Chapter 15: Hitch Remorseful
Gently taking a shoulder, Troy shook a sleeping Moffitt awake. The Englishman turned over in his bunk, to see who was disturbing him an hour before they needed to rise.
"Our boy didn't come home last night," Troy whispered.
"What?" Moffitt mumbled groggily and glanced at the upper bunk above Troy's. It was still neatly made and obvious that no one had slept there the night before. Moffitt sighed and sat up.
"Any idea who she might be?" he wisely asked. If Hitch had been out all night, at least one woman was definitely involved.
"He knows we have a mission this morning," Troy was not happy. "I wish he would stop thinking so much with his glands."
"What were you like at twenty?" Moffitt managed a slight smile and Troy shot him a stern look.
"I'll go look for him," came Tully's voice from the bunk above Moffitt's.
"Do you know who he was with last night?" Moffitt asked.
"I can narrow it down to half a dozen," Tully slid off the bunk and reached for his pants.
"Only half a dozen," Troy commented disparagingly. "Must have been a slow night. We'll meet up for breakfast. He's going to need coffee."
Tully had a good idea where to find his friend and headed straight to the motor pool. Sure enough, Hitch was sound asleep curled up in the back of his jeep, Bertha. Tully knew from previous experience that something had not gone as planned the night before. He looked at Hitch's deceptively innocent face as he slept. He looked like a naïve choirboy lying there.
"Hitch," Tully gently touched his friend's shoulder and Hitch was immediately awake and sitting upright. "Rough night?" Hitch's expression changed and he shook his head guiltily. He rolled up his blanket and stowed it in the jeep then sat in the seat and pulled on his boots.
"Want to talk about it?" Tully was concerned but Hitch's manner. Something was wrong. The younger man was nervous as he tied his bootlaces.
"Absolutely not," Hitch whispered.
"Sarge & Doc are in the mess hall. We're grabbing some grub and heading out. They want to review the mission and get going." Tully announced. Hitch nodded and tucked his shirt tale into his pants.
"Well, look what the cat dragged in," Troy commented when the two privates joined them at the breakfast table. Hitch certainly looked like he'd had a rough night but they could instantly tell something wasn't right. Usually Hitch would greet them with a smile and share something about his conquest from the previous night. Today he was withdrawn, almost sullen. "Are you okay?" Troy's tone turned to concern.
"Why wouldn't I be?" Hitch shot back. "Sorry, Sarge, just need some coffee." He tightly held the cup as he drank deeply. Troy, Moffitt, and Tully exchanged a quick glance and returned to their breakfast. It was like storming the gates of a fortified castle trying to get Hitch to talk when he wasn't yet ready. Sooner or later the drawbridge would lower and he would share what was bothering him but not until he was ready.
Hitch had plenty on his mind, more serious than any confrontation with his father; more frightening than the most dangerous mission they had ever carried out; and more devastating than any injury he had ever received. All because of two little words: "I'm late," spoken by a nurse he had been casually seeing on and off for several months. Hitch thought about his previous night's conversation with Marta as he nursed his coffee.
"You need to eat something," Moffitt said encouragingly. "We've a long way to go." The three men were stunned as Hitch lifted his face. In his glassy eyes was something rarely seen. It was fear. And bafflement. And doubt.
"What?" he whispered as if he hadn't heard their conversation.
"Eat, Hitch," Tully urged and Hitch sluggishly obeyed without tasting what he was putting into mouth. They managed to talk him into eating a few more bites and drinking another cup of coffee before the sergeants went for their final briefing with Boggs and the privates went to prepare the jeeps.
"Want to talk about it?" Tully coaxed.
"Absolutely not," Hitch whispered and took his place in the driver's seat. They drove to headquarters to pick up their sergeants and Hitch continued the running debate in his head while waiting for the briefing to end.
How could this have happened? He always took precautions. The condom didn't break. What went wrong? In his heart, he knew that if she was pregnant, he would do the honorable thing and marry her. It was his child after all, his responsibility; he couldn't just walk away. How would he explain this to his parents? Hitch mentally groaned.
His parents. How on earth was he going to tell them and how would they react. His mother might be disappointed, but she would welcome Marta and embrace the baby as her first grandchild. His father would be a different story. He would rant and rave about Mark's reckless and irresponsible behavior. He would probably object to any marriage and want to reach some sort of financial arrangement with Marta in which she and the child would be generously provided for and disappear into the sunset; a problem swept under the rug and forgotten about until dragged out in the midst of an argument. He wouldn't want Mark's future to be in jeopardy because of a night of carelessness.
Hitch knew he couldn't let that happen. He wasn't about to desert Marta. True, he didn't love her, but what did that matter when there was a baby on the way. He was never one to neglect his duty and obligations and he wasn't about to do so now. It would be an uphill battle with his father, but he had been there and done that many times before. He wouldn't allow his father to bully him into abandoning what was the right thing to do. He was no longer financially dependent upon his father's wealth. He had a very generous trust fund from his grandmother and if his father wanted to disinherit him, so be it. He could provide for a wife and baby.
A wife and baby. How could he have messed up so badly? He was only 20 years old. He wasn't ready for a wife and baby, but he wouldn't run away from his duty. He serviced the jeeps in a daze, his mind whirling in continuous circles about his problem. He knew the others were worried about him. They could tell something was bothering him and it was something big. He also knew it wouldn't be long before he would confess everything to them.
He could face his father's anger and dismay, but it was much harder with his teammates. He felt he had let them down. How many times had they warned him about his running around and indiscriminate behavior with women? Now he was paying the price. He didn't think he could bear Troy's look of disappointment when he heard the news or Moffitt's trying to put a positive spin on a disastrous situation. Tully wouldn't be happy, but he would be supportive and non-judgmental. He silently cursed his own stupidity.
"Let's move out," Troy ordered as they took their places in the jeeps and headed into the desert. Hitch had to direct part of his brain to focus on driving and direction. Fortunately today's mission was pretty straightforward, a simply recon of an area where headquarters suspected the Germans were building a new radar station to replace the one destroyed by the Rats last month.
Troy was concerned about his driver. The young man was like a younger brother or sometimes, even a son to the gruff sergeant. Normally he was light-hearted and enthusiastic about everything. He always lifted the patrol's spirits with his witty quips and radiant smile. Both were missing today as the private heartily chomped on his gum, his mind seemingly miles away. Troy sighed. Hitch kept everything inside when he was worried but he knew at some point it would all come tumbling out. Hitch continued to dwell on his problem.
I'm not ready for all of this. Will I be able to finish my degree at Cornell? I guess I can forget going on for a Master's at MIT. No more girls and non-committal sex that's for sure. How did this happen? Why me? Would the brass remove him from the team? They might not want to send a married man with a family into the dangerous situations they faced almost daily. Where would he end up? What would he do without his teammates to support him and keep him in line? That's a joke. He alone bore the responsibility of his current situation. The guys tried again and again to change his foolish behavior but he didn't listen. He had never thought about the possible consequences since he always used protection. He was never without several condoms in his pockets.
"Hitch," Troy bellowed as the jeep lurched. "Are you going to hit every pothole in the desert? Keep your mind on your driving."
"Sorry, Sarge," Hitch apologized and tried to focus more on the road ahead. He couldn't keep it up for long and soon his mind wandered back to the situation at hand.
You are one selfish pile of crap, thinking only about how this is impacting you. What about Marta? If she is pregnant, she will be forced to leave the army immediately and be shipped home. Forget about any career she might want for herself. Where would she go: his parents' home or hers? How was she going to tell her parents and how would they react? Would they blame Hitch for ruining their beloved daughter's life? She would probably move into the house he inherited from his grandmother but it needed some work after sitting empty for several years. She would be all alone living in a strange place. How could this have happened?
The found a protected spot where they could cool and service the jeeps. Hitch robotically performed his duties and the other Rats were growing increasingly more concerned about him. The way he was chewing his gum was a dead giveaway. If he was calm, the chewing was light and normal with the occasional bubble reflecting his mood. When he was agitated in some way, the nonchalant chewing gave way to grinding with no bubbles but currently he was definitely chomping on the wad of gum, which indicated a full-blown catastrophe. They knew they would have to wait until he was ready to talk and wished he would be quick about it. They sooner they talked, the better Hitch might feel and they could all relax. His nervousness made them all nervous.
They had found the German location and yes, everything indicated the beginnings of a new radar station. They photographed the site, recorded the coordinates and began the journey back to base. Captain Boggs would have bombers destroy the equipment.
They stopped a few hours from base to refuel and allow the engines to cool down. Hitch looked like he was sleepwalking as he went about his tasks. It was obvious he was suffering, more so than they had ever seen. If he didn't talk soon, Troy was going to have to push him to do so.
At base, the sergeants were dropped at headquarters to make their report while the privates dropped the jeeps at the motor pool.
"How about a beer?" Tully suggested in the hope Hitch would open up and tell him what was going on. Hitch was startled when Tully spoke and it took a moment to understand what the Kentuckian had said.
"No thanks, Tully," Hitch answered unsteadily. "I need to be alone."
"Sure thing, pal," Tully replied. "You know where to find me if you need me." Hitch grimly nodded as Tully headed to the bar. Hitch sat down with his back resting against the wall beneath the palm tree where he had enjoyed so many carefree hours with Isla during her time on the base.
Isla! Damn. How was he going to tell Isla? He was still in a quandary over the kiss she had given him when she left and what it meant. How could he tell her what he had done? How would she react? They had talked about his need to use protection so as not to contract a venereal disease or have an unknown little Hitchcock running around. They had joked about it. She had given him a large supply of condoms as a parting gift. They had laughed together. It was no laughing matter now.
What would this do to their friendship? If he married Marta would he have to put distance between himself and Isla? She was his best friend. She had always been a part of his life. What would he do without her? He knew his bad judgment would be devastating to her. Of all the people who would be disappointed in him, hers was the opinion that mattered most. Not his parents, not his teammates; Isla's opinion of him was the most valued. And he had ruined it.
"Oh dear God, what have I done," he whispered and hung his head as the weight of his actions hit like a ton of bricks. He fought back tears, somewhat unsuccessfully.
I wouldn't hurt her for anything and now I've wrecked what we had together. How could I have been so stupid? She will never look at me the same again. She probably won't want to be around me any more. I've really messed up my life. Oh Isla, will you ever be able to forgive me and come to trust me again? At this point he buried his face in his hands and felt the tears leak from his eyes. Thinking of Isla made him realize something that had been nagging at him for some time.
I love you, Isla and I think its much more than as a friend. I think your kiss meant that maybe you were starting to feel the same way about me as well. I think you're the one I'm meant to be with since I can't imagine my life without you. But now, I'll never know how you feel or reveal my feelings to you. It would betray Marta and whatever relationship we develop for the sake of the baby. Oh God, I am so sorry, Isla.
When Hitch didn't show for dinner, his teammates went looking for him. They found him where they knew he would be. They were concerned at his appearance. The boyish face was haggard, his eyes red-rimmed and the remains of tears had streaked lines down his sand-covered cheeks. They sat down by him with Troy facing him directly.
"Ready to tell us about it?" he asked gently. Hitch looked up and the pathetic expression on his face gave them pain. He nodded, gathered his courage, worked to get his emotions under control and told them everything. They listened intently and could feel the anguish in his voice. The tears that escaped his eyes burned their souls as they grasped all the intricacies of how his life was going to change. There were no reprimands or judgment. No, "I told you so's." They just listened and supported their troubled friend.
"What can we do to help?" Troy asked.
"Just being here and listening means a lot," Hitch was sincere.
"When will you know if Marta's pregnant? Moffitt asked.
"Sometime tomorrow. She went off base to have the test done so no one here would know," Hitch explained.
"I'm not trying to start anything, but are you sure it's yours?" Tully, ever pragmatic, asked. He was silenced with a look from Hitch.
"Then there's nothing to do but wait it out and go from there," Troy stood. "You know we've got your back. Let's go get a beer, or several or something stronger," Troy helped Hitch to his feet.
"Thanks guys and I'm sorry for putting you through this."
They purposefully saw that Hitch had a bit more to drink than usual. He wasn't exactly drunk but some of the thoughts plaguing him were lessened. They could hear him tossing and turning in his bunk throughout the night.
A short recon mission kept them busy for part of the next day, and then Hitch and Tully worked on the jeeps. Hitch barely spoke and Tully ached for his morose friend. He tried to imagine how his family would react if he were in a similar situation and realized they'd be a lot more welcoming and understanding than Hitch's father.
After work, they cleaned up and Hitch left to meet Marta. The team gathered for dinner at the mess hall and awaited the news. They realized they were almost as nervous as Hitch. A short time later, they saw a familiar red kepi making its way through the chow line before joining them at the table. Seeing the smile on the youngest Rat's face and the mountain of food on the tray said it all.
"False alarm," he said, grinning from ear to ear and digging into the mashed potatoes. They all breathed a sigh of relief.
"Thanks guys," Hitch said seriously. "I know I've got some scolding coming but could it wait until tomorrow? I'm starving and I have a letter to write to Isla." They smiled at their friend and nodded. Maybe something good had come from this debacle after all.
Notes: This 30 day challenge has been quite a pressure-cooker. I'm in the midst of my own Nervember as I prepare to retire and more out of state. This story is much longer than the others but its one I felt should be told, given Hitch's behavior (and you've probably noticed he's my favorite character). So, in honor of my birthday, I hope you enjoy!