Hecksing Ultimate Chronicles
Chapter 6: Airship Showdown
Beginning AN:
So, in case the last chapter didn't make this obvious, I didn't really like how I had Chapters 5-7 of a planned to be thirteen-chapter long story (entirely for the "unlucky thirteen" joke) all be one "invasion" thing split among three chapters. So I decided to change that up a bit and try to throw new things... although because I spent so long, half of this chapter was zoomed through in a day and most of this "arc" was written on the fly. Aside from some very loose planning, which includes the ending bit...
I know that Chapter 5 had some mistakes - like Quimby going some sentences without saying "Er a um" at the start (yes, I want him to say that at the beginning of every sentence). I'll try to also address that by the time Season 3 is out at the absolute latest.
Okay quick character tracker:
Seras, Pip, most of the Wild Geese, Tubalcain, and Zorin were atop the one zepplin for invading Hecksing Manor.
Integra and Quimby were in Hecksing Manor, sort of; Integra had just entered some spooky hallway thing deep below Hecksing Manor and intersecting with Heavensing Mansion's ruins.
The Millennium's mysterious Leader, the Doctor, and the Vampire Army were in a base recently discovered to be somewhere in America. Unfortunately and annoyingly, Fredrick wasn't specific where in the USA were they.
Walter and the Captain were atop a building and were heading back to the Brazil base to unbomb it from the small Geese squadron.
Said small Wild Geese squadron, "lead" by Fredrick an OC of the Wild Geese, had just left the Millennium's "first" hideout and were last seen considering celebrating Brazillians.
Rip was in some grass or something doing some weird angsty shit for some reason. She quit Millennium.
Schrodinger is just whatever. He can teleport anywhere. I'd say where he last was seen teleporting to but I honestly don't even remember. He's supposed to be partnered with Zorin but he doesn't care.
Okay and I think everyone else is dead or presumed dead (not Alucard he's 100% sure dead sorry if you theorists took "presumed" dead to mean he may come back) and I think that's all caught up!
Now, Seras got ready to fight the two officers. Or, officer and lierutenant I think Zorin is?
"It's time to draw!" Said Tubalcain. He threw an assload of cards at Seras.
Seras dodged and began shooting at him, but he blocked with the cards and laughed!
"Your father couldn't take me down, what chance do you have?" Card Guy asked.
"Alucard wasn't my dad!" Seras said.
Card Guy paused. "Oh wait really? That... makes a bit more sense."
"You didn't get the orientation Walter told you?" Zorin asked.
"Wait, Walter works for us?!"
A cricket chirped. Yes a Brazillian cricket somehow got through the snow and hpoped on the zepplin and didn't get blown off, or maybe it jumped on when the zeppling was getting out of the canyon, it's only a one-time joke.
"Oh my god we have a lot to catch up on." Said Zorin. "Its a shame Rip quit I think, since she's our recapper, which is funny since we can't understand a word she says."
"RIP QUIT? Oh fuck! Now we're gonna lose without her!"
"NO WE WON'T! We just have to be maximum dandori, like Pikmin 4! You could actually argue though that Pikmin 1 has the most dandori since you're only limited by 30 days and holy fuck that game was so much harder than the sequels."
"Wha-"
"DANDORI ISSUE!" Zorin shouted, since Tubalcain seemed to be taking care of Seras, as much as Zorin wanted to fight Seras, she decided to settle for Pip instead. She lept at him and brought her scythe down. Pip raised his gun to block, but the scythe cleaved it clean in half!
"ASS!" Shouted Pip, he managed to dodge from the scythe regardless. Seemed like guns were useless!
"ALSO!" Shouted Zorin. "SINCE OUR TARGETS HAVE JOINED US FOR THE FUN, LET'S FINALLY BRING THIS ZEPPLEIN! FULL SPEED AHEAD, WE'RE GOING BACK TO HECKSING MANOR!"
"AYE AYE CAPTAIN!" Said a vampire mook. He then pushed the NITRO button on the control panel. Not to be confused with Discord Nitro.
And then similar to Alucard's (RIP) tank, rocket boosters went off, and it flew hard over Brazil!
"UFO!" Shouted someone from Brazil watching onwards. "I KNEW IT, ALIENS EXIST!"
Anyway, Zorin's attack also punctured a hole through that floor-base thing on the zeppelin, for standing on, and it brought her and Pip down below.
The Wild Geese looked down in shock! "PIP!" Shouted one of them. He turned to Seras. "Um, Seras, we Wild Geese stick together. Unless it's orders to separate. We'll go down there and leave you with Card Guy, is that fine?"
Seras shrugged. "I mean I'd like held since Card Guy is scary but Zorin looks scarier and Pip's all alone so it's fair."
They jumped dwon. To fit with Zorin's Pikmin fangirling, they jumped in like Pikmin do to a cave.
(Pip and Zorin)
"AHHHHHH!" Pip screamed. That'sn ot a typo he just draws out the "H" part from his accent. He's French IIRC?
"YES THAT'S RIGHT FACE THE WRATH OF ME AND MY INCEPTION POWERS!" Zorin shouted. The tattoos on her began glowing purple and she put the hand on her tattooed side out, with an eye on the palm.
"OH I THOUGHT THOSE TATTOOS WERE JUST TO BE EDGY!" Pip shouted.
"NOPE! INCEPTION POWERS! NOW DIE, FROM ME METAPHORING YOU!"
And then she was shot a lot through the back by some Wild Geese that dropped down! Zorin looked down and saw bullet holes forming but soon getting sealed back up, and she looked mildly annoyed.
"YOUR GROUP IS ANNOYING I THINK I'LL HAVE FUN KILLING THEM FIRST, ONE BY ONE!" Zorin sneered, then laughed. Then she planted her tattooed hand on the tattooed side on the ground, and the tattoos turned purple and started moving everywhere!
"Woah!" Said Pip. "That looks nice! Also that tettoos are part of your magic? I just thought they were because you were edgy."
But then the letter started going everywhere, all over the walls, and covering things with purple! And 'things' meant the Wild Geese members!
"OH NO NOW WHAT... WHAT ARE WE SEEING... WE CAN'T SEE!" One of them shouted.
But then. One member suddenly saw himself as back home!
"WOAH am I home?!" He asked, looking around.
He saw his daughter!
"Oh I thought I was just fighting but I guess this was a dream and now I'm back safe at home, this feels real so it must be!"
"Hey dad whatever." Said the daughter.
"I COULD HUG YOU!"
"Please don't."
He ran over to hug-
But then suddenly the daughter's face turned to Zorin's face and laughed, and said "YOU'RE INCEPTIONED NOW MOTHERFUCKER!" And then the mouth opened and a lot of tentacles came out and lashed ag him!
"AHHH!" He shouted.
Then Zorin cut through him.
She did similar things for many of the other Wild Geese I don't feel like going over each and every one of them.
Meanwhile, Pip saw himself at a fancy five-star restaurant. He was on a date, and across from him was Seras.
"You must have zoned out!" Said Sares.
"Huh? Who are you?"
"I'm a sexy police woman that you met before and this is our date." Said the fake Inception-Seras.
"...You don't look very sexy to me. I've dated hotter, I can't imagine dating someone like you. This must be fake or something. I think I'm dreaming, like I passed out. And reality was... I was on a blimp or something!"
Then the setting shifted briefly and turned to purple letters!
"Oh shit! He's losing grip!" Thought Zorin in reality. "Better fix it... uh... let's see... Rip will hate me for this but fuck it, she'll never know."
Zorin snapped her fingers, and the fake Seras turned to a fake Rip! Instead of in the police uniform, she was in a tiny thin white bra and thong. This was her default outfit in the original version of the story, and it actually is here too, she just hasn't been in it since in her most appearances she was wearing the magician assistant outfit Tubalcain supplied her and I didn't get a chance to have her in her default uniform.
"YES THAT'SN MORE LIKE IT!" Pip said, his eyes popping out like in Tom and Jerry. (This is an illusion so cartoon physics can paply.)
"Wanna fuck right now on the table?" asked the fake Rip.
"AWOOGA! Now I totally believe that this is real and not a metaphor!"
However, also like Tom and Jerry this ruse was a distraction, except that Zorin doesn't use dynamite to blow people up... she uses SCYTHE! To CUT THEM OPEN! Zorin in real life appeared behind Pip and got ready to cut him down-
"FUCK OFF NO!" Shouted Seras!
(Raelity)
Zorin saw Seras dashing in from above.
"WAIT, WHAT?!" Zorin asked. "CARD GUY YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO KEEP HER DISTRACTED!"
"I COULDN'T HELP IT SHE EVADED ME BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T THINK PIP COULD FIGHT YOU BY HIMSELF AND HIS TEAM!"
"SHE'S RIGHT although if she was wrong that would be worse."
By then Pip had his pants around his ankles and was getting frisky trying to hug and kiss air as if he was on the table. Hios pants still had the hole in them from shitting himself earlier sorry that wasn't a one-time gag but anyway his ass was hanging out regardless of if his pants were down or up.
"LEAVE HIM ALONE WHAT KIND OF... wait what is your power?" Seras asked.
Zorin grinned. "WHY DON'T YOU STICK AROUND AND FIND OUT?!"
Tubalcain then jumped forth and threw a bunch of cards towards Seras, but she jumped out of the way, and then fired something out of a gun by him, that whisked past him.
"HAHA!" Shouted Card Guy. "Your bullet mossed! And even if it didn't miss, I could have blocked it with a card!"
Seras smirked. "I didn't miss and that wasn't a bullet. I knew you'd deflect it so I deliberately shot to miss to lower your guard."
Tubalcain, still floating a bit in the air with vampire speed descent powers, turned around, and saw that what Seras shot was actually a grenade pin! And it was in a pipe that was behind him!
"Oh shi-" Tubalcain shouted but then-
BOOM! The grenade pin exploded, it hit Card Guy from behind, and he was sent flying forward, to the ground, and knocked out.
"ONE TO NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH!" Said Seras. But then Zorin grabbed her in the forehead.
"THIS IS WHAT I MEAN BY STICK AROUND AND FIND OUT OF MY ABILITY!"
More of the tattoo letters turned purple and went on Seras, and she was also trapped in an illusion!
"Now let's see here..." Zorin said, watching the memories on TV. She began flipping channels around. "Oh! I see! I can subject you to this!"
Seras suddenly found herself back in school and was kicked around by someone. The school bully, he was an asshole!
"OW! That's it!" Shouted Seras. "I'll... I'l... I'll go take my anger out on someone else!"
And then she ran over and shoved a young, tiny, scrawny girl with orange hair in to a locker!
"HAHA, I FEEL GOOD NOW!" Said Seras. "NOW I'M IN POWER! I COULD LIVE OUT HERE FOREVER, EVEN IF THIS WAS SOME ILLUSION THING I'M TRAPPED IN!"
"WAIT A MINUTE!" Zorin shouted. "THAT LITTLE GIRL WAS ME! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE, YOU BULLIED ME!"
Zorin turned around and got teary eyed. "Dammit, I had spent years being picked on by pretty girl FUCKS like you! I started working out! Training! I learned dark arts! Like how to cast illusion magic! It wasn't just you, it was everyone else!"
"Wait we actually went to high school together?" Seras assked, appearing in the illusion TV room with Zorin. Zorin was slumped on the couch of the TV looking depressed, and pressed pause. The tattoos on her began shifting again, but they were only going around her. "And not a lie like Walter and Jan?"
"Oh Walter and Jan actually did went to high school together. That kind of indirectly lead to Jan joining Millennium, funnily enough."
"...Don't tell me that's the same high school as us and we all went to school together."
"Don't be fucking stupid we're not even the same age as them. It's a different high school too. Anyway, I transferred back to Germany because the bullying got too bad. Studying the occult and illusionary arts... to metaphor people to death... I found and befriended by Scythe, that I named Slaughterer because I thought it was cool."
Suddenly the illusions became Zorin's past! She saw herself as the young scrawny girl, and all around her were people pointing and laughing.
"People called me wimpy! Weak! They said I was a Nazi just because I was from Germany! And thought swastikas and SSS uniforms looked cool! And had a Hitler body pillow in my locker that I accidentally brought! BUT I AM NOT ANTISEMITE! Or homophobic! Or against dark skin people! For fuck's sake, I have dark skin and I'm bisexual even if I lean to men!"
"Pip assumed you were a lesbian." Said Seras. "I think it's because of all the tattoos."
"FUCK PIP! He's all part of the same! He's like the bullies! Why do you love him so much?!"
"I actually don't I think he's an ass."
Zorin got up and was crying. "I HAVE KILLED ALL MY PAST HIGH SCHOOL BULLIES EXCEPT YOU IN THE NAME OF REVENGE! AT FIRST I WAS GOING AFTER YOU BECAUSE I WAS A SADISTIC ASSHOLE AND WANTED TO SEE MOEBLOBS SUFFER! BUT NOW THAT YOU'RE THE FINAL TARGET ON MY LIST... I'LL MAKE YOUR PAIN EXTRA PAINFUL! I NORMALLY MAKE MY VICTIMS ENJOY THEIR ILLUSIONS, THEN KILL THEM BY YANKING IT AWAY, BUT I'LL MAKE YOU SUFFER BY MAKING YOUR ILLUSION A NIGHTMARE! I FOUND THIS WHILE I WAS BROWSING YOUR MEMORIES!"
"Oh no." Serass said.
"OH HOHOHOHO YESSSSSS! I FOUND SOMETHING THAT I WASN'T SURE IF I SHOULD DO IT BECAUSE IT MIGHT VIOLATE THE GENEVA CONVENTION!"
"Breaking the rules of the Geneva Convention? Weak."
"BUT NOW... NOOOOOWWWWW... F8CK Y8U!"
Zorin suddenly got purple letters over herself as she stood up, she became an adult, the background changed to the TV room, then she grabbed Seras and threw her in to the TV! (Don't try this at home!)
Now SERAS was a child! And inside her home.
"Oh no!" Seras said. "IT'S NOT REAL! IT'S AN ILLUSION! I... I must do what Alucard said! See with no eyes!"
She put her hands together and-
"WE ARE BREAKING AND ENTRY!" Shouted a criminal.
"SERAS GET IN HIDING!" Seras' HOT MOM shouted.
Seras went in to hiding, but a gunshot went off, and her dad fell over dying!
A pair of criminals broke in, looking for money!
"I won't let you kill my daughter!"
"You have a daughter? Shit that's another witness!"
They got their guns out and began shooting! Seras got out of hiding and ran up and swunga kitchen knife, decapitating one of the criminals!
"NO MY BOYFRIEND IS DEAD!" Said the other one. "WE WERE LOVERS! THAT'S IT, I'LL KILL YOU!"
"WOW IS THAT WHY YOU BULLIED ME FOR ASSUMING I WAS GAY?" Zorin asked in the present.
"What no! I didn't even think- you were just a random- ARGH!" Seras shouted, back in the illusion. "Anyway this illusion feels very real! But I know it's a fake!"
Seras' HOT MOM kicked the other criminal in the groin, but then he got out a better faster gun and she panicked!
"SERAS!" Shouted her mom. "GET TO SAFETY! RUN FAST, RUN FAR!"
And then the mom threw Seras out the window!
Seras looked back in the house through the window. "MOOOOOM!" She shouted.
AND THEN THE HOUSE EXPLODED!
"NOOOOOOO!" Shouted Seras.
(Reality)
And then Zorin got her scythe (Slaughterer) and swung it and tore Seras' limbs and eyes, leaving her down!
"HE HEE HEE!" Zorin sneered. "Oh yes, revenge is a dish best served cold! And then after that, I'll... hrm." Zorin shrugged. "I guess I'll quit Millennium, use the money I got, and retire and live out on an island beach house, getting away with everything?"
Schrodinger poofed to her in fairy dust. "Don't quit we have too many who did that."
"FUCK YOU." Zorin shouted, using Slaughterer to slice Schrodinger in half, but then he fairy dusted away afterwards because he can't die apparently.
"By the way," Zorin continued, "I'M GONNA KILL THAT PIP GUY TOO AND FORCE YOU TO WATCH ER, LISTEN!"
"OH YES RIP YOUR TONGUE FEELS SO GOOD AGAINST MY TONGUE!" Pip shouted.
"And fast too."
Zorin ran really fast to Pip to shut him up and then slashed him in half, his upper half flying and falling and went to Seras! By the way yes Seras could hear alll of this since the illusion was broken!
Pip raised his upper half up and was scared! "SERAS! I WAS MAKING OUT WITH THE HOT MILLENNIUM VAMPIRE AND NOW I'M SUDDENLY DYING! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED!"
"YOU WERE METAPHORED!" Zorin sneered.
"I should have had a top to prevent the Inception..." Pip said. "Anyway, Seras, I'm cut in half. Can I be a vampire now? Would that save my life?"
Seras shrugged. "I'll try I guess."
Seras leaned over and bit him. Zorin was smirking sneerilly at first but then a big aura of power went on them. Seras was also drinking blood and a LOT of it, enough to fully vampireify herself, more than the blood bags from before. A shadow tendril went from one of her legs and wrapped around Pip's naked lower half, then pulled it in and suddenly... the scary part...
Seras turned in to a giant mouth and ate the lower half of Pip.
"Oh no." Said Zorin.
Also Pip turned to Zorin and his eyes were red. He was a vampire now! Seras got the blood of the lower half but also the upper half was kept separate and vampirized, a loophole to both eat and convert Pip at the same time!
"Oh no." Zorin said.
When Seras had un-mouthed herself, her eyes had regenerated again, then four bursts of shadow mass came from her severed limb spots. She um kinda looked like Master Core from Smash Bros., then turned those shadow masses to these dagger-like limbs and she stood tall over Zorin.
"OH NO!" Zorin shouted.
"Huh what did I miss-" Tubalcain said, regaining consciousness, and looking up. Then he saw Seras (and I guess Pip) and his eyes opened wide and he leaned his head back down and said "UM NEVERMIND I'M UNCONSCIOUS I'M UNCONSCIOUS!"
Pip laughed and pointed at Zorin. "HAHAHA, SHE'S ALUCARDING YOU! YOU'RE SO FUCKED NOW!"
Seras screached. "Look, Zorin, I'm sorry that I picked on you back in middle school. BUT I AM NOT SORRY FOR THE OTHER THINGS, HOLY SHIT YOU GO AND MURDER OTHERS NOW?! I mean, I was bad, but you have to admit it, some of this was your fault."
Zorin gripped her scythe. "BRING IT ON DAMMIT!"
Zorin ran up to the tall Seras, but was then pinned down by one of the shadow masses! But Zorin grabbed the leg, with her tattoos glowing purple, and then it went up Seras!
"Yes..." Zorin said. "YES...!"
But the TV was jammed and acting weird! Aorin walked over to it and began banging her hand on it like those old satellite TVs (um I think if you try this with the new ones it just breaks everything trust me)... when it came through, there was something odd on the TV:
"LEGS LEGS LEGS-LEGS-LEGS-LEGS LEGS LEGS! LEGS LEGS LEGS-LEGS LEGS LEGS! LEGS LEGS LEGS LEGS LE-LE-LE-LE-LE-LE-LE-LEGS!" It was a ton of copies of the Pip's legs (pantless remember his pants were down when he was metaphoring fucking Rip) doing the Can-Can dance and kicking in synch!
"OH NO!" Zorin shouted. "SERAS' MEMORIES ARE MIXED WITH PIP'S LEGS' MEMORIES! NOW I... wait hold on I think I'll be able to make this work if I just..."
But then Pip's Legs appeared in the Seras-Zorin dream TV room and kicked her down! And then Seras herself appeared within and stomped on her, also breaking the illusion thing, going back to reality, where Zorin is pinned down.
"NOOOO I CAN'T METAPHOR YOU TOO WELL! YOU'RE TOO POWERFUL! Although if I have shared memories between the two of you, I could fool you." Zorin said.
"Meh." Said Seras, then she used one of her shadow mass legs to lift Zorin up, then Seras turned in to a giant mouth and swallowed Zorin whole!
"No way... THAT MOVE!" Pip's Upper Half said. "It's Alucard's!"
"Yep! I've taken after him in his honor after his death!" Seras said. Zorin's Sychthe Slaughterer fell to the ground with a clink.
Both Seras and Upper Pip stared at Tubalcain.
"I KNOW YOU'RE STILL CONSCIOUS I CAN SENSE YOU NOW THAT I'VE AWAKENED BEING A FULL VAMPIRE." Seras shouted.
"NO I'M NOT IN FACT I'M ALREADY DEAD." Said Card Guy.
Seras dashed over to him, but he lept up, and had a huge mass of his cards appear around him and spiral. "Okay fine but I can still FIGHT!"
He threw lots of cards towards Seras, but Seras lept up and her eyes went from blue to red (again not like the Sharingan), but they STAYED red as she was fully vampired, and she reached a shadow mass hand out! But then the shadow changed... and morphed to resemble Zorin's arm! Connected to Seras' body by a thin strand of shadow mass!
"Uh oh." Said Card Guy.
The Seras-Zorin arm grabbed him, and then Seras found herself going "Let's see here..." as she began to Inception him! "I have some of her memories when I absorbed her blood... how can I do this..."
"HAH!" Card Guy shouted. "You think you can use Zorin's powers against us? Well, we prepared in case Alucard did that, I learned how to see with no eyes!" He focused and prepared a jutsu-
Then Pip just shot him while he was focused, in the head. "REVENGE FOR KILLING THE GEESE!" And while Card Guy regenerated from that, he was stunned just enough so that Seras could turn in to a giant mouth and eat him.
The other shadow mass arm morphed in a similar way and turned to Card Guy's hand, and then each of the shadow mass legs turned to resemble Lower Pip's legs.
"Cool." Pip said.
"Not really I look like a chimera freak." Said Seras.
Several other Millennium soldiers appeared but Seras then flicked the Card Guy arm out, and a lot of cards came from seemingly between the fingers, and it cut them up. Then Seras just absorbed their blood and healed even more, except for one soldier, who Seras grabbed and walked over to Pip with.
"Here, if you drink enough badguys, you can regenerate your legs." She told Pip.
"But what about the legs that you ate? Also that includes my penis. Zorin cut me at the waist."
"Well, you'll just have four legs then."
"More like six!" Said Pip. Dick joke!
"Make more dick jokes like that and it will be four!" Seras threatened. "I am SICK of sex stuff!"
Then suddenly they both heard beeping. Seras ran to the front engine room (Upper Pip tried crawling after her but couldn't catch up for the obvious reasons of not having a lower half and thus legs and soon gave up) and saw a blinking radar! It showed an 8 bit castle sprite like in Super Mario Bros. and a blimp icon that was heading towards it!
"It's Hecksing Manor!" Shouted Seras. "We're almost there! I'll have to make an emergency stop! Pip, hold on to something!"
But nobody heard her since the only surviving person was Pip who was way back other rooms and vampire hearing wasn't that good.
Meanwhile, Pip looked at the severed arms, legs, and eyeballs of Seras that Zorin chopped, and said "Hm... I want to try something..." And then he ate them.
It instantly awakened his full vampire powers! And he felt some itching on his face, and took off his eye patch. His eye grew back!
"WOAH I CAN SEE WITH BOTH EYES AGAIN?!" Shouted Pip. "VAMPIRE POWERS ARE INCREDI-" He waved his hands around in front of him. "AH! IT'S BEEN SO LONG I'M NOT USED TO DEPTH PERCEPTION!"
Integra finally reached the end of the very long staircase tunnel and found a tramway.
"Well shit." She said. "Why wasn't this just placed at the beginning, and have it go down, and then to the railroad tracks. Who built this? Unless... no..." And then she looked down and saw on a thing a certain logo, familiar to her in a past adventure...
Then her phone rang! It was Quimby!
"This better be important," Integra said, "I'm usually calling others, not 'The Other' calling me."
"Er a um, THERE'S A GIGANTIC FUCKING BLIMP HEADING RIGHT TOWARDS US!"
"Okay that is pretty important."
Seras pulled on the emergency break as they were closing in on Hecksing Manor, although it was a bit too late for the landing to be smooth, so she needed to make a diversion. Like she warned but Pip couldn't hear, her taking the steering wheel and changing direction meant that Pip, who didn't have a seatbelt, went flying around and all over the place, screaming "WOOAAAAAHHH!"
The Zepplin did reach Hecksing Manor but instead of crashing thanks to Seras' changing direction, it 'just' scraped off the top of the roof, and then it flipped around doing a loopty loop and crashed on Heavensing Mansion.
Quimby stepped out and looked annoyed, he was wearing a bath robe. "Er a um, HOLY FUCK YOU MILLENNIUMS ARE REALLY AWFUL AT CRASHING IN TO THE RIGHT MANSION. Er a um, OR ALTERNATIVELY HECKSING IS REALLY AWFUL AT TAKING BACK CONTROL OF BLIMPS THAT ARE TRYING TO KILL US. Er a um, EITHER WAY, I SHIT MYSELF FROM THAT, SO NO THANKS TO YOU."
Out of the smoke and wreckage, Seras stepped out, coughing. She was holding Pip in her hands. She rescued him offscreen Pip going flying wasn't actually that important to the storyline it was just a joke, sorry if it seemed like I was building up plot there.
"We're finally back." Said Upper Pip. "Damn it felt like we were in Brazil for two months!" In reference to the wait between seasonal chapters. "I bet Integra will be glad to see us!"
"What the FUCK happened here?" Integra asked.
They were in her office. Seras, Pip, and Quimby were all sitting on chairs. Behind them, they had some 'familiars' out per Integra's instruction. Seras had Pip's Legs out and they were sitting on a chair (still naked) and waving the legs dangling like some impatient person. But also familiars of Zorin and Card Guy were there and they looked scared of Integra. Pip had Seras' eyes, arms, and legs just floating around him. Because of the taking familiars out, Seras sorta de-regenerated, although she still had blood to have regenned legs and eyes and just had shadow mass on for her arms. Pip on the other hand lost the eye for the moment since he was already low on blood to begin with, and had a shadow mass leaking out of his eyehole in a smoke-like pattern. Not like Sans.
"Er a um, WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME I WAS WITH YOU THE WHOLE - okay half - THE TIME AND I DIDN'T DO ANYTTHING EXCEPT DRIVE MY TRUCK THROUGH THE FRONT OF YOUR HOUSE." Said Quimby.
"Because this is something a vampire shouldn't do. First of all, Seras, you shouldn't have converted Pip. Just let him die. Vampirism is a virus that we're trying to curb."
"But Alucard converted me and you didn't have a problem with that!" Seras argued.
"First of all, I kind of did. You just weren't around when I chewed him out for it. Second of all, I didn't have a problem as much because Alucard is far more experienced with being a vampire and knows the thing of potential of a potential sidekick. And Pip, I can already tell that you are not vampire material like Seras apparently is."
"Hrmph!" Seras said, crossing her shadow masses and huffing.
"Oh, fuck off, admit you fucked up. Anyway, second - of the first 'first' and 'second' things I said - vampires eating parts of each other is a pretty fucked up ritual thing that I wanted Hecksing to heavily discourage."
"Technically, Pip's lower half wasn't vampirised at all when Zorin cut him, and my body parts weren't at full vampire strength yet."
"Well that's still too close for comfort."
"Hang on we ate each other is that a 69?" Asked Upper Pip.
Everyone ignored him except lower Pip, who just walked over, turned around so that his rear was facing him, and farted in his face. Lower Pip then shook back and forth, not like a booty call dance but as if he was shaking a head.
"You're an ass." Upper Pip told Lower Pip.
"Anyway, we're now left with ccomplicated shit known as Vampire Fractions." Said Integra. "I never really bothered to study how this works, but basically, Pip there's now eventually going to be two of you if both you regrow yourself and Seras ends up taking enough energy to regrow your legs to their own person/familiar. Likewise Pip you could grow the Seras parts back together, or get roughly six times as much blood from others, dark magic energy, or what have you and grow six Serases."
"How come this doesn't work with each person's individual blood cell?" Pip asked.
"Holy shit Pip you asked a good question. Long story short, it does, but that sort of thing takes way more energy. It's easier with 'separate' 'organs' so to speak. Okay, you can re-absorb your familiars again."
Lower Pip went back in to Seras without protest, and same with the Seras Organs. But ZZorin and Card Guy both hugged each other and screamed "NOOOOOO!" As Seras turned in to a giant mouth, ate them, and un-mouthed.
"Alright, now sorry since that was a long and involved mission that we needed to improv, but you have another one on short notice." Continued Integra. "As far as I have gathered, this is the Millennium's 'Phase Two,' or 'Phase Jew' as their Leader calls it, with 'Phase One' just being the much more simple Valentine attack to test the waters. 'Phase Two' was composed of three different groups: The Jan attacking the carrier, Rip and those other guys trying to charge a zepplin to attack Hecksing Manor, and Walter and the Captain doing something spooky involving the President Quimby over here. We have foiled the former two. But we still have the latter. Fortunately, I have dug in to the Doomsday Protocol and found an interesting deep subterranean complex with a tramway underground that has managed to evade detection instruments for all these years. If it leads to where I think it will lead, I think we'll have backup against Walter and the Captain, if not the ominous 'Phase 3' where the Millennium will unleash an army of 1,000 vampires on London if not the world, and have a mysterious 'Ultimate Weapon' that they will use."
"Just like Marvel, the phases get worse." Said Pip.
"Ha hah!" Integra laughed at that. "I fucking hate the oversaturation of the MCU and Thanos memes everywhere, so I found that funny. Anyway, your plan is to both head over to the tunnel and seek out the Project, which should give us like a good counterpart to the Millennium's thousand vampire army. Need I remind you that we'll need all the firepower we can get, those guys fucked up the Wild Geese pretty bad and we're running out of random militant groups we can just hire off the streets like we did with the Wild Geese, although thankfully some of the Wild Geese are still in Brazil and 100% human. Meanwhile, Seras, you ate Zorin, who ate most of the Wild Geese, so you could summon them as familiars... I think that's how it works anyway."
Seras nodded.
"I'll stay here with President Quimby, he's safer here."
"Er a um, ARE YOU SURE BECAUSE A HUGE FUCKING BLIMP TORE THROUGH THE CEILING AND NEARLY KILLED ME."
"Yes, I'm sure, don't worry, you're relatively safe with me. Pip and Seras will be heading over to what I presume - I don't actually know for all I know this could just all be an elaborate trap from Heavensing that would ship them to Vatican City and burn them with a lake of holy water - is a very dangerous site. The 'new Doomsday Recruits' probably aren't even there. Oh, here, you'll need ID badges proving that you're Hecksing," She gave them passports that said 'I'M A PART OF HECKSING,' "They might shoot you on sight if they can't see them. And they might ask where Heavensing is, if we cheated them to get to this - which is technically true in that we decided to break off the alliance and kill them - so even then... well, you two might get shot with special anti-vampire weapons just for killing Heavensing in self-defense."
"Er a um, WOW YOU'RE RIGHT I DO FEEL BETTER AND MORE CONFIDENT ABOUT STAYING WITH YOU!"
"You're welcome!" Integra said happily.
Seras and Pip, on the other hand, were both shivering. And not because it was cold! They were out of Brazil now, no more snow!
Speaking of Brazil...
"So now what?" Asked Fredrick.
"Ummmm... I think we're stuck here." Replied another Wild Geese.
"Well, the original plan was to party, so let's do that!"
So they went to the Carnival.
But then they got a phone call. It was Integra!
"Hello - oh wow it's so much better being the one to call on the phone instead of being the one called. I can get used to this." Integra said. To Fredrick since I don't want to come up with new names at the moment. "Hello surviving Wild Geese."
"Oh, great." Said Fred. "Are you here to kill our fun and tell us we're still working under you and to get back to Hecksing Manor, because we should have enough money to get a plane ticket back in case something happens with Alucard and his tank, which it did?"
"Oh yes actually. Thank you for understanding. I have sent you instructions to the nearest UK-bound airport on your phone. Though planes don't depart until tomorrow - day in your time zone, night in mine - so you could spend the rest of your day there partying."
"How do you know we're partying? I don't see you as the surveilance type."
"I know because you told me."
"OH! Sneaky!"
"I know, I'm not the leader of Hecksing for no reason, after all. Anyway, before Pip and Seras leave off to a secret tunnel, yes, Pip survived, wanna chat with him?"
"Um okay."
Boop boop boop (Bwop boop!) It was the Skype theme! Do people still use Skype? Fredrick got out his computer and it showed Pip, who waved. It was just Pip to like the chest area, they couldn't see that he was cut in half.
"How's it going?" Fredrick asked as the other Geese gathered around the camera.
Pip waved. Um, again. "GOING FINE! Except for this."
Pip them put his hands on the desk and used them to push himself up, showing that he was cut in half and was just the talking torso. The Wild Geese screamed but Pip laughed.
"GOTCHA I'm a vampire now!"
But one of the Wild Geese passed out.
"Oh." Pip said. "Sorry."
So it took a long walk down the pathway Integra uncovered, and then Seras and Pip found themselves in the shuttle thing. Seras carried Pip at first, but after some complaining from Seras' part, Upper Pip learned how to manifest these centipede-like legs and walk around on those, although that lead to complaining on Pip's part. But Seras could just use vampire powers to eliminate her senses and take that out.
And yes, Zorin took out all of the Wild Geese that were on the airship (well, maybe Tubalcain killed a few more) so since they haven't completely gotten the hang of familiar summoning yet, it was just Seras and Pip there. They got in, and the shuddle kicked the fuck off and shot them far down a tunnel.
And just like last chapter, we'll cap this off by seeing what the other main characters (at the moment) were doing...
"That's it, that's it," said Schrodinger, watching as a cheerful Captain and very annoyed Walter cleared out more rubble in the Millennium's Brazil hideout, and Walter was also getting a welding torch and such and using it on some strange machine with 'ROYAL BLOOD EXTRACTOR' written on it. "There, there's a pile you missed. Cleaned up the rocks and all. HEE HEE HEE!"
"Why is your annoying ass the one to tell us how to clean this and not the Major?" Asked Walter.
"Because the Major and Doctor are busy in the middle of a very long and involved surgery! Don't worry, Walter, they haven't forgotten about the thing they planned to do to you, it won't be as involved and you won't be as powerful, but still!"
Walter just grumbled.
"So we're really putting off getting Quimby until tomorrow night?"
"Yeah sure whatever I guess. That's the exact word-for-word message from the Major."
Uh I guess that was it compared to the clusterfuck that was Chapter 5 where everyone was somewhere else, with some characters being killed and relocated most of them are either together or in some spoilery place so I probably should have had that above scene be right next to the Brazillian Wild Geese to pad out the "Where are they now?" tracker.
Anyway, at first because of acceleration the ride was an uncomfortable jolt, but then when it reached constant speed it was okay, until it stopped again and Seras and Pip were both sent flying.
"OW!" Shouted Pip. "That's the second time tonight I get thrown around by a vehicle jerking off! I hope whatever 'backup' is here is worth it..." He said.
They got out. The tunnel-tramway thing lead to some kind of... cave. A big, wide, empty cave with a bright light. Seras and Pip moved forward.
They found themselves in the opening out to a sea, and it was this beautiful secluded beach area. It was like a crescent-shape, surrounded by cliffs, and out to the open ocean. The moon hung above.
"Another beach huh?" Asked Pip. "Well, whatever this country is, if we're even in the UK any more, I highly doubt it will out-titty Brazil."
Seras sighed. "You don't even have a penis how are you still thinking about boobs?"
"Guess what I learned to regenerate after a tutorial from Integra?" Pip said with a sly smirk. He then frowned. "Um shit I shouldn't have said that that's creepy."
Then they both heard a splash in the water ahead of them. Seras and Pip went to investigate.
"HELLO?" Piip asked. "HI, I'M PART OF HECKSING, THIS IS THE DOOMSDAY PROTOCOL IN CASE ALUCARD BADGUY AND ALEXANDER ANDERSON ARE BOTH DEAD? IS ANYONE EVEN RUNNING THIS THI-"
And then he looked and saw a beautiful, bright, shiny long red fish tail splash along the water, like the lower half of a fish peeking up from the water and splashing back in. It was also sparkly. Pip and Seras looked around and saw other splashes as well but couldn't quite make out. Then, moments later, the red tail appeared again, but shapeshifted to red goo, and came out as a bright red pair of human like legs. Long, sexy, shapely legs.
"...What the fuck?" Asked Seras.
Pip was also confused, so he went further, skittering like the centipede, over to the shore of the salt lake he was by-
And then suddenly the red thing came out of the water again, but this time right next to Pip, and he... was immediately faced with...
A pair of red naked breasts close to his face! Pip shouted!
The figure making all the splashing emerged, and was a beautiful nude woman who was bright red all over just about, she had some scales on her but those shifted away and disappeared, until she just looked like a red human. She walked and strutted over, looking a little amused by seeing the two vampires in front of her. The camera was positioned so that the back of Pip's head was over her crotch, but sine she's not human, I guess her boobs are okay to not be censored, her nipples are red so they don't look too humanlike to show. The camera also showed her from behind, showing her nice behind.
"Ah, Hecksing..." She said. "Or what's left of it. We've been waiting for this big reunion. I take it Integra died with Alucard too?"
"...'We've?'" Seras asked. Pip on the other hand looked a bit traumatized, especially as the other splashes emerged from the water and were also sexy naked women, of different colors and sorts.
"WHAT THE TITTIES?!" Pip asked.
The red woman held a hand out to shake. "Anyway, you can call my Crimmy! It's short for Crimsonella."
...
Okay final bit of the chapter, but a good distance away, over the cliffs, close by a certain city, Rip's eye twitched at hearing Pip shout "WHAT THE TITTIES?!".
"Of course." She said. "He had to be invited to the Doomsday Protocol area."
Closing AN:
Hm, come to think of it, "Vampire Fractions" might have been a better title for this chapter. Funnier at least, that I can say for certain. Nothing funny about "Airship Showdown," just a dry description. I might change the title to this later...
Anyway, yeah, Tubalcain dies much later than he did in the original, but Zorin dies earlier. Uh, "spoilers for the old version," but a bit earlier too. However, you'll see why the next chapter would still be "Season 2" considering the showdown (er, besides the "Airship" Showdown), and one of the few things the Chapter 7 of this would have in common with the Chpater 7 of the original.
I was originally going to put off naming Crimmy until next chapter, then I had a moment where my Internet went down and I passed the time a bit by actually working on Chapter 7... I got to the name anyway, so then right before publishing this chapter I tacked the name reveal here (and added a bit where she gives her full name, which she didn't do in the initial Chapter 7 draft).
So finally, speaking of Chapter 7, hopefully that will be out in three days, on the 17th. Keeping up with posting on the anniversaries of each HUC (er, HUC Classic? HUCC?) chapter.