Facebook Shorts written for the Times

by A.A. Pessimal

Collected short pieces originally written for a Facebook group ("The Ankh-Morpork Times - News of the Disc") To be added to as I retrieve them. A series (eventually) of very short chapters.

43. The Holy Icon

The Icon

Inspired by a photograph of a seemingly ordinary packet of crisps (1) (apparently Sweet Thai Chili flavour) in which one large potato crisp has a completely regular circular hole in the middle.

The first sight of the Holy Icon Of The Great Potato God Epidity, which miraculously appeared in a bag of ready-salted flavour crisps, bought by Miss Imelda Koraschenka, a member of the Rodinian diaspora in Ankh-Morpork. Miss Koraschenka hurried to her spiritual advisor, Father Igor, the Junior Patriarch at the Church of Saint Cyril and St Basil (Rodinian Orthodox Rite of Epidity, just off Gods' Street).

The Holy And Miraculous Crisp has now been preserved as an Icon and a Relic. Asked for an opinion, High Priest Ridcully snorted and said it's down to any Church in good standin' with Small Gods to decide for itself what constitutes an Icon. However, our friends in the witch community do point to the supernatural interest of stones with holes in, and when all's said and done, the Rodinians do worship a Potato God. So I'm moved to suspect there may be somethin' in this and we're just waitin' to see if there are any reported miracles, like turnin' water into vodka, for instance. Now there's a useful miracle with practical applications, although Patriarch Igor is sensible enough to believe the miracle that turns potatoes into vodka is even better, and doesn't need magic."

Patriarch Igor has asked us to stress that, to avoid misunderstandings, he isn't THAT sort of Igor. It's just a popular name for boys where he comes from.

He also points out that according to strict Church doctrine laid down by the Metropolitan in Blondograd, the officially permissible and correct flavouring for a potato crisp is indeed Ready Salted. There is honest theological doubt about this, however, and some otherwise completely doctrinally correct believers have expressed a partiality for Cheese And Onion, or even Salt and Vinegar. Prawn Cocktail, however, is an Abomination in the eyes of Epidity, and the canon lawyers are still debating the permissibility of Smoky Bacon.

(1) OK then – potato chips, if you're North American.