Summary: Takes place following the end of Infamous. Clark is reflecting about his decision not to go forward with plans to meet Lois for coffee and the potential consequences of that decision.
FEAR, it's an emotion that he is all too familiar with. Fear of being alone, fear of being different, fear of rejection, and fear of everything he can't control. Fear is what led him to this moment, and fear is what he feels everytime he looks at the message she sent for the hundredth time since he walked in the door. This time the fear felt different like this dread that perhaps he really should be worried that where all his other fears were perhaps unwarranted or irrational this time he actually had something to be afraid of. He tried to shake the thought away, but rereading her message again made him see that this was different somehow like he was losing something very important. He thinks back on the recent events and knows that the thought of losing her scared him more than all the other things that went wrong. The risk of losing her made him feel that he had to protect her. The thought of losing her made him feel that it was better to stay safe than take a risk. The thought of losing her told him it was easier to not cross that street than to risk it all. It would have been so easy to take a chance to let what he was feeling for quite some time now be revealed, but he just couldn't. He worried mostly about her safety if something happened to her because of him he is not sure what he would do.
When those agents threatened to go after Lois something primal rose up inside him, and he vowed then to never let anyone harm her. So, when he made the decision to turn back time he knew then that he had to keep his secret for no other reason than to keep her protected. He saw the hurt in her eyes, and heard it in her voice when she thought she wasn't special to him. That's the thing though it was because she meant too much to him for him to risk her life or her safety. That's why on top of stopping Linda Lake his second most important priority was to be there for Lois. He did not want to see that look of disappointment in her eyes again, but with that change came her offer to talk about what almost happened at the wedding. It would have been so easy to just cross that street and sit down. The fact that he went there in the first place was a big deal, and the fact that she was there waiting for him felt significant. Yet, he knew that while everything within him selfishly wanted nothing more he had to put her first to protect her to keep her close, but not too close so that she was never at risk. So, he knew that the most selfless thing he could do was close the door on anything but friendship with her, and the only way he knew to do that was to not cross that street.
Sending her that message saying he wasn't coming was hard enough, but it was her reply that stung the most. An angry Lois he could deal with, her calling him a coward, or being indifferent that was something he could manage, but a closed off Lois that scared him. Just the thought of it he couldn't take that, or the thought that she might no longer allow him to see the sides of her she kept hidden from everyone else. Losing her special way with him, and all the other things that made her well, Lois. The thought that she might no longer allow him a special place in her life was a greater fear, and one he did not account for in this scenario. He thought she would be upset or disappointed in him for not being willing to take a chance, but he never thought it would lead to him being closed out. "Don't slam my cousin in the door" that's what Chloe told him yet he felt that the door was being closed on him.
Thinking back on this month without her she never left him; she was everywhere in everything. So, where everyone else saw it as he made a choice between one woman and another the truth was he made a decision to not really decide but to accept. He felt that the best course of action was to keep the status quo. Why change the already established dynamics. For if Lois was in everything and they were just friends how much worse would it be if they became more and he lost it all. For with Lana there was less to lose as there would be nothing to really change, everything would be safe and familiar no risk. He knew that all the things he had feared with Lana in the past would still exist with Lois. He had figured out sometime ago that to have the type of traditional relationship with a woman he was going to have to tell her his secret, or it would never work. For he knew that was not an easy decision to make, and would require them to give up a lot. So, to him it was logical to not start something that he knew would end anyway, and to him it seemed like a no-brainer for there was no way to tell Lois everything, and therefore there was no way he could lose her.
Those were his choices to either lose her completely or keep things the way they were. It was simple as that, he needed her to be everywhere, and in everything he couldn't lose that so he went with the safe option. It seemed like the best of both worlds until it all came crashing down. Yet as much as it hurt to lose a life with Lana he found that each day it seemed to hurt less like it was a sign that perhaps it was just inevitable that he was not destined to have a relationship like he longed for, and he would stop looking for one. For, he had been without her before and lived he knew he would be able to go forward even if it took time. Bringing him back to the present. Lois was larger than life, she was a force of nature, how much worse would it be to be without her. So, when the opportunity to tell her everything presented itself he was worried how she might react, but the fact that she handled it better than expected felt like for once he could see a light a ray of hope that perhaps there was a way to have everything he ever wanted and maybe even more. Then it all went to Hell and here he is worried that perhaps all his other fears were far less scary than fearing his world without Lois Lane in it.