Painful, Ciel Phantomhive
Even through the nightmares, she is his salvation.

prompt: "I'm here, nothing can harm you."
featuring characters: Ciel Phantomhive, Higurashi Kagome. AU.
tags: angst, comfort, fluff, friendship
originally posted in tumblr, 2017, (heavily) edited, october 2023

Upon hearing an echoing scream, Kagome darted from her bed. Extending her hand into the impenetrable blackness, she fumbled in her haste. A yelp pierced the cold air when her toe collided with the foot of her bed, but even that didn't deter her from running. Smacking her good hand onto the mattress to keep her grounding, Kagome suppressed the pain that shot up from her aching foot and lunged toward the door.

She swung the door aside and stormed into the dimly lit corridor leading to her master's bedroom, disregarding the flaring pain from her own injuries. Stumbling, Kagome ignored the rough textures of the cast on her arm and the cotton gauze covering half her face. None of the physical pain she felt now was as agonizing as the knowledge that her young master had lost everything, including his soul to a demon, as a penance for his own suffering.

She could feel the demon's ugly influence spreading through the cracks of the borrowed room, like tendrils from hell infecting every corner with its disgusting malevolence. It seeped into the very walls and poisoned the air she tasted. Every fiber of her being recoiled from the demon's invisible presence, her heart beating with the desire to purify him in flames.

Quietly, that sensation retreated but Kagome could still sense his amusement a room away. Disgusting creature, was her last thought, as she rushed into her master's bedroom.

"Young Master!" Kagome nearly howled, mindful of the need to announce her presence. Fear could've turned her dear master against her in an instant. Blindly, she followed his whimpers and nearly fell over the soft duvet. Scuffling on her knees across the mattress, she inched closer to the familiar warm body and found a tiny shoulder with her good hand, "Master, master, I am here."

Her master choked on a sob, but instinctively relaxed the moment he was pulled against her chest. Her warmth had always been a familiar comfort, especially when on his bad days. He whimpered her name, still shaking from his latest nightmare. "Kagome…"

Kagome curled around his form, her gentle voice a soothing murmur against his ear. She didn't miss the trickling sweat on his face, but she continued, with her words brimming with warm reassurance. "I am here, I am here," she whispered, unable to hide the pain in her tone, as she comforted her young master through his sobbing.

"Kagome…!" The boy clenched his eyes, unwilling to see the face he witnessed being damaged in her attempt to save him. The guilt still ate at him from within, gnawing like parasites under his skin. But what hurt the most was that she never cared how hurt she was.

Only his pains mattered to her.

That hurt more than anything: seeing her so injured that she'd be forever scarred for it. Watching her scream for him and his brother, being beaten down for her loyalty, had been one of his many recurring nightmares since his return. Kagome and Tanaka were the only ones who survived the fire, with one in worse shape than the other.

The traces of her broken heart in her eyes upon seeing his shadow—the devil masquerading as his butler—had his heart twisting into pieces. She knew what that thing was, yet…

When Kagome tugged at his cotton eyepatch to see the truth, she staggered to her feet and wept on his lap. Her countless apologies fell on deaf ears, as he felt his heart breaking into pieces again and again. Seeing her tears hurt the most of all.

Kagome had never once faulted him for doing what he had to do to survive. He so wanted her to blame him, so he could steel his heart against it all. But, she didn't.

"Why won't you hate me?"

"I could never hate you, young master."

The devil had the gall to laugh at his dear Kagome, commenting that she was losing her faith for the sake of their young lord. Kagome refused to reply and the boy refused to continue in the pretender's presence. Confusion surrounded Kagome's identity, causing the shocks of his traumas to linger longer and darken his nightmares.

He wasn't ready to uncover Kagome's truths. Not yet, not when he wasn't prepared to learn more deceptions. Thoughts of Kagome ever lying to him felt a little like betrayal.

But, her presence both calmed him and pained him, a mixture he still struggled to understand and accept. After everything, the concept of being human had stopped making sense to him.

"I—" He hitched a breath. Unwilling to see the wounded face of his childhood maid, he grasped the hand on his shoulder. The master squeezed, biting back tears he had sworn he would never shed again.

"I'm here, nothing can harm you." Kagome pressed her weight against his trembling frame. In a soft whimper, she said two words that the boy wasn't sure if he had heard at all, "Never again."

He gnawed his lips, warring with himself not to look at her half-face. "Don't…" The boy clawed into her skin, his breaths becoming sharp and short. "Don't say things like that."

It's all my fault.

Kagome gave a small laugh, though there was no humor in it. She rested her forehead against his. "I only speak the truth."

Tugging the comforter tighter around his body, he suppressed his winces but didn't reject Kagome's gentle touches. "…It should be me."

"I beg your pardon?"

The boy burrowed deeper into his mattress, refusing to elaborate.

A heavy sigh deflated her chest. She murmured and shifted her body as if she intended to get off her master's bed, "Do you want me to stay with you this night?"

He bit down on his tongue, before hesitatingly nodding. "Please."

Kagome resettled easily, not asking for a blanket, and wrapped her arms (if a bit awkwardly with one arm in a cast) around her master's tiny body, "Alright, I'll stay with you."

"...Thank you," he murmured and rested his chin over his dear girl's wrist. The panic from his dreams was already fading.

When Kagome's breaths slowed, he slowly turned over and tugged at his duvet from underneath her weight. It was a struggle, given how bigger she was than him, but he was determined. "You'll get a cold like that, silly girl," he said, throwing it over her body. Once satisfied with the blanket covering both of them, the master nestled into her arms and sighed.

She must be quite tired to have fallen asleep so quickly—a taste of guilt returned and he knew why.

Kagome couldn't sleep either.

He gripped onto her nightgown and vowed softly to himself, "No one will ever hurt you again."

—end

a/n: this is...probably? related to cracked porcelain (i gonna overhaul that one day rip), I genuinely can't remember if this is before or after I wrote that fic though, but take it as some kind of prelude, I guess? Man, my old writing still hurt my soul lol anyway, I also left out Ciel's name since we don't know o!Ciel's real name and we both know Kagome would not call him by Ciel's name either. So for this, I opted to just leave the name out completely.

anyhoo, hope you enjoyed and as always, feedback is always welcome!