Summary: Takes place after sometime after Crimson. Clark is struggling with feelings some recent dreams have been producing, and trying to figure out what they mean.
It happened again, he's lost track of how many times it's happened, but Clark worries he will never have a full night's sleep again. Over and over night after night it happens he wakes up in a sweat induced stupor trying to shake off all the vivid nearly X-rated images his mind created. He would like to pretend that before all this happened he would have never thought of her this way yet he can't because that's a total lie. He's thought about it, but typically in the past he was interrupted either by the reality check that she would kill him if she ever found out what he thought about her sometimes or guilt for having the thoughts in the first place. Even the dreams he used to have about her were PG-13 at best never going quite as far as they have been recently. All that changed a few weeks ago with the Valentine's Day from Hell and a Red-K overdose. Now, here he is another night awakened by his dreams of her.
The thing is it's not that he is dreaming of her in this way, it's the way he dreams about her that's bothering him. Before Valentine's Day he could never imagine that Lois Lane in any real life scenario could look at him like she had or respond to him the way she did. He never imagined that she would actively pursue him or want him to touch her at all. Now, he knows how her eyes sparkle when she looks up at him, how much she wanted to please him, and how accepting she was all the same. She accepted him with no questions asked and never before in all his other encounters with Red-K has he wanted to impress someone more. He could act like it was just his ego needing to outshine Oliver, but the truth was he needed to be great in her eyes, he needed her to see him, and that he needed her to accept all of him. Jumping from the Daily Planet roof with her in his arms had felt like the most natural thing in the world, and the awestruck look in her eye made him feel special, even normal.
It was that reality mixed in with his raging hormones that was causing these dreams to overwhelm him. Before a fantasy Lois Lane was harmless and one he knew was not real, but having the real Lois made what was only wishful fleeting moments of weakness turn into a dangerous longing that if he was not careful could overwhelm him. When he was awake he could tell himself that none of it meant anything that him being infected by Red Kryptonite and her strung up on some crazy love potion was to blame that it was not really them. Yet, in his sleep when his guard was down he found himself in a world where Lois loved him, everything about him including his powers and he could be with her unfiltered and uninhibited which led to the very interesting outcomes that often contributed to him bolting out of his sleep. Perhaps he could just leave it to just him wanting to hold onto something good, or the need to have an escape. If he was being honest this year had been a whirlwind of changes. It seemed that everything he thought was true was being questioned, and he really didn't know where he fit in this changing world.
First there was Lana, her turning to Lex and their relationship becoming more and more serious was one of the first things that threw him off. Second, it was Chloe and her relationship with Jimmy. He liked Jimmy and knew he was crazy about Chloe. It was just that in the past he knew that if he needed something Chloe was there he didn't have to wonder. Now he practically had to hunt her down as she might be off somewhere doing something else, and what was standard between them suddenly wasn't anymore. Next, that brings his mother, her ever evolving relationship with Lionel and her increasing senatorial duties was another change that he was not really sure he liked. Sure, he was proud of her and the work she was doing in her role, but he missed having her around. As for her relationship with Lionel he couldn't say that he really liked it that much. He knew Lionel was changing, but it was hard for him to picture his mother with him. Also, it was another reminder that this was the first full year he spent without his father around. Bringing him to the last change his love life. It was the first time in his life that he truly felt alone, and everytime he even let himself consider someone a possibility something happened to take it away: Raya, Lana, even Chloe to a certain extent leading right back to where this all started Lois.
In all the changes, his relationship with Lois has been the most consistent. It has just seemed that without any other distractions he has found himself more aware of her in a way that he hadn't been before. Watching her grow both personally and professionally while at the same time not having to wonder what she's doing or where she might be. Even in her relationship with Oliver she was still just Lois. Thus, the reason what he experienced with her on Valentine's Day was so profound, because despite her being under the influence she was still Lois. She made fun of him, teased him, and otherwise treated him the same with just the added bonus of more. It was the very reason he couldn't shake it off the reason why his unconscious mind created a home for all of those lingering thoughts and unfulfilled desires to live on. He thinks back to the day he returned that mixed CD she made him, and the way she said she must have really liked him hit him like a ton of bricks, and was the springboard for his recurring dreamscape. For as long as he was in this alone he could chalk it all up to the longings of a lonely man just trying to find his thrills where he can, but now that there is even just a small possibility that she could someday see the real him and like it makes it something more.