Author's note: Hi lovelies. So this is just a short drabbly oneshot. Sorry no smut. (I rewatched Freaky Friday for the first time since i was as a kid recently, and yeah.) So that's what this is Draco and Hermione switch bodies and i came up with some funny things i thought might occur. (Also it's my intention to heavily suggest they end up together after they figure out their whole body switch situation.)
Xoxo
Catstclaire
Bizarre things always happened at Hogwarts. That was a universal truth Hermione accepted her first year as a student when she turned 12. Her first year it was alot all at once, but she learned to roll with the punches- it was easier to when things were happening to Harry and not herself of course.
Hermione knew shocking things continually and would always happen at Hogwarts, repeating her 7th year started out normal enough. Then little by little it got crazy weird real fast. In comparison to other years at least.
Last year Voldemort nearly took down Hogwarts in his pursuit of Harry, and since they had been back each week here felt stranger than the last. Each day was it's own special brand of bizarre.
On a Wednesday Hermione was paired with the girl who tried to turn over Harry to the death eaters as her potions partner.
On a Thursday she had to make small talk with the Professor who was in charge of burying the students who died in the battle. He gave details Hermione honestly would have gladly lived without.
Hermione decided the worst though was the twisted Tuesday she awoke to have breakfast in the great hall only to find herself already sitting at the Slytherin table. The entire row of Slytherins had given 'Hermione' a wide berth, no one sat to close, and the entire student body seemed to be either whispering to one another about the oddity or openly gawking at the scene. It was not necessarily a rule that you could only sit at your houses table, but it was extremely bizarre that Hermione Granger of all people would have sat down to have her morning tea at the snake table.
She scanned the room for Ron and Harry and it was both a blessing and a curse that she didn't see them.
'Fuckity fuck.' The real Hermione cursed under her breath and marched right over to her body. She knew. She knew who it was that's inside of her body, reading the paper like they don't have a care in the world. Even so she was still disappointed to find, an all to familiar smirk on her own lips when she was finally spotted.
If the room wasn't already alight in gossip it certainly was now. Hermione Granger sat at the Slytherin table with Draco Malfoy storming through the room, glaring at her the whole way. It was honestly what she expected Rita Skeeter would call front page material.
"What on earth do you think you are doing?" Hermione hissed but instead of her own voice it came out in the deep, dulcet tones of Draco Malfoy. She crossed her arms-Malfoy's arms, and popped her hip out- his hip out, the way she always stood that Ron called her hissy fit pose.
A small laugh, and then she watched her body turn around to face her, folding up the paper neatly. "Ah. St. Granger. I expected you'd be along soon enough." Malfoy mockingly checked the watch on Hermione's arm. "Now care to tell me what exactly it was you've done to me? And please spare no details, my father will want every shred of evidence there is when we bring this in front of the wizengamot."
"The wizengamot!" Hermione blurted. "Me!? I'm not the one who's done this!"
"Keep your voice down will you?" He spat back at her, and the scowl he gave her felt entirely wrong to see on her own face. "The whole castle doesn't need to know about this."
"Stop making that face, with my body." She demanded.
"Stop making me stand like a girl." His eyes roved over her popped hip.
She rolled her eyes but acquiesced.
"If you don't want the castle to know, why in the hell are you sitting at the Slytherin table?"
He laughed again. "To be honest I didn't know right away what had happened. I came down to have my morning coffee and then for some strange reason I couldn't figure out your little friends kept waving me over. -Caught a glimpse of myself in the silver platter, and well wasn't hard to put together after that."
"You seem to be taking this extremely well." She couldn't say the same.
"Yeah well, another day at Hogwarts right?" He shrugged Hermione's shoulders. "So what is it you've done? Have you polyjuiced the both of us? That's as far as i've gotten on my guesses."
"No! As i said before-" She grumbled but climbed into the seat next to him, and cringed when she heard gasping around the room. "I've done nothing. Last thing I remember before waking up like this is reading."
"Same." He replied and ran his hand through Hermione's hair. "You know people probably think you've gone round the bend? Sitting at the Slytherin table." He chortled again. "You look like an idiot." He laughed harder.
Oh is that right?
Hermione had never much liked Malfoy, and this was exactly why. Even if he was incredibly handsome she still thought... she thought he was incredibly handsome?
Hermione reached out across the Slytherin table and grabbed a goblet of chocolate pudding. Malfoy's laughter stopped cold.
At the same time he said "You wouldn't dare." Hermione dumped the goblet over her, and felt it seep down her neck and cheeks.
Hermione heard Dean Thomas choke up from across the room, and saw it when Seamus started to clap him on the back. The rest of the room had gone completely and utterly still as they all watched the bizarre events unfolding at the Slytherin's table.
Malfoy was glaring at her with renewed hatred, and she baulked under the scrutiny of her own chocolate eyes.
"Who looks like an idiot now?" She muttered.
"You're insane."
"Go sit with the Gryffindors, and if Ron or Harry try to talk to you- just don't. I'll tell them myself."
"Fine by me, i already avoid scarhead, and the weasel." He seemed to think for a moment, and a slight redness came to his skin. "If Pansy shows up. You probably should-Run."
Brilliant.
Instead of joining her house Malfoy trounced out of the great hall in her body, and Hermione dreaded every second that he might yet be spending in her body. He was careless, and spoiled and he wouldn't care if her body was scratched up and damaged by the time they switched back.
And how exactly are they going to switch back she wondered?!?
She sighed. She refused to give everyone the satisfaction and instead of leaving she heaped food onto her plate and ate solemnly.
Slughorn walked passed the table, and paused only for a moment to inspect the chocolate pudding mess around her part of the table. He raised a brow and continued on as if to say 'I'm to old for this.'
Then a thought occurred to Hermione that chilled her straight to her bones. The bathroom. Showers. How long was this going to last for exactly- What if Malfoy needed to relieve himself while in her body- what if she needed to relieve herself while in his body?!?!
The great hall watched as Draco Malfoy jerked straight up out of his seat, still covered in pudding, and made a mad dash for the exit.
Hermione careened out into the hallway and knocked straight into someone so hard they fall over.
"Malfoy?" Ron asked with a sneer forming as he helped Harry off the ground.
"Oh thank goodness, it's you guys!" Hermione said brightly, but faltered quickly when she realized who they thought she was.
"What's your bloody problem now then Malfoy?" Harry asked righting his glasses on his face, and standing back up with Ron's help.
Harry drew his wand when she didn't answer. Ron and Harry spread out seemingly to block her way.
Every second of delay was another Malfoy might have gone off to one of the girls lavatories.
"Fuck me- i do not have time for this Harry." She admitted, and casted a jelly leg jinx at both of them.
Ron went down first then he attempted to grab her by her shirt. Harry toppled next when he tried to set Ron to rights.
"Rotten ferret!" Ron called out as she was already hurdling up the stairs.
"Sorry- really i'm sorry i can explain later- love to you both!" She called out.
Ron's eyes went wide, and Harry looked completely gobsmacked as he tripped over his own legs again.
"Did he just..." She heard Harry say then she was out of earshot.
Now.
Where did Draco Malfoy take her body?
If he had seen her unmentionables before she found him, she swore she was going to throttle him. Hex him. Then throttle him again.
She found him 20 minutes later coming out of the girls lavatory.
"Ughhh-" Hermione yelped in disgust. "-you sicko." She leveled her/ his wand at Malfoy.
"Come on Granger, i had to take a piss!" He threw his hands up, and Hermione wondered if she really was as bossy as everyone claimed or if instead it was just the way her body moved that made her seem that way. "It isn't like i wanted to look." Her body's arms crossed grouchily.
A curse was on the tip of her tongue when Malfoy smirked at her. "Tell me- have you looked yet?" He was toying with her.
"Avi-"
Then the sound of multiple pairs of feet thundering down the corridor came.
It was Harry with the marauders map in hand, flanked by Ginny and Ron.
"I'd lower my wand if i were you Malfoy." Harry said his voice cold as ice, and eyes boring into her. Ron and Ginny trained their wands on her, and Malfoy began to laugh.
Her friends gave her body an uneasy look, but their attention to Malfoy's body held.
"This isn't what you think." Hermione grunted out at Harry, as she lowered the wand in her hand. "Somethings happened between me, and Malfoy- er Granger- it's going to sound mad but you have to listen-"
As she rambled Malfoy went to stand behind her friends. He was no longer laughing, but he held an imperious little smile in place. "Do it." Malfoy said to Ginny.
Hermione scoffed.
Then to her extreme surprise Ginny hexed her.
Hermione felt the sting and cursed.
"Fuck I didn't think you would Weasley?!" Malfoy yelled at Ginny. "I was kidding!"
Then Malfoy was pushing her friends and their stunned expressions aside to help Hermione off the floor. "I swear Weasley- if there's my permanent damage to my body- your lot will be sharing a cardboard box so minuscule in size even house elves will weep for you!"
Malfoy was turning over his own hands with Hermione's and then Hermione saw the expression on Harry's face and she couldn't help but to bust out laughing.
"Granger- shut-" Malfoy began to laugh some, but he was trying desperately not to. "This isn't funny- Granger-" Malfoy sank down, and the both of them laughed together until their sides hurt.
"What the fuck is going on?" Ron screamed.
Ginny's eyes darted between her and Malfoy.
"Hermione...?" She asked looking at Malfoy.
"Yes." Hermione laughed a bit more but managed to get out. "It's me- we switched. I tried to say before you jinxed me."
Then Malfoy laughed into another fit.
"-and that's?" Harry asked tilting his head towards her body.
"Malfoy." Hermione replied.
"-oh not the ferret!" Ron supplied.
Malfoy scowled at her friends.
"Look we don't even know what's going on but could we all at least agree to try and have manners?" Hermione gave Ron a look. "Ron?"
"Yeah. Of course- yeah. Sorry, i just. Merlin..." He said back.
"Hermione how are you going to fix this?" Harry asked looking at her for the first time without the confidence she usually found there.
She put her face in her hands. "I have no fucking idea."
Malfoy in her body nudged her shoulder with his. It was warm. "Come now Granger- you'll figure it out in no time. I'm willing to work together if you are. I can be civil."
Ginny scoffed, but that vote of confidence from Malfoy really did something for her.
"Okay. We can figure this out." She said brightly back to him. "Together."