Chapter 4

Two weeks later, Jessica and Seth took a flight to New York on Friday afternoon. Jessica had debated over asking Seth to drive them to New York versus taking the train or a plane. None of the options were great with Morag, but since any other travel they were likely to do in the future together for pleasure would be further than New York, it seemed best to go ahead and have Morag get used to the experience of air travel. She did not like having to put Morag in cargo, but as it was the only way to do it, she made the necessary arrangements.

It was a short and direct flight from Portland and as soon as Jessica saw Morag's crate, she lifted the latch to let her free, clipping her leash back on and giving her a treat from her pocket. Seth shook his head. Now she was keeping treats in her pockets? What was next? Dog clothes? Seth obtained a baggage cart, while his girls as he was starting to think of them had their little reunion, loading everything on the cart before they hailed a taxi into Manhattan.

Once inside the apartment, Jessica assessed their situation. She had not been to her apartment in six weeks and it was dusty and needed to be aired out. It was autumn and a chill was present in the air, but Jessica opened a window in each room to let the breeze flow through. Within a half hour, everything was fresh smelling, and she had wiped down the dusty surfaces in the main rooms.

Seth had placed Jessica's luggage in her bedroom, putting his own in the guest room. She knew they weren't going to fall into bed together the first night, but she still suppressed a sigh to see him immediately separate himself from her. Even though she never expected anything less. This was Seth after all.

Morag's crate was in the living room where Seth had placed it, but when he went into the bathroom, Jessica moved it into her bedroom. She felt slightly embarrassed that she had allowed a dog to move so readily into her bedroom, yet she was not going to let any teasing from Seth keep her from having Morag close by.

Morag had been healing well and as she suspected, the cone had not been needed. After the anesthesia wore off on the day of surgery, Jessica had given her pain medication for the first three days, but then, Morag did not seem to need it any longer. She was not running yet on the coastline, but she was walking fluidly again and did not appear to have any pain now. The sutures appeared to have dissolved. She knew that if anything did not seem right, Seth would know and talk to Jack.

After a long walk to stretch all of their bodies, Jessica put Morag in her crate and they left to have lunch with Vaughn and Matt.

"Jessica, you are looking as lovely as ever," Vaughn said, kissing her cheek, even as Matt echoed his sentiments.

Turning to Seth, the three men shook hands, sizing each other up.

Shrewdly, Vaughn made eye contact with Seth, saying, "Jessica, am I correct in assuming that Seth here is why you are scaling back?"

Seth appeared disconcerted, but Jessica hurried to answer, "Now, Vaughn, you have known for years that I wanted to slow down. Don't try to blame anyone. Unless it's Father Time. I want to enjoy my life, whether I have five years left or decades."

"Fair enough, but…"

Taking charge, Jessica interrupted, saying, "No buts, Vaughn. Now, let's enjoy lunch."

Seth watched Jessica as they ate, but she never appeared bothered by the attention of Vaughn and Matt. Admittedly, Seth kept rather quiet throughout their meal, as he felt a bit out of place. He watched and listened as her publisher and agent stroked her ego, trying not to become jealous at their attention. Yet, he enjoyed seeing Jessica in her element. Although Seth knew she knew their interest in her was business first and foremost. They may also be friends and be mutually appreciative of each other, but he could see her eyes calculate from time to time in the answers she gave and he felt charmed by her confidence. She was so damn attractive sometimes and she did not even know.

She surprised him at the end of the meal when Vaughn was signing for the check. When she moved her linen napkin up to the table, she rested one hand back in her lap and the other, she moved to rub his leg. He was startled, as not only had she never done that before, but more because of the intimate quality of it and in a public place!

After lunch, Jessica received their kisses on her cheek, before they all said goodbye. Seth was grateful to have her to himself again.

Hurrying back to her apartment, Jessica continued to clean in preparation to meet the realtor. Seth helped her when he could and kept her company when he could not. Late in the day, the middle-aged man who was recommended by Matt, walked through the apartment taking measurements, clearly seeing dollar signs, and talking about getting in a photographer next week to take photos for the listing. The realtor showed them comps and discussed what the apartment would likely sell for. Seth tried not to listen too much to that part of the conversation. It made him uncomfortable. He still rented his apartment above his practice. Yet, Jessica owned a house and a New York City apartment. No mortgage on either, he knew.

Even when he felt uncomfortable about his own status though, he couldn't help but feel proud of Jessica. She had worked so hard to be successful after Frank died. She did not seek fame and fortune, yet somehow, she had obtained both, still managing to have such grace and poise even in the spotlight.

He watched as Jessica signed a lot of papers and when the realtor left, he let out a breath of air, even as he heard Jessica sigh.

"Glad that's over. Tomorrow, we can relax. I'd love to take Morag to Central Park and then maybe we can do some shopping."

"Sounds good, Jess."

"Want anything to eat?"

"Not particularly, but coffee would be nice."

She walked into the kitchen and turned on the coffee pot, making herself tea.

Bringing their mugs over to the coffee table, they sat down on the couch, and Jessica turned to face him. Morag had followed Jessica from the kitchen, where Jessica gave her a treat, and then followed her to the couch, where she settled by Jessica's feet.

"What do you think, Seth?"

"Of what, woman?"

"Of everything? Our lunch with Vaughn and Matt? The realtor? New York? Anything?"

She reached for his hand to hold and he felt the softness of her hand encased in his own. Her hand was a little cold and he reached his other hand to place it on top of hers, rubbing it between both of his trying to warm her up.

"I don't know. Are you sure about selling this apartment? I know you love New York and property in New York is always a good investment."

"Yes, I'm sure. I'm not teaching anymore and now that I am only committed to one book a year, it hardly seems necessary to travel back and forth for meetings. When I do need to come, I'll just get a hotel. Besides, I won't be Vaughn's and Matt's top author anymore. Someone else will rise to the top and there won't be such a push for me to come and go so much."

Seth stared at her. He did not know what to say. Yes, she had talked about this for years, but he honestly thought it was just talk. Jessica always seemed to thrive on activity, but this focus on slowing down was unsettling. Didn't people like her literally die of boredom when they retired? The thought chilled him to the bone.

"But Jess, why all these changes? Why now?"

"Oh, Seth, why not? I'm not young anymore. Everybody needs to slow down sometime and enjoy life. I think I've earned it."

"Of course, you have. I wasn't suggesting you hadn't."

Tilting her head, she reached out to place one finger on his lips to stop him speaking further.

"Seth, this isn't exactly how I planned telling you this, but…"

A sudden terror overwhelmed him and he interrupted her, "Jess, you aren't sick, are you? Tell me please!"

"Seth! No! Will you listen to me?" But there was no ire in her voice, because even as she got him to stop speaking, she saw the fear in his eyes and tried to comfort him by answering his question. "Seth, I'm fine. In fact, the good Dr. Hazlitt gave me a clean bill of health just two months ago if you remember," she quipped, trying to get a smile out of him.

Remembering her visit in his office, he recalled taking yearly blood work at her physical. Nodding, he remembered her blood pressure was normal and he certainly knew her eating and exercise habits were strong. But then, he became concerned again.

"Did you go to the gynecologist though and get your mammogram like I told you to?"

"Yes, Seth! I told you weeks ago when you asked. I think the doctor even sent you the mammogram report for my chart."

"Oh, yes, so she did. I'm sorry, Jess. I got scared."

"Why, Seth?"

"Why? You are my best friend, woman! I…can't lose you."

"Seth?"

"Hmm?"

"Is that all I am to you?"

"Well, no, woman. I think you know that."

"Seth, you are more than my best friend. You are the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I love you…I'm in love with you."

"What?"

Seth could not believe what he was hearing. Jessica loves him? Is it possible she loves him like he loves her? She said she is in love with him. It seems too much to hope that he heard her correctly.

But before anything more can be said, Jessica leaned forward and with a feather light touch of her lips, grazed hers against his, before pressing firmly to him, as she moved her arms around his body pulling him to her. After a brief pause, Seth pushed past his shock and responded, wrapping his own arms around her, one hand grasping her neck and the other pulling her low back, which elicited a moan from her mouth. Encouraged by his response, she used her tongue to outline his mouth, coaxing him to open himself to her. The warmth of their mouths and their bodies was heady and delightful. All thought left them both, as they surrendered to the moment and the desire that was beginning to course through their bodies.

Jessica felt empowered. This is what she had wanted for so long and she wanted more. So much more.

Leaning forward, she angled her body over his, as he leaned against the couch. She had not felt lust and desire like this since Frank and the heat that her body was generating was maddening. Thinking about Seth the last few months, trying to consider what she wanted her life to look like and how to obtain it, she had begun to feel sexual tension that had been a long-lost memory, yet it started to build inside without any release. She wanted a release now, needed a release even, but she knew it would not be tonight. Instead, she tried to caution herself not to get too carried away. She knew Seth. He would not go to bed with her this fast. Even though she wished he would.

When did she get to be such a vixen?

Jessica continued kissing him while caressing his cheek and his neck, trying to reach past his collar, even as he held onto her hips, trying to keep her still. He would lose all hope of control if he let her wiggle on top of him.

Reaching back to his face to kiss him again, he came to his senses and pulled away from her gently, even as she tried to reach for him again.

"Jess? Look at me, please," he whispered at her beautiful flushed face, her chest heaving and her lips slightly swollen.

Her eyelids fluttered up at him, her blue eyes darkened from desire. She was so beautiful. Why was he stopping her kisses?

"Jess? I love you. I'm in love with you. This…" waving his hands between them, "is the stuff of dreams. I never imagined you would want me."

Jessica stared at him, considering playing the seductress and whispering in his ear that she does want him, badly. But she wants a committed relationship with a future. Not a marriage yet. Certainly not. But a relationship with Seth built on trust. She would not seduce him and cause him to later be embarrassed or have any regrets.

Instead, she reached for his hands, holding them tightly, before looking back to his eyes, "Seth, I love you and I do want to be with you."

"In that case, maybe we should get married, Jess."

She knew that would be his solution, but she prepared for that, and would not get riled.

Shaking her head, she spoke softly, "One day, Seth, yes. But not for a while. It's not the 1950s anymore. We can be together and be committed to each other, without a legal agreement."

"But…"

"Shh, not yet."

"Well, then, no sex yet."

"Alright."

Disappointed by her reaction, he nevertheless held firm to his stance.

Smiling at him, she continued, "I can wait a bit longer, but I am not going to get married to have sex. It's foolish. Besides, what happens if we race to the altar and then find out that in our haste to go to bed together, we have other problems that we have not resolved?"

"I can't imagine us not being compatible in any way, Jess. I love you so much. I'll do anything to make you happy. Besides…aren't you saying what men usually say to get women into bed?"

Shrugging, allowing a smirk to cross her face, she was enjoying herself in their little role reversal.

But then taking on a serious tone, she boldly looked into his eyes, as she said, "We are both mature adults. We aren't starting out in life needing one another to survive or to provide security for our families. There is no risk to having sex before marriage like young people often have. We are both healthy and there is no chance of pregnancy. We both understand the emotions that happen when sharing your body with another person. Those added ties once you go to bed with someone that could be hard to break off in an unhealthy or unsafe relationship, don't exist with us. On the contrary, I see only benefits for us, with building trust and affection for one another. It won't be sex when it happens…we will be making love, Seth."

Clearing his throat, he had no argument with anything she said.

"Were you on the debate team in high school?" he asked instead.

Laughing, she answered, "No, why?"

"I don't know how you have done it, but you have taken a deeply held belief and just obliterated it."

Laughing so hard, her sides began to hurt, she felt something nudge her backside.

Looking down, she realized that Morag had nudged her with her snout. The dog stood gazing at them both, assessing what was happening.

"Oh, Morag, we are just laughing, my dear," Jessica said, lowering her voice, as well as her body as she leaned down to pet her head. Morag's tail began to thump against the coffee table leg.

"Has she been staring at us this whole time?"

"Probably. Have you been trying to get our attention, sweetheart?"

Glancing up at the clock, she whispered to Morag, "Is it time for your nighttime walk?"

Morag became more energetic as she walked to the door and back, waiting for Jessica to get her leash. Her golden coloring appeared to glisten in the light and her eyes sparkled with excitement. Jessica pulled her windbreaker on and slipped on her shoes.

"Coming, Seth?"

"Ayuh," he said as he stood from the couch.

Taking a slow walk around the block, Seth knew they were in a good area of Manhattan, but he couldn't relax enough to enjoy the walk. There was so much noise and lights everywhere. Cars and people were crowding the streets and sidewalks. It was almost ten at night. In Cabot Cove, it would be virtually silent.

Jessica held onto his arm on one side, and the other was holding Morag's leash. Morag was not bothered by the activity, but instead focused on every tree they came to. It did not take her long to find where she wanted to go and for Jess to pick up after her, finding a trash can on the corner of the street, but they were all content to continue the walk for several more blocks before turning back in the direction of her apartment building.

"How did you live here, woman? It's so loud."

Smiling at him, she answered, "It's certainly a dichotomy of Cabot Cove. But I think for the time I was here, I needed the energy. I fed off of it for a long time. But the last few times I stayed, it started to lack luster somehow. I started feeling lonely, even when I was with people. It's actually when I realized that I was missing you and wanting to be with you. I wasn't missing people; I was missing one person in particular."

"Really?"

"It's not so unbelievable is it, Seth?"

"No, I mean I hope not. But maybe it's a bit unbelievable to me."

Squeezing his arm, she asked him shyly, "Don't you miss me when I'm here?"

"You know I do."

"You've never said," she whispered.

"I'm sorry. I should have."

Stopping on the sidewalk, Seth pulled her out of the way of the foot traffic, holding onto her arms with both hands. Morag stopped pulling on her leash, coming to sit on her haunches by Jess, sensing that they needed a moment.

Gazing into her deep blue eyes, Seth said, "Jess, I miss you every time I walk out your door. Every time I drop you off somewhere in Cabot Cove. And every time I take you to the train station or the airport, those are the worst times, because those times mean you are going further away from me and for weeks or months. And I always fear that at some point, you will meet someone and you won't come back to me."

Seth's speech was unexpected but full of emotion. Finishing in a whisper, he fought back tears, even as he felt one escape. Jessica reached out and wiped his cheek with her thumb.

"I'm not planning on leaving you behind anymore, Seth. At least not unless you have to work or don't want to travel with me. And for no more than a week at a time. I can't do it anymore. I feel…lost without you. I mean, I am fully capable of taking care of myself. I can do it and I will do it if I need to. But I don't want to be alone anymore. What good is all of my hard work if I have no one to enjoy the benefits with? More specifically, what good is my life without you, my darling?"

Planting a soft kiss on his lips, she turned them both towards the apartment, "I think it's time for bed."

"Not together!" Seth almost shouted in a harsh whisper, as though people around them on the street would even care.

Chuckling, she responded, "No, Seth. At least, not tonight. But soon, I hope."

Seth could swear that when they returned to her apartment, Morag pranced into Jessica's bedroom, flopped down on her dog bed, and looked back to stare at him, as though she was taunting him. Standing outside her doorway, Seth kissed Jessica's cheek and wished her a goodnight. Sighing, Jessica went into her bedroom to take a bath.

Running the hot water, she disrobed and lowered herself in the hot water. Morag became curious what Jessica was doing and walked into the bathroom, propping her head on the side of the bathtub.

"Hi, sweet Morag," she said, as Morag rubbed her head against Jessica's hand. Sighing, she continued to stroke her soft fur, adding, "I hope Seth can relax soon and be with me. And if he does, until he is more comfortable, you will have to go out to the living room, alright?"

Morag whined in reply, but seemed resolved to do whatever her mistress asks of her, plopping down beside the tub on the thick cream bath mat, as the steam rises in the room.

Jessica leaned back into the tub enjoying the heat of the water.

So far, so good.