JENNIE

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Dr. Rupert, the emergency room doctor treating me, looked like Penn from the magician duo Penn and Teller. At least I thought it was Penn—I could never remember which was which. In any case, Dr. Rupert bore an uncanny resemblance to the shorter, older one. Since I was pretty sure he was in his late seventies, I figured it wouldn't insult him to mention it.

"Has anyone ever told you that you look like someone famous?"

He smiled, reached into his lab coat sleeve, and pulled out a bouquet of plastic flowers. "Does this answer your question?"

I laughed. "I guess so."

He tucked the flowers headfirst into his lab coat pocket. "No relation, but patients are disappointed when I tell them that. So I find it's at least a consolation prize to perform a trick."

Dr. Rupert picked up the chart hanging from the foot of my bed and flipped through some pages. As he started to speak, the closed curtain opened and another doctor came in, drawing the curtain behind him.

"Good timing. This is Dr. Torres. He's an orthopedic specialist."

"Hello," I said.

"Normally we don't call in ortho for a consultation until after x-rays, but I wanted to have him examine you now, so we can give you all of your options."

"Okay…"

Dr. Rupert pulled up a chair and sat down next to me. He had an old school way about him that doctors didn't have much anymore. Reaching out, he touched my arm.

"The reason we wanted to do an ortho consult before the x-ray is because we found something in your bloodwork."

I sat up in bed. Oh, God. The first thing that came to my mind was cancer. Some blood cell count must've been elevated, and now they don't want to radiate me unnecessarily. My heart started to palpitate. "What? What's wrong with my blood work?"

Dr. Rupert squeezed my hand and smiled. "Nothing. You're pregnant, Ms. Ruby Jane."

I blinked a few times. "What?"

He nodded. "I had a feeling the news might come as a shock to you. I noticed on the intake sheet that you said your last period was a month ago, and you answered the Is there any possibility you might be pregnant question no.

"I can't be. Are you sure?"

He nodded. "A blood test can pick up hCG as early as six to eight days after ovulation. Urine tests generally can take a bit longer."

Panic set in. "I can't be. It has to be wrong."

Dr. Rupert's smile fell. "Are you saying it's not physically possible for you to be pregnant? There are rare cases of false positives in blood work, such as when you're taking certain medication for seizures." His brows drew together. "Are you on any medications? I didn't see any listed."

I shook my head rapidly.

"So it is physically possible you are pregnant? Meaning you've been with someone in the last month or so?"

I lifted my hand to my throat, which suddenly felt tighter. "Yes. But we used protection. And I'm on the pill."

"Did you miss any of your pills?"

"No. Definitely not. And I take them at the same time every day."

"Were you on any antibiotics or sick at any time?"

I shook my head.

Dr. Rupert sighed. "Well, it is only 99.7-percent effective, even under the best of circumstances."

"But we used a condom, too!"

"Well, that obviously makes the odds even smaller that a pregnancy would occur. Sometimes there are just stubborn swimmers." Dr. Rupert patted my arm. "Would you like us to give you a minute before discussing the x-rays?"

I wanted him to rewind time and start over by saying I wasn't pregnant. How could I be? Lisa was going to—oh my God. I couldn't even begin to imagine what Lisa would say. Without realizing it, I must've started to hyperventilate.

"Ms. Ruby Jane? Breathe slowly. Take some long, deep breaths." Dr. Rupert turned to the orthopedist that I had forgotten was even in the room. "Jordan, grab us a paper bag, will you?"

A minute later the nurse came in and asked me to breathe into a paper bag while three people stood around. She held my wrist and took my pulse until she was happy with the results. "You can stop now. Just keep taking big, deep breaths."

I rubbed my forehead. "God, I'm so embarrassed. I've never had to do that before."

The nurse smiled. "I have three kids under four. If my head isn't in a brown paper bag once a week, I'm hiding in the closet to sneak a glass of wine."

After I calmed down a little more, the nurse left, and Dr. Rupert asked if the orthopedist could take a look at my arm. Anytime it moved at all, it hurt. But suddenly I was too numb to even feel the pain.

When he finished assessing, he spoke to both Dr. Rupert and me. "I do recommend having an x-ray. Your ulna is most likely fractured. Bruising is starting to form on your wrist already, so we need to see if the bones are aligned or might need surgical repair or a reduction."

I heard every word he said, but none of them seemed to sink in. They went on to give me the pros and cons of having x-rays while pregnant, and then Dr. Rupert looked at me for a response.

"I'm sorry." I shook my head. "You said it's safe?"

"We'll cover your abdomen with a lead apron and take the minimal amount as a precaution. Your reproductive organs won't be exposed to radiation. In cases like yours, where the risk of harm to your unborn child is very small, and the benefit of the diagnostic x-ray outweighs that risk, yes, I recommend it." He smiled cautiously. "If your ulna needs to be reset and isn't, you could lose mobility in that arm. Which we don't want."

I blew out a giant rush of air and nodded. "Okay."

"I'm going to admit you overnight, just as a precaution for observation. Would you like for the nurse to call someone for you?"

I thought about maybe calling Rosé, but it was so late, and I needed to let everything sink in myself before I could actually say the words out loud. "No, that's fine. Thank you."

Dr. Rupert left with the orthopedic doctor, promising to return as soon as the x-ray results came in. I was glad I got a few minutes alone before the nurse came back.

"Would you like me to bring your sister back in? The registration desk said she's asked about you twice and she's pacing." She smiled. "You have a protective big sister."

I closed my eyes. The thought of seeing Lisa now made me literally sick. But if she wasn't allowed back here to visit me, she'd undoubtedly make a commotion and suspect something was wrong. There was no way I wanted to have the conversation with her tonight in the ER.

I nodded at the nurse. "Could you bring her back in five minutes? I just need a few more alone."

"Sure. Of course. Let's make it ten."

Not long after, Lisa opened the curtain with concern etched in her face. "Is everything alright? That took almost an hour."

I cleared my throat, but had a hard time looking her in the eyes. "Yeah, everything is fine."

"Did you go for x-rays?"

"No, not yet."

She put her hands on her hips. "Let me move you over to Memorial. I have an old friend on staff there."

"No, it's fine. They said it wouldn't be too much longer."

It was impossible to hide my inner freak out. I managed to get through telling Lisa about the orthopedic doc's assessment of aligned vs. non-aligned without mentioning the reason he was called in before the x-rays. I also told her I was being admitted for observation. But after that, I was very quiet.

"Are you sure you're okay? Does anything else hurt?"

Her concern made me feel even worse about lying. "I'm fine. Just tired."

Ten minutes later, the nurse came in. Before I could say a word, Lisa stood. "Can you examine her again? She doesn't seem like herself suddenly. I'd like a doctor to check her out again."

The nurse looked to me, and I suddenly panicked she might say something about my pregnancy. I hadn't specifically told them not to, though obviously there were privacy laws. Seeing me pale and wide eyed, the nurse caught on.

"Umm… I don't think that's necessary. This is perfectly normal. There's an adrenaline surge and then a sudden drop after a trauma. I'd be worried if Ms. Ruby Jane wasn't getting groggy."

Lisa nodded, seeming to accept the explanation. Thank God.

"I'm going to take her down to x-ray now. We'll probably be a while. Since she's being admitted, you can go home, and I'll bring your sister a phone after the treatment for her arm is decided."

I turned to Lisa. One look at her face, and I knew there was no chance she was leaving. She folded her arms across her chest. "I'm staying right here."

The nurse looked to me, and I nodded. "It's fine if she stays."

She disappeared a moment and came back with a wheelchair. She and Lisa stood at my sides to make sure I could get up, even though I'd said I was fine.

"We'll be back in a while," she said to Lisa. "Make yourself comfortable."

The nurse stopped at the nursing station and lowered her voice to speak to another nurse. "I'm waiting for x-ray to call down to say they're ready for Ms. Ruby Jane. Can you page me when they do?"

Once the double doors of the emergency room closed behind us, and we were out of Lisa's earshot, she spoke while she pushed my chair.

"I sensed that maybe you needed a few minutes without your sister around. I know what you learned was a shock, so I figured you might want to talk about it. Sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger than a family member. But if you don't, that's fine, too. I'm just going to give you a free ride around the halls until they page me and tell me x-ray can take you."

I sighed. "Thank you."

As promised, she was quiet and left it up to me to decide if I wanted to talk. After a few minutes, I did.

"She's not my sister. She said that because she was worried they wouldn't let her in since she's not a family member. She's my gp girlfriend."

I looked up and over my shoulder, and the nurse smiled and nodded. "Well, now I'm really glad I didn't ask if your sister was single for my sister. She's very handsome."

I laughed, and my shoulders relaxed for the first time in an hour.

We turned left down a new hallway that was empty. "I take it the pregnancy is going to be a shock for her, too."

"She doesn't want kids."

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, my husband wanted one or two. He wasn't happy when I told him I was pregnant the third time. But I reminded him, I was the one who had to carry a nine-pound bowling ball while it felt like my uterus was going to fall out, and I was the one who was going to get sick for months and get up with the little monster after the delivery. Sometimes they forget that they have a hand in getting pregnant, too. You play, you pay."

I knew that was true. Clearly I didn't get pregnant alone. But…this was different. Lisa had emotional scars. Her reasoning wasn't exactly the same as a man who didn't want another mouth to feed or diaper to change.

"She has some very good reasons for not wanting a family. She…" I shook my head. It wasn't my place to share the details of Lisa's personal life. "She…has reasons."

"Let's forget your girlfriend for a minute. How would you feel right now if the woman by your side wanted a family? Would you feel differently?"

I didn't even have to think about that. "Yes. I definitely would. Don't get me wrong, I'd still be in shock. But I want a family someday. I didn't think that would be nine months from now. But if the woman I loved wanted children, I'd be okay with it, I think."

We passed another nursing station, and the nurse pushing me said hello to a few people. She waited until we'd passed before resuming our conversation. "So your only real concern here is how your girlfriend is going to take the news."

I thought about it. "Yes. I think so."

"Do you love her?"

I took a deep breath in and exhaled. It probably should have taken me longer to answer that question, but love wasn't something that needed to be analyzed. You either did or you didn't. I nodded. "I do."

"Does she love you?"

I thought back to the worry on Lisa's face in the emergency room. She'd seemed truly terrified that I might be hurt. The way she'd looked at me lately had changed, too. I'd find her watching me with a smile when she didn't think I was paying attention, and the other morning I woke to her watching me sleep. "Neither of us have said the words, but I think she does."

"Obviously, under the law you have choices. But it sounds like you want a family and you love the baby's daddy. I know I'm oversimplifying things, but it seems to me like there's only one choice in this matter, and it's your girlfriend's—whether or not she wants to be with you and your baby more than she wants to be alone."

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I stared out the window from my uncomfortable hospital bed, watching the sun come up. I'd barely slept last night. The x-ray showed I had a clean fracture, which meant no resetting of bones or surgery, and they'd come to cast my arm shortly after midnight. Lisa had stayed by my side until I practically pushed her out the door. If she'd had her way, she would have slept in the chair and stayed all night. But with so much to think about, I couldn't quiet my mind enough to fall asleep even after she was gone. I dozed off and on, mostly.

Rosé was an early riser, so I thought about calling her. But it didn't feel right to tell her about the pregnancy before I'd told Lisa, even though Rosé was my best friend.

Lisa knocked on my hospital room door at seven a.m. She had two cups of coffee and was dressed casually.

She set the coffee down on the portable food tray and leaned down to kiss my forehead. "Morning. How's my girl?"

My heart squeezed, and I had to force a smile. "Good. Tired."

"Did you sleep at all?"

"Not much."

"That's understandable. Between the accident and being in this place…then the cast. You'll get some sleep when we get you home."

"The day nurse came by a little while ago and said it would probably be a few hours before my discharge was ready."

Lisa took one of the coffees, peeled back the tab to open it, and handed it to me.

Without thinking, I brought it to my lips and almost drank. But caffeine. I shouldn't have that. Setting the coffee back on the tray, I said, "I think I'm going to skip coffee this morning. I don't want the caffeine keeping me awake later."

Great. Now I'm a liar and an information withholder.

"Good idea. I picked up some plastic cast shields in the pharmacy downstairs. Doc said you shouldn't get it wet, and I figured you'd want to take a shower when you got home. Maybe a nice hot bath."

"Thank you. That does sound good." Though…oh my God. Could I even take a bath? I honestly knew nothing about pregnancies or babies. And the thought of doing this alone made me feel like I might break out in hives. I scratched my face.

"I spoke to my sister on the ride over and mentioned what happened. She said no problem covering you for however long you need."

I forced a smile. "That's sweet. But I definitely will be back at work tomorrow. It's just a broken bone and a small cut." And a pregnancy.

Lisa frowned. "You should take it easy. You were banged up pretty good. You're going to be achy, if you're not already. They need to give you muscle relaxers or something for pain."

Yet another thing I can't do. So I simply nodded.

For the next few hours, Lisa sat by my side. I was definitely quieter than usual, and she asked me on more than one occasion if I was in any pain and if everything was okay. I explained my mental absence as exhaustion, which at least wasn't fully a lie.

After I was discharged, they made me sit in a wheelchair while Lisa pulled the car around out front to pick me up. She got out and helped me into the car, even though I told her I was fine. I got the feeling nothing I could say was going to convince her to stop mollycoddling me.

Well, there was one thing that would probably make her run far the hell away.

We drove to my apartment, and I took a shower and went to lie down. Lisa drew the blinds and turned off all the lights so it was practically pitch dark in my bedroom. She stripped down to her underwear and wrapped herself around my body, spooning me from behind.

The room was so quiet, and I thought the intimate moment might be the perfect time to tell her, but I truly was exhausted. It was a conversation I knew I'd need energy for. So I pushed it off, yet again, vowing to tell her when I woke up later.

While I was lost in thought, apparently Lisa was, too. She kissed my shoulder and whispered, "I don't know what I would've done if something had happened to you. I realized last night, I can't imagine my life without you anymore."

For some reason, that made me so sad. My eyes welled with tears, and they started to spill over. But I couldn't explain anything to her while I was crying, so I cried in silence, and let her think I'd fallen asleep.

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