Disclaimer:

Naruto Dudes, you guys created an awful world to grow up in, it is a bit creepy that so many like it. Meh, I liked it too until I imagined growing up in it… ah, disclaimer, you guys all, me nothing.

Previous:

My turn came when the Rope Escape Technique was taught, it was my time to shine! A simple vanishing on the rope and I was free, I tied the little bastards up like a sausage and let them suffer for hours while I took a nap. Well, life was lighting up, it was good to be me again.

5 Life on the Academy is fun?

Yes, that rope escape technique was my main fun occupation, I started to curse my afternoons when Sensei Iruka made teams and let them hunt down a Shadow Clone and kill it. So every day you could see my clones being chased by a bunch of kids who were already oozing killer intent. They did improve a lot that way, soon they were beating their seniors up if they dared to challenge them for a spar.

I could not complain a lot, all I had to do was to improve my body and my mental skills, my clones did the rest, it is a good thing my mental barriers are strong, getting killed every day is taxing, getting the shit kicked out of you and then getting killed is maddening. Multiply it with six and you know what my life is about.

Anyway, me and Hinata? Not going to happen, dudes, neither is Ino or Sakura. Somehow they formed into a death squad specialized in hunting down 'Naru Chan's', their name for my clones. They ranked first in the kill count. They scared me senseless, each time those girls were inventing a new way to get me, even their parents got worried.

It changed when my clones were allowed to fight back. Hah, the first time I beat the shit out of those brats it felt so good, I almost pounded them in the hospital. Still, it was three to one so my clones took a lot of beatings too. The village kids were allowed to form groups of six to ten to fight my clones. Every time one of those brats saw me pass, they attacked, it got so bad that I had to hang a plaque around my neck with the words I AM THE REAL ONE!

Xxxxx

I did have some fun though, every time I sensed Cat San watching me I mumbled something about Dog San wanting to hump a Cat in Doggy style. I still don't get those stupid masks, how can they see properly through those tiny holes? It doesn't make sense, but nothing makes sense here, so I get my laughs where I can get them. My latest prank was doing a sticking charm on the tree that Dog Anbu was sitting on and then making a run for it. When he tried to follow he ripped his clothes from his body.

A voice transmission from Cat San said "If you do that with me I will peel the skin off your back, brat."

I said out loud: "Wait until I reach puberty, Cat San, then you have to worry about me chasing a pussy."

Why is she worried? I am only almost seven, even if I see her butt naked, I could not do anything with her. I did make her mad once when I was practicing my Transformation Jutsu and transformed into Cat San wearing a tiny bikini and cat mask before Dog Anbu. Dog Anbu almost fell out of his tree when he saw me do the sexy pose. I had to dodge her kunai for a week.

Danzo's condition got worse, he had to feed Chakra to his body to keep functioning, and it showed in his actions, he regularly visited Orochimaru to look for a cure, even Tsunade couldn't find what was wrong with Danzo and he was getting desperate. Two more years and it will have a turning point, his Chakra won't be enough to fill the gap anymore, and his body will degrade and start eating his Chakra coils.

Too bad for Orochimaru, he can not clone or revive Danzo once he is gone, in a way it scared Orochimaru more than he would admit. Knowing that someone in the Hidden Leaf did that to Danzo, he avoided the village like the plague. More so when Kabuto killed himself in a spectacular way with no way to revive him. Meh, I avoided a lot of problems by getting rid of him.

The third Hokage got his share too, I designed tags with Fuinjutsu to prevent spying and gave them to the clan leaders' wives: "If you want to prevent perverts peeping on you when you take a bath, put these on the walls where your bathroom is. I heard the Hokage has a spying glass that can zoom in and spot a fly on the other side of the village."

I explained with a straight face: "I heard that spying glass can focus on a distance, and in that way bypass all obstacles that stand in its way, like houses, trees, and walls. In a way, that spying glass can look at anything as if you are in the same room as that thing."

In other words, the Hokage is pussy spotting. Two days later, every wall that faced the Hokage's office was tagged, even the homes of grannies. The plus side? He had more time to do his paperwork now that he had nothing to peek at.

I wanted to ward the village against pests and rodents, but with a clan that is breeding bugs that were out of the question, it would take a lot of D-ranked missions away too. To keep busy I trained medical Chakra control, Mystic Palm, Chakra scalpel, the downside? Tsunade was teaching me… the hard way.

If you think with an abundance of Chakra it would be easy, nah, Chakra control is hard if you can't spam your Jutsu's. It was extra hard in the afternoon when the brats were Harry hunting my clones, and popped them, flooding my mind with the memories of that hunt. Tsunade knew all that and still got on my case.

"Keep focusing, shitty brat!" was her favorite line accompanied by a slap to the back of my head, "If you were on the battlefield this patient would have died! Keep your Chakra in a steady flow to have your scalpels always in the same size. If you are operating with them and they get bigger for some reason, you will cut your patients to death! Keep focusing, shitty brat! Another patient died!"

"I am fucking seven years old, shitty Aunt, and this is a slaughterhouse, these pig patients have to die." I complained, "Be glad there is no PETA here or they would haunt your ass for what you are forcing me to do."

She got over her Blood Phobia, just to be able to torment me, she did give her pet pig a big trauma for training me in a pig slaughterhouse. Cutting pigs up and healing them back to full health is a great way to learn fast. Those pigs were not happy though, in a way they were changing us into a cold killing machine, it took me a while to realize that. Worse, with my Shadow Clones I sped that process up.

Hinata for instance, she was a shy sweet little girl, now she is proudly walking around with Ino and Sakura, all three of them were admired by the other kids for their skills and they knew it. Even Sasuke became a fanboy, his eyes shined with admiration when those three girls butchered a clone of mine.

I totally overshot my intentions. I wanted to make this place more peaceful by eliminating the worst fuckers, and I created other psychopaths in their place. Training them without real situations and human emotions, even shutting their morals out, I made cold killing machines of those brats. I have to change it or we have another crisis in ten years.

I asked Shikaku for advice: "Shikaku Sama, is training to kill my clones damaging to the mental health of my classmates? Look at Hinata Chan, that smile and look in her eyes when she is hunting a clone is plain out scary, or that taijutsu kid Lee, even when they are only using Taijutsu, they find joy in beating the crap out of my clones."

Shikaku thought for a minute and answered: "In a way you have a point, Naruto Kun. But, we are Shinobi, it is our way to become the killing machines to protect the village. Sometimes we need to set our emotions aside to complete a mission, sometimes we need to sacrifice a life to protect the village. Sometimes you need to sacrifice yourself to protect your teammates and the village."

He sighed and said: "Using your clones is a great way to train the students, it saves injuries and casualties, and it builds the killer mentality a Genin has to learn when he graduates from this Academy. I agree that it's a few years too soon, although you have to remember, in the last war, kids graduated from here at nine and ten years old. If they had that killer mentality, a lot of them would still be alive now."

Shikaku rubbed my hair and said: "There is no right answer, Naruto Kun, we live in a hard world, where every day can be our last one. If hunting your clones makes them better at surviving then we better keep it going, even if some of them will lose their mind like Orochimaru."

In other words, who cares if they are battle maniacs, as long as we kill the others, we can be as crazy as a bat and get away with it. Yep, this world is nuts.

Xxxxx

I am getting better at avoiding Cat San's kunai, and at Transformation Jutsu, flashing a naked body with a Cat mask was risky but fun, I even got the pubic hair the same purple as her hair color. It wasn't fun anymore when she found a way to spot my real body and beat the crap out of me each time I did my Naked Cat. I even made Dog Anbu fall from his three once when I picked something up from the ground. I woke up in the hospital two days later.

Itachi Uchiha is my next headache, Danzo managed to program him enough to believe his own delusions and saw conspiracies from all sides. I overlooked him at first when we focused on deprogramming the Roots from the clans. And almost missed the madness Hiruzen and Danzo put in his head. He is pretty good with a blade and fucking fast.

I noticed something was wrong when he couldn't enter my home anymore, I waited for him outside the mansion, "Hey, Itachi San, where is your Anbu mask? Are you on a secret mission?"

Itachi looked annoyed at me: "No, Naruto San I am investigating some rumors that are troubling the village. Please don't interrupt my investigation."

"But Itachi San, I can help! I know a lot of rumors!" I exclaimed enthusiastically, "For example, Danzo Sama was planning to kill Shisui San for his Mangekyo eyes and implant them in his own head. Or that Danzo Sama was using the village elders to spread nasty rumors about your clan to trick them into revolting."

I stage whispered: "I even heard that the Hokage Sama was using his spying glass to see your mother when she was bathing. I also heard he is fantasizing about her when he is wanking. Itachi San? What is wanking? Nobody wants to explain it to me, they say I am too young."

I put some oil on the fire: "I even heard that the Hokage Sama uses Uchiha Shinobi because they are easily manipulated, but I don't believe that. I know that you investigate everything from all sides as a true Shinobi. Well, if you want to know more, you know where I live Itachi San… Oh, you really have to play more with Sasuke, you are his role model, in fact, a lot of my classmates see you as a person they want to be when they grow up."

Itachi looked sideways at me and asked: "You too, Naruto San?"

I shook my head: "Nah, you are too easily fooled, you would kill your own clan on the words of two old men who are afraid of losing their power. You would then go undercover in a secret organization and get even more fooled by Obito Uchiha who is claiming to be Madera. You would even side with Orochimaru, just to delusion yourself you are doing it all for the Village."

I smiled at Itachi: "See? You are not my role model at all. Have a good day, Uchiha San."

I walked back inside, does he have enough to think about? Meh, who cares, all Uchiha are emo trippers. It is time I crank up my Fuinjutsu and see what I can do with Kurama's cage.

Xxxxx

"Hey Kurama, you watched all those Anime of your possible future, don't you? No, don't answer, you have been watching it for years, so you know what I am going to propose. Nah, you won't accept it, I know. What I am going to do is to do some remodeling on your cage. So that those Akatsuki can't extract you anymore. I hate those guys, butt ugly costumes too. I mean, those collars on their cloaks are ridiculously high, they even can't see their dick when they are taking a pis."

While I was inspecting those seals, I kept on talking, "Not to mention those colors, black with red flowers? That is so out of date! And a bitch to fight in too I guess. But… it was perfect for Anime, no moving parts, a high collar means no head movements, it saves on the drawings. Let them look mean, take a pose, and all they have to do is let their lips move for the evil monologue. A full minute dialogue on the same pose costs nothing but some lip movements and it moves the story a bit further. Easy money."

"Is there a point to your rambling, kid?" growled the Fox

I shrugged: "Yeah, to get you talking to me. Does it work?"

"It is useless, there is too much that has changed to get any reliable information from those 'Anime'" growled the Fox.

"I disagree," I said, "A lot of events from outside the village will happen, like the Akastuki, Madera, those Zetsu's, Kaguya, her Clan, and lord knows what else those guys can come up with. I mean, Anime, Manga, Games, movies, and with every new thing there has to be a plot, a story that connects it to the big picture. To be honest, I only saw a few hundred anime before the viruses ate my hard drive."

I shrugged: "Well, I need to wing it mostly, as far as I can remember I stopped watching when they began to bring back The Dead, Zombie Meet Frankenstein, I never liked Zombie or Vampire movies, what is dead doesn't need to be dug up, or in the Vampire's case drooled up on by some mentally disturbed girls."

"Where was I? Ah a new cage for you, sorry, I can't set you free right now, this seal is made in a hurry by amateurs. Here it is! I almost missed the connection! Nah, I better wait to wake Dad and Mum up. Hey, stick your paw out, I need to get your Chakra signature… come on you orange dog wannabe, or do you like your cage as it is? I can make it as big as a planet you know. You can run around chasing your tails all day."

The planet-sized cage did it for him, he stuck his paw out and let me record his Chakra signature, with that and the seals I recorded on the cage I can start.

I kept the conversation… monologue going: "Hey, in a few days, I need you to channel some of your Chakra through my body, so I can copy the seals on my belly. Say, in what part of my body are you sealed? My stomach or my intestines? Oh! Maybe my liver or kidneys, I always pictured my mindscape in my head though, just behind my eyes, and the fact that Dad put you right on top of my mindscape is a bit confusing."

I asked: "Say, which one of those kids do you think is suitable for your brother the three tales, what's his name again… Isobi! That is the one."

Kurama growled: "It is Isobu! I think the fat kid is best."

"Choji Akimichi? He is a nice kid until you call him fat, a clone did that once and got the shit beat out of him by Choji. A good choice, Kurama. See ya, buddy, I have some studying to do."

Xxxxx

It took me a week to design a working base concept, the next part is a bit tricky, I need to copy the seal on my belly without freaking the village out.

I called up on Shikaku Nara, the brains of the village: "Shikaku Sama, I need to copy the seal my Dad and Mum put on me. To do that, Kurama needs to channel some Chakra through my body. I can do that in my pocket space, but some residue will seep out and will alert the Anbu and Roots. Can you notify everyone?"

Shikaku paled, "Naruto Kun, what you are planning is very risky, it will soften your seal and will give the Fox a chance to escape."

'Nah, we come to an understanding, there is an organization that is planning to unite all the tailed beasts into one ten tails and release it on the world for some obscure reason." I reassured him, "More so, my new way of sealing is way better for me and him. Once he is in an improved seal, I can make a tracker to find other tailed beasts that are not bonded and invite them into a new body."

Shikaku shook his head: "You never cease to amaze me, Naruto Kun, I will make my preparations if you are certain of the result."

"It will be fine Shikaku Sama, I only need to see it for a minute," I reassured him.

One day later I sealed myself and two of each clan's strongest Shinobi in my pocket space, Shikaku insisted that they were present for the procedure. It did reveal a lot of my secrets though, not many were allowed inside my space, I had it closed tighter than Tsunade's cunt.

Now that I have the audience, I might as well make a show of it. With some hand movements I erected eight pillars from the floor in a big circle with an altar in the center, I erected a barrier and gave it a pale blue shine, blue is a soothing color that made the men feel at ease. With some flair, I laid down on the altar and exposed my belly button… hmm, what else can I do to amplify the show… ah? Background Music! The theme from Jaws is out, too creepy, no, I need some posh full-blown Orchestra, the theme of The Space Odyssey 2001 will do, it was quite pompous. Yep, they think so too.

"Fire it up, Kurama, those Shinobi are almost pissing their pants." I told my Fox, "I only need a minute."

Kurama channeled his Chakra through my body, bloody fuck! That is a rush! No, not better than sex but it comes close, my body lighted up like a light bulb and the seal appeared, quickly I made several copies, and enjoyed the buzz, way better than the happy pills.

"That minute was ten minutes ago, brat, when can I stop channeling?" my buzz got interrupted by an annoyed voice, "Are you fooling me?"

I protested: "Hey, cut me some slack will you, this thing you do is better than getting drunk. OK, I just loved that Chakra infusion, you can stop now."

Kurama pulled his Chakra back and I removed the barrier and pillars. The guards were relieved when everything turned back to normal and I opened the pocket space. Those pussies almost ran outside to get away from me. I wonder why.

I spotted Shikaku and approached him: "I need a week, Shikaku Sama, then I have Kurama in a new seal and the tracker ready. If you need me, I'll be in my pocket space. The kids have to do without my clones for that week. Let them beat each other up for a change."