Death of Innocence

Day 25

No-Name Motel, Northwest Arkansas, November, 2013

Reese sat in a wide wooden chair at the end of the day, watching the sun go down over the mountains. Now that the sounds of the City had leached away a bit, he'd started to notice the rest of the sounds around him. Bird calls, the gurgle of water running down a hillside, the rustle of wind in the trees.

He liked the smells here. Sweet air. And leaves down, starting to turn to mulch. Reminded him of kicking through piles of them as a kid. And the smell of the leaves under the trees. Damp. And if he dug down under the layers, lots of earthworms he'd use for fishing down at the stream.

If it hadn't been for the cold seeping in at sunset, he would've stayed out there longer. He'd trashed his down jacket that night, with all the rest of the clothes he'd been wearing. Once he got out there where he was headed, he'd find another one for himself. He'd need it. Got pretty cold out there, in winter. For now, though, he had some wool in his back pack. Washed some of his clothes with a bar of laundry soap in his sink, and laid them out to dry in the sun. Nice smell to them after he'd brought 'em back in.

Reese noticed how he'd started to breathe deeper out here. Maybe the sweet air. Didn't feel so smothered out here. Big sky above him. Maybe he'd head out tomorrow. Maybe not. See how he felt in the morning. All that air all day had made him sleepy right after the sun had gone down. He dropped into his bed and fell asleep.

Colorado, 1984

That stream coming down out of the rocks above him splashed down into a pool, deeper in the Spring when the water ran heavy from the snowmelt. Then, the top of his favorite boulder parked at the edge of the pool was nearly submerged. Just a little piece left where he could sit and dangle his feet down into the water.

Minnows would often find his toes and if he sat real still he could see their gray-green bodies swaying in the current, and they'd sidle up a little closer, and a little closer – until he could feel the tickle of their soft mouthparts touching his skin.

One day, as the sun had gone behind the boughs overhanging the rock where he liked to sit, he'd been drying himself after swimming for hours in the pool. He'd drifted off in the sun, on the top of the rock, and Reese remembered how the sun through the leaves had made a dappled light over him. Light and dark playing over the top of him and his rock.

There was a sound of little rocks and soil sliding on the hill, the other side of his pool. He opened his eyes, without sitting up, and saw a doe stepping down the hill over there – her nose twitching and her ears flicking in the waning sunlight. Behind her, two spotted fawns followed along, jostling her at the bottom to reach the edge of the pool.

She let them drink first, while she kept watch. And then she bent low to sip some of the cool water for herself. Reese sat up, soundlessly, so he didn't spook her. He just wanted to see what they'd do. The doe kept raising her head, twitching her nose to sample the air, and flicking her ears.

On one of her checks, she'd found him sitting on his rock. Their eyes met. He took in a breath, stunned at how large and luminous they were. She looked so delicate compared to the bucks they brought home from hunting in the Fall. But her large, luminous eyes looked like they could see right through him. She didn't seem afraid. She just stared at him.

He almost felt like she was saying something to him, but he didn't know how to understand what. Her nose twitched, and her tailed flashed white as she watched him. And soon, when nothing happened, he saw her back away and turn uphill with her fawns. He hoped she'd turn and look back at him at the top of the hill, but she walked into the woods and was gone …

A little after midnight Reese woke in his bed. Got up and had a little water out of the tap. Stood there, staring out at the landscape. A little grass there on the far side of the porch that ran the length of the motel, and some trees beyond, with the mountains rising up over the tops of the trees. Could just barely see them in the darkness.

The motel was perched on a little spit of land halfway up a mountain, with the main big road running by. Quiet most of the time, except when the road was carrying the traffic heading west. Twice a day it seemed to stack up a bit out there, but then it was quiet for the rest of the time.

Belle had told him about a trucker she knew, came in weekly on the way to California. Made stops along the coast up to Washington, and then back down and across again. Told Reese she'd introduce them when he was ready to go, if he liked.

For now, he was just fine with spending a little time there. Puttered around a little in town, and hitchhiked back in the afternoon to settle in. Wandered around the grounds and found that stream where the water sounds had come from. A little glade there with a stand of trees next to it. He could imagine how it'd look in Summer, with the full leaf set on the trees instead of the last of them clinging this time of year.

He sat down again, on his bed, leaning back against the headboard. The wood pressed a little too hard against his bones, and he threw one of the pillows behind him. His room was set off at an angle from the longer run on the main part, so it was a little more private here. He left the curtains pulled back a bit to see the view.

A while later, he'd started to drift off again, sitting up.

Flashes through the window. No thunder yet, but the lightning lit up the skies again and again. Big storm coming in out of the west, right up the mountainside.

Flashes. Saw them behind closed lids. Flashes like the ones on the top of the squad cars huddled around that building. Gunfire all around them, and the cops kneeling behind the car doors. Flashes from inside the building, holding them off.

Down inside, and down the stairs, then down again and again. Deep down. So dark there, he couldn't see. Clicked his light on, and all it was ahead was a narrow tunnel. Where? Mist coming through, and he couldn't see the walls, just the darkness and the open part of the tunnel. Something pushing him on to get there. Had to get there in time.

Stepped along, with the light shining ahead.

Came out into a cavern, large, with the walls suddenly high all around him. Felt all the air inside. But up ahead, a crack in the floor, twenty feet wide. More than he could jump, and it ran the whole width of the cave. No way around, and sheer walls at the sides.

Reese lifted the light and the beam moved across the chasm to the floor on the other side. Swept the cave over there and saw them. Bodies on the floor.

One he didn't know at all, tall with dark wavy hair. But there were two more that he knew. Finch, Shaw, half-buried under an avalanche of debris. Couldn't see them breathing! Ran to the edge. The crack dropped down forever into the blackness, and no way to get across.

He stood there, on this side of the cave. Had to get to the other side...

Woke in a sweat on his bed.

Reese rolled out and went to the sink. Splashed some water on his face and ran the towel over him. Sat on his bed with the towel over his shoulders. Breathed through the worst of it.

It'd felt so real during the dream. Felt like they'd been right there, so close, but he just couldn't get there in time.

Felt like the story of his life…