Me
Who am I?
I do not know the answer
It eludes me at the fork in the road
Each road is identical to one another
Looking the same as the other but detached
Except for one key difference
One lies obscured in shadow
The other smells like a familiar fragrance
The fragrance…my own body shares
Is that who I am?
I do not know the answer
But I know I am being pushed down one road
As if I were…in…a…wheelchair…
I cannot escape from
Am I crippled and infirm…?
My body feels like it is…cracked?
Am I…dead?
But…I am alive!
I…think…?
Have I become…a zombie?
I do not…think so…
I still feel…angry and bitter?
Somehow…
Wait…
Is this…my body?
Or…someone else's?
I…do not…know…the answer
If I am neither dead nor in my own body…
Then who died and whose body is it?
It looks the same as her…
My…
Captor…?...Warden…?
…Twin Sister…?
…Myself…?
I…do not…know…the answer
But…I do not think…it is…the correct body…
I…do…not…feel…
…Dead…
…Nor incomplete…
But…I…feel…
Cast out…?
Whole…?
And…responsible…?
Am I…who I…think…I am?
I…do not…know…the answer
My driver…
The person I think is my captor or warden
Or is that my captor and warden?
Is she…my…twin sister…?
Is that…why…I still…pray for her…?
Until…death…?
Is she keeping me in this wheelchair to…preserve me…?
As a symbol of…her loss…and grief…?
She plays with me and treats me like someone…
Like her…
Her…twin sister…?
Almost like she is obsessed with me…
As if I were an object…
Am I…an…object…?
I…do not…know…the answer…
If…I am…
Is she…my creator…?
I…do not…know…the answer…
Nor why…she is mad…
Over…something…
Or…at…me…?
What did…I do…?
Is this…because…of her…confession…?
I…do not…know…the answer…
Had I…denied…her…confession…?
I…do not…know…the answer…
I…cannot…escape…her…
I…cannot…escape…myself
I…am…her…twin sister…
I…am…her…
I…am…me…
It…feels…like…I…was…born…dead…?
Was I…born…dead…?
I…do not…know…the answer…
But…I…know…now…
That…I…am…her…twin sister…
That…I…am…her…
That…I…am…me…
Don't…Touch…Me…
…
Two years ago, I wrote a poem about the Sendou twins and the doll, Watashi, for my 2021 Halloween Special, entitled, Don't Touch, in which I discussed a theory I had about the Sendou twins' lore and how it implied a parallel to the Crimson Sacrifice Ritual. I still stand by it, though I wanted to approach the theory from another perspective this year by focusing more on the doll, Watashi, or as the remastered edition calls her, Me. I am not going to repeat everything I said previously in Don't Touch in the interest of drawing attention to that poem, but I will say that this one, Me, delves more into the psychological ramifications of both souls being united as one. Rather than look at each member of the trio per section, I saw Watashi—Me as the personification of an identity crisis. Kageri created her in the spitting image of her late twin sister, Kaoru, after all, and believes in the idea of them becoming one. In this regard, Watashi—Me could be considered a way for Kageri to accomplish her objective by creating a new body their souls could inhabit together, a vessel in which their souls could finally join.
This is where the identity crisis comes into play. Kageri and Kaoru are different souls being forced into one body. Technically, this poem starts off as Kaoru inhabiting Watashi—Me, though it winds up including Kageri at the end. At the same time, Kaoru's merging with the doll establishes another conundrum entirely. Kageri's creation of Watashi—Me could be seen as a symbol of two things. The first is the creation of life by constructing the doll, which can be interpreted as a way of playing god or how single celled organisms reproduce through procreation. The second is Kaoru's resurrection as or in the form of Watashi—Me. Because she created the doll, Kageri has essentially created a life in the likeness of her late twin sister. It is not Kaoru but a different identity entirely, one that could have its own soul and may be capable of realizing it exists, becoming self-aware as it were, as seen in the poem above. Yet, Kageri treats Watashi—Me as if the doll is Kaoru, or at the very least a surrogate of her twin sister. This begs the question of whose soul is whose and how they will each perceive the other when they meet. Is Watashi—Me a separate figure with its—her own identity and soul, or is the doll inhabited by Kaoru and a vessel in which her soul can be united with Kageri's soul? Are the twins the only souls or does Watashi—Me have her own soul too? This inquiry is the catalyst to the answers that culminate in the identity crisis. How do they tell themselves apart from one another? Could they distinguish themselves or do they become the same individual? It is quite an interesting theory philosophically speaking, one worthy of further speculation.
Disclaimer:
I do not own the Fatal Frame (Zero in Japan, Project Zero in Australia and Europe) series. It is owned by Koei Tecmo. I am also not an employee of or affiliated with Koei Tecmo. I am also not one of the fan translators who translated Fatal Frame IV: Mask of the Lunar Eclipse, nor affiliated with them. I have played a bit of each game in the main series, although the only game I ever finished was the (canon?) spin-off for the Nintendo 3DS, Spirit Camera.
Happy Halloween!