Trigger Warnings for the whole story: Heavy angst, self harm mentions & allusions, suicide attempt, alcohol abuse, depression, strong language.
This is set when Marinette gets expelled by Lila but Adrien is not in a position to barter with Lila for Marinette's return to school. After reading a few Lila vs. Marinette fics, I decided to try write my own take on how Marinette would take everyone turning against her. This fic contains a deeper dive into depression, self harm and suicidal ideation than I've seen so far(side note, if you know of any stories that take a deeper dive into the pool of angst that hasn't been explored yet in this situation please let me know!), and I'm pulling some of my own experiences and thoughts to do with depression/suicidal thoughts here. Also, I'm trying to keep this to strictly Marinette's point of view and I think I'm delving into 'unreliable narrator' territory but it's not a term/tag I'm too familiar with. Any mentions of Marinette feeling worthless, pathetic, etc for xyz reason, please do not apply to yourself. This is a work of fiction and fiction only. If you are struggling with depression or any form of mental health issues please reach out and seek help. You are not alone, you are wonderful, you deserve a place on this Earth, and you matter. Please Google mental health service providers in your local area, or even seek help online. Life is worth living. I promise. It may not feel like it right now, but it will.
Anyway, on with the story.
Expelled.
She had never been expelled before in her life. Not even a suspension. The worst she'd ever had before was detention for being late, and now a permanent scar on her otherwise unblemished record. Marinette's eyes filled with tears as her mouth dropped. She looked over to the girl next to her with an incredulous gape. Lila Rossi had schooled her features into a mask of sorrow and uneasy distress, and if she didn't know the girl any better, she would believe her.
"Expulsion? Mr. Damocles, I didn't mean to get Marinette expelled! I just thought—" Lila started to plead her case, to play the part of the caring 'friend'.
"Lila, please. We know you didn't mean for this to happen, but those that make their bed must lie in it. Actions have consequences. You are now excused, please return to class," Mr. Damocles cut Lila off and dismissed her before turning to Marinette.
"Now, Marinette, we will be contacting your parents to come collect you, as for now, you may go back to class, only to collect your things. Then you will clear out your locker and wait for your parents in the office. Do you understand me?" Mr Damocles instructed her, looking down at Marinette with a frown.
Marinette swallowed hard and nodded, feeling a boulder lodge in her throat. She tugged her sleeves further down over her wrists and dug her nails into her palm, trying to use the pain to stop her from outright crying.
Lila had won.
Marinette didn't know how she did it, but she won. She'd ruined everything in her life. She took away her friends. She took away Adrien. Now she took away Marinette's good name. She would forever be branded a liar and a cheater.
"Excuse me, Mr. Damocles?" Marinette asked timidly.
He looked up from his desk and gave her a stern, but not altogether unkind, look.
"I—I didn't cheat. I didn't steal, I'm not that kind of person! You know who I am. I've been attending this school for years with barely—"
"Miss. Dupain-Cheng. I am aware of how long you have been attending this school. But the fact of the matter is, the answers were found in your bag. You managed a perfect score. Textbook, nearly, and before this year your attendance and grades were of that caliber. However, you have been tardy nearly every day this year, your grades have dropped, and I have multiple reports of antagonistic behaviour. I simply can't ignore this evidence because you were a top student. As a class representative, you need to be able to model good behaviour and set a good example for the others—"
"Antagonistic behaviour? Lila has been bullying me for months!" Marinette interrupted with a cry.
"Have you raised your concerns with any of your teachers? Can anyone corroborate your stories? I have a folder filled with witness accounts and statements about what you have done to Lila. I can simply ignore it no longer. To do so would be considered favouritism," Mr. Damocles continued.
Marinette couldn't stop the tears from falling down her cheeks.
"I-I was tr-trying to t-take the high… the high road," Marinette sobbed. "I was told; I was told, she would st-stop i-if I—"
"Marinette. Taking the high road is a noble choice, the correct way to deal with conflict. Threatening someone, hitting them is not—"
"Hit her?!" Marinette screeched indignantly, cutting her principal off.
Mr. Damocles glared down at her.
"Marinette, there is clearly no getting through to you, right now. Please, collect your things, quickly and as quietly as you can," Mr. Damocles ordered, turning his attention away from her.
Marinette couldn't believe what she was hearing. She wanted to scream, she wanted to shake her principal until he saw what Lila really was. A lying, manipulating, conniving bitch, but she couldn't. She took a deep breath to get herself and her emotions under control. The last thing she wanted to do was attract an akuma.
She exited the principal's office and trudged her way back to her class. Tears slipped slowly down her cheeks, dripping onto her blouse. She used her sleeve to wipe away the marks just before she entered the classroom. She wanted to hide the evidence that Lila had gotten to her, but as she stepped into the class her control wavered. Every single person looked at her with some sort of disdain or disgust. Even Markov's digital face seemed to show disappointment.
"Hi, everyone," she whispered, her voice rough. A distinct scoff escaped Alya who was sitting next to a perfectly poised Lila. Marinette forced herself not to react and took in a deep shuddering breath.
"I've been expelled," she continued. There was total silence from the room, until—
"Good riddance, I say! About time!"
This time a small smile cracked over Marinette's face as she turned to the blonde who had spoken.
"Thank you, Chloe. For being the only person who didn't change with Lila's arrival. I've never made the mistake of thinking we were friends, and I appreciate that. I never thought I would say this but, the others could learn from you."
Chloe seemed shocked by her words, as did the rest of the class.
"If you hadn't become such a lying bitch, none of this would have happened!" Alya spat.
Marinette tried to ignore the bait, but still flinched as she passed by Alya on her way to where Adrien was sitting, his face horror stricken. She slowly reached out to the other side of the desk, to where her stuff lay, still sitting out like she was going to rejoin the class at any second.
"Mari… expelled?" he breathed, aghast.
She couldn't bear to look at him, especially if he looked at her with those crushed green eyes.
"Yeah. I'll… I'll, uh… see you around… I guess," she whispered.
Her lower lip began to tremble as her control wavered. His hand gripped onto hers, as she reached for her pencils. His hand was warm and strong in hers, gripping hers with a desperate need she wished she could depend on.
"I'll fix this. I'll find a way. I promise," he whispered.
She could hear the whispers starting up behind her and her shoulders hunched, as if they could somehow protect her from the hurtful words spreading around her. She wanted to scream at them, to shout and point and tear Lila to shreds and expose her, but it seemed all so… pointless. These classmates of hers? She'd known them most of her life. She'd been to everyone's birthday since they were seven, made everyone special gifts, made sure no one had ever felt left out, she'd seen them through parent divorces, deaths of grandparents, school troubles… and the only person who had stuck up for her, the only person who refused to let lies cloud their judgment, was the person who'd known her the least amount of time.
"Don't bother, Adrien. She's won. I'm ruined now."
She pulled her hand away sharply and turned back to the class. The hurt she was feeling was almost palpable, and now several people couldn't meet her eyes. Rose, Juleka, Nathaniel, even Nino were looking away.
"As a parting statement from your now former class representative, uh… stay true to yourselves, be kind for kindness's sake and be honest. Those three things will be worth more in the long run. Just—be good," Marinette said, her voice breaking.
"Oh, that's rich, coming from you! You hypocrite," Alya snapped.
"Well then, learn from my fucking mistake, Alya!" Marinette shouted before she could stop herself, tears brimming in her eyes.
She opened her mouth to shout more but spotted the black butterfly heading her way, just about to enter through the window. Marinette took a deep shuddering breath and blew it out slowly as everyone spotted the butterfly as well. The whispers started up about what kind of akuma it could be, if Marinette was about to be akumatised, if she would let it happen and if Lila was going to be the first person she smacked down. The butterfly made it through the window and everyone stared entranced as it began to fly down towards Marinette's purse. Marinette squeezed her eyes shut as she concentrated on taking deep breaths, and pushing back against the heat of anger in her belly and the swell of hurt in her heart.
Damn it, Marinette. Get yourself under control! You can't let them get to you! The fate of Paris depends on you! Paris is far more important than your pathetic feelings! Get. A. Grip! You are Ladybug! Ladybug cannot be akumatised! Think of Adrien, think of Tikki!
The whispers intensified as Marinette managed to contain her emotions and at the last second the butterfly began to flutter away. She let a shaky breath escape her and looked down in shame. Imagine if anyone found out that Ladybug had nearly been akumatised. How much more pathetic could she get?
"Bye, everyone. Have a nice life," she whispered and all but ran out of the classroom, refusing to meet anyone's eye.
When she reached the front office, after clearing out her locker, her mother was exiting the principal's office and her mother gave her the most disappointed look she'd ever received in her life.
"Maman! I can explain!" Marinette begged.
"We will talk later, Marinette Bridgette Dupain-Cheng," her mother snapped coldly.
The tears immediately came back. Even her own mother had been deceived by lies. She was more alone than she had ever been before.
"Yes, Maman," she whispered.
They walked silently back to the bakery and Marinette could feel the anxiety swell within her with every minute that passed.