Waiting outside the door to the Captain's office, the last thing I expected was to feel kind of numb all over. Might be the medi-gel, I had gone through all the reserves of the suit's medical interface, and it comes loaded with painkillers. From where I was standing, arms crossed and back to the wall of the Normandy, my armor looked dinged and dirty, but it was hard to assess the damage. The chest plates were very bulky, and one can't really flex the neck much while wearing it anyway. While it wasn't exactly like the games, this would be considered a medium heft armor. Lighter builds were thinner and more flexible.
I had stopped worrying about the looks I was getting. Most of the crew were still in mission-mode, so to speak, so the mess wasn't very populated. Still, the very loud discussion happening inside the Captain's office was hard to miss.
After a few minutes, the door finally opened with a hiss, and out came Nihlus.
"Get your people under control, Shepard," he said over his shoulder. He only gave me the barest of glances as he walked off, and a moment later I heard what I had been expecting.
"Roy!" Shepard called. "Get in here!"
And so I did. Anderson was sitting at his desk, as usual, but Shepard wasn't. She was standing right next to him, hands on her hips and looking pissed off. I wasn't even invited to seat, as soon as the door closed, she went at it.
"What the hell were you thinking!" No, it wasn't a question, and I wasn't really going to try and give an answer to that. "Are you trying to get yourself killed? And nevermind that, you blew up a bloody prothean ruin, and set Benezia's daughter loose. And nevermind that, you nearly got ALL OF US KILLED!"
Ah, lovely, I'm getting the blame for the ruins.
You know, if I hadn't done it, you would have hit the laser and blown it up anyway.
But yeah, why the hell not get the blame for that too? I'm great at that! It was just the icing on the cake really. What was I thinking? To tell the truth, I really wasn't thinking much. I was just fucking annoyed at the constant jabs, prods, and put-downs. Yeah, so I wasn't exactly a freaking N7, but Shepard had been shoving me forward and she hadn't exactly been subtle about it. Get in the Mako's gun, and oh, I popped your shoulder running into a freaking wall without warning, just walk it off. Go shoot some geth.
So yeah, apparently my fuse finally got a bit short. And I say apparently because I didn't really remember clearly what had happened. The fight when we entered the underground was... blurry. It was very weird, like it hadn't really been me there. All I was lacking was a third person camera view to have been an spectator. It only came into focus when I crashed on the ground, right on top of the geth hopper.
"… not have someone on the ground team who can't follow orders."
Wait, what?
While I was doing my mental recap – because, quite frankly, I lost my appetite for being yelled at a long time ago, so I wasn't interested in yet another shout-out – Shepard had kept talking, but I hadn't really heard what she had been saying until that. Did she just...
"So you want me out?" I said.
She furrowed her brow. "Me? I already told you, whether you were part of this or not was up to you."
Well that's great. So she's putting it on me again. I'm off? 'Cos I chose so.
Fine.
"Right. Do I get a scape pod or are you going to drop me off somewhere?"
I guess Shepard wasn't expecting that, because she blinked a couple of times before answering, as if she was processing what I had said.
"Don't be melodramatic," she said, annoyed. "We're en route to the Citadel to get a new Mako, and to explain what the hell happened on the mission."
"Great," I said, and turned to leave the room.
"And go see Chakwas already, you're getting blood all over my nice clean floor," she shot as I walked off.
I glanced back – which consisted of half-turning my whole body, damn body armor – and saw that I had indeed been dripping. Not a lot, but it was there. Guess I did run out of medi-gel after all.
Well, at least Chakwas won't have to keep patching me up for long. Funnily enough, that was probably the least bad part of the whole thing, she was nice most of the time.
"Dammit Roy, at least try to be part of the damn team. You can't just muddle along like a zombie, we don't even know what to do to get you to talk to us. Which is what we've been trying! And I know you can do it, you did fine in training, you were talking, asking questions, and doing what you had to do! What I ordered you to do. I would not have someone on the ground team who can't follow orders."
Shepard wasn't sure whether Roy was taking it in or not, she had shouted at him as soon as he stepped inside. Fuck it, she had every right to chew him up after his little show. Nevermind the mining laser, he couldn't know the place would go up like that, although it had been reckless. But the grenades? She had tried to soften the blow after that, because just yelling at him wasn't what she wanted, but-
"So you want me out?" Roy finally said.
What?
"Me?" Shepard said, her surprise obvious. Where the hell did that come from? "I already told you, whether you were part of this or not was up to you."
"Right. Do I get a scape pod or are you going to drop me off somewhere?" Roy said.
So he wanted out? Fine, he was the one who volunteered in the first place. Her rational mind took half a step back as the anger, and the tension from yet another near-death experience, wrestled with her brain for control of her mouth.
"Don't be melodramatic," she snapped. "We're en route to the Citadel to get a new Mako, and to explain what the hell happened on the mission."
Anger one, brain zero.
"Great," Roy said, and just turned around.
That's it? That's fucking it, Roy?
"And go see Chakwas already, you're getting blood all over my nice clean floor," Shepard said. The words were out of her mouth without any real thought. That damn reptilian brain again.
Roy only stopped for a moment to look back, but his image was gone when the door closed automatically. That was the last straw.
"What the hell just happened?!" she snapped, looking at Anderson.
The Normandy's captain was still sitting on his chair, arms crossed and looking at Shepard with a neutral expression. She knew that expression, it was his "your mess, Shepard, don't look at me" one.
"I could understand if he'd said he wanted out, but he freaking asked me! After I just told him I thought he could be part of the team dammit!"
"Shepard, you may want to work on your tact."
"What tact?"
"Exactly," Anderson replied, shaking his head. "You spend too much time with nothing but soldiers. I'm not sure if you've forgotten how to speak with civilians, or you just never learned to."
"I'll be right back, I'm going out there to strangle him," Shepard said.
"Shepard," Anderson called, unsure as to whether she was serious or not. Hard to tell sometimes with her. "This might be a great time to take a break and do something else. Like debriefing."
Right, the mission. Anderson's words brought her back into focus, forcing her emotions back to the deeper layer of her mind. The black box. Where she stored everything. She had promised herself that one day she'd open that door and start sorting out the mess, but for now, it all went there.
She raised her omni-tool and opened the comms.
"Ground team to the conference room for debriefing," Shepard called.
She stomped out of the room and up the stairs, taking them two at a time. She ignored the marine's salute as she entered the conference room, and found only Nihlus was already there. They didn't say anything. She took a spot at the centre, her back a foot from the bar in front of the FTL comms unit, and crossed her arms.
It wasn't long before the rest of the team started arriving. She heard them even before the door opened, but she didn't quite recognize the Chief's voice until she walked in. The way she was laughing. She hadn't heard that laughter from her yet.
"I'm telling you, you should have seen it!" Williams said.
"We did, remember?" Alenko replied.
"Not through the screen, live! He was all YOU PIECE OF SHIT and beating the geth with his bare hands," Williams said. She was mimicking the punching motion as she spoke, getting peals of laughter from the others.
"You must be so proud," Felawa said.
Shepard could believe it. The way she was walking, she looked like a mother hen.
"I knew he had it in him." Williams stopped at the door and looked around, taking in the fact that the room was empty. "Hey Commander, where's Roy?"
"Morgan is no longer your problem, Chief. Take a seat," Shepard replied dryly, gesturing with her head towards the empty seats.
She saw the words worm their way into William's head, and the reactions. She froze, smile and all, saw Shepard's face, then the smile disappeared and she simply nodded, following the order without a complaint, only a perfectly regular "yes sir."
She didn't pout, go out the door, and leave the ship in a huff.
It's not so damn difficult, is it?
The marines all took the mood in and filed with their professional game faces on. Wrex... If she could tell anything about krogan facial expressions, he was smiling. It must have been an amusing show for him. Next was Tali, and the poor girl looked quite shaken. It had been a heck of a ride, she had been holding it together pretty well during missions, but that last one had been a doozy. Shepard noticed she kept giving her glances, she obviously had something in her mind she wasn't comfortable discussing in public.
Later.
After that came T'soni and Garrus. Despite her foul mood, Shepard couldn't hide a small smile at that. The C-sec detective was back to old habits. All she had done was give him a look as they walked off, and shoot a glance at T'soni. There he was, shadowing her like a hawk. T'soni looked nervous, but it could all be an act. Still, most of her team was still in full gear, including herself. She'd not be as stupid as to try something there.
One thing she knew is that she was good with her biotics. She had been wearing a very solid biotic barrier, and had blown her singularity with perfect accuracy.
Ye gods, she still had a massive headache. She hated that damn thing. Unconsciously, she rose her right hand and scratched the scar under her eye. It had never bothered her, she had had it since birth, but it was a stupid habit she couldn't get rid of.
Last one to enter was Anderson. He settled at the back of the room, instead of coming with them to the front. Nice. As it was, Shepard was in the middle, Nihlus at the front, and Anderson at the back by the door. Two N7 and a Spectre. T'soni must be feeling the pressure now.
"All right, we're all here. Joker, status?"
"Too close, Commander," the pilot's response came. "Ten more seconds and we would have been swimming in molten sulphur. The Normandy isn't equipped to land in exploding volcanoes. They tend to fry our sensors and melt our hulls. Just for future reference."
There were a few chuckles around. Yeah, always trust Joker to defuse tension. T'soni looked confused by the response, turning around to look at the humans laughing.
"Is this really the time for such jokes? We almost died," she said.
"Joker just saved our bacon, he's entitled to a joke or two," Shepard replied sharply. Damn, she had to get that under control. The pounding headache was getting worse, which didn't help matters. She should've gotten some painkillers before the debriefing.
"I see... It must be a human thing."
"It sure is," Williams said. "Right Tali?"
"Humans are crazy," Tali replied, looking at T'soni. "I haven't gotten used to it yet."
That got more chuckles, which furthered T'soni's confusion.
"What about the geth?"
"Already moving out. They haven't gone anywhere near the populated areas. Well, other than our vacation spot. You really take us to the best places, commander."
"Good, thanks Joker." Shepard said. She then turned to the asari. "Well, Dr. T'soni."
"Please," the asari interrupted. "Just Liara."
"Liara then. We were talking about your mother before the volcano exploded under our feet."
"Yes..." Liara replied, taking a moment to gather her wits. "As I said, there's nothing I can tell you, commander. I haven't spoken to my mother in years."
"Are we supposed to believe that? Benezia just happens to have a daughter who is a prothean expert, and who is surrounded by geth when we come to find her."
"The geth killed the whole expedition!" Liara replied almost instantly. "The only reason I'm still alive is because I found that cell! I was trapped in there, but at least I was safe. I got to hear the cries of terror and pain from the others as the geth killed them!"
Shepard winced internally, but didn't let it show. It could still be an act, but the asari would have to be a pretty good actress. Last one standing after the whole team's wiped out, she knew how that was. And that voice sounded to her ear like that of one who'd just gone through the same.
"What would Benezia want with you?" Shepard said.
"I don't know!" Liara said. She then closed her eyes and took a deep breath. It seemed like the mere mention of her mother was a sore point for her. "I know nothing of my mother's dealings."
"Have you ever heard of something called the Conduit?"
"Prothean?" she said, getting a nod from Shepard. "I've heard of it, but I know little. All I know is that it is somewhat connected to the prothean extinction. That's my real area of expertise. I have spent the last fifty years trying to find out what happened to them."
"Nihlus can probably help with that," Shepard said.
"With all due respect, I have heard all theories before. The biggest problem is finding evidence for them. The protheans left very little evidence of their passing behind."
"I know, it comes straight from the source," Shepard said.
"The source?"
"A prothean beacon was unearthed on Eden Prime," Nihlus said, finally taking the thread of the conversation. "I came briefly into contact with it, and it planted some gibberish in my head."
"A working prothean beacon? You are lucky to be alive, Spectre," Liara said. "Working beacons are rare, and they are designed to work on prothean minds. You must be remarkably strong willed."
"Yeah, he's quite stubborn," Shepard said. That got her a look from Nihlus that was pretending to be serious, but couldn't hide the humor he was trying to suppress.
"I see," Liara said. Yep, she had missed the humor again.
"I saw what destroyed the protheans. Or fragments of it. I saw a ship, the design of it... It's exactly like the ship Saren is using." Nihlus paused, looking like he was digging deep into the images in his head. "There's more, organics being killed by synthetics. But that ship, it sounds impossible but Saren is working with whatever destroyed the protheans. They call them the Reapers."
"It is not as impossible as you might think. According to my research, these extinctions have happened before. There is a cycle in the galaxy, where civilizations rise, and are cut down at their peak. This has happened before."
"And it's happening to us now," Shepard said. "How come I have never heard of this? All I hear is how the protheans built everything, and that's all there is to it."
"There's practically no evidence for any of this. All I have is little clues, and more than that, a feeling. Like somebody out there made the effort to wipe any evidence from past civilizations. Sometimes the absence of evidence can be more telling than the evidence itself."
Shepard and Nihlus exchanged a look, not needing to rehash the conversation they had had a dozen times already. They had a prothean expert onboard, but they weren't getting too far with him. Now they had another one, maybe she could prove more useful.
By then, Shepard could believe that Liara wasn't working with her mother.
"With your permission, perhaps I could help," Liara said. "If the prothean beacon placed information in your mind, maybe with my knowledge of the protheans I could help you sort through it."
"How?" Shepard said.
"Melding," Nihlus replied, getting a nod from Liara.
"Okay...?" Shepard said.
"Maybe Nihlus and Liara can get their freak on later," Williams said, interrupting the exchange, "because this isn't helping us find the Conduit or Saren."
"Oh, of course," Liara replied, turning a darker shade of blue. For some reason, Shepard thought that was hilariously adorable. "I'm sorry, I cannot help you find one or the other."
"Still, we could use a prothean expert aboard," Shepard said.
"And the biotics will come in handy when the shooting starts," Wrex said.
"I would like to help, commander," Liara said.
"No problem with me," Shepard said. "Captain?"
All eyes turned to Anderson, who had been quietly observing the proceeds from the door. "She's on your team, Shepard. Up to you."
"Great. Welcome aboard, Liara," Shepard said, offering her hand.
"Thank you commander," Liara replied, standing up and making to shake it. "I won't... woah..."
Shepard grabbed Liara's hand and pulled her closer, holding her as she got unsteady on her feet. After a second or so, the asari got her bearings back, and stepped away, turning, again, even bluer.
"I-I'm sorry about that, I felt dizzy there for a moment."
"When was the last time you had something to eat or a good sleep?" Alenko said.
"We're about to find out. Chief, take Liara to Chakwas and have her checked. Mandatory downtime until the good doctor says so."
"It is not necessary, commander, I..." Liara's protest died on her lips when she realized the face everyone was making.
"Trust me, you don't argue with the doctor on this ship," Nihlus said, getting vigorous nods of agreement from everyone in the room.
"I see... Thank you commander."
"All right everyone, back to work. We're en route to the Citadel, we should be there tomorrow morning. Until then, clean yourselves and the ship up."
With general agreement, the entire room stood up and made for the door, letting Anderson, Liara, and Williams out first. Shepard waited patiently until Tali made eye contact with her again, and gave her a nod. She'd wait.
Once the coast was clear, Shepard leaned back on the FTL console and crossed her arms, trying to look as relaxed as possible. She had run the briefing quite highly strung, so it was time for her to help Tali relax.
"Something on your mind, Tali?" she said.
"I..." the quarian hesitated, rubbing her hands together in a nervous gesture. "I wanted to apologize, Shepard. It's my fault."
*Blink*
"What's your fault?"
"The whole mess during the mission. You brought me here because my expertise with the geth, but I screwed up."
"No you didn't," Shepard replied.
"I couldn't hack those hoppers fast enough, and when Roy-"
"Roy made his own mess, Tali," Shepard interrupted. "Don't try and shift the blame onto you. You performed brilliantly, and I can't fault you for anything that went down, okay?"
"… okay. Thank you, Shepard."
"Anything else?"
"Well, there is one thing. I didn't know you were a biotic. You created a very powerful singularity, I was very impressed."
"And you're wondering why I haven't done it before?"
"Something like that."
"I'm not really a biotic," Shepard replied, rubbing the scar under her eye. "There was an accident when my mother was pregnant, and I ended up with an eezo crystal in my face. Quite literally."
"Really?"
"Yep. Fixed through pre-natal surgery," she tapped the scar, "but the crystal was too deeply embedded in my brain for them to do anything about it. It's the only eezo in my body, so I didn't quite develop biotics. But with a prototype, custom-made implant I finally was able to start using it. As a result, singularities are all I can do. Its got to do with focus, and lack of nodes on my extremities."
"It's still very useful!"
"And it gives me a headsplitting punch to the brain every time I use it."
"Oh..."
"So yeah, if you ever see me using it, it means shit's hit the fan." That got her a blank look from Tali, so all she could do was laugh. "Nevermind, let's go get something to eat. Like an aspirin sandwich."
Yeah, I was definitely feeling numb because of the medi-gel. Once I got to the medbay and took the body armor off, I saw I was coated with the stuff. The undermesh itself was a mess, with blood and medi-gel all over.
And I didn't really feel any of it. Yay drugs.
"Feel this?" Chakwas said.
"Feel what?"
She chuckled at that and got to work. I had so much local anesthesia that I was starting to feel loopy. Which wasn't particularly good, if I wanted to avoid saying anything stupid. Then again, it wasn't me who was worried about the leakage of information.
Come to think of it, the AI had been remarkably silent.
"Do you have a frequent flier program, doc?" I said, trying to fill in the emptiness.
Chakwas took it in stride, barely breaking a smile. I guess she had heard it all before.
"In a way. I usually have a word with the commanding officer about reassignments, usually in the form of janitorial duties."
"Well, I won't have to worry about that anymore."
She gave me a glance over the screen behind which she was working, but quickly looked down to continue her work. She was patching up my left leg, which was hole eight she had had to fix so far. There were a couple more.
"She got there ahead of me I see," Chakwas said.
"She just kicked me out, so you could say that," I replied.
Chakwas paused for a moment, to give me a good look this time. "That does not sound like Shepard at all."
"That's me, bringing the best out of people."
"What exactly happened during the mission? I did not think I'd ever have to patch this many holes on you, I figured the commander would know better."
"Oh I'm sure she does."
My flippant answer didn't seem to faze Chakwas, she just kept looking at me, as if saying great, now the truth please.
*Sigh*
"I'm... not actually sure what happened. I was just pissed off, charged ahead, and next thing I know I'm at the bottom of the pit, covered in geth goo and out of medi-gel."
"A dissociative episode," Chakwas said. "Have you experienced anything similar before?"
"No?" I paused to think. "At least I don't think so... I wouldn't remember, would I?"
"I guess not," Chakwas said, returning back to work. "It could be you are actively trying not to remember."
"Okay, good."
"Not particularly." I felt a numb pull on my leg, then the snick sound of the wound being closed. Lovely, lovely medi-gel. "Suppressing memories like that is rarely a good sign. Perhaps you could try small."
"Like?"
"Like how you got this last wound, for example," she said, poking my left leg.
"I thought I had two more?"
"That one went in and out," she replied, pointing at my hip, "the medi-gel you had is enough."
"Okay."
She went on to set up around my leg again, while I closed my eyes and tried to think. If I was being honest, I didn't actually feel like thinking about that gigantic mess, which may mean Chakwas had a point.
Just go wait by the Mako, it'll be better for everyone.
Shit, just thinking about that still annoyed the hell out of me. So what if she was right though? Just wait by the Mako, and maybe end up like Fredricks, who was in an induced coma on the next bunk – behind a very thick privacy curtain – to see if that improved things.
But that wasn't the point. Shot to the leg. I didn't remember any shots. I started shooting... I was just standing there, right? No, I was right in the middle of the whole thing.
Punching that geth. What happened to my gun?
"Roy," Chakwas said. "Roy," she insisted, shaking my shouder.
I opened my eyes and all but jumped off the stretcher, but she held me down. My heart was beating hard in my chest.
"What the...?" I said.
"Try to calm down," she said.
Beep, beep, beep, beep.
The monitor was beeping fast, at the cadence of my heart. She pulled my arm free, I was grabbing the side of the stretcher like it was a lifeline, and when she did, I saw my hands were trembling.
"Why... What..." I couldn't really make a single phrase, what was going on?
"This is a natural reaction," Chakwas said, picking up my unfinished question. "You could have been killed out there."
"Shit..."
I wasn't getting any better. Now, instead of calmly thinking about the mess, I was having all sort of clashing thoughts about the fight. More like flashes, images. Punching that geth. Throwing one over the railing of the scaffold. I could remember feeling impacts too, how the hell didn't they even bother me?
Shit.
And all that, and I was out of the Normandy too. Just great. Freaking great.
Beepeepeepeepeep.
"Roy, open your eyes and look at me," Chakwas said. It wasn't said abruptly, but the tone of voice was firm and compelling. "Stop. Relax. Stop your negative thoughts, just let it pass."
"I can't!" I almost yelled. I had no idea how to stop it.
A jab to the arm distracted me for a moment, but Chakwas got my attention again.
"You can. Look at me. Deep, slow breaths. Focus only on your breathing. It's happening, you're afraid, but you're not in danger. Focus. You're safe here."
I tried to do what she said, looking straight at her. She wasn't smiling, but she did look relaxed. How could she be so relaxed? Why?
…
Why wouldn't she be? We're in the Normandy.
At least for now.
I was out.
Beep, beep, beep, beep.
"That's it. There's no need to fight it, just let it pass."
It took maybe three very, very long minutes, but eventually it passed. My heart slowed down, my thoughts became less jumbled, and I could finally really relax. Holy crap, what the hell was that?
Was that what I was supposed to feel during the fight?
"Panic attack," Chakwas said, answering my silent question. "By your reaction, I take you have never felt it before?"
"Can't say I have," I replied, breathing deeply. Damn, I was suddenly starting to feel exhausted.
"We're going to have to work on this," Chakwas said. "For now-"
She was interrupted by the sound of the door opening. I heard two voices, one was Liara, the other-
Ash.
Unbidden, my heart rate went up again, not terribly, but noticeably. I really wasn't in the mood to talk with her, or anyone for the matter.
"Relax, Roy," Chakwas said. She patted my chest gently, and walked off past the privacy curtain. "Chief."
"Doc," Ash replied. "This is Liara T'soni. Liara, Doctor Chakwas. She's going to need a checkup."
"It's a pleasure," Liara said.
"Likewise," Chakwas replied. "This way please. Thank you, Chief."
"Erm..." There was a pause. "Hows Roy?"
"Resting," Chakwas said. With her uncanny ability, she made it sound like an invitation for Ash to leave, and she took it as such.
"Right. I'll see you later then."
Thank goodness for that.
I don't know what Chakwas fed me, but I fell asleep like I had been hit on the head by a two by four. I didn't even remember dreaming. I got nearly ten hours of sleep, which put me at four in the morning when I woke up.
The medbay was dark and completely still when I did. Chakwas was either awake or at her pod, so I didn't see her around. I tried to get up, and my body responded with a reminder of the excesses of the previous day.
Boy, was I sore.
My feet touched something before they found the floor, and when I looked down, I saw that it was my armor. It was piled up neatly, but it was dinged and dirty. I stood, stretched carefully, and after some twists to pop all my joints back into place, I picked the armor up.
Time for some cleaning.
The ship was as quiet as the medbay. Not even Shepard was about, which was a little unusual given how early she always rose. I guess not even an N7 is immune to fatigue. Well, I didn't mind.
One very long lift ride later, and I was at the cargo bay. It looked fairly empty without the Mako, but to my surprise, Wrex was already there. He had taken over Ash's workbench, and apparently was working on his armor. And I say apparently because he was out of it, and boy did he look like a lizard.
He gave me a glance, chuckled, and went back to work.
Huh. 'Kay, I guess.
It didn't actually take me long to clean the armor. It did take me by surprise to see how utterly shredded it was. I guess Serrus wasn't wrong about Alliance armor, the plates were pretty good. They were cracked, dented, and a mess, but they had stopped a lot of ordinance.
From where I was standing, it looked like the thing was ready to be thrown away.
Meh, we'll see.
When I got to my locker to put the armor in the case, Wrex gave me another look.
"Looks like you finally found your quad, pyjak," he said.
"I guess I did," I replied, not looking at him. "Too little too late."
I didn't say anything else. Emptying my locker felt weird enough as it was. I left the Alliance harness, but took the one the AI had given me. Never had had a chance to use it.
"I'll give you some free advice," Wrex said. "Bloodrage is a tool, nothing more. Don't let it control you."
"Humans don't have krogan bloodrage," I replied.
Wrex laughed softly at that. "If you say so."
I didn't answer, and before I knew it, the Normandy shook with the metallic clang of something hitting the hull. I had felt that before, we were at the Citadel already.
Great timing.
"Take care, Wrex," I said, pulling the armor case off the locker and heading for the lift. He didn't answer, he merely nodded and kept working, like it didn't really matter what I did or didn't.
Up the lift and out of the door, I only met the night crew on my way out, and they barely gave me a glance as I passed. I got to the front door, and saw Joker had already pulled his chair back, cap over his eyes and fast asleep. Damn, he must have been driving all night. I thought we weren't supposed to arrive until much later in the morning.
Have you ever heard that thing about New York being the city that doesn't sleep? I'm not sure how true it is for the Big Apple, I've never been there, but it's definitely the truth for the Citadel. The light and temperature were exactly the same as the last time I had been there, the docks were as packed with activity, and the security queue as long as usual too. On my way down I crossed some Alliance people, who gave me some weird looks but didn't say anything. I guess the SR1 uniform kind of stands out.
Time to do something about that, but first...
"Well, well, guess who's here," Serrus said as soon as I entered his shop.
"You're up early," I replied. It was true, half the shops in the markets hadn't opened yet.
"Old habits die hard," he rumbled. "Anything I can help you with, or just a social visit?"
"Heh. No, no, I'm on business." I hauled the armor case to the counter and offered it to him. "I need a patch job."
"Let's take a loo-" He stopped talking when he opened the case and looked at the state of the thing inside. If he had had lips, I bet he'd have whistled. As it was, it made a seriously comical bird-like squacking sound. "Damn, did you use it for target practice?"
"Something like that, with me inside."
He looked at me, at the armor, then at me again. "You're one lucky human, remember never to play Skillian Five with you."
"What can I say, I hang out with the right people. So, what do you think?"
"What do I think? Turn it into omni-gel and start from scratch," he said, picking up the larger chest piece and admiring it. Yeah, it was a bit of a mess. Clean, though, I made sure of that.
"No, no, it has to be this one," I replied, giving it a rap with my knuckles. "Can you do it?"
"Attached to it?"
"It's a loaner, I can't return it like this."
"Let me see..."
He took the case to the back and put it under a scanner. The screen next to it lit up, and item after item started to get added to the list. It was a very long list.
"Half the plates, electronics, the medical interface..."
"Trade in the shield module? I won't need it."
Serrus looked at the armor again and gave me a very eloquent look. If I kept getting shot at like that, I was really going to need it.
"I got something better," I added. "So?"
"Trading it in, plus labour, you're looking at 4,500 credits all said."
Damn. Most of what I had.
"All right, deal. Can you repaint it standard alliance?"
"The hot pink paintjob?"
"The hot pink paintjob."
"Sure," he shrugged. "Anything else?"
"Yeah, can you send it to the Normandy when you're done?"
"No problem."
I paid the bill, threw my omni-tool into the case as well, and said my goodbyes. That was one thing done, next was to get some clothes, have the uniform cleaned, pressed, and delivered, and...
Well, and that was it. With twenty-three credits to my name, I sat on a public bench in the Presidium to think. What the hell do I do now?
"I was wondering when you'd show up," I said.
The AI had finally decided to make contact, and there we were, dream-like world and all. She looked a little stressed, if I'm honest, which is a funny thing to say about an AI.
"Roy, what are you doing? You left the Normandy," she said.
"Very observant."
"We wanted to confirm if this is part of your plan, we haven't really seen this course of action before."
"Part of- Have you been paying attention? I'm off the freaking Normandy!"
"Yes, that's-"
"You telling me nobody was ever kicked from the Normandy? Really?"
"Some of the people we brought failed to join the crew, most of them by choice as they tried an alternative approach. We haven't seen anyone leave the Normandy like you have."
"First time for everything," I replied. "Look, this clearly isn't working for me, okay? So can you just send me back and find someone else? Shitty as it was back there, at least the reapers weren't about to show up and eat us."
"Roy..." Before she could continue, she looked up. Her gaze became unfocused, and her voice flattened up. Joy, creepy AI time. I wondered if that was a subroutine or if she didn't know how to imitate emotions when she was in the middle of processing. "We cannot send you back."
WHAT?!
"Excuse me?" I said. Wow, that was way too mild, how did that happen? "You can't or you won't?"
"Clarification, we will not. Interference consumes too many resources, of which we are running short. We cannot afford for an envoy to give up."
Shit.
Shit!
It had to be a fucking joke. Really? I was stuck there? What the hell! That was never part of the deal! Not that the deal was ever explained to me, if I'm honest here. All I was told was to meddle but not to meddle and fucking hell why the hell does the AI look so stupidly gobsmacked by what she has just said?
"You're fucking kidding me?"
"Your fate and ours are intertwined," the AI said.
And that was it, I was yanked back to the Presidium, with the least ceremony I had even been shown out of the weird AI-fied world. It almost felt like they had thrown me out.
I managed to stumble to the public restroom before I threw up. Who knew, the hard rations could actually go against gravity.
Shepard really couldn't tell when not sleeping well had become a thing for her. It took a specially bad night for her to notice she had actually had a bad night, but tonight she had. She was riled up, and there was no good outlet for her to let it out. She had waited until the night shift and spent an hour beating the crap out of the punching bag at the cargo bay, but it hadn't helped. Every punch echoed far too loudly in the Mako-less space.
So, she was up at five-thirty, late by her standards. She had every intention of just walking straight into the medbay, but she knew better than to step inside Chakwas' domain without her being present. And of course, there was Fredricks.
He was being transferred to the hospital. Another member of the team gone.
No letter to write to a distraught family this time, just a few weeks being pampered by hot asari nurses.
Not exactly, but she knew Fredricks would appreciate the thought.
In the meantime, coffee.
"Commander," Chakwas greeted her as she appeared from the back of the room.
"Doc, you're up... early..."
Doctor Chakwas was leading a party of six people, carrying a stretcher with enough equipment to pass as a repair kit for the Mako.
Chakwas smiled at Shepard's reaction, but continued her walk towards the medbay without pause. The door opened, the whole lot walked in, and then it closed.
And the wait began.
She was expecting Roy to walk out, assuming Chakwas would send him on his way, but he didn't. So she waited. Had more coffee. Watched his crew get up and get their own refills of coffee. It was amazing how much of that horrible, horrible stuff the Alliance served aboard their ships her marines went through. Even Wrex had gotten onto the stuff. He had never had coffee, and it looked like caffeine did wonders for krogan.
After that came the showers. Being plugged into the Citadel meant unlimited hot water. Everyone wanted a long one.
And still Chakwas didn't come. Half the crew was waiting by the time the door opened and the doctors emerged, taking Fredricks with them. Or at least she assumed so, since he was covered.
Chakwas was the last one out, and the door closed behind her.
Uh...
"Doc, is Roy okay?"
"I assume so, Commander. He isn't in."
"What?!"
"He should be quite recovered, I wouldn't worry," Chakwas said, making her exit with the rest of the medical staff.
"Where the hell is he?" Shepard said, shooting up to her feet. A quick glance around was met with empty faces. "Nobody knows?"
"He packed earlier," Wrex said, serving himself another jug of coffee.
"Dammit!" Shepard snapped, heading up the stairs. The medical team had taken the left flight, so she headed right, going up two steps at a time.
"Commander!" she heard Alenko call.
He and Williams rushed up the stairs to catch up, but Shepard was already busy.
"Come on, pick it up," Shepard muttered, waiting for the omni-tool call to get through. Voicemail. "Pick up you idiot!" she snapped, hanging up.
"Where the hell is he?" Williams said. They got to decon, and had to wait for the cycle to go through.
"He actually went through with it," Shepard muttered, as if she hadn't heard Williams.
Alenko and Williams shared a look, with the former offering only a shrug as an explanation. Shepard did get target fixation from time to time. Usually only present and real danger would snap her out of it.
"Commander, wait!" Williams called. As soon as the door had opened, Shepard had bolted out. "We've- oh shit."
The three of them came to a screeching halt when they almost ran into a set of uniformed officers. Three of them, highest one was a rear admiral.
"Atten-hut!" Alenko said. The three of them offered a salute, which the rear admiral promptly returned.
"At ease," the man said He was a grizzled, broad-shouldered man, with deep lines of age and worry etched on his tanned skin and piercing green eyes. "Rear admiral Mikhailovich, third fleet."
"Lieutenant-commander Shepard, SSV Normandy," Shepard replied.
"I know who you are, commander. Where is Captain Anderson?"
"Still aboard, sir," Shepard replied. She glanced back at Williams. "Chief."
"Right away, sir!" she replied, rushing back towards the ship.
"I want all personnel ready and present, I am here to conduct a full inspection of the ship."
What? Really? And it has to be now, doesn't it?
Author's Notes: Surprise, quick update! And the chapter that might get me booed out of the site.
When I started the fic, this particular moment was one which I wanted to happen, leaving the Normandy. Now, being actually kicked for incompetence wasn't really sitting well with me at this point, and Shepard kicking me didn't feel like it would do justice to Shepard. So I decided to go with, on the one hand, the brooding way in which Roy just takes all the kicks in, then Shepard's Renegade streak, which comes out only at very special times, and add a misunderstanding in the middle.
The real issue (well, other than whether it actually works or not) is that, to make it believable, the lines during the misunderstanding have to make it believable, and English is my second language. I tried, but it still sounds a bit forced.
Next? Well, I had this planned, so I have the next steps planned. Watch this space!
Got lots of reviews last chapter! After being down for a couple of wheeks too, it seems like they all finally made it through. Thanks a lot :)
One general comment I have, looking at the great feedback here and with Divergence, is a common theme that's come up. On Divergence, there were comments on Roy finally snapping, and how Shep was being a bit too much of an ungrateful runt. Here, it was about Roy finally snapping after taking so much shit. I think there's a common connection here, and a very fundamental one.
Pacing.
None of those would be an issue if I hadn't spent so many chapters doing the same. If Roy had taken some shit, then lost his cool when his patience ran thin in a couple of chapters, it'd have probably been easier to digest. Same with the crew giving him shit, one or two chapters over the line (as opposed to some fun-poking banter) and would have felt different.
So, I need to work on my pacing. I enjoy detailed development, as you can probably guess, but I'm probably moving the character development too slowly. I'll strive to improve this aspect.
I always get confused, am I supposed to use the first or the third person when talking about my self-insert?
Oh yeah, Shepard can do Singularities. Why? Well, in ME1 you can get an extra ability when you re-start a new game after unlocking companion badges, which include a singularity even if your class has no biotics. That's where this comes from :)
Mizuki00: Thanks! The AI's still a mystery! I've been dropping clues, I bet you'll pick them up soon enough :D
bdrivermp: Well, things didn't quite turned out that well, something to do with Roy being a little self destructive.
Toothless is best: Much appreciated! :D
OpenSourceArtist: Thanks for the feedback! Yeah, better pacing, I'll work on it :)
Thanks everyone for the supportive comments and constructive criticism. If there's a reason to work on improving, it's so that you will enjoy the story better. Next time, on My Effect: Convergence, a rush job, a slammed door, and a job only Roy can do. Stay tuned!