Vancouver in winter wasn't exactly a hospitable place to be, or at least that was what Alenko had told her. It wasn't the coldest place in North America, sure, but the snow fell sideways, the rain was cold, and the temperature never quite warmed up. It wasn't nice weather even to look out the window.

Shepard didn't mind. Winters in her homestead had always been cold. Mindoir got very cold during winter, courtesy of several factors she had studied in school but rarely thought about these days. Eccentric orbit, the axial tilt, the large size of the continental plates... It was all the same to her. What mattered was that winter felt like home when it was cold, snow was thick, and the pond froze over.

So, they had instead moved to one of the skiing resorts. When they came out of the shuttle and she saw some kids playing hockey on a pond not far from where they landed, she had had to take a moment to deal with the wave of nostalgia that hit her. New Year at Kitt and Simon's didn't really feel right. It was too warm. It felt right in all the other ways, but no snow, hot chocolate, or ice skating. The Mindoir celebration didn't go with the Earth or Galactic calendars, but they did celebrate their mid-winter New Year. Used to.

It had been the first time since she had revisited her memories with Singer-of-Dawn that she had had a real struggle with them. The pain was there, always, but dull and distant, softened by the reminders of the good times she had had. The difference between the song and the melody. But this time, it had hit hard.

The rather delicious cup of hot chocolate they were now drinking had not helped as much as it should have. It did, because hot chocolate, but it didn't, because it, too, was stirring memories.

"Are you all right, Shepard?" Alenko said. He was sitting across from her in the small cafe, their table by the window and with a wide view of the snow-covered exterior.

"Yeah. No, but this helps," she said, and took another sip of the oversized cup in her hands. "Just hit me by surprise. I didn't think the melody would be so vivid."

"Maybe we shouldn't have come," he said.

"No, I do like it," Shepard said. She looked out the window and smiled. "I like it a lot. Winters in Mindoir were cold. We had snow, we ice skated on the pond... Haven't seen a real winter like this in a while."

"What about the op on Amaranthine?" Alenko said.

Shepard laughed. "If the planet is covered in carbon dioxide snow, it's too cold even for me."

"I don't know, I think if it makes decent snowballs it's worth a try."

"Maybe we should have tried throwing some at those pirates," Shepard said, grinning at the idea.

"Next time."

"Next time."

She sipped her hot chocolate again, letting the song of the moment play in her mind. There was that faint blue undersong from the cold people were feeling outside, but the greens were bright and loud, songs of happiness and enjoyment. Her own memories harmonized with that, all those times running inside the house barely feeling their hands and feet to sit in front of the fire, laughing all the way. The fire, the omnipresent fire. There was one in that cafe as well, and it was a real one to boot. It was all carefully arranged to invoke a feeling of being at home, and it was done perfectly.

It was fast becoming one of her favorite places.

As she enjoyed the ambience, slowly coming to grips with the pain they had provoked, she felt the change in Alenko's song. Worry? No, but some nervousness.

"Something on your mind?" she said. She felt the sudden stop in the song, the discordant note. It was just an instant, but it was there.

"You always know what I'm thinking," he said, forcing a smile.

"Not exactly," she said, and turned to look at him. "I can hear the change in your song, I don't read your mind, I can't know why."

"Can't you?" he said. The tone was playful, but... hopeful? She tried to read him as her human self, not the Warrior-Princess of the Rachni.

She chuckled internally at that. The name had been, somewhat indirectly, Roy's fault.

"I can guess," she said, a smile drawing itself on her face.

"... and?" Alenko said. "You want me to say it out loud."

"No need. I'm here, aren't I?" Shepard said. She took a good gulp of her chocolate and put it down. "It's just..."

"I know, the regs on fraternization," Alenko said. He opened his mouth to speak again, but Shepard just broke out laughing out loud. "What?"

"You... Ah, you haven't noticed?" Shepard said, waving airily at him and shaking her head. "There's a lot of fraternization going on, Kaidan. A lot."

"Really? You can tell?"

"I can smell it," Shepard said, and laughed again at the look Alenko gave her. "Okay, not quite. But there's a harmony when two people sing together. It's..." she nodded. "It's quite obvious. I think the regs are there in case it gets out of hand."

"And you don't think we can harmonize," Alenko said.

Shepard put the cup down and breathed in deeply. "I don't think I can. Last time I kissed someone, I pushed him away, ran, and didn't even say a word to him ever again."

"Damn, that's harsh. Did he have bad breath?"

"No," she replied, shaking her head and smiling. She could appreciate the attempt at humor. "I don't know. I look at you and I smile, I know I'd be safe. But..."

"There's no rush," Alenko said.

"That's not fair to you," she said.

"You didn't ask, I offered," he said. He watched her as she finished her hot chocolate before continuing. "What about this. I can wait. If the wait gets too long, I will tell you. And you know I mean it."

Shepard looked at him, listening to the song. He was eager, and honest. She knew it, it was that clear. And yes, he did mean it, even though it was clear he was hoping it wouldn't come to that. But herself? She felt selfish for it, but she was grateful too. She didn't quite understand herself, it was all too complicated, and too human. A mix of emotions she hadn't managed to untangle. There was one person that had truly seen her at her most vulnerable, and that one was Roy. But she didn't think of him that way. Not really, or at least, not most of the time. Why did it have to be so complicated? A Rachni queen would have it easy, Singer-of-Dawn had told her as much. Bring any worthy brood warrior to the hive.

That's not how it worked for her.

She just smiled.

"And in the meantime," Alenko said, and pointed out the window, "we can rent ice skates for ten credits over there."

"Now that I'm definitely ready for," Shepard said, laughing again.

Going back to work after celebrating the New Year with Roy had been harder than she had expected. On the one hand, she felt great. She really had needed to blow some steam off, and it was clear that so had he. Sharing with her fellow asari was something she almost physically needed. Turians were physical like no other species, and it was wild with the right one. Batarians, well, batarians were scumbags, and it reflected in everything they did. But humans. They were something else. Maybe the sharing wasn't as deep and complete as with an asari. Maybe they weren't as wild as the turians, but they were like a gift from the goddess. The full package. And with Roy, it had been even more. She wasn't sure why she had picked up on it, but she had expected that being with him would be intense.

And it had been.

There was a lot going on below the surface, and she hadn't done much digging. There was this feeling that he was almost pushing himself to go for it, in a way. She had worried at first, since she wasn't exactly trying to share everything about herself. That was too asari. She wanted something more raw, more... human. But he had shared. His general reluctance, his lack of trust in the Universe, it seemed. Not with words, but it was there for her to pick up. But she didn't have to hide anything in that respect. She was looking for exactly what she was getting. And it was good.

She couldn't stop thinking about him. She wasn't sure if it was going to be anywhere, and she had the feeling it wasn't going to be as simple and straightforward as that, but right now she didn't care. Thinking back to the years she spent... well, out there, as the humans said, it was the humans that were the highlight. Or, rather, some humans.

Maybe she was just looking at Roy through rose tinted glasses.

More human sayings.

But it was back to work. She was due for a briefing in a couple of hours, and was starving. So she headed for the cafeteria. It was a little strange that the matriarchs kept so many of their agents basically "in house", as the humans would say. Even the work of private armies and agents were social events in asari society. That was one thing she appreciated more from humans and turians, not everything had to be shared at all times.

She was keenly aware that something was up when several conversations stopped and a lot of eyes fell on her as she walked in. She did a quick assessment, and didn't recognize the majority of the faces. So those were Benezia's. With a mental shrug, she took a tray and made for the food. Karan stew was on offer. She smiled at the memory it prompted, out in whatever planet the Rachni were living on. She had been a little disappointed at how awkwardly things had transpired at first with Roy during that meld, the memory of the boat, but she wasn't complaining now. She served herself a sizeable bowl, took some kelp bread, a bottle of Mala-caprice, and headed for an empty table.

It wasn't a surprise when one of Benezia's asari came to sit in front of her, all smiles, all fake. Not that she didn't expect it, but it would have been nice if they had given her a chance to eat. With what Roy had shared with her, she knew some of Benezia's agents had been trying to get in his pants, so to speak, and he didn't really trust them all that much. He seemed... she still had trouble putting it into words, mostly because he hadn't put it into words either. It almost felt like he almost wished he hadn't taken that further step with her, but he did. Like he was of two minds, even though he didn't want to. She hadn't dug, hadn't really done anything other than share with him the truth. She just wanted him, and there wasn't anything else behind it. Or, more accurately, there wasn't anything behind it that was not exactly about that. If he wanted to know why humans, she would share it. If he wanted to know why him, she would sare their interactions from her point of view. He hadn't asked, which was a little disappointing, but it didn't matter as much. She hadn't expected that whirlwind of confusion below the surface in him, he always had seemed so self-assured, so she took it for what it was. He had some thinking to do, she just hoped it kept including her.

"Well, well," the asari in front of her said. "Wahea, isn't it?"

Wahea took one of the snails with her chopsticks and put it in her mouth, not giving away anything and not breaking eye contact with the asari.

"Current carried the news that you claimed the deepwater anglerfish," she said.

Wahea was quite sure she caught her meaning, but decided to play dumb for now. Specially because she was feeling her pulse quicken and her irritation deepen.

"I did?" Wahea said, taking another bite. "Which one?"

"That human of course," she said. "He ruined a few reputations here I'll have you know. So," she settled back, taking a feigned air of superiority that was supposed to look as if she was trying to suppress it. "How did you do it? I mean... "she gestured up and down towards her.

Wahea smiled. Couldn't help it. She had practiced that smile a lot.

"Well, if you're so curious..."

Wahea spoke as she stood up, leaning forward with a conspiratorial air, and putting her hands on the table. The asari looked at her with fake and poorly disguised amusement, and did the same, standing and leaning closer. She clearly didn't know what to expect, because her expression was one of surprise as Wakea suddenly, and without breaking eye contact, put one of the metallic chopsticks right through that stupid asari's hand, nailing it to the table. Without even waiting, Wahea grabbed the bottle of Mala-caprice by the neck, broke it against the edge of the table, and grabbed the asary by the crest, putting the broken bottle against her neck. The glass easily broke the skin, but she didn't press deeper. She wasn't trying to kill her. Not this time.

"Listen to me you bottom feeding bream," Wahea said. "Don't speak to me in that tone ever again."

It didn't escalate any further because a dozen other asari rushed to separate them and pull them apart, but it was enough. She was looking at that bitch in the eyes, and she saw the fear. That's all she needed.

She was still trying to calm down while sitting in Aethyta's office, while the Matriarch watched the security camera feed. Wahea winced internally when the bottle shattered against the table, but to her surprise, all the Matriarch did was chuckle lightly.

"You know," Aethyta said, pointing at the projection, "I expected a lot more of that when I hired you, given where I found you at the time. Feeling threatened?"

"Threatened, matriarch?" Wahea said.

"If you want to survive in a place like that, you don't want to be the bottom of the food chain." She pointed at the projection again. "I was wondering when you'd finally show up."

"I don't understand," Wahea replied.

"Yes. Yes you do. I've told you before, I know you're not stupid. So before now, you were pretending like you didn't know what you were doing, but-"

"I wasn't pretending!" Wahea snapped.

Aethyta just smiled. Like she knew exactly what had gone through her head. She gestured with her chin for her to continue.

"I... I hate that. Hate it. I hate who I became. I hated that life. I hated all of it."

"So you're pretending it didn't happen," Aethyta said. She waited for a moment, looking at Wahea, maybe thinking something. Wahea just didn't know what to say. "But it did. You can't go back in time, girl. You have to move forward."

Wahea sighed and leaned forward, putting her hands on her head. "Everything was so much better then..."

Before I left my mother and ran away like an idiot.

"Because you were a kid," Aethyta replied. "That's what you're missing. You're not a kid anymore. But you can move forward and learn from it. And," she added, gesturing to the projection with her head. "I can always use more of that. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. Just, you know, maybe choose the time and place a little better."

Wahea laughed and shook her head. Yes, that was obvious enough. She took a deep breath and sat back, dropping her hands and looking at Aethyta. The matriarch was still smiling.

"Thank you matriarch."

"Still going to have to discipline you," she said. Wahea nodded. "You want some advice?"

"Please," Wahea said.

"Don't get down in the muck with Benezia's girls. It's not worth it. Benezia has her way to do things, but that's not what I want for you girls."

"Yes matriarch," Wahea said, already resigned to the incoming disciplinary action. Maybe she wouldn't do that kind of thing again, she could as easily have ignored that..

Oh. I never even asked her name.

Being an N7 meant being part of a very, very exclusive club, one I was fairly sure was out of my reach. But difficulties aside, it seemed to come with some perks. Namely, N7s got the best toys. Us plebs got holographic ranges and virtual training rooms, whereas N7s got actual, physical training grounds loaded with drones, mechs, and all kinds of advanced tech materiel. Even the training courses were partly physical. The details were holographic, but the general structures were very real. And, of course, it was all way above my paygrade, in every way. I had no idea how to work any of that shit. Fortunately, I was not working alone, and it was someone else's job to make things appear according to my instructions. Wasn't even in the chain of command, he was an outside contractor. Marco Mueller. Not a hint of a German accent on the dude, though.

"Does that look right to you?" Marco said over the comms.

I dropped into cover as bullets hit my position, while more drones "flew" down as if they were Collectors. The drones were covered by a holographic outline, about the size of Javik, actually, since I had never met an actual collector. The flight path of the drones was clearly that of a done. I came out of cover, laying down fire with the Mamba while the N7 team pressed forward. All I was doing, really, was observing. I wanted the details from the right point of view to see how well it matched what I remembered. The N7s were doing actual training, I was just tweaking the simulation.

Simulation. Heh.

"It's too drone-like," I said, falling into cover as bullets hit my position at the back. "They fly more like an insect. Come down fast, then brake and land carefully."

"Hmmm, we might have to tweak the drone hardware," Marco said.

"Morgan, don't fall behind," the Commander called.

"Aye sir," I replied, coming immediately out of cover and rushing forward. Damn but they knew how to lay down covering fire.

After going over the assault of the base with the Justicar, I had a better idea in my head of the internal structure of the base. At least for the important segments. Initial landing, the heat pipe to allow for the tech expert to walk in, and the space we had to traverse to get there. It wasn't all built as one go, we didn't quite have enough area to work with, but it was done in three parts. Soon we reached the end of the first, and the simulation powered down. The N7s got there way ahead of me, and while gene mods made sure I wasn't out of breath, I was a bit frazzled.

"What are our tech options?" one of the N7s said, wasn't sure which one. It was all dark helmets and equalized voices on the comms, at least for me.

"To be honest, sir, I'm not sure we have many. They have kinetic barriers, but not really hardsuits as is. It's more like it's integrated in their physiology. They're a very strange hybrid of tech and organic, and very alien. I really can't help with the tech aspect, I'm sorry."

"We'll figure it out," the Commander said. "What about the hardness? If they have numbers and are better protected than the drones here, it might be a problem."

I nodded, looking around. The whole thing was set up virtually, we weren't really running through a huge open space, which bothered me a bit. It felt quite different in my simulation, but then again, I was only watching there, not participating. How hard were the collectors? Well, it depended a lot on the weapon not-Shepard used, and we didn't have-

Wait, we actually do!

"Do we have any Mattocks in stock?" I said.

"Mattocks?" the Commander replied, surprise obvious in his voice. "I'm not sure, but it wouldn't surprise me. Why?"

"I think I have a pretty good idea how hard they are to take down with a Mattock, sir. Weirdly enough."

The request was sent to the armory, and I went back to work with Marco on the scenario. There were environmental hazards we could add, so I (well, Marco), added some pressure changes and winds to make the whole thing feel more like open space. And a few minutes later, I was sitting at the back of the open area with a Mattock in my hands. It was heavy, heavier than the Mamba. And as I remembered it, it should work in a similar way.

Marco sent a few drones my way, and I began shooting. Holy hell but the Mattock had a kick. I shot twice, and dropped into cover to readjust and brace it properly. That sure as hell wasn't the Mamba. When I came out of cover, I started putting more ordinance through the drones, and went back and forth between the Mattock and the Mamba.

"Damn."

"What?" Marco said.

"We need to harden the drones. The Mattock is good, but not this good. It should be taking a couple more hits to take the average Collector down."

"We can also tweak the weapon settings. Not ideal, but you can get close to the real thing."

"Copy that. I think the Black Mamba would do better too. Specially with accuracy, this thing kicks like a freaking elephant."

"Not surprising. The Mattock is a good reliable workhorse, but don't ask for miracles."

I was looking around as Marco spoke. Something was still off about the whole thing, I just couldn't quite put my finger on it.

"What's wrong? You've gone quiet."

"I'm thinking... Can you get one of the drones to fly behind me? Like six feet behind and about three above."

"Sure, hold on. But why?"

"I want to see what the scenario looks from that angle, send me the feed please."

It didn't take long for Marco to do as I asked, and I had a feed to my omni-tool from the camera hovering behind me. I ran through a bit of the scenario, while Marco threw a few Collectors - purely holographic - to make it look active. Then it hit me.

"Shit."

"What?"

"The scale is wrong. Shit."

"The scale? Of what?"

"Of... well, not the cover and the steps and such, but the whole area. I think it's bigger."

"Let me try... How about this?"

As he spoke, the world around me kind of... expanded. The physical parts of the scenario became more visible as the holographic "skin" expanded, but it started to look and feel right. It was bigger. Noticeably bigger. Mostly empty space, and the platforms didn't change much in terms of places where one could take cover and fight, but the length and width did increase until it started to match better what I had in my head. That was a lot of hours of work down the freaking drain, again. I came out of the area to head to the control room, and found that the Commander was waiting there, and looked like he had been watching the whole thing.

"Sir, I need to review the scale of the scenario, I think I got it wrong. I'm sorry about that."

"Stop apologizing Morgan, just get it done."

"Aye sir."

I saluted and headed for the control room, furiously going over the simulation in my head and trying to figure out what else I had gotten wrong. It really fucking sucked to suck so much at everything I needed to do. At least we weren't really in that much of a hurry. There had been no other sightings of the Collectors so far.

Or maybe we were. If the Collectors had taken the crew of the Chadwik, would they be turning them into Reaper goo?

I sure as fuck hope not.

Having the Systems Alliance stepping up in their duties through the galaxy was something Admiral Drescher had expected would happen long after she had retired. In truth, she didn't think humanity had been ready for it. Not that she doubted the competence of her people, but it was a big galaxy, and there was a lot they didn't know. They did well to mark their territory. Didn't have a choice, really. But now they had to get in the middle of everything and make sure they didn't get the rug pulled from under their feet. The important thing was, she didn't know who to trust. They needed time to learn that.

But now they have too many fingers in way too many pies. And running that fast made her worry about what could trip them up. Or whether they were being led by the nose.

Case in point, the Collectors. That had come out of nowhere, and while they had some clues thanks to Chief Morgan, she wasn't even sure if he knew everything that was happening. But now they were being pushed hard towards solving that particular situation, and she didn't like it one bit.

But there it was.

"When was this taken exactly?" Drescher said, looking at the projection.

"Forty-two hours ago," the SAI Lieutenant replied through the comms. "We picked it up on the emergency analog frequency, same as the Chadwik's."

"But no casualties this time."

"No. The attack was close to the relay to the Eagle Nebula, so the Hierarchy had a patrol nearby. They caught the distress signal and jumped in pretty fast."

"If this is indeed the Collectors, they took down a full carrier with its attached fleet last time."

"They did have a Dreadnought."

Drescher looked at the projection, trying to pierce through the noise with her eyes. Like before, it was just a short flash. But this time, it was clear enough. The shape of the distant ship matched the profile of the Collector ships Morgan had described. It was hard to make out the scale, though, which worried her. Could be a red herring.

"What about the damage to the convoy?"

"No casualties, but millions of credits in losses."

"Convenient."

"Cargo vessels don't have a lot of crew."

It added up, but it bothered her. Morgan had claimed that the Collectors were mostly after people. That they were technologically advanced, much more than the Systems Alliance were. The attack on the convoy didn't seem to fit that. But the ship matched. The damage to the cargo ships did, too. The remains of the hulls had the distinct markings of damage from superheated metal typical of the Thanix weaponry, which only the Collectors had so far.

Or so we believe.

The asari claimed they had a way to go through the Omega-4 relay. What awaited on the other side was a different matter. Not only would they have to rely on them for the method to survive the transition, but to defeat whatever was on the other side. She had a feeling there was going to be no negotiation with the Collectors.

She didn't like doing someone else's dirty work, but that's exactly what it felt like.

"We need to find that ship, Lieutenant. I don't want to find myself backed into a corner not knowing what they are doing."

"Our analysts believe they are testing our capabilities. The Chadwik was their test of our combat capabilities, and this might just be probing our response. Given that the Hierarchy were the ones to show up, it doesn't make us look good at all. We might want to consider consolidating cargo transport into larger flotillas and providing military support for them directly."

"That's just making it easier to take them. Right now, we don't have a response to this. We don't even know what happened with the Chadwik, if it was a one-sided fight or if they prevailed due to the element of surprise. Send me updates as soon as you have them, any time."

"Will do, sir."

The comms closed, leaving Drescher to ponder. The response wouldn't just come from her, the president and the joint chiefs would make the final decisions, but she knew that her opinion would carry considerable weight. Right now, she was full of doubts. Morgan was helping the N7 team with their plan to assault the Collector base, and he seemed rather positive about the need to do it, too. Maybe what she needed was a good, long chat with Councilor Tevos herself.

Once again, she found herself missing Anita Goyle. She could have shared all her doubts with Anita, and she'd have found her some answers. She didn't trust Udina to find her an answer to a crossword puzzle.

Author's Notes: All right, couple of scenes to tie loose ends. Shepard's blisfully unaware of everything going on - which makes me happy, in-universe at least - and dealing with her own shit.

Wahea, well, there were a lot of comments about her being a bit of an unknown, so I decided to drop this scene a bit earlier than I was planning to, more as a way to make a bit more clear what she's up to. Basically, she ran away as a "kid" (in asari terms, which isn't really that young in years), fell with the bad crowd, and basically knows either her life as a kid, or the life of drugs, sex, and rock and roll. So that's why she's acting the way she's acting, that's what she's like. Just has to work on accepting and growing up. I am a little surprised nobody suggested or picked up on this, but I guess I failed to present her PoV more clearly.

Then Roy, that's more about setting up what's coming for the Collector base. I'm sure everyone's picking up on this. I hope!

And finally, well, Drescher. The audience knows more about what's going on behind the scenes, and that not everything the Systems Alliance is seeing actually matches reality. Trust Drescher to have the right gut feeling!

So that's about it for today, we will have escalation very soon.

In the meantime! If you want to support me, I'd truly appreciate it! Right at this link, which looks like crap thanks to FFnet being a dick about links:

tinyurl (period) com (slash) y2q9cop6

Reviews! After the New year break, we're back in business. Let's hear it!

Finshadow212th: The Normandy in Divergence is going to look very different from canon :D

RIOSHO: Salt, hormones, and past experiences!

nobodyreallyimportant, BJ Hanssen, Tom712, SpecterXCove, The Invisible Pretender, general-joseph-dickson, maesde, thanks for the support!

Next time, on My Effect: Divergence: Let's start... collecting, shall we? :)