Homeless
Libby sits on the small nook by her bedroom window. The sunlight beaming in from the window as she looks out at the open sky with a smile. Her journal on her lap and a pencil in her hand as she gets ready to write.
Looking down at the blank page, Libby can't help but feel this strange sense of nothingness. Not knowing what to say or write. It's different, but she's always stuck to writing what she's feeling in the moment. Why should this time be any different?
It's all a blur, the conflicted emotions Libby had after finally seeing her Dad. It's been six years since she'd seen him last, she thought this would finally be the moment he would come home.
I was trying to be hopeful. To believe he'd come home and we could be a family again. Everyone was trying to warn me, Mom, even Molly who's usually so optimistic about everything, had her doubts. I didn't listen…I should have listened.
Suddenly, Libby looks down at her journal and notices it's got a few drops of water on it. She looks out her window to see if it's raining or if she left the window open, but no. She puts her hand on her cheek and realizes she's crying.
The feelings rush through Libby as the numbness begins to fade. It hurts, but it's worth it to feel something again. So she writes. Filling the page with those emotions she's kept in for so long.
Dear Dad,
When I got your letter, I thought you were finally going to come home and we could all be a family again. I thought we could spend time together and bond over our shared love of writing. I really thought this time would be different, but it's not. You haven't changed and the worst part is I keep falling for your lies.
I'm sad you left and didn't want to be with Mom. I'm even more heartbroken that you choose your career over your family. I just want you to know how I feel. I'm not angry. No. It's worse…I feel hurt and abandoned by the person who brought me into this world and was supposed to be here for me, like Mom always was and still is.
All I want to know now is why? Why did you leave? Because of me…I still find myself asking this question and wondering why I was never good enough to be a part of your life. It's probably not worth asking, but I can't help but feel this way. I'm sorry. I'm still trying to process all of this while wondering if it's worth it. If my feelings even matter.
I know you probably aren't going to read this. I just had to tell you how I feel about all of this. I…I don't know what else to say, so I'll leave it at this.
Goodbye,
Libby
Libby drops her pencil on the floor, feeling a strong sense of relief. It hurts to speak her mind, but she needs this. To finally tell the truth and get closure for herself. Still, she wonders if this is enough.
Suddenly, Libby hears a knock at the door.
"Libby, can I come in?" Leah asked.
Libby wipes her tears away and closes her journal. Trying her best to hide her feelings, even though she's usually so honest, especially with her Mom. This is different.
"Yeah, you can come in." Libby replied.
Libby then gets up and walks over to her bed, making room for her Mom to sit next to her.
Leah comes in and can see Libby smiling, but she knows her daughter well. So she sits next to her.
"You okay, turtle dove?" Leah asked.
Libby can feel it again, the hurt and sadness deep inside needing to be let out, but she can't. She already cried about it earlier in the car and hugged her Mom. Believing that should be enough. She tries to tell herself she should be grateful that she has people who care deeply about her in her life.
So Libby covers it up with a smile. She knows she shouldn't. It's exactly what Molly tends to do when she's overwhelmed with emotions.
Molly, I understand how you feel now. It's hard, talking about the darker thoughts and emotions. I've hidden them away for so long, I don't even know how to handle them. I just don't want my Mom to worry.
"Yeah, I'm okay. I was just doing some writing in my journal and it really helped me feel better about…What happened with Dad." Libby replied.
Leah can tell this is affecting Libby deeply, but she's glad she's using writing to help her work through her feelings.
"Well good, I'm glad you're still writing. You have a gift and I'm so proud of you for using it to help yourself, and maybe one day help others." Leah said.
Libby thinks about this, her dream of becoming a writer one day. It gives her hope and that's what's keeping her strong.
Libby hugs her Mom, needing the comfort from someone who truly loves her.
"Thank you, Mom. For everything." Libby replied.
Leah hugs Libby back and they both start to tear up again, just like in the car.
Once they finish hugging, Libby says goodnight to her Mom.
As Leah slowly closes the door, Libby looks at her journal one last time. Pondering whether or not it's worth it to send her letter to her Dad.
With a heavy heart, Libby picks up her journal, tears out the letter, and puts it in an envelope. She adds a stamp and writes her Dad's address on it. She pauses for a moment.
What am I doing? He's not going to read it. And, if he does, will he even care? Is this worth it if I'm not worth anything to him? If I'm not enough…He'll never understand or even try to, so what's the point?
Libby's just about to hide the letter away in a drawer, but before she does, she thinks about what Molly would do.
Molly would try to reconnect, even if the person doesn't deserve it. Thinking back to how her positivity and endless joy changed Scratch into a better ghost, she can't help but be hopeful.
"If Molly can change someone's heart, then so can I. Maybe if I tell Dad how I feel, he'll change his mind and come home. This might be wishful thinking, but I can't give up." Libby said.
Libby then opens her laptop and finds a bus route to her Dad's address. It's far, but that's not going to stop her.
Outside the door, Leah heard every word Libby said about her Dad. This makes her angry at Matais, but so sad for Libby. She's still falling for his lies and that's going to hurt her all over again.
Leah wants to talk to Libby, but she knows that'll only make her want to rebel even more. So she decides to just keep an eye on her for now.
"Oh Libby, I hope you're okay." Leah said.
The next day, Libby walks to school alone. Normally she walks with Molly, but this time she decided she needs the space to think. Plus she needed to make a stop to mail out the letter to her Dad and she didn't want Molly asking questions.
Once Libby arrives at school, she looks back before walking in. Thinking about her letter and if sending it was the right thing to do.
Libby snaps out of her thoughts when she sees Molly running up to her with a big smile on her face, waving and calling her name. Just seeing that joyful energy in her best friend lifts Libby's spirits.
Molly stops, nearly running into Libby which makes her giggle.
"Woah, sorry Libby! I just got a little too excited there…Good morning!" Molly said.
Libby smiles, trying her best to hide what she's going through.
"It's okay, Molly. I'm fine. Let's just go to class." Libby replied.
Molly can tell something's up. She doesn't know what exactly, but she's always been sensitive to others emotions. She can just feel it, and the last thing she wants is for her best friend to be sad.
As Libby starts walking, Molly walks by her side into the school building. Libby's too zoned out to notice her and isn't talking. She's usually the quiet one, but this is different.
"Everything okay, Libby?" Molly asked.
Libby wants to be honest. To tell Molly everything, how she feels hurt and sad about her Dad abandoning her all over again, how she sent an emotional letter to him, and how she's planning on traveling alone to see him. It's all so messed up and she knows that she should talk to someone, to Molly, but she can't put all of that on someone who's so kind and sensitive.
"I'm okay. Just a little tired from the trip yesterday." Libby replied.
Molly starts to put the pieces together. Libby never really talked about what happened after she saw her Dad that day and, seeing all the red flags before she left, Molly can tell it probably didn't go so well.
"Oh yeah. How was seeing your Dad?" Molly asked.
In that moment, the feelings come flooding back to Libby. She tries to be strong, to hide it so Molly won't feel sad for her, but she can't.
Suddenly, Libby runs away as tears fall down her face. The fear, sadness, anger, and hurt all come crashing down. Overwhelming her senses to the point of nearly having a panic attack, so she runs.
"Libby! Libby, please come back…" Molly said.
Taking on those feelings, Molly tries to run after Libby. But, as soon as she gets outside to look for her, she's gone.
Libby hides in the bushes on the side of the school. She can hear Molly continue to call her name and the sadness in her voice breaks her heart. She wants to come out, to tell Molly she's okay, but that would be a lie. So she stays hidden.
"Libby! I promise everything will be okay. You just need to talk about it. Please…" Molly said.
Libby peaks through the bushes to check on Molly and sees her sitting down on the ground crying. That's when she starts to worry.
"Molly, I'm sorry…" Libby whispered.
Libby's about to go out and let Molly know she's okay until she sees Scratch fly over to her. It looks like he's talking with her and eventually helps her get off the ground.
Libby watches and sighs with relief as Molly starts walking back into the school building with Scratch by her side.
Good, Molly's okay. I'm okay. I just need some space to figure all of this out. Maybe this is what I need, closure. I'm glad I sent that letter. And Dad, I'm going to see you and find out the answer to the one question that's haunting me. Why did you leave me?
With that, Libby gets out of the bushes and starts walking towards the bus station. Not sure if she's ready for this. To travel so far on her own when she's only thirteen, but she feels this is something she needs to do.
"I can do this. I need to." Libby said.