Chapter 7
The beep of the alarm woke me up a few hours later, legs and arms tangled together as I surfaced from sleep. The last thing I remembered as we'd slipped into dreamland was the feeling of safety being wrapped up close to him brought me. And now, as I ran my hands through my hair, sitting up to switch off the alarm, I looked down at his still sleeping figure. His hair was a little dishevelled and he looked so young, the whole world stretching in front of him, fingertips brushing the sky as his fame soared. But here and now, he was just a man, lying in a bed, having slept through the alarm.
"Jungkook, time to wake up," I whispered, then a little louder, touching the side of his face. He wriggled a little but stayed asleep and I assumed he was a heavy sleeper from having to nap while travelling. "Kook, you have to wake up now," I said louder, trying again, shaking his shoulders a little but with no success. So I opted for the way I thought he would definitely wake up, reaching under the covers to lightly stroke him, feeling him hardening, even in his sleep, wrapping my hand around his girth as it swelled in my hand.
"That is the best way I've ever been woken up," he said a little gruffly, heavy with sleep and clearing his throat as I watched his eyes blink open with a satisfied smile. I smirked and went to move my hand away and his came instantly to hold it in place. "No, don't stop," he grumbled a little and I moved my hand to stroke the tip and down the whole length, enjoy how it's heaviness rested in my grasp. "Your hand is so much softer than mine," he said, smiling with his eyes closed and held tilted back as I increased my speed, earning small noises of pleasure.
"Did you want me to keep going Jungkook or did you have something else in mind?"
"I definitely want to be inside you one last time," he said, punctuating the air with a flood of possibilities and a finality that I didn't want to acknowledge. One last time? If it was to be our last, and I knew it would be, I wanted to etch him on every part of my body so I'd always remember.
Slowing down my hand but still easing up and down his length to stay connected and to keep giving him pleasure, I kissed his exposed throat before he raised up on his elbows to look at me. I was partly leaning over him, my other hand coming down to trail the length of his torso before his own hand rested to graze lightly on my hip. There was a languidness to the way we touched each other, taking our time even though we really didn't have the luxury of much longer.
"Do you want to lead Kook," after all, that was where it had all started, him coming to learn. If he could lead us in our final dance, it would be a fitting end to me as his teacher and he the now very accomplished student.
Reaching for my neck with his hand, he pulled my face close, answering with his mouth. The softness as his lips moved over mine was a contradiction to the intensity of feelings he brought out as he moved them, enjoying the way they twisted in a familiar pattern now that we had been together a few times. His hands lightly stroked my skin before they cupped my ass, sliding down to hook my leg up over his hip, anchoring it in place before his hands roamed again, this time up the front of my body.
Arching my back a little away from him, the touch as his fingers explored made my eyes close and head roll back. Up and over my stomach and breasts, lightly circling my nipples before one hand rested in the junction of my thighs, his thumb pressing into my centre as he rubbed a sweet line, settling on where I pulsed, all the while kissing my neck with achingly gentle lips. I gasped out noises of appreciation as my hands fell to rest on his biceps, gripping them as his hands caressed me before reaching between us to stroke the tip of his length, leaking and stretched against his own skin.
Rolling me over onto my back as I moved my hand up and down, he looked down at my hand stroking him, at his own hand causing my breath to increase and when his eyes returned to mine they were heavy with lust. Leaning to curl his free hand over mine, he guided it over my head and onto the pillow, lowering his body as he did, anchoring it firmly in place, his muscles straining to hold his weight from crushing me. As he slid up, I lifted my head and shoulders, giving his tip a quick lollipop lick, causing his hips to buck then still as he waited a moment while I took the length into my mouth, my teeth grazing against it as I was pinned without being able to move much but bobbing my mouth, stretching it wide to accommodate all of him. His head lolled in place before he moved his hips back, his member popping out of my lips as he slid the wetness of it down towards my hips, leaving a trail of saliva and pre-cum down my stomach.
Moving my legs to make it easier, he took hold of himself, sliding incredibly slowly into me until he held himself still when our pelvises rested against each other, the twitch of him inside me delicious and difficult not to move against. "I want to take this slow," he said, his hips sliding a little back then forwards and I nodded as my eyes closed at the movement. "I want to remember it all." His voice was low in my ear, deep, a little gravelly and dripping with a quiet intensity.
Keeping one hand pinned above me, he used the other to hold himself up a little off my body, just our hips connected, his eyes gazing from mine to my body and back up to my face as he moved to a rhythm that was slow and steady, hitting every part of the walls of my body that sent vibrations radiating inside me. His mouth dropped open and he pressed our foreheads together, the slide increasing a little faster and I felt his eyelashes brushing my skin, memorising the feeling as they fluttered open and closed. The breath escaping from between his lips was warm and the words he moaned out were in Korean, words I didn't understand but my body did, continuing to move under his in response.
When the strain of his muscles got too much, he flipped us over so I was on top of him, kneeling to ride his length, leaning back to rest my hands on his thighs as he linked them together with his own, tightly holding us both in place. Stretched back, I ground down, rotating my hips, feeling him so deep inside myself that I could tell he was grazing against my stomach on the inside, feeling so full of him as the slow dance continued.
"I want your mouth on mine," he said sitting up and moving his hands to support my back as my feet came behind his hips, ankles locking to pull his close, the new angle making us both moan as our mouths found each other and we breathed and moved and slid against each others bodies. The tension in my body had built slowly but the knot was twisted so tightly that I was scared to let it go, knowing the release would be powerful.
As our tongues found all the places that made us sigh at the feeling, he pulled away, groaning.
"I'm so close but I don't want it to stop," he said, his movements speeding up a little, thrusting to meet mine.
I kissed down and over his jaw and neck, even as he dropped his head back to receive the touches. Resting my hands on his shoulders, I gripped them tightly, knowing it couldn't last forever.
"Even when it's over, I won't forget Kook," I whispered and he stilled and opened his eyes, holding mine with a look that sent my heart soaring. I felt tears spring, wishing them not to fall as my vision blurred for a moment, needing to close them so he couldn't see. But he did, his hands smoothed over my cheeks and up to my eyes, brushing lightly under them to catch any tears that might fall before I felt his lips press to my eyelids. Shuddering at how gently he was caring for me in that moment, even as he was held tightly inside me, I opened them again and gazed at him, a half smile appearing on his lips, causing mine to answer his with a tight and small smile.
"These days have been a gift Bella," he said and I couldn't believe he was only 21, that I was his first, that he was comforting me, the professional, the one who was meant to be treating this just like a job. Except I think we both knew by now that it wasn't.
I could only nod along, pepper his mouth with kisses, taking his face in my hands as I moved my hips again. Rolling us back again so he was on top looking down at me, he smoothed my hair and slid his hands under my hips, lifting them off the bed as he thrust deeply into me. The tension that had subsided in the quiet moment we had just shared ignited again as I felt my walls tighten as the build up to release started. He felt it too, stroking deeper and faster before I cried out, legs shaking under his, tears sliding down my cheeks as I came so hard and for so long that my head was swimming and as I gasped I heard him come too, felt him pause then swear into my shoulder as he thrust his way through his own orgasm, stilling as his body gave out, sinking down onto me.
Making sure he wasn't crushing me, we stayed connected as he attempted to calm his breathing, pulling the blankets over our naked forms so we didn't get cold.
"That didn't just feel like sex," he said, pressing his mouth against my shoulder.
I shook my head. No words were needed because we both knew it had been more than that. A perfect moment in time for the just the two of us. Out of all the times we had been together, what we'd just created together with our bodies would be what I would think back on the most.
As I lay against his chest, he reached for my hand, pressing a kiss to the fingertip of each finger, forever searing his touch into my skin. It felt poignant and my emotions were just under the surface from earlier, tears threatening again. He softened and slipped out of me, the final connection between our bodies breaking and I closed my eyes, willing it not to be so even as I felt him move away to dispose of the condom. Rolling onto my stomach to watch him as he walked back, I gazed up at him.
"Shall we clean up," I asked and he raised an eyebrow in question. "Shower I mean?"
He looked surprised, I hadn't suggested it before to him on our evenings together. But today, it felt right.
"I want to clean you Kook," and he nodded, reaching his hand down to take mine as he guided me to my feet next to him. He looked at me for a moment, as if he wanted to say something before shaking his head with a small smile.
"What," I asked as I led him to the closed bathroom door.
"It's just, you're nothing like I expected to meet those weeks ago."
"I know exactly what you mean," I said as we stepped into the darkened room, reaching for the light switch.
This was new for me, I'd never taken a client into my shower before. It was private space to clean before a client arrived and then afterwards, I usually stood for a long time, letting water run over me before scrubbing everything away, trying to rid myself of what I'd just done. When Jungkook had left the other times, I had often stood there in a daze, replaying what we had done together, reliving it as I leisurely showered. Tonight, as he turned the water on, testing it for the right temperature before stepping under it, I felt it in a whole new way. Vulnerable, my walls down in a way I'd never allowed in this room. He had changed me in more ways than one.
Jungkook held out his hand to me, making sure I didn't slip as I stepped in after him. His grip was strong but gentle and he looked at me now, not intensely like he wanted to devour me but fondly and I knew deep down that he was getting ready to say goodbye even though he probably didn't realise it yet.
The water hit us both, causing a gentle mist on both our faces as we angled our heads away from the spray. "You look amazing wet," I teased with a wiggle of my eyebrows but I meant it. His body was lean as he was still young but there was definition to his muscles and it was obvious that he took care of himself. Standing completely naked in front of me, harsh bathroom lights catching every imperfection, I struggled to find any. I'd seen his body many times now, but mainly horizontal. Standing upright like this, I had to look up to him a little as he was tall and he used his height to shelter me from the shower nozzle spray.
"If we hadn't just been together, I'd be ready for you here Ella. You look too good to not touch and take care of." He reached for the body wash, putting some in the palm of his hand as he ran it down my shoulders and arms, circling up over my stomach and chest as we faced each other. Every part of my skin registered his touch but I felt it in a tender way, my appetite satisfied by all we'd done together in the last few hours.
"Can I wash you too Kook," I asked, his nickname falling easily from my tongue, just like my name seemed to from his.
"You don't have to ask to touch me anymore," and I felt sad as he said that. In a very short amount of time, I had become very comfortable with the feel of his body but minutes from now, when he left, it wouldn't matter anymore. I wouldn't be able to touch him again.
I hadn't ever showered with a man before without it turning to sex, even in my personal life so here, as we washed each other, there was a different level of connection. The body wash flowed easily over both our skin and it was comfortable, turning our backs to get all different angles. And even when he reached to softly clean between my legs, a small smirk as I winced at the sensitivity then rolled my eyes at his cockiness, we both knew it wasn't going to turn into anything else. We had already been together for the final time.
Pushing his shoulder jokingly, he laughed, spluttering as water got in his mouth before he pulled me against his body, standing under the heat as it rained down upon us. We stood for a while like that, in each others embrace, comfortable and comforting each other, not wanting to let go but inevitably we had to, both of us pulling back and kissing again under the stream before I reached to turn it off.
Our eyes watched each other as we dried off, wrapping the towels around ourselves before we headed back into the room to find our clothes. We both seemed to just want to take it all in for as long as possible, not even talking, just looking. I just put a robe on but Jungkook dressed himself completely, watching me watch himself as he did. We smiled a lot which was nice, sometimes softly, catching each others eyes, almost shy that this was all coming to an end. Mine felt forced, my chest gripping into a knot but I hoped it felt genuine because his face looked sweet.
When he was done, he came over to where I was sitting on the edge of the bed, sitting down next to me as we turned towards each other.
"I love you, you know?" His eyes held mine and I knew, in a way, he meant it.
"Love is special Jungkook, I know you're in love with someone else but I do love you and I know you feel love for me too."
"I'm glad you let me say it. I thought you would stop me, you didn't seem to want me to say anything about how this has all made me feel."
"I didn't want you to say something you'd regret."
"I don't regret telling you that. There are many kinds of love, I sing about them. But I know there is a kind of love between us."
"Yes, there is and I am very grateful for it. You are amazing Kook."
His lips pressed to mine, forehead resting still against my cheek when he pulled away.
"You know, I'll always remember everything we've done in this room but I won't ever talk about it. With anyone. But I will smile about it."
"I won't either but I definitely won't forget." Nothing I'd done with him compared to any man I'd every been with.
"What was done in this room, stays in this room then?"
"You can trust me Kook."
"I know. I mean, once I leave, it feels like a door is closing forever and it makes my heart hurt a little because you'll always have a little piece of it but it needs to be locked away."
I had to look down so he wouldn't see the expression on my face. It was painful knowing our time was so limited now that every minute, every word, counted. Everything we said needed to last a long time but I knew it actually meant forever. We wouldn't be doing this again.
"Mine too but I don't regret it, any part of it. The sadness I feel now at the thought of this being over, it's worth it for the hours we had together."
"I learnt so much from you. You were patient with me."
"You didn't need to learn much, you were always going to be good at it."
He looked a little shy at the compliment and I marvelled at how he could have so many sides to his personality. Whoever his loved one was, they were very lucky.
There was a beep and he looked at his phone. "I messaged to say I was almost ready when we got out of the shower so my ride is here," and my stomach dipped as low as it could go.
"OK," I answered simply, standing up and pulling him to his feet. Walking hand in hand, we headed to the bedroom door, feeling a little like things were moving in slow motion. Standing together when we reached it, his hands, fingers and eyes seem to trace and memorise all of me. I couldn't think of any situation where we would see each other again so it felt very, very final.
"Thank you Bella," he said simply, leaning in to kiss me, a gentle, sweet caress that sent my eyes closed and my heart beating faster one last time. I reached to rest my head against his chest, wrapping my arms behind his back, feeling his heart beating against my ear. He cradled me close and I could've cried at the contact because it felt so right but it wasn't mine, it never had been.
"Make sure the one you love, loves you with all their heart Jungkook. You're too amazing to settle for anything less than that."
"I want that for you too. I have a connection with you that is different from anyone else and I want you to be happy. Find your passion Ella."
"I'll try," I answered, thinking this job wasn't one I wanted anymore, if I even wanted it to begin with. But now I knew the money wasn't worth it and after Jungkook, I didn't want another client.
Sighing, he looked at his phone as it beeped again. "I have to go," and I nodded, squeezing his hand in mine, not wanting to let it go. "But can you promise me something? Can you visit me in my dreams sometimes? I want you to stay there with me. I have a feeling it will be my happy place. Not just from everything you taught me but just being quiet and real with you."
I pressed one last kiss to his mouth, both of us closing our eyes as we pulled away and when we finally blinked them open, I spoke. "I will Jungkook and I will watch you online because I know you're going to do big things."
Taking a deep breath, he smiled. "OK then, I can go well. Goodbye Bella," and then he opened the door and was gone, even as the word goodbye fell from my mouth. I didn't think he wanted to hear it anymore than I wanted to say it.
And my heart hurt more than I could even have thought as I closed the door behind him, walking to sit on the sofa, looking over at the flowers he had brought me only a few hours ago. They were already wilting from where they'd been left without water and I felt myself begin to wilt too, curling my arms around my body as I hugged myself tightly, not wanting to admit to myself that I had fallen in love with someone I could never have.