Day 12
Aurelia Callen 16, District 9 Female
I'm so confused, so rattled. I really don't know what to do right now, I spent the whole night running from the one person I didn't expect I would have to be running from, but I saw something in his eyes, something scared me.
Hatred
Anger
Clearly, he saw or heard what I said but I didn't mean it, of course, I didn't mean it but that's what Harley wanted to hear, that's what saved me from a slow death but maybe I shouldn't have fought, maybe dying in that moment would have been better because now I have to fight.
Do I really want to fight Cedric or do I just let him kill me, I want him to kill me yet I can't let him do it, before he knows the truth maybe having him kill me while hating me is better, than at least he won't feel the guilt, he won't hold back.
But then that means two things.
He will die hating me or he will win knowing I never betrayed him, and he wouldn't be able to forgive himself, I don't forgive myself for having to say those things.
Fuck why did they have to do that, entertainments that's why, clearly what Harley did to me wasn't torture enough in their eyes, clearly they haven't gotten the torturous death, they want every year.
Is Cedric really capable of torture I would have said no but seeing his face now I'm not sure.
I have to convince Cedric that my feelings are genuine but at the same time I don't want him dying for me, he needs victory more. All I ever wanted in life was an escape and I got that, if it means dying I will finally be at peace knowing I won't be hurt, I just can't face Declan again, I loved my brother but the boy I saw in these games he wasn't the Declan I knew.
People change, and I did, as a little girl I was always so happy, I saw the sunshine every day even if the district never saw the sun, I was oblivious to the truth in the district I thought was always everyone happy and had a good life, I thought I had everything ahead of me, that I could get anything I wanted. I was a brat, I'm not afraid to admit that, being kidnapped by the outsiders changed me, I became the selfish little girl who wanted everything to the girl who wanted nothing but her freedom and now I don't know what I want.
Do I want to survive or do I want peace?
The better question is, do I want to win or do I want death?
If anyone is better to ask about victory, it's our victors, Xander, and Brayen they won't try to sugarcoat things and say victory is worth it, they won't say that things get better, it's the honesty I needed even if they both said death wasn't worth it either that it's about finding a moment to decide but sometimes that decision isn't right either.
In the distance I see a sign, I had to stop and hide in a bush in the swamp I know he is around here I have heard the splashing of water a few times, as much as don't want to I can use his clumsiness against him. I need to find somewhere I can at least catch my breath, so I can think of my next move come up with some sort of plan.
I haven't even had time to digest what happened yesterday, even killing Harley there is guilt there, the difference between him and Declan is that he really didn't know what he was doing, he was delusional that he believed killing was right, it wasn't his fault, we grow up with beliefs and once you form those beliefs it's very hard to drop them. Declan says he has a disorder but it still doesn't give him a true excuse, but at the same time if people tried to really help him maybe he could have been cured, if I hadn't dumped him then maybe he wouldn't have lost it.
It's my fault.
It always has been my fault, I just take off running as I just dodge an arrow in the distance just go down the stairs. I see a large underground town, there are three paths I can go through, there are underground caves, underground mines, and a village, I just go down the village route it even has a lake, a garden, and an area of buildings but when I try to get inside a house it's locked.
I probably have time to hide here for now, as much as I don't want to think this I hope he falls down the stairs, I don't want him to hurt himself but Cedric panics a little when he falls, I don't even know where Declan is either that's the concerning thing, I'm scared to think what will happen if we bump into each other, I doubt it will be a friendly reunion.
He hates me, he thinks I left him.
Do I hate him?
I hate what he did, there is no excuse for what he did to Mabel, no excuse for Winston, I don't know who else he has killed either, I just duck behind one of the houses seeing water drip from the roof, I wonder if I can get into the vent system, hide there all my life but knowing the capitol they will force it to collapse, there is no running anymore maybe no hiding either.
Not that I even ran in my life I just stayed put I let myself be a prisoner I was scared to truly fight, but here I can't just stay put, I need to fight, even if I don't necessarily want to live. I just jump when I hear a canister I can't hear any footsteps so maybe I lost him, I hope I did because I don't want to fight Cedric, seeing how hurt and heartbroken he is breaking my heart because I didn't mean a word I said.
I'm a good actor but no one can act that good, there is no way I could have kept up the facade with him, it was easier with Harley he was in La La La land, Cedric is in tune with reality.
I just see a letter 'Hope this helps and you realise living is better than dying-B'
I just see the envelope seeing the outsider logo on it as I just open it I know this writing of course I would after I turned 12, I was pretty much in Dalton's room 24/7, he became leader 4 years ago when he was 15.
Dear Aurelia
I never wanted to apologise by letter, but I also knew I had to, what we did to you, what I did too you, it wasn't right and I have no right to say that now when you can die any second, but I always regretting my decisions, but deep down I couldn't let you go either, there was a reason we kept you not just because of your brains or your body but because of your heart, being outsiders it takes humanity away from you but there was a reason why we were never like the outlaws it was you, it's why I kept you so close. I admit now my methods weren't right none of our methods were right and even if you felt like a prisoner you never were you were one of us, we would have fought and died for you, we handed ourselves over the second you got reaped, our fate is undecided yet, but knowing I can finally admit to my crimes it's this massive weight off my chest, you owe us nothing, you owe me nothing but I wouldn't want anything more but to apologise to your face, for everything we did, for the childhood we stole. You aren't a coward for not running, all of us wanted to run at one stage but the outsiders gave us something that none of us could get belonging. You don't deserve to die in there, you need to find a will to live, for yourself, for once do something for yourself
Dalton'
I just blink the tears forming in my eyes hearing that I don't know it sparks something, knowing that they deep down cared for me, that I was one of them. I don't owe them anything yet I feel I do, if I win they will be protected, if I die?
I can't die, he is right I'm not ready to die I never was but am I willing to fight Cedric, to kill him?
No, I need to draw this fight out, I need Declan to come, I don't want to feel this way but for once in my life I need to be selfish, maybe I am willing to kill my brother.
Who am I kidding I still hate myself over Rory for damn sake, and Harley, and I'm considering killing my own brother, maybe death is the better option, fuck my head is all over the place right now, first I need to work out how to get Cedric to believe me.
I can't die having him hate, me he was the best thing to happen to me and I want him to know that, unless his mentor told him it was just to mess with his head but I doubt it everything he said about his mentor shows someone who just wants a Victor it's a complete 180 from our mentors, who do everything to support you, even good ol Xander who screams at some man on the front of the newspaper every morning then screams at the man on the news.
But he did just as bad as Declan, I just need to try and focus on the present, the more I stress about everything else I will get distracted. I just hear footsteps, I remember our conversation about climbing, so I slowly climb up the house it is pretty dark in here as I see him just walk around he is trembling but also mumbling to himself.
Don't tell sweet little Cedric is losing it too, and all because of me but that's the hunger games for you.
They break souls and lives, if I kill him now it's only myself and Declan, but if I injure him I can run and hope that Declan and him find each other, do I really want Cedric to be a victim of my brother.
I have no idea what to do right now, normally I always have a plan of action, normally I always know what to do but right now I'm completely confused. I just pull out a knife I have never even thrown a knife before but I just see the pace Cedric is walking at, and I start to predict the angles and speed, so I just throw he yells in pain as it embeds in his knee cap the exact spot I planned. I just jump from the roof the force hurting my legs as I just take if sprinting as I make it up the stairs planning to run out but instead of seeing light I just slam into a wall.
A wall that wasn't there a second okay fuck they trapped us in there I just run back down the stairs an arrow lodging into my arm as Cedric awkwardly goes to reload getting his hand stuck in the string. I just duck another arrow now running down the sewerage section, Cedric gives chase I need to stop running I need to try and explain things then what?
We go back to what it was and be heartbroken when we need to fight because clearly, that's the capitol's intentions.
I just fall face first when an arrow lodges into my ankle as I try to pull it out but Cedric just kicks me in the back pulling the arrow out of my ankle and then slamming it in my back.
He grabs a fist full of my hair, even the nicest and sweetest people can fall victim to insanity, to stress it's why I tried to block all those emotions out, it's better to feel nothing.
Better to be a void.
I know he will snap out of it, I know he isn't a monster but once someone who had been beaten so much feels power it gets to their head, I just need to try and draw out this fight even draw out my death and hope it gives me time.
Time for what?
To snap him out of this and let him know I was falling in love with him or for Declan to come and save me. They always say love is poison in the Hunger Games time and time again they never have a happy ending maybe the 74th Hunger Games was an exception but after that love did happen in the games and love was crushed in the games.
The last examples are Caelyn and Maverick, she killed him the first time, he killed her the second time, and he won the second time now he has to live with that forever.
I just wince when he slams the arrow in my back thank god it didn't pinch my spine.
"Not nice being stabbed in ten back isn't it" he says just jamming the arrow further
"Please let me explain" I whisper
"Explain what, I get it you want to win, but doing that was dog bro, You're lucky I'm not a monster and I will let you fight, what I do to you if I win, I haven't decided that yet" he shrugs just pulling his arrow out as I just scramble up, Cedric is still in there, he isn't fully gone.
I just stare at the ground and then I take off running "Fucking hell" Cedric mumbles another arrow flies towards me as I run deeper into the sewers I hear a flash of water, and Cedric just topples over screaming again.
"Oh not another rat fuck I hate rats, why did you have to run in here," he says. I almost try not to laugh even if he's trying to act like a big bad boy, he just ends up being funny but I don't really like rats either so I just get up, running again as I make it to a lightly lit lake arena, thankfully the lake is a little further away because I don't want to end up having to swim when I hear him coming, I just pull out my sword swinging at him.
He just ducks my blow slamming his bow into my head as I just stumble back "You are actually really cute with a sword, no I'm angry at you fuck," Cedric says
"Or maybe, deep down want to believe what is said wasn't true," I say
"Shut up," He says just throwing his bow to the side and grabbing a sword from his belt lunging at me. Fuck, I did not want to get into a sword fight with a career boy even if he's not really a career, he would have had training but luckily for me he clearly doesn't really know how to use a sword because when I'm able to barely dodge his blow he stumbles over my feet falling over.
Then a thought comes to my head, a really cruel and mean thought, he is so clumsy, so jumpy he might accidentally kill himself. I hate myself for thinking this but I just can't die, and I don't think Cedric will handle it if he killed me without knowing the truth. I saw how happy I made him, and even if now he's looking at me with pure hatred, it wasn't like that before he looked like he was in love.
And I think I am too but I need to prepare myself for heartbreak as much as I want too.
He just lunges at me again with his sword, I barely block it just pushing against me as he uses his strength to force me to fall backwards, I just roll away and he slams his sword to the ground getting it stuck in the concrete.
"Fuck" he yells I can't up but laugh
"It ain't fucking funny," he yells just struggling to pull it out.
"It is," I say
"I'm going to kill you," he screams after bringing his sword out, fuck he is really angry isn't he. I just dive out of the way screaming as his sword slices my waist after losing three fingers last time I really don't want to get into a sword fight, especially with someone who clearly isn't a trained swordsman.
"Cedric please just let me explain," I say, he swings his sword at me again and I just block it with mine.
"You can't, the damage is already done, my heart is shattered in a million pieces, you are a good actor Aurelia, a good actor," he says
"I was acting when speaking to Harley, not you, fuck this is the hunger games you can't be heartbroken" I yell he just lunges at me.
"Fuck you" he yells I hate myself for saying that because he has every right to be heartbroken, every right to be hurt if I heard what I said I would be upset too, I would be heartbroken.
Making him angry right now probably isn't my best plan, but at the moment I have no idea what my plan is, for once in my life I actually want my brother, I actually need my brother.
I just blocked his blow with my sword but it was sloppy that both of us get cut in the shoulder, we both jump back, with the pace we are going, we will both bleed out but with the blood thickner we still have time, how much time, I don't know.
The scary thing is I don't know what Declan's intentions are, will he come in here and save me, will he let himself die or will he come in here and kill us both, or will he end up getting himself killed. Normally the capitol don't step in and kill a tribute.
They didn't step in when Harley did one of the taboo things, never sexually assault a tribute but maybe in their eyes it wasn't assault, he did only finger me they probably didn't even see it but the mental damage was still there, the feeling of his hands are still there.
We swing again the one advantage of his height as I can easily duck his blow and I just plunge my sword in his stomach, he just jumps back but it's clear my betrayal has sparked something in Cedric because even if he is a little unbalanced on his feet, he keeps going.
I just wince as his sword cuts my arm, I just fall over making sure to take his feet from under him as he topples over as well, instead of going for my sword I go to grab his one trying to pry it from his grip.
"Fuck don't try to cut the face, it's my best feature," he says as his sword almost slices his face open.
"Please okay please let me explain before one of us does something stupid," I say again
"Just shut up, you were a lying bitch who wanted a guy to be your meat shield, it's fine it's the hunger games, and people do cruel things to win to win. It just hurts because I actually thought someone cared for me I'm used to it though, I never knew what I did to people to make them hate me. Maybe I should make it slow, for my betrayal and for Levin" he says.
Easily prying his sword from my grasp, I just lung away grabbing mine and getting a cut to the back in the process.
"So you are going to punish me for Harley's crimes too" I yell
"Oh yeah I forgot I lied to you about that, it wasn't your boyfriend it was your wonderful big brother, you are just as bad as each other" he says. I don't know why that comment angers me so much because I lunge at him with an anger I didn't know I had and when my sword is almost about to cut his head off it just vanishes as the force gets me to sprawl into Cedric getting us both to topple over, my head hitting a rock in the process.
I just wince when he knees me in the stomach as I hear him walk off "Hey look lying does work, now any last words" he says just placing his boot on my stomach and holding his sword up.
"Wait" I yell but he doesn't and when I swear his sword is about to plunge into my chest bam it's gone, relief filling me knowing that weren't going to rig it for him. I just grab his leg tripping him down.
"Guess they want this drawn out" he pants
I just stare at him "Maybe if you listen to me, this won't be so hard on the both of us" I say
"I want Aurelia to win, I need to hate you to win and I do, you broke my heart I can't forgive that," he says
But will he forgive himself if he ends up killing me and then learning I never meant a thing I said, I can't die with him hating me. I need to do everything to draw this fight out, the odds are a little bit more in my favour now our swords are gone. I'm a true Street kid I know everything about street fighting, about fighting weaponless but I'm still up against it.
I still don't know if I truly want to win either and that could be my downfall.
I need to run again, I can't fight this pain I'm bleeding a lot more than him so when I see him lunge at me I grab the rock next to me and it smashes to his head.
I just take off running if he hated me a little his going to hate me more but I can't fight right now. I don't want to fight him it's breaking my heart to fight him as I passed the lake and to another clearing area, I knocked him out but with the force of my hit, it would only be for a few short minutes. I just hid behind a rock putting pressure on the wound in my stomach I didn't run too far and left a trail of blood, he could easily find me.
But I didn't want to get away I just needed a rest so I could determine my next move and what the move was exactly I am not sure. I should have killed him and any smart person would but I'm not smart I never was, I just see a canister as I grab it to see a vile of medicine and a few more knives.
'You need to stop fighting with your heart, that was the stupidest thing you could have done, please just try to fight for your life I know it's hard but we can help you pick the pieces up if you win, we can't if you die-B'
He is right that was stupid but I also couldn't fight with that wound on my stomach at least now I have no pain, so I just lunge from my rock throwing my knife as Cedric slowly hobbles up as he just grabs it with his hand yelling.
"FUCK, FUCK, actually they do tell you not to grab a flying knife with your hand but fuck" he yells
And fuck I missed one shot at a sneak attack and now my stupid decision will probably lead to my death but at the same time if the capitol didn't intervene, he would have been dead.
Cedric Lenlen 17, District 1 Male
Fuck sake
FUCK SAKE
I must look like a little girl right now but ah yeah your boy can't deal well with pain and I pretty much cut my hand open as Aurelia just watches me from a distance. Fuck I want to torture her so bad right now.
Woah Cedric Woah
No, she is a lying bitch but at the same time if she was the lying bitch who was using me I would be dead, yes I literally almost died if the capital didn't save me, thank you morons but that was out of anger, she knocked me out but didn't kill me, maybe she is innocent, why would she knock me out but not kill me.
No innocent or not I need to hate her, I need to live "What are you just going to stand there watching me, fight me" I yell
"Heal yourself first" she shrugs just throwing something to me. I just grab it I know it isn't poison since it's in the exact medicine packing and I needed a lot of medicine these games more because I'm a stupid idiot who let's see broke his leg falling down the stairs, gave himself about 7 concussions since the capitol Cleary don't cater to boys 6'7 (still don't know how the fuck I was born so tall), got my hand stuck in a door and handing up breaking, got my hand stuck in a meat grinder (don't put your hand in a meat grinder it ain't fun), cut my knee on a rock, yeah how I'm not dead amazes me.
"What game are you playing," I say
"You gave me a chance to fight when you had me at your mercy, I repay the favour," she says I should have just killed her but I had a feeling the capital will intervene clearly they want a drawn fight, they might even want a drawn out death but fuck I barely know how to kill someone quickly
Let alone torture, they don't teach torture in the academy they see torture as weak, leave that to district two or the outer boys.
Yeah nah man keep that to Pyscho brother fuck that means I will be the torture dummy. Shit I don't know what to do all I know is need to kill Aurelia for myself and Levin, she needs to pay, maybe the heartbreak has unlocked a side in me I didn't think I had, a side I didn't want but I need to win, not just me but for Levin.
"Fuck you, use me all games, now act innocent," I growl
"I didn't mean a word I said, Harley was in fairyland, I had to please him," she says
I just stare at her taking the medicine, I want to believe her, I really do but at the same time my head is screaming at me not to, I need this fire inside me, I just lunge at her with my knife as she just doges me just plunging a knife in my shoulder twisting it. I just plunge mine into her knee as, she just staggers back and I just swing at her both of our knives disappearing.
"Fuck" I yell, she just stares at me as I start to go through my pocket fuck I swear I had a packet of knives I swear I did, as I see Aurelia do the same thing, but even if they somehow made my knives disappear I still have one arrow, I just lunge plunging it deep in her stomach as she just winces leaning against me.
Fuck even having her near me brings those butterflies in my stomach the spark it's still there, the love for her it's still there but so is the hate as I just slam into her both of us going to the ground as I just force myself on top of her, I have to drag this out.
I don't want to, I really don't but at the same time I do, fuck now I'm losing my sanity and that's one thing I didn't want to lose, but maybe I need to lose it, dying is not am option, not anymore. I'm not dying to for girl who broke my little fragile heart and I'm not dying to a monster, I need to win for myself, for Levin.
For all the kids in one who were seen as outcasts just because they weren't rich, or strong or didn't fit in. I want to win for them, I want to show kids like me that things get better because there were moments in my life when I wanted to shoot a bullet through my skull.
Now I may be Victor I can't let that slip, maybe if Aurelia didn't use me it would have been harder but now I just have to see her as the girl who broke my heart, it's the only way I can win.
I just pull my arrow out of her stomach "Eye for an eye" I yell ready to plunge the arrow into her eye fuck am I really going to do that, that's so mean, no, she betrayed me, her brother ripped Levin's eye out but when I'm about to she grabs the arrow. Oops, I ah didn't pin her down properly, I'm not used to pinning a girl down I don't want to put my body in the wrong area. I don't know I freak out because fuck, Cedric stop thinking that way dude fuck I need a chill pill right now or 20 shots.
Because I'm freaking the fuck out right now I don't know what the fuck I'm doing with my life right now, even seeing Aurelia, I don't see a girl that would have used me, but I just have to ignore that inkling. I get her at my mercy then I let her explain it's the right thing to do but then what if she was actually faking, what if she does care for me, then I won't be able to kill her, fuck when did my life become so difficult.
I just use all my strength to try and push the arrow down but she is stronger than I thought, so I just get all the saliva I have in my mouth spitting it right at her open eye, that will distract her sadly it causes her to bring her knee right between my legs as I yell in pain falling off as she is quick to wipe her face.
Oh my god
Oh my god a girl actually touched me there well her knee did but fuck, and fuck it hurts.
Oh, Jesus, she dives for the arrow in my hand but I just kick up my boot colliding with her chin. She will think I don't know much about street fighting but I do, the amount of times I was attacked on the streets wasn't funny I learned how to defend myself. I just need to get this done quick, she is trying to drag it out, either to torture me or for her brother to come.
I do not want to face that moron yet, if I kill his sister he will either be so broken he will be an easy kill or so angry he will destroy me let's hope it's the former. I just lunge at her with the arrow but she just sidesteps me and I just go tumbling straight to the wall getting my arrow stuck.
Oh for fuck sake not again I just try to use all my strength to try and get it out. I need a weapon, I do not want to have to kill her with my hands I still have my bow lying around but at the moment I need to focus on fighting her, on beating her then destroying her.
Or forgiving her
No, she lied to be she deserves pain not forgiveness. Fuck my head is all over the place right now, it's actually a little scary right now, fuck what if I end up like Declan, even worse what if I end up like Harley yeah nah bro that ain't happening. I need to kill Aurelia quickly and then deal with what ever emotions I feel later.
Instead, I just turn around lunging at her bringing us both to the ground as we roll over each other but I'm able to use my bigger frame to slam myself against her. I try to ignore the heat in my cheeks realising how close we are but I need to focus, I just grab her wrist trying to pin them under my knees but I just yell again as she knees me in the legs slamming a fist in my nose. I fall over her fuck that actually really hurts but I use the pain to fuel me, I have to.
I just grab a rock slamming it straight in her jaw. I flinch at the crack as she stumbles a little bit spitting out three teeth, I feel a little bit of guilt but I ignore it.
I just grab a fist fall of her hair again slamming the rock straight in her open mouth again as she just whimpers in pain as she slams her head straight into mine making me feel pain splitting my lip in the process as she just runs a little bit in the distance, holding her mouth, she is in a lot more pain then me I can use that even if my well manly weapon is absolutely throbbing right now it's better then loosing pretty much all your teeth.
Thanks to me, a flood of guilt hits me but I try to ignore it. I lunge for her again just sprawling to the ground then toppling face first onto the concrete as she smashes a rock straight onto my nose, I feel the burning pain in my whole face blood spilling down my nose.
"Okay that's enough of the face" I say as we both catch our breath.
"At least you have all your teeth" she spits oh fuck yeah forgot about that.
"At least I didn't break your heart" I yell lunging for her again as she just grabs me and once again we roll to the ground.
I just force my weight on the chest grabbing her neck and slamming the back of her head to the ground, I can see she is struggling, I get ready to slam her head again but I just wince as she slams her fist directly in my stomach winding me and rolling us over so she is on top as she is quick to pin me down.
"Let me explain," she says fuck I have a girl on top of me something I have always fantasised about, I kind of find it hot, no Cedric no but even if she is doing everything to try and keep me pinned under her she is a foot smaller and about 20 kilos lighter so I easily throw her off me maybe in my dreams, I will be in that position more often but this is my fight to loose I know that, I have the height, weight, age and experience over her.
She knows that there is no way she will be able to quickly kill me with her hands
I just jump up slamming my boot into her stomach once and twice, as she grabs my ankle flipping me over. I just see stars as my head slams to the ground she grabs onto my hood slamming my chin, once, twice, three times on the ground. I begin to panic but I just grab her hand she has on the ground sinking my teeth into it.
Look not what I really wanted to do but it was dirty fighting as she let's go of me. I just keep my teeth sinked into her hand, wrapping a leg around hers and getting her awkwardly tangled into me. I just ripped some of her skin off quickly spitting it out, oh good we are really tangled up right now.
A part of me wants to collapse, I just try to untangle myself, she just winces as my head hits her nose. I just spit in her face again in the process the action getting her to be distracted to wipe her face so I could get myself out of that mess and have a second to breathe so I don't faint.
Oh I'm still head over heels for her it's messing with my head but it's like she is still holding back.
I just wince as she uses all her strength to slam her shoulder into my chest then her fist into my neck as I scream when she tries to gouge my eye out, lucky I close my eye just in time as I just use my teeth again sinking them into her neck getting her to collapse under me her hand leaving my closed eye which is killing me right now as I just move my mouth.
I just force myself on her but it's obvious she doesn't want to die yet neither of us does as she slams her head into my already broken nose as I swear it's hanging by like one bone, her nails scratching my face and poking my eye. I just close it but she uses that to her advantage rolling over me so she is on top she tries to grab at my neck but I just head but her.
I'm in pain, she is in pain, and pain always causes desperation, we go through what feels like ten minutes of just rolling over each other, at first it's to try to get the dominant position on top, to pin the other down but eventually, it turns into pure desperation.
I hate her, she is just trying to not die, we go through a stage of punching, kicking, hitting, scratching, biting, spitting on each other anything to get the dominant position until eventually after we roll over each other for what feels like the 50th time, I feel something on my back.
My bow, I just grab it when she is on top slamming it on her head ouch fuck I just cut my finger on the string but considering my whole face is bleeding right now a little finger boo-boo is the least of my worries as that gets her to hesitate and I use that to roll us over getting my self on top. I just get my knees on either side of her on her hands I need to end this quick, she will try and convince me otherwise and I can't take any more of her lies.
Or the truth as I just pry her mouth open with one hand as I just grab my bow.
"Cedric wait, wait" she yells but I don't I just pierce the sharp bit of my bow in her mouth and to the bottom of her throat as I force myself on her chest hoping this will kill her but as hard as I push it isn't.
"Just die already for fuck sake" I yell even if blood is coming from her mouth I hit the wrong spot, I know I did and when I take my bow out hoping I can actually pierce the spot that will cut her airways off she uses that to push me off.
I can't do this, I can't do this.
Because I know deep down what she said to Harley it wasn't the truth, I know it wasn't I need a break, so I take off running until I trip over when I almost make it to a staircase fuck knowing me I will kill my self going down those stairs.
I really don't know what I'm doing with my life right now, where the fuck is Declan when you need the bastard. I just stay on all fours for a second not even realising, she is charging at me with a knife.
Fuck how did she find a knife but even though I know she wasn't aiming to kill me, it does matter so I just grab her waist slamming her over me but I didn't realise we were at the top of the staircase and the force of my throw causes her to go toppling down the stairs. I just stop for a second, she just cries out as she falls down, I expect to hear a cannon but I don't I run down the stairs.
Oh god
What have I done
What have I done
I can see the bones in her leg, they shouldn't be sticking out like that, her arm as well I can see the bones at odd angles, and by the way, she can't even move as much as she tries I think I broke her spine.
I just pry the knife from her hand and she just whimpers. I just grab her shoulders and roll her over so she is on her back, we are in some nicely lit area with pretty little starlights hanging from the roof, could have been a perfect date.
Instead, I broke her spine, and she broke my heart but did she?
I just stand over her my lip quivering the knife in my hand shaking. I can end her quickly or I can let her explain then what?
She is in no state to fight she probably has about 50 broken bones in her body, the fact that didn't kill her this girl is made of steel, she is a lot stronger than I thought.
Maybe she is a robot but she is bleeding so I doubt it, I just kneel down so I have my knees against her hips as she whimpers even more even being on top of her right now her bones aren't as stable as they should be as I just push my knife against her neck.
"You have one minute to explain before I slit your throat," I say. I try to sound as mean and uncaring as I can but instead, my voice is shaking and pitchy because I haven't fucking hit puberty yet even if I'm a bloody 17-year-old boy. Fuck I freaked out in the capital because I finally got my first chest hair it was a proud moment of my life.
"I came into these games, never knowing what love is, what having someone really care for you is. I thought that could happen with my brother instead I was met with hostility I was met with a monster then I saw you. I always found you cute, I remember the first time you walked past and you looked you wanted to collapse and I found that endearing, you were different, everything I felt for you, it wasn't a lie.
I never felt my heart beat so quick when I was with someone, I never saw someone so innocent and genuine I thought guys like that didn't exists in panem. I was wrong, the time I was with you was the best moments of my life, I would go through hours of torture just to relive those moments, I was never using you instead I was almost okay to die for you but then Harley came back and I was willing to sacrifice myself for you, but at that moment I didn't to want to die. I wanted to see you one last time, hell as much as I wanted to see Declan again in that moment after what Harley did to me I couldn't die with that being my last memory so I just lied, you can believe what I said but I was acting, but with you I wasn't how could I, your worth dying for, you deserve the world" she says.
I just stare at her for a moment the knife shaking in my hand as I just throw it away grabbing her chin and bringing my lips to hers again.
She was right, she wasn't lying, you can't fake what we have even now even if she is in the worst pain of her life she kissed me back and I closed my eyes and I felt like I'm in heaven, but then hits me, where I am what I have done to her.
"Oh god, what have I done, what have I done" I whisper putting a hand through my hair.
"It's okay, it's okay, you won, you won" she whispers
"It wasn't meant to be like this, fuck look what did to you," I say
"It was a mistake, but you can make it right, I'm okay dying but just promise me you will win," she says fuck I'm crying so bad right now I look like a stupid little girl even the girl with over a hundred broken bones in her small body isn't crying.
Fuck emotions bro
Fuck panem
"I can't kill you," I say
"You have to, my spine is broken, I can't feel half my body, they won't let you heal me, it wasn't your fault, and none of this is your fault, win and get the life you deserve I'm okay with death, I'm okay" she whispers. I just grab her hand, her broken hand as I just gently stroke her hair.
"How the hell will I handle victory, I only fought because I thought you betrayed me but you didn't," I say
"Do it for me, do it for Levin, please?" she says
I just nod "Okay, um fuck where is my knife," I say fuck, I don't want to get off her either.
How the hell do I kill her?
I just jump as she struggles to move her other hand grabbing at my belt "Woah sweetheart look as much as I would love to I probably don't deserve to after what I did, plus we are on Tv" I say
"It's a weapon" she whispers, you can see the pain is really getting to her now. I just nod struggling to take my belt off as I accidentally hit her in the face with it fuck, I'm freaking out right now I don't want to do this but she is right I have no choice. I just try to stop the tears spilling out of my eyes.
"Take my token, so you can remember me" she says just trying to put something wooden in my hand
"You were my first love, no one can forget their first love," I say. My first love and my first kill, ironic ha I guess Cupid doesn't want me to be in love I just wrap the belt around her neck pushing my body more against hers I'm shaking like crazy right now but the longer I stall this the harder it will be to say goodbye.
"Please just tell my brother I'm sorry" she whispers
"He doesn't deserve your apology," I say
"Please Cedric" I whisper
I just nod "Thank you, fuck and I'm sorry I'm so sorry," I say I just close my eyes as I just pull the belt through the buckle as using all my strength to pull. I feel her struggle under me but I can't even stop. I just choke on my own tears and blood as after what felt like minutes a cannon booms I just cried out as I just down she looked at peace, but I knew she wasn't.
"I will win for you I promise," I say I just angrily throwing the belt which probably wasn't the best idea because now my pants are falling down but I just sprint away not wanting to deal with the guilt as I just fall over I scream and cry at the same time, I need a few minutes maybe a few hours.
I can't believe I did that to the girl I love, I killed her.
I hated her when she did that all for me, but this is life, you lose people I just don't know how to deal with losing people, I just hug my legs gripping onto her to token she didn't deserve that death, she deserved the world and now the loser me has to carry that weight for the rest of my life which can end any second.
Fuck maybe I should kill myself but I can't after Aurelia died for me, I can't let her brother win he deserves vengeance but so I do. I just see a canister fall next to me, as I see a sword, knives, medicine and a new belt.
I can't even look at a belt right now but I would rather not have my pants fall down and everyone see my ducky underwear, because I sort of had to throw my shorts out.
'We really need you to win I will explain later, but you deserve it, I was the only one who believed in you, you can win this-J'
Jasper why is he sponsoring me?
Is Markus okay?
I knew he wasn't well but a lot of the capital was a blur to be honest, I just swallowed the medicine, my head is all over the place my heart was completely broken, I just tried to steady my breathing I needed a few minutes or hour so I take off running.
I will fight to the death, I have to I can't let Aurelia's death be for nothing.
Declan Callen 18, District 9 Male
"Now you fucking send me a tracker you pieces of shit, I will murder all of you" I yell. I have literally been running around that goddamn maze for two fucking days with no fucking clue what I'm doing, I'm really off my head right now but I'm scared.
Not for myself but my sister. I can't die or let her die before I see her, I finally realised that I was in the wrong, I finally realised I am the monster. I still don't feel any guilt for the three I killed, that just feels numb but a lot of the people I have killed feel numb because I never formed an emotional connection to them, I never cared enough to really care about their deaths.
If they were my brothers their death would rock me, because deep down I have a heart, it's just very very very buried underneath hatred and anger but I'm scared and that fear has caused me to drown it with anger and hate.
To almost spiral into insanity.
But Aurelia the days without her, the days having to worry that every cannon is hers and I can't be there to protect her, it's killing me. I need to find her, or Cedric at the moment at least I know they won't kill each other, he was too in love with her hopefully she uses that but she won't at first.
I thought she was weak and spineless and I used that to put her down, I said she didn't deserve to live, and I kept putting her down for having a heart.
For being human.
I can't have either of us dying before I can apologise it just isn't an option anymore. I made my decision as hard as it is to make I'm going to die, I am willing to die now. I know I am on the highway to hell but I am a hundred percent ready for it.
I don't fear death anymore I only fear the fate of my sister I can relax a little more knowing that piece of shit stain to humanity in Harley is dead but then it begs the question of who the fuck killed him.
Because I doubt Aurelia or Cedric could of and I didn't, well I don't think, I did but I'm not that insane yet I remember and now everything I'm doing, even if I feel like I can't even think straight like I can't feel but now I have a tracker, it only has Aurelia's location.
She seems to be moving around that one spot, but I doubt she and Cedric would fight, he was too in love and love is blind, it blinded my sister and now it's blinding me but I need to make things right and ensuring Aurelia wins and gets the life she deserves, that's making it right.
I know it won't redeem me for my crimes and deep down I don't want redemption, I don't deserve it either, I just want to help my sister.
'Go fuck your self-X'
"Fuck you too," I say
I don't really mean that I mean, he did put effort into me I owe him that. I could be dead without him I almost killed myself a few times, after the first time the rest weren't on purpose it was an accident it was me losing my mind, losing my cool. I just take a look at the tracker as I get running, fuck I really went the opposite way didn't I. I'm an idiot, but I know I need to find her before-
Before what?
Cedric is a fucking coward, how that kid lasted this long shocks me there is no way he will kill her, so I have time but I know the longer I wait, the harder it will get, winning her trust back, her forgiveness that's my main concern. I don't know how the hell I will do that, I just need to be honest with her but why was I like this?
Why did I blame her?
Because I'm a coward, I know that now, fuck having a life realisation in the games is not the right place, having a full-on mental breakdown in the games is not a good idea either but clearly, me realising now shows I don't need medication and that I do have some redeeming qualities, that I am human.
I just need to ensure Aurelia can see that then I kill the little dweeth from one, kill myself then Aurelia becomes Victor.
Simple
I just hope she forgives me because if she doesn't and if she hates me, tries fights me, it might be harder for me to stay in control and the last thing I want is to lose my control and kill her because I learned I like killing.
I know that isn't normal either but who cares I'm not going to win so it doesn't matter, if I won then I could redeem myself but it isn't worth killing my sister over, it isn't worth letting her die.
It's like the gods wanted this to happen, they couldn't have left an easier and more pathetic person to have in the final three because he is so love-struck there is no way he would hurt my sister.
He probably in a corner hiding and wetting his pants right now, I really wish I took his partner's eye to give him but normally I'm not a trophy person I probably should be.
I just run into the town in the distance, seeing a sign to underground area, I don't know why she is down there for.
I just jump when I hear a cannon and I freeze for a moment, my heart dropping okay I didn't expect that but I sigh in relief when her dot doesn't disappear and it shows her running off, it means she won the fight.
It means Cedric is dead, I should just kill myself now, make it easier for her to win, and to save the risk of her attacking me and me loosing my cool and hurting or killing her, but I can't die without apologising. I can't die with the way our relationship ended.
It's my fault I admit to that now, I know it took way to long and I was delusional and stupid for blaming her, she didn't do anything wrong, she is the innocent one in all of this and I'm the stupid one.
I am the pathetic one
I'm the villain, I just run downstairs to this underground basement, we have all the time in the world, knowing there is no one else hunting us, no one in our way, but it still doesn't mean I won't rush.
I want to see her, I have been looking for her for days and all I needed was a tracker, fucking Xander but I can't really blame him either I don't deserve forgiveness, I don't deserve anything.
I just tense a little bit when I see droplets of blood on the ground and quite a lot of splatters of blood, a fight occurred here but there is nobody, maybe they already took Cedric's body maybe they were worried I would have stabbed it or something.
To be honest, they aren't wrong but the kid can rest in peace now and be proud of his third-place finish, hope he gets a bronze medal sad thing is that's the only achievement in his pitiful life. I couldn't care less if I come second if I lose I never was a competitive person being born in District 9 you are used to losing, used to getting nothing.
I just run down the stairs, the area completely pitch black as I just start running, the dot made a lot of distance and is now clearly hiding or resting. I don't know if I should sneak attack her or just walk in and hope she doesn't throw a knife at my chest, I just keep running as I just fall over, a wince escaping my lips as the lights turn on and I feel like my entire body crashes.
"Aurelia," I say
No no no, this doesn't make sense, this doesn't make sense the tracker, the tracker says she is alive.
Maybe she is unconscious, her eyes are closed, and she looks peaceful almost like she is sleeping, it's obvious she was in a fight, a brutal fight, but then why is my tracker saying she is alive, that's when the colour changes to dark grey, to the district one colour.
No no no, this is just a hallucination but when I just feel the body it feels so real, no she can't be dead, this can't be right, my baby sister can not be dead.
"Aurelia AURELIA" I yell for the first time in my pitiful life I feel shattered. I feel broken I just shake her shoulders, please be unconscious but I heard the cannon.
Aurelia" I whisper, I just finger her neck, a bruise on it, like she was strangled, strangled with a belt I know the markings of it too well it was one of my favourite ways to kill some one. But anger hits me hardcore when I see her arms and her legs.
That bastard.
THAT BASTARD
I bring out a knife ready to plunge it into my heart, I don't deserve to live I don't deserve life but the second it almost makes it into my heart it just vanishes. I just scream even louder smashing my fist on the concrete I can't live, I can't. I just grab her watch please can all of this just be in my head but when I see her watch it hits me.
She is dead.
'Placed 3rd
Killed By Cedric Lenlen
Cause of death: Strangulation, internal bleeding'
I just stay next to her body almost stunned, they won't even let me kill myself for the first time in my life. I actually feel tears in my eyes.
"I couldn't even say sorry" I whisper she died thinking I hated her, died thinking I was a monster, we see this story happen it happened in Xander's games but he was the monster who the split siblings up, I'm the one who lost his sister and in that year the killer won.
A parachute hits me, I just throw it to the wall, I don't care anymore I just want to die but after at least five more parachutes hit me and after five times of angrily throwing them to the wall I get sick of it so the 6th parachute I just rip open seeing a note, that's all that is in there a freaking note.
"A FUCKING NOTE, ARE YOU SERIOUS HELP ME DIE" I yell
'I can't believe I'm saying this but you have to snap out of your little psychotic episode, I was in a different position in my games and instead of crying and wanting to kill himself, Campbell came at me for vengeance, he wanted to fight for his sister's honour, you don't deserve victory but that bastard sure as hell doesn't either, so fucking kill the piece of shit, you owe her that- X'
He is right and then it hits me there is still one tribute left, that bastard stole away the only person I had, he took her away from me now I'm going to make him pay.
I am going to make him regret he was even born he didn't just kill her, he probably tortured her and I don't know why she deserved that, she didn't deserve several of her bones broken clearly that fuck head isn't as sweet and innocent as everyone thinks and it makes me wonder how long she was suffering for, how long he was making her suffer.
I just stand up wiping the tears from my eyes Aurelia will die not knowing how much I loved her but I'm going to show panem how much she means to me, if I get killed in the process I don't give a fuck but Cedric has to suffer.
He killed her
Now he's going to die himself, who am I kidding that piece of shit has no chance against me, Aurelia is his match, and clearly she didn't go down easy but I will destroy him in a second, and then I'm going to make it as painful and brutal as I can then fuck the capitol I'm going to kill my self in the process, there won't be a Victor of the 207th hunger games because the one who was meant to win, died.
I just sprint towards his dot on the tracker running up the stairs and back into one of the towns. I see the piece of shit fall over in the distance as I just scream lunging at him, I alert him early but I can see the pure terror in his eye as he just dives the blow of my hammer.
"Shit" he mumbles
"Is that all you have to say for your self, you utter piece of shit" I yell, just lunging at him again but my attacks have no rhythm, no aim he easily dodges me just falling over his feet and quick to jump up.
"You think I wanted to kill her I- I had no choice" he yells
"You had the choice to die" I yell. I get him this time with my hammer and he just winces but I just yell when I feel his sword cut my leg. I need to calm down he is easily dodging my blows but I'm just so angry at him, he killed my sister, and I want to take out all the anger and hate I have on all the people who hurt her, who hurt me, on him.
"She didn't want me to die for her, she wanted to fight" he yells
"No she wouldn't have, she wouldn't have cared about you, you are nothing" I yell swinging at him again but he easily dodges my blows.
"There is a lot you don't know, she didn't bother looking for you, she wanted to stay with me, what does that tell you" he says
"Liar" I scream lunging again but once again he dodges me again, he hasn't attacked, it's obvious he is scared shitless he is I can see it, if I wasn't so off my head this bastard would be dead, he will still be dead there is no way he is killing me.
"Believe all you want, but you didn't deserve her even I didn't, I didn't want to do that but I can't die, she wants me to win and I will" he says
"YOU FUCKING LIAR, SHE WOULDN'T WANT YOU KILL ME" I yell
He just lunges at me I barely dive out the one screaming when I feel a fire of pain in my arm as I lunge at him again but he just blocks my blow with his sword, my hands are shaking, fire burning through my veins.
I can see the terror, the emotion everything on his face but I don't he will suffer.
He will die and it will be painful.
It will be slow.
But when I lunge at him I just feel his sword pierce my stomach, he just pulls it out quickly slashing my arms as my hammer falls from my grip.
No, he can't beat me, no there is no way he will beat me. I just get up and lunge for my hammer, and his sword slices my back even more pain radiates through my body as I just stumble back he just stares at me wide-eyed. I just lunge for him but I just scream again as his sword pierces my chest barely missing my heart. I just collapse on the ground, I want to keep fighting but it's like my body isn't letting me there is so much blood almost too much blood.
"She wanted to say sorry, she genuinely thought she was in the wrong, but you don't deserve an apology though this is for Levin, Mabel, Winston and this is for Aurelia," he says just stepping over me as he holds his sword up. I want to fight but when his sword pierces into my chest I know my fight is over as I slowly fall into darkness.
BOOM
"Congratulations to the Victor of the 207th Hunger Games, Cedric Lenlen, District One"
3rd: Aurelia Callen, District 9 Female- Killed By Cedric Lenlen, District 1 Male
2nd: Declan Callen, District 9 Male- Killed By Cedric Lenlen, District 1 Male
Victor: Cedric Lenlen, District 1 Male