Chapter 10: Virgin Hangover
Mondo, Woodie, and Wadska are standing in front of the Del Toro High School entrance. Earlier, Wadska showed them a map to an exotic location called Rancho Nudero, a legendary nude beach on the outskirts of Del Toro. The location resembles a sexy girl with her legs spread. Wadska explains that naked teens mingle there and during the Nudening Hour, the girls seem to glow from the golden light of sunset. While Woodie and Wadska find it sexy, Mondo is indifferent about that and is more interested at the thought of tall handsome naked men being there too.
"Alright, we just have to make it to my car without being busted." Woodie said. "Let's just play it cool, and keep a low pro."
The trio start walking towards the car, with Mondo and Woodie whistling while Wadska mutters, "Snicky snicker snicker..."
Just as they're getting nearer, Gene suddenly walked up in front of them with a stern glare, stopping the trio on their tracks.
"You guys ditching class?" he asked.
The trio are silent, worried he'll rat them out.
"So am I." Gene said with a smile, as he pulls up his backpack on his right shoulder. The trio sighed in relief. "Where you guys heading?"
Mondo looked at Wadska who's doing the hand gesture, not wanting him to tell his older brother their plan.
"Nowhere. To do nothing. Same old, same old. And on and on and on. You know, it's kinda like the War on Terror or something."
"Uhhh, yeah, sure." Gene said, rolling his eyes at Mondo's 'excuse'. "Say Mondo, can I talk to you for a sec?" He grabs Mondo's arm to walk him away from Woodie and Wadska. Gene's touch sent shivers down Mondo's loins. "Look, whatever you're up to it's cool with me. I just need you to do me a favor. We're getting our family portraits taken tonight. And I need to look my best. See, I was hoping you-"
"If I could help you find the right look?!" Mondo asked eagerly, pulling out a men's fashion magazine. "I figured this day would come, and already did some of the leg work. How about this?" He showed a picture of a handsome guy in a flamboyant metrosexual look.
"I'll get back to you on that." Gene chuckled awkwardly. "I just need get Wadska to the photographers by 8 o'clock."
"No problem. I'll have him there with a smile on his face."
Good luck with that. He never smiles in pictures, but I'm perfectly fine if he just didn't ruin it." Gene showed Mondo past family photos in his wallet, and each one has Wadska doing something weird. "For once, it would be nice to have one family portrait. Is it so much to ask?"
"Yes it is! I would never smile to the man! Never!" Wadska said disdainfully, then suddenly sweet-talks. "Even if the man is waving a beautiful teddy bear from behind the camera bribing me with PEANUT BUTTER CUPS!" He suddenly screamed with a red face.
"Bro, chill out." Woodie said. "Remember the Nudening Dusk."
"Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry." Wadska said softly, while banging his head with both hands.
"And make sure he takes all his meds." Gene warned. Mondo nods.
Suddenly, Turk pulls up in his motorcycle. Gene gets in the sidecar.
"Hey, if it ain't the 3 Mustaqueers." Turk said. "Sup, F'Artagnan, and, uh, uh... aw, screw it, you're all F'Artagnans. Ha ha ha!"
Gene rolled his eyes at Turk's pathetic excuses of insults. "Will you just get going already?" he said annoyed.
"Fine! Sheesh!" Turk snarked.
"I'm counting on you, Mondo." Gene said.
"Tally ho, turd-burglars!" Turk shouted as he gives his motorcycle out of campus.
The trio find themselves at another beach, filled with horny naked teenagers, away from the naked old people. "This part is better." Woodie said.
Mondo agrees. Definitely better than some old guy's saggy balls.
"Wait for it." A pantless Wadska said as they look at the setting sun. "The dusk has nuded."
Wadska and Woodie stare at the naked chicks glowing from the fading sunlight. Mondo is not too impressed, but then he saw some penises glowing themselves.
"Now Wadska, I am responsible for you, so I want you to stay close to me at all times. Do not lose your cool."
"Hey guys!" A naked blonde chick called out to them. "I'm so horny!"
Mondo saw the naked chick's equally-naked brown-haired best friend holding a hot dog. The hot dog looks so delicious, Mondo thought.
"Oh my god, I'm hungry too!" Mondo screamed as he ran down hill.
"I think she said horny!" Woodie said, as he ran besides Mondo.
"Are you sure? I distinctly heard hungry." Mondo said.
The two tripped and tumbled down to the girls' feet. They immediately stood up.
"Evening, ladies." Mondo said nervously, feeling uncomfortable being near the nude shapely girls.
"Hi, I'm Sigourney." The blonde chick said.
"Ohhhhhh." Woodie said.
"I'm Debbie." said Sigourney's brunette friend. "And I'm so horny."
"Ohhhhhhh." Both Woodie and Mondo said.
"I heard Sigourney." Wadska muttered.
The trio danced until dark. Woodie is dancing with Debbie, Wadska is hanging with a Native-American beer guy, and Mondo... he's all by himself near the kegs. There's so many good-looking guys but is afraid to be near them.
Suddenly a blonde-haired naked jock walked up to the kegs to refill. "Awesome party, huh?" he asked Mondo.
"You said it." Mondo said. Then his eyes wandered down to the guy's huge crank. Suddenly Mondo sprang a boner, which the guy heard and noticed a tent on his shorts. "Oh god!" Mondo pulled down his shirt in an attempt to cover it up. "It's not what it looks like! I'm not gay! Naked men doesn't have this affect on me! Please don't tease me."
"Whoa, whoa! Chill, dude. I'm not judging. I'm actually flattered."
"Really?"
"Really. You should hang with my buds, they're very open-minded too." The jock said as he puts his hand around Mondo's shoulder.
"Uh... okay." Mondo smiled sheepishly.
The jock's buddies are also naked and muscular, and are very friendly with Mondo. They talked him into taking off his clothes, even though he's gotten harder from being around them. In fact, they compliment his size. He even discuss them about his feelings for Gene and making sure he get his brother to the photoshoot. It actually felt good for Mondo to finally talk about stuff like this, which he can't even do with Woodie.
"Hey guys, what flavor is this again?" Mondo asked.
"Trippin' balls flavor, bro." The blonde jock said.
Mondo gasped as everything is becoming psychedelic. The guys suddenly fused with the blonde jock, giving him multiple arms. "The only thing that's unnatural is that you had to hide your feelings, man. You need to express them. Show everyone who you really are. Show them the real you." he said as he and the other guys suddenly appear to wrap themselves around Mondo.
"YESSS! THE TRAINING WHEELS ARE OFF!" Mondo shouted to the sky.
He ran into Woodie who was about to kiss Debbie. "The most wonderful thing about Mondos is that I'm the only one!" he sang. "Woo hoo hoo! Woodie..." he got into Woodie's face. "the colors are talking to me. I can see them in my ears." he points to his eyes.
"What was in that drink, bro?"
"The same thing that's in this one, I guess." Mondo chuckled, as he grabbed Woodie's cup and drank from it. Then he started to take off Woodie's clothes. "Get your dong out, bro. Do not make me look bad in front of those guys." He points to the naked guys he was hanging out a moment before.
"Dude, you're taking off my underwear! You're making yourself look bad enough!" Woodie said. Then he saw Mondo throwing his clothes into the bonfire. "What are you doing?! Now we can't get dressed!"
"That's the whole point, Wood! We're never getting dressed ever again!" Mondo exclaimed.
The partygoer cheered to Mondo's statement and threw away their clothing as well.
Mondo takes a selfie of himself and Woodie, then put the phone in Woodie's afro, and started dancing to jiggle his chesticles.
"Mondo, you gotta get it together. Everyone is looking at you."
"Of course they're looking at me, I'M PERFECT IN EVERY WAY!"
Suddenly, a donkey brays in the distance.
"It's the cops!" A partygoer pointed to the top of the hills, where there are two police officers riding donkeys. They head on down to the party, after taking off their uniforms, according to the law.
"Nice ass. The donkeys not so bad either." Mondo said. He then laughs at his own joke, and coughed.
"Son, nudity ain't for everyone. They don't you put those groceries back in the cupboard." The fat older cop said.
"You better put your groceries in my cupboard." Mondo points to his bare butt. "Nobody can't tell me where to be naked. I can be naked wherever I want. Here. Here. Every damn were!"
"Nudity?" questioned the fat cop's young rookie partner. "We're just here because your bonfire is out of control."
"Ha ha!" Mondo laughed mockingly. "You can't control this mess!" he points to his nudity. "What makes you think you can succeed where Denim has failed?! They'll never clothes us alive! NEVER!"
The partygoers cheer at Mondo's speech.
Suddenly, everyone heard a distant fanfare. They turn to see the naked elderly the trio met earlier, an old man was holding a seashell he blew music from. "Whippersnappers! Born naked, die naked!"
The elderly ran down the hill to join the party. Though a few are slow and had to take breaths from the exertion of running. Now the party is going wild.
Mondo punched a police donkey in the eye for mistaking his boner for a carrot.
Wadska is experiencing side-effects from his medication withdrawal, which includes gynephilia, testicular success, and...
"OVERACTIVE GAYDAR?" He spots a few partygoers, including Mondo, glowing pink. Then he puts his hands in front of his face, and his left hand glowed pink. "I'M SO CONFUSED!"
"Mondo, Wadska's gone awol!" Woodie said panically.
"All for one, and one for all." Mondo slurred, and fall on his back on top of on the donkey he punched. "Tally-ho, turd-burglars."
"I'm going off the grid!" Wadska yelled, as he ran off. Which was the last thing Mondo saw before passing out completely.
The phone in Woodie's hair is ringing. Mondo takes it out.
"It's Gene, bro, don't answer it!" Woodie said.
Sighing, Mondo obligates to answer it. "Mondo! What the hell, man?!" Gene yelled. "Where's Wadska?! We have to get our family photo taken in less than an hour!"
"Yeah... that's not gonna happen." Mondo said, as he and Woodie are at the police station, still naked. "We may be about 5-" he heard a gunshot, and saw the cops beating up a gun-crazed clown. "10 minutes late."
The police donkey brays angrily.
"Is that zebra got a black eye?" asked a black pimp.
Mondo hangs up. "Balls." He puts the phone back in Woodie's fro. "Gene is freaking out! Where's Wadska? We're never gonna get him to the photographer by 8!"
"He was acting mad crazy when he took off, bro. Even for Wadska."
"Without those pills he's out there digging like a pipe-bomb full of ninja knives and it's our fault, man."
"My fault?! If you haven't turned into the Nerd of the Flies, then everything would have been fine!"
"Hey, looking for a squirrelly white kid about this tall?" The pimp asked.
"You've seen Wadska?" Mondo asked hopefully.
"My bud Wadska? Yeah! Help me get out of here, I'll take ya too him."
Mondo asked the fat cop for a refill of coffee, which he splashed into his face, giving them the distraction.
After escaping the police station and being ditched by the pimp, Mondo and Woodie went to a laundromat to get some clothes. When they entered, they see two other naked guys also handcuffed, and apparently attempting to do what the same thing Mondo and Woodie were planning. One had curly dark brown hair with sideburns and a goatee, and was taller and muscular. The other was more leaner and had lighter brown hair.
"Beat it! We were here first!" The taller guy said.
Mondo's eyes wandered down and he smiles. Woodie pulled him away to find clothing elsewhere.
Gene and his parents are at the For Richer For Portraits photo studio, but they're still missing one other member of their family. It's well past 8 o'clock, and Wadska still hasn't shown up yet. Gene realized that maybe it was too much for Mondo to handle after all.
"I could just take a few pictures of you guys if you want." suggested the photographer.
Gene's parents looked at their son, wanting to know if he wishes to. "Nah, it wouldn't be the same without my little brother." he said.
Suddenly, Mondo and Woodie burst through the door dragging Wadska. For some reason, Mondo and Turk are wearing U.S. Army uniforms while Wadksa is wearing a red bathrobe, black pants, and red slippers. And has the biggest grin in his face, ever.
"Never... leave a man behind." Mondo said.
Gene gives the duo a wink. And finally got the perfect family photo.
The next day, Gene meet up with Mondo and Woodie at the Tiki Tako. "Hey guys." he said.
"Hey Gene." Mondo and Woodie both said.
"Mondo, I just wanted to thank you again." Gene said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "For coming through."
"Told ya." Babs said, as she came outside to give customers their drinks. Gene had a talk with Mondo's mom yesterday and assured him that Mondo will pull through on the promise he made.
"Here's a little something for you." Gene hands Mondo a small photo copy of the family portrait. Gene definitely looked his best, well-dressed in a purple sweater vest over a white shirt, dark gray slacks, black dress shoes, and sporting a nice haircut. He then gives kiss Mondo a kiss on the cheek. This gives Mondo the same goofy smile as Wadska's.
Author's Note: The jock Mondo talked to is the first person Wadska detected as gay in the episode.