Title: Setbacks
Day: Whumptober 2023, Day 31
Prompt: "I thought that I was getting better" Emptiness/Setbacks/ "Take it easy"
Fandom: TMNT 2003
Word Count: 2516
Author: aquietwritingcorner/realitybreakgirl
Rating: T
Characters: Donatello, Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo, Splinter, Leatherhead
Warning:
Summary: Don has been steadily recovering from his second mutation. In fact, he's recovered enough that his family is finally going to let him do some work around the lair—something he's been itching to do. But is it too much too soon?
Notes:

Setbacks

This was a problem. Don clung to the ladder and realized that this was a problem. He had finally convinced his brothers to let him work on some upgrades and repairs to the new lair without them hovering over him. And what was happening? Exactly what his brothers had feared the most.

Well, maybe not what they had feared the most. He was pretty sure what his brothers feared the most was him turning back into that monster and there not being cure. He still wasn't entirely sure what had happened during that time, and no one would tell him, not completely. He'd gotten the most out of Casey, but that's because Casey didn't always think before he spoke. Unfortunately, April had quieted him pretty quickly, still leaving Don with a lot of questions.

However, his current situation was probably up there on the list of things that his brothers and father feared happening. He was up on a ladder—something that he probably technically wasn't supposed to do, but on one had said that he couldn't—and a wave of dizziness was suddenly washing over him, quickly followed by an all-over ache, and his heart rate shooting up. Definitely not a good thing. Spells like this weren't that unusual following his "cure" as his body and his DNA settled themselves back in place. However, he hadn't had one in a few weeks, and so wasn't expecting it.

Don clung to the latter for a moment, hoping that it would just sweep over him and be done. That didn't happen, the feelings clung, and he figured he'd better attempt to climb down. It was safter for him to be on the ground when he was this dizzy. He tried to step down, but the vertigo made it difficult. About halfway down he missed a step and couldn't regain his balance. He went crashing to the ground, hitting it hard enough to send pain shooting up his knee, and pulling the ladder down with him. It made an awful clatter as it fell, and he was sure would attract someone soon.

For a moment, Don laid there, curled up and trying to get his head to steady. He needed to get up. He needed to uncurl and try to stand, to try to pretend like everything was normal. If he didn't, then his brothers would be even more protective of him, and he couldn't stand much more of that.

Speaking of, where were his brothers? That noise should have sent them rushing to him. Yet they weren't here yet. Why not? Don forced himself to uncurl, working on forcing himself up to his hands and knees. Thoughts swirled around his head as a familiar feeling of emptiness—something that went along with the spells—started to wash over him.

He hated this. It felt like he was losing himself. It felt like he was draining away. Everything that made him who he was, it was leaving. His knowledge, his intelligence, his personality, they were all draining out of him. His emotions, his ability to care, to love, it was leaving. Everything that made him who he was, everything that set him apart from whatever he had been, it was draining away, leaving him empty inside. Empty, with nothing.

Don shook his head. He knew those thoughts were wrong. Those feelings, those thoughts, they were simply byproducts of his body and mind trying to reassert themselves. It didn't make the feelings any better, though, and it didn't drive them away, like he hoped every time. Instead, they seemed to spiral harder, and Don gasped for breath as the feelings and the thoughts rolled over him, the emotions driving him into a panic that did nothing to help his body.

"Don, you okay? We heard a crash—Don!"

Leo. It was Leo. Don could hear him running over to him, even as he called for Mikey to go get Master Splinter. Don couldn't look up, though, not able, at the moment, to move beyond his hands and knees.

"Easy, Don. Just take it easy. I'm going to sit you up now, alright?"

Don felt Leo's arms come around him and ease him up and back, until he was sitting on the floor instead of kneeling on it. There were more footsteps, but Don closed his eyes, things too much at the moment. He felt himself eased back into someone's grip, but he wasn't sure who at this moment. All he knew was that Leo still had ahold of him.

"Don? Don, I need you to let me know if you can hear me, alright? You don't have to open your eyes, but just let me know." He squeezed Don's hands. "Just a squeeze will be fine."

He could do that. Don squeezed Leo's hands, but he also opened his eyes. He needed to see his big brother's face. Leo was right in front of him, the soothing blue of his mask and the soft, encouraging smile on his face helping to ease the pressure in Don's chest.

"Alright, Donnie. Good job. I know you know what to do. Raph's got you from behind. You just breathe with him, and with me."

Leo put his hand on Don's chest, and lightly pressed. "In." Don could feel Raph breathing in behind him too. "Out." Leo relieved the pressure, and Raph breathed out. Don breathed with them as best he could, although it was a struggle at first. Mikey and Splinter arrived just seconds after, Mikey putting his shell cell back on his belt and kneeling beside Don, putting a hand on his shoulder, and squeezing with the pattern of breathing. Splinter, too, knelt on the other side, taking one of Don's hands and pressing down on some chi points as Leo led the exercise. Don never took his eyes off of Leo.

Finally, after what felt like forever, Don was breathing normally, his heartrate had dropped back to normal, the dizziness had passed, there was no more ache—except for his knee—and the feeling of emptiness had left, although with the thoughts. Of course, it had all left him exhausted and feeling hollow, but it had passed.

"Sorry, guys," he said a bit breathlessly.

Leo shook his head. "No. Don't apologize. Let's just get you up and to the couch."

"I called Leatherhead," Mikey said as Raph and Leo started to help Don up. "He's on his way over."

"It was just another spell," Don said, although he had to lean heavily on Raph and Leo to move.

"Yeah, but you haven't had one in a while, Don," Raph pointed out.

"I think it is a wise precaution, my son," Splinter said, and that ended all argument on it.

Don's brothers helped him to the couch, where they settled him in, and in short order, Leatherhead arrived. He ran his usual battery of tests, examined Don's knee, and asked him what he had felt during the spell. Don explained how it had come over him suddenly, sheepishly ignoring the disapproving looks he got for being on the ladder, and how he had needed Leo to lead him through the exercise again.

"And was this spell exacerbated by any thoughts?" Leatherhead pushed.

Don closed his mouth. He didn't really want to say. He knew that everyone was waiting, and that he wasn't going to get out of this easily, but he hated sharing such private thoughts like this. Shifting uncomfortably, Don nodded. "Yes," he said.

"And what were the nature of these thoughts?" Leatherhead pressed.

Don shifted uncomfortably again. "…I felt… empty," he confessed. "Like who I am was being drained out of me, leaving me as… nothing."

Leatherhead nodded, putting a sympathetic hand on Don's shoulder. "Those thoughts and feelings are just that, my friend. Thoughts and feelings. You are still here, and you are still you."

Don nodded, although a shudder went through him, and he reclined back into the pillows. "I know," he said. "But at that moment, that wasn't what it felt like."

"Then we'll be here to remind you that it's not true," Leo said, stepping up next to Leatherhead.

Don gave his brother a weak smile, but he was honestly still a little shaken from everything.

"Leatherhead. What is your assessment of Donatello?" Splinter asked, changing the subject, something Don was more than grateful for.

"It appears that Donatello has suffered a small setback," he said. "I suspect that he was pushing himself too hard," he shot Don a look that Don tried not to cringe under and failed, "and so his body relapsed in the healing process some. However, I do not think that there is any concern about him mutating again. He simply needs to rest and to recover slowly." He looked at Don. "Unfortunately, my friend, resting includes resting from modifying and repairing your new home."

Don sat up slightly, looking at Leatherhead, stricken. "But—LH! There's so much to do! I'm always responsible for the main set up! How can I—"

"You will allow us, your family, to help," Splinter interrupted. "You will teach us what to do and we will do it. And if it is something that you cannot teach us, then we will ask for help. I am certain that April and Casey will be willing to help, as well as Leatherhead, should we have need."

"Of course," Leatherhead said. "I would be pleased to help you."

"But that's not—I mean—Ugh!" Don groaned and practically threw himself back into the pillows.

"What's wrong, Donnie?" Raph asked. "You got a bunch of minions to do your bidding. Ain't that a good thing?"

"It's not that," Don said. "It's—I thought that I was getting better! I thought that I could at least do simple things! But it turns out I can't even do that, not without relapsing! It's so frustrating! All I want to do is be able to be useful and to build things again! I don't want to have to rely on others I want to do it myself!"

It was a rant born of frustration, and they all knew it. Don had been growing increasingly ancy as he healed, itching to get to work on things. That's why they had let him, hoping that it would help. Apparently, that hadn't been the right move.

Splinter stepped forward, putting his hand on Donatello's shoulder. "My son. I know this is difficult. But please—do as Leatherhead says. We almost lost you once. I could not bare it if I almost lost you again."

Don's frustration wavered. "I understand," he said. "It's just frustrating. I thought I was getting better."

"I know, my son," Splinter said. "But we would rather have you than have any of your inventions."

Don's ire melted away at that. He couldn't blame his family for being cautious after everything had happened. "I know," he said softly.

Leatherhead cleared his throat. "Regardless of that," he said, "I do suggest that Donatello rest for the rest of the day. His knee will need time to heal, too, so resting for the next few days is recommended anyway."

"Don't worry!" Mikey said, scooting over to sit on the arm of the couch. "We'll just make sure you don't have another set back!"

"And how do you plan to do that, Doctor Mikey?" Raph asked.

"Excuse you, that's Dr. Michelangelo to you," Mikey said. "And it's easy! We'll stuff Don full of good food, like peaches and blackberries and all that green stuff April's always eating, and we'll go real slow on the exercise and training, and make sure he drinks enough and then, when he's about to explode because he can't do anything, I'll just bring him a basket full of things I've broken, and it'll keep him busy!"

"Ah, wonderful. Reduced to stationary handyman. Just what I wanted," Don said, deadpan.

"I'm sure we can find other things for you to help with," Leo said. "But I think for now, we'll stick to things that you can do sitting down. Just until we're sure the dizzy spells are over."

Don sighed, but he gave in. It wasn't like he was going to get any better of a deal. "Fine," he said.

"In the meantime, since you're stuck here anyway, you feel like a movie marathon? Best of Trek movies maybe?" Mikey said with a grin.

Don couldn't help himself, and, despite his disappointment, he gave his brother a little smile. "I suppose so," he said.

Mike cheered and hurried off to the kitchen to get snacks.

"Only if it don't include Rive!" Raph said, following Mikey. "Everyone knows that's the worst one."

"Dude, have you ever read what Rodenberry wanted to do with the original script for One? Weird city!" Mike said.

"I have," Leo called out as he settled down next to Don. "There's a very good reason it was rejected."

"Okay, fine. No One and no Five. But if we do Two, we have to do Three." Mikey said.

"Three is also weird," Raph said.

"No, no, Mikey has a point. You can't do Two without Three," Don said.

Raph groaned. "Okay, fine. But I want Six."

"I want Four," Don said.

"I'd like to see Insurrection," Leo said.

Mikey stuck his head out of the kitchen. "Yo, LH, wanna watch with us? We'll fill you on anything you don't know."

"I would very much enjoy that, my friends," Leatherhead said. "Is there any way I can help you?"

"Actually, yes," Leo said, standing up. "We might as well get some pillows and blankets down here. Can you help me gather them?"

"I would be happy to help you, Leonardo."

Splinter chuckled as his sons scurried about, getting things set up, and moved to Donatello's side. He ran a hand over his son's head. "I know you are frustrated, my son. A setback is always cause for upset. But know that no matter what setbacks you have, or how many, we are all here to help you."

Don looked up at his father, listened to Mikey and Raph arguing the finer points of if One or Five was the worst Star Trek movie as they came back with snacks, and watched Leo and Leatherhead make their way back to the living area with their arms full of pillows and blankets.

Don gave his father a smile and reached to squeeze his hand. "I know. I couldn't ask for anything more."

"I mean, you could ask for caramel drizzle over your popcorn, but if you don't want to ask for anything more…" Mikey teased.

"Give me that, you goob," Don said with a grin, taking the bowl from Mikey as everyone settled in and Leo popped in their VHS of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan.

So, he had a setback. It was frustrating and it was annoying, but it was okay. It was okay, because he had his family here to help him through it. And as long as that never changed, Don knew that he would be alright.