All rights reserved to Yoshihiro Togashi, the author of HxH.
I'm sharing this first story with great enthusiasm, a fresh perspective on what should have been but wasn't. English is not my first language, so please feel free to correct any details you find.
Enjoy :)
In the end, everything turned out fine.
His parents have finally lifted the alert about him and Alluka. Illumi is far away from him and his sister, and Nanika will stay with them for a long time. And Gon...
Gon is safe.
That sentence repeats in his mind. Over and over again.
Gon is safe.
Gon is okay.
Gon is alive.
So, why did he feel so terrible?
His fingers nervously gripped his cell phone. He knew Gon had been awake for several hours now, but not until his family gave him the green light did he even consider reaching out to see how he was. As far as he's concerned, Killua is now en route to the city after trying to find a way to save him, a feeble excuse to justify his sudden recovery. Now, sitting on a bench outside the hospital with his sister Alluka, they await his friend's arrival.
With a deep sigh, he leans heavily against the wooden backrest of the bench. His thoughts swirl with uncontrollable emotions he doesn't want to confront, but he can't help it: every time he closes his eyes, his mind drifts back to that forest. And he remembers that nen that was Gon, yet at the same time, wasn't. A nen filled with pure rage and desperation that could obliterate everything in its path. A destructive nen that wasn't Gon.
He feels a lump forming in his throat.
"Why did you have to do it that way?" he whispered to himself. "Were you so desperate that you couldn't even wait for me?"
He just wants things to go back to normal.
The sound of his phone interrupts his train of thought. Checking the screen, he notices at least twelve missed calls from Leorio. However, he knows it's not Leorio who's calling.
He only lets it ring twice before answering.
"KILLUA?!" Gon's voice echoes in his ear, causing his heart to skip a beat. It takes him a few seconds to find the words and to overcome the tightness in his throat.
"Hey, Gon," he finally answers. "Are you-"
"Killua! Where are you? We need to talk right now, Kite...! Kite's alive! I have to tell you everything... And- and I met Ging! Where are you, are you okay?"
"Gon, Gon," he interrupts. Beside him, his sister looks on with curiosity. "I'm at Swardani hospital. Where are you?"
"In the car! Leorio's driving me, we're heading there now! Don't move!"
"... I'll wait here."
"And, Killua..."
"Hm?" He waits, intrigued by the sudden change in his friend's tone.
"... Never mind... See you soon."
As soon as he hangs up the phone, he covers his eyes with one hand and an uncontrollable smile of relief spreads across his lips. He can sense the joy in his sister's voice when she asks if Gon's okay, and a nearly imperceptible tear escapes from the corner of his eye as he nods.
It's the same old Gon again.
Restlessly, Gon hangs up Leorio's phone and returns it to him.
"How did it go?" Leorio asks, not taking his eyes off the road as he slips the phone back into his pocket. Gon glances at him with a heavy look.
"Well... He didn't seem mad."
"Of course, he isn't!" Leorio exclaims. "You just woke up from a coma and both of you have been through a lot. How could he be mad at you?"
Gon opens his mouth to reply, but Leorio beats him to it.
"Look... Whatever happened between you two, it's in the past, okay? What matters is everything turned out fine. Killua's your best friend. Stop worrying."
But Gon is worried. It's been less than a full day since he woke up. He finally met Ging, then learned of Kite's return, and that everyone's okay. At that moment, his head was a whirlwind of emotions, with joy, confusion, and relief intertwined.
But there is something else.
In the midst of all the happiness, what he still remembers, what's still embedded deep within, is that overwhelming rage that blinded him and set him aflame from the inside out. His body, mind, and heart all disintegrating, burning him up.
He also remembers Killua, always having his back with unwavering calmness. He had always been the calm that his storm needed. But this time Gon messed up. He let his storm rage on, hurting even his friend in the process.
And that hurt him the most.
"Why are you so nervous, brother?"
"I'm not nervous," Killua murmurs, turning to her with a smile. "I'm excited. I finally get to introduce you to Gon! You'll see, Alluka!" he exclaims with feigned happiness. But it's not true, and neither is his smile. Alluka can still see it in his eyes. The truth is, anxiety is eating him alive.
It's just Gon, what's wrong with me?
Alluka shakes her head.
"Brother, are you sad because you're mad at Gon?"
His smile freezes.
And he realizes Alluka has hit the nail on the head.
Of course, he's mad at Gon. How could he not be?
"KILLUA!"
And there he was. Killua takes a deep breath and turns to Leorio's car that's just parked a few yards away. Gon's head pops out of the window, and as soon as they stop, he jumps out and runs toward him.
How could he not be, after Gon had done that to himself?
Killua rises from the bench somewhat slowly and takes a few steps forward to meet him, signaling his sister to wait behind.
How could he not feel this way after putting him through the worst days of his life, making him believe he'd lose him?
Gon finally stops in front of him. His eyes have always been an open window for Killua. Now he can clearly see guilt and worry and regret. However, a shy smile appears at the corner of his mouth. His heart hesitates.
How could he not feel this way... after almost leaving him forever?
"You've recovered," Killua murmurs. It's not a question, just an acknowledgment. He can notice how Gon slightly flinches at his tone.
Always the same. It's always me who cleans up your messes, but this time...
"Yes..." He scratches the back of his neck, avoiding Killua's intense gaze.
Killua wants to be angry with him. He wants him to apologize for everything, for being a fool who doesn't think before he acts. For leaving him. For moving on without him.
…For making him feel utterly alone again.
...This time you have to apologize.
Everything happens in just a split second. Suddenly, Gon's face crumples, and his golden eyes are flooded with a sea of tears like Killua has never seen before.
He sighs, feeling his strength crumbling.
"Gon..." he barely whispers.
"KILLUA, I'M SO SORRY!" he exclaims. "I've been such an idiot, I shouldn't have said everything I told you! And I was...!" He sniffles, "I was so angry and so sad and so out of it that..." He pauses for just a few seconds, searching for the right words. Finally, unable, he shakes his head. His eyes once again lock onto those of his friend. The only thing left in them now is pure sincerity. Killua watches him without saying a word. But what hurts me the most is that I've hurt you, Killua, a lot, and it's something I can never forgive myself for," he concludes, fixing his gaze on the floor before raising it back to him. "Honestly... right now, I don't deserve to be your friend."
Then something clicks in Killua's mind. What did he just say?
Without a second thought, he takes a step towards him and hugs him tightly. Gon doesn't hesitate and returns the hug even more forcefully, burying his face in his shoulder.
"Gon, you big idiot..." he begins with a sad smile, resting his chin on his friend's neck, "you're the best friend I could ever imagine having. And there's no way that can change," he continues. At this moment, his legs feel like jelly. He's acutely aware that what he's about to do, open up to someone to show his vulnerability, is something he's never tried, not even with Gon. He's grateful to be able to tell him without having to meet his big puppy eyes directly. "It's true that everything that's happened has hurt me a lot," he admits in a whisper, "but not being able to handle the situation, to help you... to be there for you, before everything happened... was undoubtedly the worst," he sighs heavily. "But it doesn't matter if you leave, if you do some absurd nonsense again, if we fight, I..." His hand tightly grips Gon's back. It's extremely hard for him to voice all these words out loud. He can't help but lower his voice, and a slight blush creeps onto his cheeks. "Listen closely because I won't repeat it, okay?" Gon nods against his neck, paying full attention. "Gon, I'll always want to be by your side. No matter what, who, or when. You're the most important person to me, and nothing can change that."
Killua surprises himself by feeling totally calm now.
"So don't you dare say something as stupid as you don't deserve to be my friend again, because I'll beat you up, you moron."
Gon nods without letting go of him yet, unable for the first time in his life to speak a word, something that Killua appreciates, just this once.
Now, at last, everything is alright again.