Chapter 7

Waking up felt like she was on some kind of crazy drug high, not that she'd been in that position before but she'd watched movies. In and out of consciousness with a vague remembering of people asking her questions, the first person she saw when she surfaced properly was Sara.

"Is it over," Grace asked, mouth feeling gummy and horrible, words a little croaky. Sara quickly put her phone down and stood up, coming over to reach for her hand, careful not to bump the drip in her arm.

"Yes, you've been in recovery and they've not long wheeled you into your room. I've only just been allowed to come in a few minutes ago."

A nurse popped into the room, reaching for the chart hanging on the end of the bed then coming over to check some vitals. "How are you feeling," she asked Grace who moved a little on the bed to try and sit up. "Keep laying down, we'll prop the end of the bed up soon but try to keep still for a little bit longer."

"I feel OK, no pain yet," she said, looking down to her chest, covered in a hospital gown. If it was all over, when would she see what her body looked like now?

"The pain relief will be in your system for a lot longer but if you do start to feel pain, ring the bell, we can give you some more to help you rest. The doctor will be in later to let you know how everything went. And you are allowed to be here," she said turning to Sara with a frown, "but only for ten more minutes and then no more visitors today," and she left the room.

Grace and Sara exchanged a look. She was a bit of a dragon.

"Joon will be disappointed. They've all been asking for updates and he said he'd come in later today. I had to fight him to stay home earlier and be the one to come in, the hospital had told me only one of us would be allowed to see you afterwards and he wanted to be here when you woke up." Grace knew she was foggy but she could tell from Sara's tone that she was holding something back but Grace was too tired to ask more.

"My parents are coming tomorrow," Grace said, voice beginning to return to somewhat normal although she felt very wiped out.

"Yes, I messaged them earlier too. They arrive late tonight and will come as soon as visiting hours start."

"Do you remember anything from the surgery?"

"Not really, although I'm curious if I hit on any of the doctors or nurses. Apparently that's a common thing under sedation."

Sara laughed. "In that case, you definitely will have."

Grace nodded and then cringed as it sent a reminder to her body not too move to much. "I'm a little scared to look," she said, glancing down at her top again. She felt bulky, bandaged up to hold the stitches in place so it was hard to tell what exactly had happened.

"You won't be able to see anything for a while until the bandages come off right?"

Grace nodded. The doctor had said the swelling would need a few days to settle and then she could go home. The chemo would start a few weeks after but that all depended on the surgery. "I guess we wait for the doctor to come and explain," Grace said, feeling the effects of the sedation again, her eyes blinking slowly open and closed.

"Gracie, I'll let everyone know you're doing OK and let you sleep OK," and she felt lips on her forehead before she fell into sleep again.

Warm, soft lips pressed to her head again and she jolted awake, the warmth lingering as she moved her hand to touch it. Looking around, she saw the hospital room was empty and the lips she felt were cloudy from inside her dreams. She knew whose they were but didn't allow herself to let that sink in before the sedation and her tiredness dragged her back under sleep, not remembering when she woke up that he had been playing on her mind.

"The surgery went well Grace, we're really pleased. We were able to take less than we thought but still remove everything so as far as the wound goes, it's looking very good."

"When will I see what it looks like," she asked. Grace was propped up in bed, now fully awake and the doctor was doing rounds. She'd slept fitfully through the night and now, in the morning, she felt a little more human with the fogginess from the anaesthetic wearing off.

"It will be a few days before the bandages come off. You'll go home later today and then come back in a few days to have everything checked."

"And chemo?"

"That will depend on how you are recovering but in a few weeks we'll start that, once your body has healed a little more."

"Thank you doctor-nim," Grace said. She was still tired, the pain relief was wearing off and she knew her parents would be here soon, maybe her friends too. Home sounded good and maybe she'd even let her mother fuss over her a little and cook her some of her favourite foods. As much as she wanted to know what her body looked like now, she just wanted the whole thing over with. Fast track a few months until the chemo was over and she could go back to life as it should be when you're 26.

Left alone in the hospital room, she picked up her phone, scrolling through the messages of support and thought about replying to them but it felt a little too overwhelming. Maybe she should just scroll aimlessly on social media instead. It vibrated in her hand, a text coming through and she lit up as she saw it was from Namjoon.

NJ – I didn't want to bother you by messaging constantly and Sara has been telling us what's been going on but how are you feeling Gracie? Is it OK for me to visit?

That was very like him, to not want to bother her when he was one of the people she most wanted to talk to. He always made her feel calm.

Grace – Feeling yuck but to be expected. Just a little sore and tired. Mum and Dad coming soon and then I'm hoping to go home this afternoon and I'll probably sleep a lot. I'd like it if you came to visit me tomorrow if that works?

Namjoon was staring at his phone, like he had been for the last 24 hours. Selfishly, he was feeling disappointed. He desperately wanted to go in to the hospital and see Grace, to see in person that she was OK. He'd fought Sara on going into the hospital but of course she'd won. All the women in his life were a force to be reckoned with. And now he would have to wait until tomorrow but he understood. She needed her rest.

NJ – Of course, I'll let you rest now and you message me when you're up for company.

Grace – Don't go yet. I'm on my own in the hospital and I don't like it much.

NJ – I can chat for as long as you need me Grace.

She knew he meant it, he was always concerned and sweet and he didn't say things if he didn't intend on following through on it. That thought made her conjure up words and a memory of what he'd say when she was tipsy but she pushed it down again. Instead, she ran her fingers through her hair and pressed call.

Namjoon almost dropped his phone when it rang but answered it straight away, his voice coming out breathless. "Grace?"

"Who else would it be Joonie," she half laughed and he felt instantly better to hear her voice.

"No video call," he joked back and she sighed.

"Not looking like this. I have a ridiculous hospital gown on and look terrible. I'm so tired and I can hear how whiny I am when I talk."

"I'm sure you look fine," he answered, thinking that even if she was feeling horrible, he was sure she looked beautiful. And then he inhaled as that thought flowed through him. He did, he thought she was beautiful, all the time.

"Thank you but not fine enough to let you see me like this."

"Are you sore?"

"A little, they're keeping me pretty well medicated though and I have some strong pain relief that they're sending me home with later so it's not too bad today."

There was a little silence and then he spoke again. "I'm glad you're OK Grace."

"Not out of the woods yet, still chemo to go and then onwards and upwards right?"

"Yes, in a few months it will all be behind us."

"Hopefully." The word hung in the air because they both knew nothing was foolproof. It wasn't something she admitted out loud to anyone but she knew. Even with the surgery and the chemo, there was a chance it wouldn't work. A small chance, but still a chance.

"That's what I'm speaking into existence Gracie," he said softly and she was grateful for him. For his outlook on life, for his friendship.

"Thank you Namjoon," she said, her voice soft in reply, his whole name ringing in his ears. She barely called him that, usually Joon or Joonie but when she said it this time, it seemed to carry weight.

"You're welcome Grace, I'm always here to champion you." He wanted to say more to make her feel better but he didn't know what or how. He'd rather be sitting next to her on the couch in her living room, watching a movie, feeling each others warmth as they rested comfortably together and he didn't know what this stage of their friendship was going to look like or how much he would be allowed to be a part of it.

"I know you are Joonie," and then he heard a commotion. "Oh Mum and dad have just arrived. I'll talk to you later OK," and she hung up, leaving him staring at his phone again.

"Baby," her mother said as she walked into the room, followed by her dad and instantly she burst into tears.

Home had never felt so good, her bed calling to her the moment she walked through the door. Grace's parents had insisted on bringing her home, cooking food, carrying it to her to eat in bed with a promise of coming again tomorrow after she'd had a good sleep. Or at least the best sleep she could manage.

"But will you be OK? I can stay." Mum hovered over the bed and Grace was grateful and annoyed at the same time. She had been living away from home for six years and had managed just fine. Still, having someone cook you food was never a bad thing.

"I'll be OK mum, honestly, I can move about fine on my own, I'm just a bit sore."

"OK love, well, I'll message in the morning to see when you're awake and bring you lunch."

"Thanks mum, love you, love you dad." He was hovering too, in the background, a little awkwardly. He would be finding this all a little embarrassing, they never discussed personal things so Grace was trying to make it as easy for him as possible.

"Love you too Grace," he said, a little gruffly but she knew that was the soft side of him and smiled through her tiredness.

Once they were gone, she twisted a little, settling into the warmth of her bed. She'd deliberately put on fresh sheets before going to the hospital so she'd have the comfort of those to come back to. But even though she felt tired, Grace couldn't get comfortable and in the end gave up, sitting up a little with a hiss of pain, finding a position that wasn't too bad as she reached for my phone.

Shooting off a few replies to people who wanted to see how she was doing, Grace clicked to Instagram, seeing Namjoon had posted a story to his close friends. Opening it, she noted the peaceful picture in the background as she read the words, one part sticking out. "To quote the poets of old, 'Friendship is a sheltering tree.' I hope I can be yours."

She was instantly warmed at his words, replying with a heart. A message popped up almost immediately.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?"

"Shouldn't you be nagging someone else?" Her lip quirked up a little at the corner. Banter with Joon was always easy.

"I would but I'm here all alone. Are your parents with you?"

"They've left me to sleep."

"Clearly that's working." He was tempted to ask if she wanted company but thought better of it. They often had spontaneous visits when they were bored, one of them picking the other up to head for some late night takeaways but it didn't feel the right time for that.

"I'm a little uncomfortable and I feel like I've napped a lot today so not sleepy right now. It's not even that late," she replied, checking the time on her phone. She'd been discharged late afternoon and her parents hadn't stayed long after dinner so she could rest. It wasn't even 9pm. What she really wanted was to watch a movie with a friend. Sara or Joon preferably, either would be fine and Sara had said to call her for anything and she'd be there. But when she said that in her head, the one person that kept coming to the front of her mind was Joonie.

"Do you need me to bring you something for the pain? Or chocolate? You always need chocolate."

She smiled to herself. Namjoon had actually brought her quite a lot of chocolate over the years, when she'd had break ups, celebrations, when she was unwell.

"They've given me some pretty epic pain relief but you could bring me you. If you're not busy. I'm bored, we could catch up on some Netflix?"

His heart stuttered at her words and he sat up straight on his couch, reaching for the remote to switch his TV off. He'd been distracting himself by watching TV but actually, it was just background noise and he was already up and heading to get his car keys and put his shoes on as he typed. "I literally said I was here alone. Of course I can come over."

"Not if you're going to be snarky," she grumbled back and he laughed. Despite the fact she was obviously not feeling that great, she was still Grace.

"I'll be there soon and I'll bring snacks," he replied and she was placated. When Namjoon said he'd bring snacks, it usually meant a whole bag full and she was ready to just sit with a friend and pretend for a moment that everything was fine.

"You choose," Namjoon said when the snacks were spread out on the table in front of them, both on the sofa with Grace tucked up under a blanket. He had been moving around her with kid gloves until she told him to stop and sit down and so he'd said yes ma'am and done as he was told. He told himself it was just because she was unwell that he was letting her boss him around but truthfully, he'd probably do just about anything for her whether she was well or not. It didn't mean anything though.

"Of course I'm choosing, I'm the sick one," she shot back and laughed, grumbling as she clutched at her bandaged chest. "OK, I deserved that, ouch."

His hands came up and hovered as if he wanted to do something before he quickly dropped them in embarrassment. It wasn't like he could actually do anything with his hands to ease the pain and it just looked a little creepy for his hands to be near her body like that. "You don't deserve it but try not to reach for things. I can do that for you."

"You're gonna be at my beck and call," she asked and he nodded.

"I wouldn't say it that way exactly but yes, I'm here so use me as you need to."

The moment the words left his mouth, he felt his cheeks flush a little more. Everything he was saying sounded like it was code for something else, at least to his ears. The last thing he wanted to do was make her feel uncomfortable.

"I might take you up on that. Can you please pass me the twix?"

He was glad for something to do, opening the chocolate for her so it was easy access as he handed it over.

"I'm not a child Joon," she sighed, taking a bite.

"I know but I'm trying to limit all unnecessary movements. Surely they said you had to try and keep as still as possible?"

"Yes they did," she conceded and he smirked at her.

"Then pick a movie and get comfortable so you can just stay in one place while we watch."

"Bossy but OK," she said quietly under her breath with a frown and he felt a smile flit across his lips. She was cute when she pouted. What?! Had he just thought of her as cute? This was becoming too frequent, these thoughts invading his brain and he needed to take a breath and focus on his friend, one of his very best friends.

Scrolling, she found a series they were both watching. "A new episode is out, have you seen this one?"

"Nope, sounds good," he replied although he'd watched it earlier that night.

"Oh good, the last one finished on a cliff hanger."

"Don't they always," he laughed and she settled close to him, leaning her head back against the back of the couch. Her hand rested on her stomach, the chocolate not sitting well. Maybe eating and snacks with the medication wasn't a good idea. "Are you hungry," he asked, noticing where her hand was resting.

"Nah, not feeling that great really. I don't think I'll eat anything else right now."

"That's OK, just let me know if you need water or whatever and I can pass it to you," he replied, seeing how pale her face was. Clicking the start button, the TV sprang to life and she took a deep breath.

"This feels a bit more normal," Grace said as the episode started, grateful for this simple thing.

"Good," he answered, noticing her eyes were already starting to blink a little slower, knowing she wouldn't last the whole episode awake. She yawned as she watched and then he felt her head on his shoulder as she slumped against him, eyes closed. He wanted to tuck his arm around her shoulder, to pull her tight against himself and share his warmth but he didn't want to bump her in the wrong place and cause her pain so he stayed still, watching the same episode until the end in case she woke up.

As the credits rolled he gently said her name. "Grace? Gracie? Do you want me to help you to bed?" She mumbled out an agreement but didn't fully wake up and move. Contemplating whether to tuck her in and leave her to sleep on the sofa, he changed his mind. Her bed would be much softer and warmer, with more room to move around if she needed to adjust her body.

Gingerly he moved her head back against the sofa, twisting his body to support her weight and hold her in place as he stood up so she didn't slide sideways. Reaching down, he gathered under her knees and neck, lifting her slowly to take her weight. She mumbled again then, resting her head against his chest and he wondered if she could feel his heart beating quicker as she did, not that she was really awake. She was light, weighing next to nothing in his arms and he easily carried her through, tucking her under the covers. She curled up, eyes still closed and her breathing settled into a steady rhythm as he stood looking at her. Then he shook himself out of it, realising how creepy that would look if she woke up and saw him standing there.

Heading back out to the lounge, he tidied the snacks away in the kitchen, carrying some through to put next to the bed with some water in case she woke up in the night. He didn't want to leave, he'd rather stay the night and make sure she was OK but she hadn't invited him to do that and he wouldn't assume it was alright. So he gathered his things, quietly closing the door, making sure it locked behind him. He sent her a text as he walked back to the car, narrowly avoiding walking into a lamppost as he did before he drove home, hoping she'd sleep well enough to see it when she woke up in the morning rather than during the night.

"I've gone home, sleep well Gracie, let me know if you need anything when you wake up."

What he didn't know was that he was invading her dreams again. Warm ones of arms wrapped around her, keeping her safe, lulling her in sleep all the way through the night.

Namjoon diary entry

As horrible as it is to see her in pain like that, I'm glad that this part is over and now it's the recovery and whatever will come next with that. It's kind of like a list in my head of what will happen over the next few months, crossing one thing out, the list shrinking until it will be all finally be over. But she seemed happy to see me or at least happy for some company, anyone would probably have been fine. I'm just glad I could see her for a bit and make her smile. She looked so small in my arms, I just want to keep her away from everything that will hurt her and I know I can't.

A/N – Sorry for the delay. I'd like to update every 1-2 weeks but I've had the busiest July and August so everything is on the go slow. It's also a slightly more difficult story to write as it's a heavier subject so it takes a little more out of me. Plus I have two accounts and write for the other one too so I'm splitting myself into multiple parts, thanks for taking this slowly with me :) I do have another story for this account started too, a sequel that some of you may have seen me hint at for my JK story, stay tuned for later in the year.