"Hi. I'm sorry. Steve's plan was better. I know."

Setting the makeshift bouquet down, blinking back tears, Kayla sat on the bench before glancing over her shoulder. She knew Roman would be able to see and theoretically meet up with her here, but hoped like hell he wouldn't as she unzipped her purse, took out the two envelopes, and tried her best to ignore that her hand was shaking, again.

"Next time I'll bring proper flowers, I promise. Today's just had me all over the place. I… I'm a little out of sorts," Kayla admitted, sniffing back tears before speaking again.

"You probably heard why. Definitely heard, knowing you. I'm not saying you're tuned into what's going on with me 24-7 up there but, I know Steve and I put on quite the show. There's no way you'd miss out on that."

Rolling her eyes, she toyed with the strap of her purse resting on her lap.

"He and I were due though, Mom. When we were in that wine cellar, I was just so relieved and happy to see him, so busy checking that he wasn't concussed, and then before I knew it, he was off looking for Kate, and I was back in Salem. When he finally got home, I just wanted us to feel normal, so I faked it like everything was. I should've known eventually things would start tumbling out. I'm glad they started to, though. Despite everything, I'd rather be running around a cemetery barefoot and crying my eyes out in the backseat of our car with him than be anywhere else. I missed him so much. I should've known, though, his missing me too could've led to him almost...when he told me I kept insisting he was lying. Couldn't handle the thought of it being that close to being true."

Her voice breaking, Kayla reached into her purse for a tissue.

"And he never had to say a word to me about it, but, no secrets, right?" she groaned, dabbing at her eyes.

"This from the man who made keeping them at his own expense an art form. Even once he stopped burying his real feelings under concrete and finally opened up to me, when it came to dealing with any dark, twisted threats, his taking them on singlehanded, keeping me in the dark in the name of keeping us safe, I know it's hardwired into him but even after all this time, I've always had to work to accept it. I know they say you shouldn't meet your heroes, but they never tell you that you shouldn't fall hopelessly in love with them either."

Shaking her head, she laughed mirthlessly, sitting forward slightly on the bench.

"It didn't matter how in love we were when he'd go all strong and silent type on me, or take off to take on anyone out to hurt us. His doing that always damaged us more than some piece of his past or present could have hoped to. After he left Africa, over a threat he never told me about, I'd have put up with Ava and Marina for the rest of my life if it meant not having to feel how I did when he left me and Joey. The way I did when those divorce papers came back signed. I know it wasn't him who even signed them but in that moment, Mom. The only other time I ever hurt more...well, you saw what even the idea of that did to me today," she said with a shudder.

"Steve knew telling me would break my heart, and I know it broke his to say a word to me about it. But he did, and I swear I didn't know how much of a hero he was to me until he did. Same as I didn't know how much of a hypocrite I was. I know our history with secrets, yet here I am, dooming us to repeat it."

Taking a beat, picking the smaller stationary envelope up off her lap, she shook her head, trying and failing to swallow back the lump in the back of her throat.

"I've kept something from Steve, Mom," she choked out. "I've had nearly twenty years to tell him the truth. About someone, about the first two years I thought he was gone. The thing is, though, when you've had sixteen years to bury that truth, it feels right just to keep it buried. It used to, at least," she scoffed, clasping her left hand over her right when it shook.

"It's not like I kept quiet all this time to protect Steve from a threat, or someone out to hurt the two of us. If anyone during that time was causing hurt, it wasn't the man who moved Stephanie and me into the manor to keep us away from actual threats. Shane made me feel like my baby girl and I were safe, even after our entire world had blown apart. Leaning on that when I was at the lowest point of my life, coming to love the man who offered it to me, I can't, and I don't regret that. Not to say, though, there's not other things I regret," Kayla sighed.

"I didn't keep what I had with Shane a secret to protect Steve. I did it to protect myself. If I'd told him who the 'someone' was the day he really came back to me, I'd have to tell him about the someone I was for a while. Not the wife he just remembered, not 'Sweetness." I didn't want him to know that version of me. What was the point? We were going to have a future. He'd remembered our past. I thought, why did he need to know about one of the roughest times in mine?" she asked with a shrug, running her hand over her face.

"You were there, Mom. You saw the ways I found to hurt Kimberly. And if you didn't know I let Shane go on thinking Theresa wasn't his daughter, even briefly, now you do. Steve's death damaged and hurt me in more ways than I thought were possible, but I went on to cause some damage and hurt, too. I know time heals, and it did. But even being forgiven for the hurting, even knowing it wasn't technically an affair with Shane, that it was a relationship I came to want, not just some warped rebound, not telling Steve about it all this time, I'm scared he won't heal from that. I'm scared that we won't heal from that.

I saw what everything with Victor and Bo did to you and Pop. And I swore back then. No secrets. Since I came back, though, from my reported demise, all I've been able to do is accumulate more and more of them. And I'm tired. I'm so damn, tired. When Steve asked why I signed up for therapy, I was happy to tell him just because I knew I could give him a straight answer. His asking me why, wasn't asking me why I was still going," Kayla sighed.

"That's the only workaround I have with Steve. I can't even look him in the eye when I'm lying. Maybe this being one of omission is why I've gotten away without telling him all this time. But I can't do it anymore. Life's too short. I figured that out when I was convinced I'd be visiting you in a very different way," she said with a sad smile. Sitting forward on the bench, she rearranged the flower bundle by the marker.

"I remember I asked you when everything broke open about Bo, why you didn't just tell him and Pop the truth. Actually, I think I flat out told you that you should've told him. And I wonder where Stephanie gets it from," she smirked, rolling her eyes before her face went solemn again.

"You said to me that you couldn't. You were a young mom. He would've walked out. And you didn't have to say but I knew, you didn't want to see us torn apart. I told you I wasn't trying to blame you. I was just trying to understand. Well, I understand now, Mom.

What you had with Victor, I know it wasn't the same as what I had with Shane, but it still involved keeping something from someone you love for so long, and hoping somehow once the truth comes out, they can somehow forgive you. I know it took time, but I know you and Pop got through it. I...I need to know that'll happen for me and Steve.

I know it'll take time. He'll be furious that I kept it from him this long, and there's no getting around that. I know, too, the idea of me being with anyone else...it'll eat him alive. It's how I felt, especially when I had a face and a name to put with the thought," Kayla shuddered.

"I couldn't blame him. When he was with the other women, he didn't know who he was. I know it's not the same, but after I thought he died...I didn't know who I was either," she admitted, wiping at her eyes. "I can't lose him again, Mom. I couldn't survive it. And I didn't survive everything with Orpheus and Rolf and Megan just to lose my husband to a damned secret I've been keeping for too goddamned-"

Remembering where she was, Kayla bit her lip before squeaking out an apology and burying her face in her hands.

"I guess I just...I need to know, if I tell Steve everything after all this time, that we'll be okay. That we'll get through it. I just..."

Her voice trailing off again, with her face hidden and her eyes shut, she didn't notice a stray flower from the makeshift bouquet a foot away get caught up in a slight breeze until she felt it land on her right foot.

"What the-"

Reaching down to pick up the yellow rose, she softly smiled and wiped at her eyes.

"Okay, fine. Fine, I get it. Consider me pulling it together now, alright? Doing what I came here to do?"

Dabbing her tears away with a tissue, she reached for her readers.

"It's called emotional homework," she explained, putting them on before reaching for the smaller envelope without the Greece postmark. "I know, I can feel you rolling your eyes at me from here. But it's not a waste of time if it'll be able to help, and when was I ever one to not do my homework."

After her eyes flitted over the three-letter variation of her name on the front of the envelope, Kayla let out a slow breath before turning it over.

"That said," she scoffed, carefully prying up the monogrammed wax seal. "Give me a lab practical over required reading any day."