she wondered if this is what love feels like too...
T-the 'different' part of the sensations, she means.
Until now though, she's never had any experience to go off of, so she couldn't tell...
But if this is what that's like, i-it's not bad at all.
Loid's touch continued to move downward, going more from her legs to her ankles, then gently onto her feet- yet as soon as he touched her soles, they instinctively moved a little. They both jolted a bit, surprised, and spent a moment looking at each other... yet Loid glanced at her feet before suddenly touching her there again, making the same movement.
"Hmm" he noted, if interested. "Perhaps your feet are a little ticklish, Yor."
"Um, maybe? Is that normal?" she asked, glancing down.
"Well, the bottom of the feet are a touch more sensitive for various reasons, but not everyone reacts the same way" Loid answered - then he looked at her feet, and suddenly got a furrowed brow, along with a tiny smile. "Now, let's see..."
Ah? Yor looked back up, wondering what he's thinking-
Suddenly, Loid's fingers quickly-yet-gently 'brushed' against her feet all at once
-"Ahh!?" she squeaked, her feet almost twitching at the sensations. "Ah-aha, L-Loid!"
Just as suddenly as it started, he stopped, leaving her to very briefly catch her breath and sit up- her heart wasn't exactly pounding, but it'd gotten close. All she could do was look at Loid, who for his part looked sheepish but still seemed happy, o-or maybe it was pleased...?
"Sorry; couldn't resist" he admitted. "I hope that surprise was okay."
"...Ah" Yor breathed, feeling her cheeks grow warm. "Oh, um, I- I suppose so, Loid. Just that um... maybe a little warning, next time?"
"Sure. But seems your feet are ticklish, Yor."
"...I guess so."
After a pause though, Yor realized that if one partner does something, the other is allowed to try it too, or so she's heard. Her first guess wasn't that Loid would be ticklish, but at the same time, he's always shown some rather hidden, intense sides of himself... hehe, just like how he worked so hard to get Anya that huge penguin doll at the aquarium, or was so worked up when when Anya first went to school and joined her classmates on stage.
U-Um, at least before she punched that boy- that she still couldn't quite get over, because she'd helped train Anya to do so!
...But anyway:
"What about you, Loid?" she asked, to which he went "Hmm?". "Ah, I mean... do you think you're ticklish?"
He blinked once, before glancing up for a few seconds.
"I don't believe so" he mused, eyebrow briefly rising. "I've not had many experiences with it however, so perhaps I just never learned for sure."
Yor sat up more. "Then, maybe next time I can try it with you" she admitted, sincere-
-he simply nodded, replying with "Guess I better prepare myself then" before wordlessly getting back to what he'd been doing. Yor almost jolted, because she'd nearly forgotten that they're doing so, but this quickly died down and she settled more against the pillows... even so, she had a little smile from their talk, trying to imagine how much (or little) ticklish might be.
Hehe.
...
Loid continued for a few minutes more, then gently withdrew- Yor let out a breath without realizing, but knew that it's her turn. Truthfully, she had no idea if she'd be any good at doing this - but even if she brought it up, she knew Loid would encourage her anyway.
"Practice is key", or so he'd say during some of their cooking sessions.
"Even if I'm terrible, Loid will teach me how to be better" she thought to herself, and it definitely helped her feel better. "That's what matters. I'll get better over time!"
As she psyched herself up, Loid seemed to observe her for a little, but was patient.
Then Yor turned toward him. "Okay" she breathed, "I- I think I'm ready, Loid."
He simply nodded. "Take your time. And if you feel like it's been long enough, or need a break, you can stop whenever."
"Right."
Though her initial motions were hesitant, she slowly reached toward Loid's right arm, which was nearly-bare because of his short sleeves. She delicately brushed over the skin of his wrist, and though he initially moved, he otherwise let her do what she wanted... Yor glanced at him, but other than his small smile (and glance at her), she wasn't sure how he truly felt just yet.
Okay, um... oh, maybe she can do this!
Using the tips of her fingers, she traced over every major artery, going from one blue vein all the way up his arm, then going back down it by tracing a red vein. In fact, focusing on this was easy, enough that she was barely hesitating anymore and her fingers moved faster without realizing- she was only distracted when Loid's arm moved, rather abruptly.
"Ah" she breathed, quickly looking up. "Loid?"
He blinked several times, looking between her and his arm before he made a sound. "Oh, sorry. I was just... surprised."
When she realized, she jolted and quickly bowed her head. "I'm sorry. I- I guess I got a little too focused."
"Don't apologize; it's not like you injured me" Loid assured, almost teasing. "And I didn't say that I mind. It just happened so suddenly."
"You're fine with it?"
"Sure."
That made her feel relieved, and she smiled a little before reaching for his arm again - though this time, she took things a little slower so as to (hopefully) not repeat the incident. Loid didn't seem to mind, though even as she worked, she could see his left hand doing its own thing: lightly rolling up his pant legs to the knee, where the bunched fabric could barely go higher than, because of this fact.
Preparing for when she gets there, she realized.
Still, as Yor gently worked on his arms, she pondered on something she'd noticed from their pool trip: Loid had some pretty good muscle tone. Every brush she did over his skin and/or his arteries, she could feel the firm texture beneath, and thus she could feel even the slightest movements of his arm. This gave her a rather curious sensation, and though she wasn't sure exactly what it was, she thought that she seemed to like this feeling... though maybe it's a bit early to tell. Yor also wondered if this is a normal feeling, but otherwise she smiled and continued what she was doing.
Remembering how Loid took down that thief from the overhead walkway, she thought that Loid must occasionally work out at his office, in-between working with patients.
It would certainly help keep him active and healthy, which she could appreciate.
Because of her focus on her fingers, she failed to notice that Loid's breathing was up, and how he was subtly re-directing various impulses. Ie, for every time he wanted his right arm to twitch as Yor touched it - evoking a different kind of feeling, than anything other women have done - he would subtly make his toe, or his head, or some other part of him move instead.
"Get a grip, Twilight" he thought to himself. "She's just brushing her fingers against your arm. It feels nice, but it's a low-level affection; reacting strongly now would be weird."
Not that he thought it'd happen so easily, but he's taking no chances.
Despite this preparation though, his thoughts frequently would stray to how Yor had behaved during his gentle brushes. Of course he'd expected her to be nervous and all, since this was the first occasion, but the subtle ways she'd reacted as he touched her skin... well, they told him that she hadn't expected things to feel the way they did.
Insofar as them feeling 'different'.
A quality he's secretly taking note of himself, quite thoroughly as Yor brushed over his arms, and his legs not long after. When she'd first paused to do that switch, he'd initially been relieved (having a moment to catch his breath, so to speak), but also disappointed, if so subtly that he almost didn't notice.
"So, am I doing okay?" she whispered at one point.
He had to work around a slight lump in his throat, but hopefully it was imperceptible. "Yeah" Loid breathed back. "Why?"
"Well, it's just that um, you're not really reacting much."
After a moment of thought, he gave a slight smile. "Well, I believe that's normal for me, as I prefer to remain composed" he 'mused' to himself, if gentle. "But even if it appears that way now, there's many subtle clues you can learn to read from me with experience. Just as I've been gradually learning with you."
Yor didn't say anything, but judging from her little smile as she went about things, that did reassure her for now.
Yet as the minutes went on, Loid observed a change in Yor's behavior: though she kept at rubbing at his legs, her cheeks were reddening more, and she seemed to grow more nervous. Not long after this change, occasionally she'd glance toward him as well... no, not him specifically; more at his chest area, which made him think about how (perhaps) she's thinking about whether or not to do so, or if she wants to tonight.
At the same time, despite his best efforts, his heart-rate was affected.
Then Yor stopped working on his legs, slowly turning toward him... then, her gaze not on him at all, she slowly reached forward. Or she tried to; she paused midway, hesitating forward and backward repeatedly, and he noticed her lip curling (along with turn redder).
Seeing this eased him a bit, and he reached forward, touching her fingers with his-
-she jolted, surprised, but also wondering as she looked toward him.
Loid just smiled, intertwining their fingers without even realizing it. "You don't have to force yourself, Yor. If this is too much for tonight, that's okay" he whispered, soft. "We've made a lot of progress already."
Yor breathed out, her gaze lingering upon their hands for a little, before an embarrassed, yet relieved (small) smile came up.
"Thank you. I- I do think I've done all I can handle, for tonight."
Inwardly feeling a bunch - including 'tired', for some reason - he simply nodded, idly letting go of her hand and rolling down his pant legs. Afterward, he slowly stepped off the bed, and was about to step toward the door before he paused, and went to stand nearby to her.
She slowly looked up at him, hitching once as his fingers brushed against her cheek.
"You're doing well, Yor" he breathed, sincere. "Believe me."
Yor let out a breath, wondering before she smiled - her hand touched his as she nodded. "I still have a lot to learn" she whispered, half-to-herself. "But I believe you, Loid."
"Excellent. And, goodnight."
"Mmm, yes. Goodnight."
Even as he left her room/Yor watched him go, and for a fairly long time afterward, both of them couldn't help but linger upon the sensations they'd experienced tonight. Of course, both of them had various reactions to this realization, along with thoughts to try and put themselves at ease... emphasis on "try".
When it comes to denying their feelings, or trying to say it's something else entirely, these two just don't fool anyone :P As for Loid's "previous wife", I chose the name Faline because it's meaning (cat) matches the "nya" in Anya's name, which is Japanese for a cat's meow. If she had been real, no doubt there would've been a different theme naming, but this shall do nicely.
Also, I do plan to make a follow-up that would continue things into the M-rating (even if it might start off pretty light), though that might take some time. For now though, cheers to all those reading/enjoying this fic.