(5) A Time Of Firsts

(In memory of Nichelle Nichols. She could not do it either & made up her own version.)

"No, Peter," Remus said. "Like this. See?" He held up his hand again, doing the Vulcan salute.

Peter tried again. "I can't do this."

"Here, put your hand against mine," Remus held up his hand again & waited until they were touching fingertips. He pushed up against Peter. "Now spread your middle fingers out like a deer hoof. See?"

"Kind of," Peter grunted, trying to hold the position his fingers were supposed to be in steady. His ring finger wobbled on back to the space. "Uh. Live long & prosper?"

"Miss Nichols can't do it either," Remus laughed. "She kind of does her own version at conventions." He glanced around as the door opened. "I'll show you, later."

James came in first. He held the door open as he watched the pair on the bed. "Hello, Moony," he muttered as he came in farther. Sirius slunk in behind him.

"Where the hell w—" Peter shut up as another person came in. "Professor Lupin? Hi."

"Mr. Pettigrew," Lupin began. "I heard you visited Remus early this morning."

"I usually do," Peter said, trying to come up with some story on the spot. "I'm a Healer in training so it's a perfect opportunity."

"It's also dangerous," Lupin said. "But I hear you are responsible for saving my son's life, today."

"Yes, Sir."

"Thank you," Lupin said, putting a hand on Peter's shoulder for a moment.

"Papa, what's going on?" Remus asked. He chanced a glance at James & Sirius & mouthed 'where the hell were you last night?' as Lupin was still looking at Peter.

"Apparently, we are supposed to let Mr. Black explain," Lupin turned harshly & glared at Sirius.

Remus looked at Sirius expectantly. Sirius sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Surprisingly, he didn't have a hangover since the night's events had sobered him up. He moved closer to the bed. Looking at Remus, letting his eyes roam over the faint scars since he couldn't look Remus in the eyes, he whispered, "I screwed up." He let out a shuddering breath. "Really bad—stupid mistake ... I ... Ray." he fell silent.

"Hurry up so we can get rid of you!" James snarled.

Remus looked at him for a moment. "What is going on?"

"I got into a huge fight with Sniv—with Snape, last night," Sirius tried again. "Worst one yet."

"Worst one that ever will be," James snapped. "I will never be able to top it."

"JAMES! SHUT UP!" Sirius whirled around on him. "I'm having a hard enough time as it is oh-oh kay?" He sniffled. "J-Just shut the hell up!"

"He told Snape," James didn't shut up.

"I hate you," Sirius shot back under breath before launching himself at James. He shoved his cousin back into the wall. "Let me do this!"

"Hurry up," James ordered again.

Sirius turned back to Remus. "We exchanged words & I just suddenly snapped at him about the path under the Whomping Willow. He listened. He w-went there. He-He saw Moon-Moony."

By now, Remus had one hand over his mouth, eyes simmering gold as he glared at Sirius. Beside him, Peter dug his fingers into his shoulder a little more tightly. "What?" Peter hissed in a low dangerous breath. "You ... WHAT?"

"I'm sorry, it was an accident!" Sirius suddenly was talking in a rush. "He was threatening to talk to my Dad about you & I-I-I snapped. I just snapped! I'm so sor—"

"Get out." Remus didn't yell it. He just made a simple declaration. But the way he glared at Sirius. Eyes slightly gold & rimmed with tears threatening to fall. It was enough to shut Sirius up. Remus took in a small breath. "I need to think. Just. Just leave. Please?"

"Ok," Sirius whispered, turning to the door. He hesitated a moment before exiting without looking back.

The moment the door closed, Remus growled, baring small fangs. Peter moved off the bed to give Remus some space.

"Ray," Professor Lupin spoke in a low voice, taking a few steps back. "Take it easy. You're not in your wolf form, right now."

Remus stopped snarling. "Can you leave us for a few minutes?"

"Ray, I think—" Professor Lupin started.

"I NEED TO TALK TO JAMES & PETER ALONE!" Remus finally yelled, hands pressed to temples. "I just need a few minutes. Please, Papa!"

"We need to talk," said Professor Lupin.

"Yes, I know that," Remus snapped. "But later. I need James & Peter, now."

"Fine," Professor Lupin gave up. "Come see me as soon as they let you out of here."

Remus nodded silently & waited for the door to close behind his father. He grabbed his wand & cast a locking charm & a silence charm at the door so his father could not listen in or return. Dropping the wand on the blanket covering him, he looked at James. "Is that why you weren't there last night?"

"Mhm," James nodded. "I was waiting for him to come down. I heard shouting. I ran out & found Sirius in a panic. He told me what happened." James paused before adding, "I punched him so hard in the face, it broke his nose." He had a short laugh before going on. "I ran after Snape & got to him just as he was opening the trap door. But he had already seen you. We've been up in the office with Dumbledore ever since."

"So Snape not only knows what I am, he saw me as well?" Remus asked.

"Yeah," answered James.

"Ohh!" Remus sat up & leaned forward, head in hands. "God! Why?" He finally let the tears fall. "W-Why did he DO that?"

"He was drunk," James said. "The Firewhiskey. He had too much." He came to sit on the bed & put an arm around Remus who was shaking with sobs.

"How could he?" Remus gasped.

"He's a bloody idiot," James said.

Remus rolled his shoulders until he felt a nice crack in his spine. "You do know how my father feels about you & Sirius, right? I know exactly what Papa wants to talk to me about. Thank Merlin, he doesn't know I was ... um ... "

"Um, about that," James began.

It took a while for Remus to calm down enough to be presentable. He left the hospital wing in the early afternoon when James & Peter could be by his side. He glanced around but didn't see Sirius anywhere & for the most part, he didn't want to see Sirius again for a while.

Remus knew he'd have to face not only Sirius but also his father sooner or later. He chose his father first. Sirius would have to wait a long time. Remus left James & Peter at the library & went up the side stairs leading to hall where the quarters for the Professors were & found the 'Defence Against The Dark Arts' door. After hesitating for several minutes, he went in.

"Can I kill him, please?" Remus spoke first. "Feed him to me on a full moon?"

His father smiled softly for a moment. "No," he said. "Because then we would have to put you down as well."

"It might be worth it," Remus grumbled, dropping into the small loveseat sofa by the fireplace. "I hate him."

John tossed over a chocolate bar. Without even looking, Remus put a hand up & snatched it out of the air, his reflexes almost as good as a Vulcan, thanks to Moony within him. "That's not what I hear," John got straight to the point. Remus just groaned. "Remus, what the hell are you thinking? He's a Black!"

"He's not like the rest of his family," Remus said, turning to sit cross-legged on the couch to face his father. He began opening the wrapper.

"What did I tell you when you first got invited to Hogwarts?" John asked. Remus stuffed a piece of chocolate into his mouth. John crossed his arms, waiting.

"Avoid the Ancient & Most Noble House Of Black," Remus droned out.

"Why?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Werewolf killers. Sirius doesn't want to kill me, although the feeling isn't exactly mutual, right now." He snarled at the chocolate bar as if the mess was its fault before biting off another piece.

"So what do you do?" John asked.

Remus picked at the wrapper before peeling it down more. "I'm going to get Sirius kicked out, for now."

John shook his head. "You go & not only befriend two Blacks, but also mate with one of them?"

Remus scowled. "James is only distantly related & Sirius & I were waiting until next year to do anything more than kiss since he is older."

"Remus," John snapped. "Find someone else." Despite his frustrations, Remus felt a pang in his heart as his father went on. "You are forbidden from ever associating with Sirius, again."

Remus couldn't help it. He blinked out a few tears. Damn it. He was mad at Sirius. But still, some small part of him remembered the blossoming love they had just started to explore. "First of all, you can not tell a wolf how to choose a mate. It kind of fucks with the life bond we've got going on."

"Mind your language!"

"I'm a teenager. Get over it."

"Mind your attitude!"

"Again, horny, grumpy teenager, right here."

"10 points from Gryffindor."

"Whatever," Remus huffed. "I can make them up somewhere else. You're not my favourite Professor, anyway. McGonagall is."

"Remus, I'm hurt!"

"What child in their right mind would favour their parent as a Professor?" Remus pointed out. "It's the principle of the matter."

"Good thing I'm only here for one year," John said.

"Thank Merlin! Do you have any idea the amount of sneaking around I have to do with you here?" Remus asked, still picking away at his chocolate bar.

John leaned on his desk, face resting on his fist. "Oh DO tell me more."

"HA!" Remus laughed before going serious again. "You can not understand what I go through. Ok?" He finally looked up at his father. "I'm not just your average boy. I've got a wolf in my head that makes demands. I'm an Alpha. Any decision I make has to be in agreement with Moony. It can get dangerous if the Alpha rank is not satisfied. I've been balancing this since I was five. All you get to do is take care of me after I suffer through yet another lunar shift. You can not know what goes on in my head." John tried to speak but Remus stood up sharply & went on. "You know how Vulcans do that mind-meld thing? It's something like that, but constant. There is a link between me & Moony constantly in my head & we have to listen to each other all the time. It is unbelievable the amount of conversations I have. With you. With my friends. With a potential mate. With my wolf. It is never-ending."

John came to stand in front of his son & put his hand on Remus's shoulder. "You've ... never described Moony like that before."

Remus shook his head a few times, his fluffy bangs flopping around. "Shut up. Moony. Please? Not now." He sighed before focusing on his father again. "Well, Star Trek came out a couple years after I was bitten," Remus shrugged. "But that telepathy thing is pretty much how it is in here with the wolf." He tapped his forehead.

"So ... what did Moony want just now?"

"Oh, he wants to bite Sirius," Remus said. "So do I. So this is now a dangerous situation for Sirius since I know I can't do that but I do agree with Moony's sentiments, right now. You see what I have to deal with?" He held up his hands.

"I appreciate the predicament you're in," John said. He returned to his desk & sat down.

"Hmpf!" Remus scoffed. "I hope you do. Now as for Sirius—"

"I still don't want you around him," John said.

"I know that & for now, I don't want to be around him, either," Remus began. "But it is ultimately my decision, not yours. My wolf was bonding to him ... & so was I." He finished in a whisper as he looked down at the floor.

John saw a few dark spots appear on the floor. Heartbroken. His last remaining son was heartbroken. Rom never got this far, having died the same night Remus was bitten, killed by Fenrir. Remus barely remembered his fallen twin brother outside of a few precious pictures they had. But Rom would never have a chance like this. He never grew up to feel love or be burned by it as Remus was now burning. As a parent, John had several scenarios in his head as his child grew up. His first date. His first time to drive. His first trip on his own. John was quite sure Remus had already had his first few drinks, considering the weird company he kept. Now here they were, dealing with his first love.

Why the hell did the dumb kid have to go & fall for a Black?

His mother might have been better at this than John was but Hope was a muggle lassie all the way home in France. John sighed & held up a hand. "Come here." Remus just sniffled, shaking his head. "Ray, would you get over here?" John insisted. Remus put the rest of the chocolate aside & slowly trudged over until John was able to pull him into his lap. "Ah, first loves are hard."

"Stupid," Remus corrected. "First loves are stupid."

"Do you want me to throw him off the Gryffindor Tower?"

"Yes, please," Remus muttered, stifling a laugh.

"Ok & then we can hide the body in the forest, somewhere."

That did it. Both started giggling like maniacal idiots. When they had calmed down, Remus summoned over the last bit of his chocolate bar. He slipped off his father's lap to stand up as he finished it.

"So what are you going to do about Sirius?" John asked.

Remus shot him a dark look. "I don't know. I can't be around him, right now. I don't want to see him."

"He was moved out of the main dorms down to the guest rooms," John said.

"I'd honestly prefer it if he had been suspended & sent home," Remus said.

"They won't do that," said John. "Sirius is signed up for Auror career like James. There's a war going on. We need Aurors & as much as I'm leery about Black blood being around you, even I have to admit that Sirius is a damn good duellist. We need people like him in those positions. He'd have to do a lot worse than tell another student about someone's condition, unfortunately."

"He's not a werewolf killer," Remus said. "He won't try to kill me."

"I know that," John said. "But he is related to one & if he slips up again ... what if it was Orion Black & not Snape? Hmm? Sirius may be against his family values, but something he says or does can alert them & that is what I am worried about."

"I guess," Remus sighed.

"There's also another problem," John went on. "Sirius is more muggle-minded than any sorcerer I've ever met, even the muggleborns. He wants to leave magic behind as soon as possible, once this war is over. He's mentioned getting a flat in the muggle side of London more than once."

"How is any of this a problem?" Remus interrupted. "I'm a halfblood. Mama's a muggle. I know enough to live in either side."

"Muggles hate gay people."

"Oh." Remus blinked.

"Now, while it's finally legal in England & Wales, there are still a lot of people who don't accept it. Then of course, you spend most of your time here in Scotland & it's still illegal to muggles. Back home in France, it may not be illegal but it's still frowned upon."

"Right, I forgot about that."

"See that Sirius remembers it," John said.

"But you know it's different with a wolf," Remus said. "I can just as easily end up with a female had Moony decided on that."

"Yes but muggles can't know that you're a werewolf, now can they?" John pointed out. "To them, you are just another gay man to hate on if they see you with someone like Sirius if he ever turns his back completely on us & muggles catch him with other men. With you. He could be killed, just for that. So can you."

"You actually care?"

"Remus, I don't hate Sirius!" John exclaimed. "Besides, I would never want anyone to die just over a matter of who they love. Stuff like that doesn't matter to us. Magical folks are more concerned about blood status. Marry someone of your own gender, no one cares. Marry someone of a different blood status than you & everyone loses their freaking minds. Believe me, I know. Which brings me to another point. You're not pure, Remus. The Black family is notorious for their prejudice."

"Sirius isn't—"

"I know," John cut Remus off. "But the rest of his family is. You don't have to be a werewolf to attract the ire of Orion Black. If Orion finds out you're attempting to take his eldest son away from him & that is EXACTLY how he will see it since he already has butted heads with the Potters about this issue with Sirius following James around, he can still find a way to get rid of you."

"This is why Sirius wants to leave all that behind," Remus said.

"Which brings us back to the point that muggles hate gay people," John reiterated. "They kill over this topic. Or even castrate men engaging in the act."

"Well," Remus looked down over himself for a moment before moving only his eyes up to look at his father. "Technically, we can, you know, grow that back with magic."

"Remus!" John snorted in laughter. Both tried to look anywhere but at each other.

"Ok, this conversation just got hella weird!" Remus gasped between fits of laughter.

"You said it, not me!" John managed to say.

"It's true, though."

"Yep!" John was still snickering. He took a long breath to steady his voice before looking over his ridiculous son. He finally managed a more serious tone as he finished, "It's literally a matter of life or death to them. It's another reason why I'd rather not see you go off with Sirius. If he leaves, you'd go with him & then, you'll have to deal with that nonsense on top of everything else."

"I get it," Remus sighed. "Although, by the time I do forgive Sirius, we might be old & grey & the muggles might have changed. Either way, I have to deal with him. You have to remember the wolf. You can't just treat me like a normal boy since I am not normal. There are two entities here. Anyway, I should get out there. Almost patrol time." He tapped his Prefect badge before holding up the Vulcan salute. John returned it as Remus opened the door to leave. Remus looked back, grinning widely. "You know, I tried teaching Peter to do this sign. He can't do it. He's bloody useless!" At that, he finally left.

John lowered his hand as he laughed softly. He himself was a pureblood & so were Remus's friends, but he had a muggle wife & a halfblood son & so of course they had muggle things like a TV. When that odd show had started, mother & son had taken to it instantly. It seemed to take Remus's mind off those first full moons when he would nearly kill himself every time. Some days, Star Trek would land on a full moon evening & Remus would cry, wishing he didn't have to miss it, wishing he could avoid the full moon. They would tape it for him & he'd watch it the next day, recovering in bed. He had seemed to do better on full moons. Star Trek had given him an escape. Unfortunately, it only lasted three years. Remus had reverted back to his old ways on the full moons even in the first years of school.

Then suddenly, that had all changed once more & Remus barely hurt himself during his lunar shifts.

Until last night.

John recalled suddenly that Remus had wanted to talk to his other two friends alone. Not even in front of him? They had always been close. Remus would tell him everything. Right? Remus was constantly protective of those three young men. Remus admitted to sneaking around even more with his father here.

Another thing that suddenly popped into his mind: Remus wasn't the only one with some sort of weird nickname. When he had started the job of Professor here, John had overheard his son's three friends calling him Moony one day when heading to the Great Hall for the lunch break & Remus had admitted that they had named his wolf. But John had also overheard them call the others by odd names.

John gasped, putting a hand up to his mouth. Something happened here. Whatever it was, all four of those boys were responsible for it & John had every intention of finding out.

(AN: I have met several Trekkies over the years who have said that Star Trek was their escape or even had saved their lives. Considering the era of the first Trek series ever made & that Puffskeins seem to have been inspired by the Trek Tribbles, Remus being a Trekkie to help deal with his personal hell would make a lot of sense.)