In the past few days, Zuko has saved not one, not two, butthreeprisoners,andbecome friends with Sokka.
This would be all fine and dandy if it weren't for the fact that the one (former) prisoner, Chit Sang, keptstaring.
Zuko understood, alright? He was the guy's traitor prince and all that, but would it kill the guy to make the staring alittleless obvious?
Fortunately, Sokka notices Zuko's discomfort and sticks close by for the short ride back to the Air Temple.
When they arrive back, Hakoda embrace Sokka and Katara. Zuko is glad he helped bring them back together.
(And if his heart aches for something he never had, Zuko very carefully does not think about it.)
Chit Sang introduces himself, finally taking his gaze off of Zuko. Toph punches his arm and grins at nothing.
"Wow, Sparky! You look like shit!"
"How would you know, whenyou can't see."
Toph closes her eyes and ignores him like it's not a very valid question.
"Seriously, go get some rest, Sparky. I'll send Twinkletoes to get you when dinner is ready."
Zuko feels something in him soften.
"Mhm. Thanks, Toph."
Zuko doesn't sleep, considering the whole 'sleeping with the sun, rising with the sun' shebang, but he does get unwind and take a break from the others. It's nice, especially when there's not much free time during war preparations.
Someone knocks on the door. "Zuko! Dinner's ready!"
"Coming!"
There's a sort of unspoken agreement in the group.
Katara makes the meals. Toph makes utensils and bowls. Zuko makes tea.
To be clear, it's notnearlyas good as Uncle's, and most of the group thought he poisoned the tea in the beginning, but still. Zuko makes the tea.
As Zuko pours and gives out the tea, the others start talking. Except one of them. Chit Sang. Who just stared at Zuko silently.
If Zuko were anyone else, he would probably be embarrassed. The great Crown Prince of the Fire Nation, serving tea to a group of peasants in front of another Fire Nation citizen? Shameful. Luckily, Zuko had spent his puberty years on a boat, and was currently living with a group of children. He knew no shame.
After serving the tea, Sokka gestured for Zuko to sit by him. Stupidly, he accepted. While Zuko and Sokka were now friends, sitting in the space indicated, which put Chit Sang on his left.
Zuko was glad that the group was sitting in a circle, since it meant Chit Sang was sitting slightly tilted away, instead of directly next to him. Zuko wouldn't admit it, but the guy kinda freaked him out.
"-and then, Zuko just broke the thing clean in half! By kicking it! And then he jumped over a boiling volcano, with people shooting fireballs at him!"
Sokka waved his hands when he talked, which Zuko's tea very narrowly missed being a victim of.
He rubbed the back of his neck. "It's not that big of a deal."
Hakoda raised his eyebrow and smiled kindly at him. "Itwasquite impressive, Prince Zuko. I don't think I've ever seen anything quite like it."
Zuko tapped his tea cup nervously. "Just Zuko is fine, Chief. Not much of a prince anymore."
Chit Sang seemed to bristle slightly at that, but everyone ignored it.
Hakoda laughed. "In that case, you can call me Hakoda instead of Chief."
"Right."
Hakoda smiled and turned towards Chit Sang. "Anyways… Chit Sang, right?" He nodded. "Good. I was wondering what you were in prison for, if you don't mind my asking."
Chit Sang hummed. "I spread word about things the higher ups wanted secret. Held protests, hung posters. That sort of thing."
Hakoda raised his eyebrow, and everyone stared at Chit Sang a little distrustfully. "And they put you in Boiling Rock? That seems a little extreme, even for the Fire Nation. What sort of things were you spreading?"
Zuko sipped his tea, slightly zoning out of the conversation-
"The phrase I said most was 'Remember the 41st'."
-before he choked on his tea, and very quickly zoned backin.
Sokka rubbed his back and Chit Sang glanced at him, but otherwise, no one paid any attention to his coughing fit.
Sokka raised his eyebrow at Chit Sang. "And what, exactly, is that supposed to mean? What's the '41st'?"
"The 41st was a division made up of new, barely trained recruits. During a war meeting, a general proposed a plan that would use the division as a distraction. The Earth Kingdom troops would attack them while another division came up from the behind.Fresh meat, was the word they used."
Chit Sang lowered his voice and spoke only to Zuko. "I had a younger brother in the division. Kaito."
Zuko's chest tightened. He couldn't honestly say he knew all of their names, but he was sent the death reports. He remembered Kaito's because he was the youngest of the division. At 15.
He had burned for a boy two years older than him.
He was now older than that boy would ever be.
"I'm sorry for your loss." Zuko whispered. He was about to say more when Chit Sang turned back to the group.
Everyone else had varying mixtures of disgust and anger on their faces. Katara's face was twisted into a snarl. "That's awful! How could they do that to their own people? And not one person did anything about it?"
Chit Sang smiled bitterly. "There was one. The youngest, not even supposed to be in the meeting. But he was the only one who spoke against the plan."
Suki narrowed her eyes like she knew there was something more to the story. "What happened?"
Chit Sang sighed. "When the general proposed the plan, the boy stood and yelled at him. 'You can't sacrifice an entire division like that! Those soldiers love and defend our nation! How can you betray them?' He was right, but the other men in the war room didn't see it that way." Chit Sang turned to Zuko. "The rest isn't my story to tell."
Sokka furrowed his eyebrows and followed Chit Sang's gaze. "What are you… oh.Oh.You'rethe boy who spoke out."
Zuko took a deep breath and tried to ignore the pounding of his heart in his ears and the burning gaze of the others. "Yeah."
Toph cleared her throat. "Not to interrupt or anything, but what's the big guy mean by 'rest of the story'?"
"Well… like Chit Sang said, I wasn't supposed to be in the meeting, since I was only thirteen. But I'd promised my Uncle I wouldn't say a word if he let me go. Not only speaking out, butyellingat a general the way I did? That was probably the one of the most disrespectful things I could do. So, my f- Ozai told me I was to fight in an Agni Kai. A fire duel."
"I was never the strongest firebender, but the general was old, so I thought I could take him. So, I accepted the duel."
"But on the day of the duel, when I turned around it was not the general."
Aang raised his hand and spoke. "Then who'd you fight? And why wasn't it the general?"
Zuko clenched his fist to hide it's shaking. It didn't work very well. "It was the general I yelled at, but it was the Fire Lord's war room. It was not the general I was challenged to fight. It was theFire Lord."
Katara looked horrified. "You fought your ownfather?"
Chit Sang looked at him with something like pity, sadness, and anger all mixed up into one.
It made him sick.
"No."
"I refused to fight."
Sokka's jaw might as well have been on the floor. "You, Zuko,refused to fight? You?"
"Yes."
Sokka was about to start saying something, when Toph clapped her hand over his mouth. "Shut it, Snoozles. Finish the story, Sparky."
Deep breathes. "Right. I refused to fight him- kneeled and told him I was his loyal son. He told me to rise and fight for my honor."
Zuko paused here. If no one said anything, he would just leave it at that.
Suki threw this idea out the window. Everyone was silent and staring at Zuko. "What happened next."
Zuko's lips twisted into a smile that didn't fit his features. It looked unnerving. "'You will learn respect, and suffering will be your teacher.'And then he burned off half my face and banished me until I could bring him the Avatar."
Zuko snorted. "Jokes on him. Ifoundthe Avatar."
This is the moment Aang decided to burst into tears.
Zuko looked around, hoping someone else would take care of it, but found that they were all busy staring at him like he'd sprouted a second head.
Zuko floundered. "Uh. Please don't… do that. Don't cry. It's fine, don't cry."
Surprisingly, this seemed to shock Aang out of crying. "It'snotfine! He just- he didthatto you and- you're hisson."
Zuko shrugged. "Azula's always been his favorite."
He'd be lying if he said it didn't hurt. Itdid. So much.Even after being burned and sent to chase a ghost, he still craved his father's approval. His love. But Zuko knew better now. When he confronted his father on the Day of the Black Sun, it felt like a huge weight had been taken off his chest.
It still hurt, yes. But Zuko would live. He would heal.
Zuko snapped back to reality when Aang began speaking again.
"Butstill!To his own-"
"Aang! Look, I know it's messed up.I know that.But it wasthree yearsago.It doesn't matter."
Then Sokka spoke up. "Um, it actuallydoesmatter because one, it's apparently part of the reason you were chasing us and two, because that's insanelymessed up?"
Zuko could feel himself getting more irritated. The flame flickered a little higher, only Hakoda and Chit Sang noticing. Before Zuko could burst and start yelling, Hakoda stood up and spoke in a stern voice. "I think everyone needs to calm down a little bit. Let's stop pestering Zuko and let him talk, alright?"
Zuko took a deep breath in, and a deep breath out. "Thank you.Like I was saying, it doesn't matter anymore. Getting all worked up about itnowwon't change anything that happenedthen."
Everyone was quiet for a moment. Zuko was right, they knew, but… but still. They'd seen tragedy after tragedy because of the war, but this was different. Family was supposed to besafe. Itwassafe, for the majority of them.
Realistically, theyknewthat this sort of thing happened. But it never really seemedrealto them until now.
Chit Sang cleared his throat, somewhat awkwardly, but with purpose.
"Prince Zuko-"
"Just 'Zuko' is fine."
"-Prince Zuko. I was wondering- do you regret doing what you did? You don't have to answer if you don't want to."
Zuko ran his tongue over his teeth. If he never spoke out, he would've never been burned. Been banished. It's not like he actuallychangedthe fates of the 41st. They all died regardless. He could've avoided days of healing and seasickness, in favor of spending the days wondering the palace halls.
He thinks of quiet halls, no longer filled with the laughter of his childhood. He thinks of his father, with a heavy gaze and bruising hand. He thinks of a room of men, content with sending their own people to both kill and die for the sake of their own greed. He thinks of the nations, one dead, and the rest war-torn and starving.
He thinks of these things, and he knows his answer.
"The only thing I regret was not fighting."
Sokka speaks up again, much more subdued than earlier. "He probably would've killed you if you actually fought."
I know,Zuko thinks.but maybe it would've been easier for everyone if he had.
This, Zuko thinks, but does not say. He is already getting more pity and sympathy than he can stomach, and the reactions he would get from saying that would only push him over the edge.
So, Zuko is silent once more. No one says anything, everyone picking at their food.
Abruptly, Zuko stands. "Right. Well. I'm going to sleep. Goodnight."
Just as he turns, a pebble hits the back of his head. "Stop right there, Sparky. Get your things. You're moving to where the rest of us sleep."
Both Zuko and Katara bristle at that, but Toph shushes them. "Nope! No ifs, ands, or buts! You're moving. And before you ask, yes, Icanmake you, because I'm the best Earthbender in the world!"
Zuko, very pointedly, does not sigh or pinch his nose. "Fine. Fine! Not like I should have a say in where I sleep."
Toph grins at him like the little shit she is. "Glad you've finally caught on, Sparky."
Zuko rolls his eyes, which he realizes is pointless when he's rolling them at a blind girl, but that's not the point. He turns away so that he can get his things from his room before he's stopped again.
"Prince Zuko." Chit Sang looks at him, gaze searing.
Zuko fidgets uncomfortably. "Yes?"
"Know that, while your father has the people's fear, you have ourloyalty.Ourlove.Always." Chit Sang makes the sign of the flame, and bows much deeper than a prince exiled twice-over deserves.
Zuko's heart leaps into his throat and makes a home there, sending blood rushing through his ears. "I- Please rise." Once Chit Sang rises back up, Zuko copies his bow, dipping down about the same amount. A prince and his subject, exchanging bows as equals.
When Zuko rises from his bow, he meets Chit Sang's eyes, which are wide in shock, identical to his mouth. "Thank you."
As soon as the words are out of his mouth, he scurries away as fast as he can, leaving behind a shell-shocked Chit Sang and a cackling Toph.
Mmmmm... Mmmmm... Mm... Mm... Mm...
Lunch at the Northern-Airtemple wasalwayshectic.
Most of the time Katara was the one to cook for all the occupants of the temple but recently Zuko had taken to making some of their meals. At first Katara would glare and stomped away huffing when he had asked to help, but she had eventually conceded, still glaring.
The meals he would prepare would always be less salty then Katara's but spicier and flavorful like most fire nation food.
Toph had liked it the most out of all of the group. She said it reminded her of the Earth-Kingdom food more than Katara's.
Her compliment had brought a small smile to his face.
(The first since the day of black sun)
He hadn't noticed the looks Sokka and Aang had shared at that, to busy ducking his headto hide the light dusting of pink on his cheeks.
Katara has said something snide, causing Zuko to hunch, and Toph to launch a pebble at Katara's head, laughing loudly in distraction.
Zuko didn't know why the earth-bender had seemed to attach to him, but he couldn't say he minded. It was the opposite really. Toph was loud and tuff and wasn't afraid of being blunt, and honest.
It didn't help that she slightly reminded him of Azula before she became cruel and wrong.
Baby fat was still clinging to her cheeks, the goblin smile she had when insulting someone, or causing chaos wasfranklyadorable on her chubby cheeks.
Mealtimes were the only times during the day where everyone was gathered together in the same room, with the exception of Teo, Haru, and The duke, who had decided to utilize the giant Pi-Sho room for themselves.
Chief Hakoda would stay with the main group while Chit-sang watched over the trio.
Zuko was wary of the Chief, but so far he hadn't seen the man do anything incriminating. He seemed to love both of his children immensely and if Zuko was honest he wasjealousof Sokka, and Katara. They had a father who seemed to genuinely care for them.
Hakodaneverwent to hit them or yell at them when they did something they were not supposed to be doing. Zuko was frankly baffled at the chiefs behavior. It was so strange to see a happy family interacting, and he couldn't help the knot of jealousy that formed in his chest when watching them.
Mealtimes were often filled with light conversation, but it seemed that today Toph had a different plan. She had seemed deep in thought and nobody wanted to be the one to disturb her.
Zuko spooned at his curry. He had been the one to cook today much to his happiness. He had always enjoyed cooking even when he was a child. His father had tried to beat out his enjoyment for the task, but Zuko had just taken to sneaking into the royal kitchens during the night to cook then.
Nobody, but stray servants would ever catch him, and although Zuko never new the palace servants always had a soft spot for the soft spoken boy who always thanked them politely and never seemed to take any joy in tormenting the staff like the rest of the royal family.
About halfway through the meal Toph finally looked up and spoke, cutting off Suki and Sokka's conversation about weapons that everyone else was paying attention too.
"We are going to play a game" she stated, leaving no room for arguments.
"Uhhh... okay?" It was Sokka who finally responded after a minute of silence "what are we playing?"
"Well technically it's more like a...icebreakerthen a game" she answered "because I don't know nearly enough about you guys and barely anything about Sparky over there" she said, waving a dismissive hand towards Zuko.
Said fire-bender looked none too happy about potentially having to tell people anything about himself. He was scrunching up his nose and hunching his shoulders as if trying to hide
Aang looked excited at the idea, bouncing in place with a wide smile on his face.
"Yeah! How do we play? Is it a guessing game! Or charades! Or is it airball ? I can teach everyone to play!" Aang rambled excitedly, looking like a child who was given ten gold pieces and told to go wild.
"Can it Twinkletoes, let me explain" Toph demanded. Aang quieted down, still bouncing in place.
Katara looked like she wanted to berate Toph for talking to Aang like that, but she held back, already knowing that it wouldn't do any good.
"Okay so we will go around, taking turns and say three things we like and three things we don't. Is thatsimpleenough for you dunderheads to do?" The last part of her sentence was said tauntingly as she grinned wickedly.
Sokka looked incredibly affronted, as if the mere idea of him not being able to understand simple instructions was bizarre, And Katara looked to be restraining herself from strangling the girl. Chief Hakoda seemed to be enjoying his children's disgruntlement, his eyes shining in silent mirth, and the corners of his mouth ticked up in a smirk.
Aang seemed to havemissedthe insult because he just nodded enthusiastically.
Zuko just deadpanned at the earth-bender, looking like he was judging her for even suggesting that he couldn't handle simple instructions.
He heaved a sigh, shaking his head fondly. He had found that Toph was his favorite person in the gaang, with Aang coming in second.
(Zuko hadn't understood how much she meant to him until one day when practicing his Kata's alone in the training ground, that she had silently been watching him train and he hadn't noticed. After completing a particularly complex set she had cheered from the sidelines, startling him, causing him to jump in surprise.
She had grinned at him with her goblin smile, and complemented him in her unapologetic way, telling him that while he may be good at fighting, that she could still kick his ass.
Blushing brightly, he agreed. She could definitely crush him in a fight. Literally. But her insult wasn't meant to hurt him, it was clearly said jokingly.
It felt different than Azula's false complements, and cutting insults. Looking at the short girl Zuko felt warm.
The next time he produced fire the flames came out flickering with startlingly bright flashes of forest green. The shade of green matched the color of Toph's headband exactly.
Toph must have sensed something in his heartbeat, or the hitch in his breath telling her all she needed to know. She had walked up to him and given him a light punch to the arm while smiling up at him.
("I love you too Sparky")
Zuko had felt so content in that moment and happy to stay right there, but Toph has broken the moment by punching him again, much harder than the last time and demanded that he would give her a ride.
Zuko had rolled his eyes, smiling softly and complied.)
Suki, who was sitting against Sokka, his arm thrown over her shoulder nodded.
"Yeah, you might have to help Sokka here understand a bit" she said smirking. Sokka pouted dramatically at that, muttering under his breath about "ungrateful friends and girlfriends who had betrayed him".
"Okay, who wants to go first?"
Aang wasted no time in raising his hand.
"Me me! I wanna go! Let me!"
"Yeah sure, go on Aang" it was Katara who answered. Aang wasted no time in launching right into his answers.
"Well I like my friends! and Appa! and Momo! and airball! and fish! and penguin sledding! and my bison whistle! and-"
"Aang, Toph said three things, not all of them" Sokka interrupted Wang's ramble. Aang looked sheepish and rubbed his neck.
"O-oh sorry?"
Katara sighed "it's fine. Now answer the rest of the question"
"Things I don't like- well" Aang's face fell as he clearly tried to keep it on his face " Well I don't like my friends getting hurt... or the fire-lord, and Iespeciallyhate Sea-prunes!" Aang pulled a face at the mere mention of the offensive fruit.
The members of the water-tribe laughed at the last part, knowing what Aang was talking about. The rest of the group just looked confused, not knowing what a see prune was. Zuko and Suki glanced at each other, and Zuko shrugged with a confused expression on his face.
"While I don't know what a spirts-dammed Sea-prune is, it's someone else turn" Toph interrupted the laughter "Zuko, go"
Zuko opened his mouth to protest, but Toph cut him off before he could begin.
"Cmon Sparky, I don't even know anything about you! Pretty please with a pile of rocks on top"
Zuko did not want to know where Toph had learned how to make turtle-seal pup eyes. He did not. He felt his protests die in his throat. Sighing, he relented.
"Fine"
Toph grinned victoriously, leaning back satisfied. The rest of the group looked baffled at the interaction happening in front of them, but the fire-bender started talking before they could ask what the fuck that was.
"Um, I like cooking I guess and... turtle-ducks, Ireallylike turtle-ducks, umm what else?" He trailed off, deep in thought.
The group looked baffled. (Turtle-ducks? This tough looking master fire-bender likes cooking and turtle-ducks?) was the shared thought of the group.
"-and theater! I like the theater! " Zuko looked up from the ground, his eyes brighter then most had seen at the thought of his favorite things.
"You like theater?" It was chief Hakoda who asked. Zuko shot him a nervous look, before Toph nudged him gently in the side for reassurance.
"Um yes sir" he replied trying to not look nervous.
"Really. What's your favorite production?"
Hakoda could clearly see how him talking to the prince was making him nervous, and was trying to ease his discomfort. Hakoda had some ideas of why the prince was afraid of him and the didn't paint a pretty picture. After all who could get away with scarring royalty like that?
Hakoda wondered if the prince could even see out of his left eye.
At the question Zuko's eyes could only be described as lighting up.
"Love amongst the dragons is my favorite, but only the original, not the fire-nation version. The Ember island players absolutelybutcheredit, like come on, how hard would it be to keep the script the same!?" Zuko sounded so outraged at the play writers for screwing up the play. His hands were flying around, gesturing angrily.
Toph looked on in open amusement as Zuko continued to rant about the play write and how the acting troupe had completely ruined it.
Five minutes later he was still ranting without looking like he was going to stop anytime soon. Toph cleared her throat loudly, cutting off Zuko mid sentence.
"Not that, thatwasn'tinteresting Spark breath, but you still haven't answered the second part of the question" Zuko went bright pink. Ears going red and a flush making its way down his neck.
The rest of the group was still in shock, trying to process the fact that Zuko was a theater nerd. The angsty Fire-breathing, angry flame prince was a theater nerd.
"Sorry, I got carried away" Zuko apologized, his shoulders up to his ears.
"It's fine Zuko, just answer the rest of the question now" Sokka said.
"Okay, umm I don't like the fire-lord-" Katara snorted at that. Zuko ignored her "-or the cold, or that foliage sucking bastard-"
"Wait, do you mean Jet?" It was Katara who asked.
"Um yeah, you knew Jet?" Zuko asked, eyes wide. Katara blushed and turned away looking angry. Sokka let out a loud laugh.
"Yes, we knew him. He and Katara kinda dated" He said, smirking. The chief looked like he wanted to question Katara, but Zuko's voice cut him off.
"Oh, me too"
Dead fucking silence.
"You dated Jet?!"
"Yeah, I claim temporary insanity for that one" Zuko said, shaking his head.
Katara turned to him with a contemplative look on her face "why would you date Jet? I don't like you but even you could do better"
"I was in a bad place" Zuko replied simply "he was an absolute cunt"
Aang gasped at the swear, but it was otherwise ignored. Katara didn't even chastise him for it.
"Yeah! And he always had that stupid piece of grass in his mouth like it made him hotter!" Katara exclaimed.
"Yeah! It just made him look evenmorelike a douche bag!" Zuko agreed with the Water-benders sentiment wholeheartedly.
"I know right!"
Zuko was back in ranting mode and this time Katara had joined him. The group just looked on in mounting humor as the situation continued.
"Did you ever, you know do "that" with him?" It was Katara who asked. Sokka and Hakoda looked scandalized, while Toph and Suki were laughing and poor Aang just looked confused.
Yeah, and it was terrible! He was so bad at it!" Zuko didn't even sound slightly embarrassed to be talking about his sex life.
"Really?"
"Yeah, you'd think with the way he acts he'd be able to back up his claims, but no, it was terrible!"
"What are they talking about?" Aang asked.
"Their talking about sex. You do know what sex is right?" Toph answered Aang's question mockingly. Aang went bright red then he turned to Zuko.
"You had sex with Jet?!" He asked incredulously. Zuko paused and turned to Aang.
"Yeah"
"Wait aren't you like way older then him? How old are you?" Aang continued.
The fire-bender eyed him weirdly "how old do you think I am?" He asked, raising his brow as he looked at the group weirdly.
"Well like twenty-twenty one maybe?" Sokka said. The rest of them nodded with the exception of Toph. "Yeah like twenty!"
Zuko looked incredulous while Toph looked amused "I'm sixteen" He deadpanned "I cant believe you guys didn't know this"
"Yoursixteen!" Sokka screeched.
Toph was cackling while leaning heavily against Zuko's side "oh my spirits! They're so dumb!" Toph exclaimed gleefully. Zuko huffed, rolling his eyes.
"But-but you seem older! What about your voice, and your screamy ponytail self had a boat!" Sokka sounded so confused at the prospect that their once enemy could be the same age as him.
"Yes Sokka I had a boat and what does my voice have to do with my age?" Zuko questioned.
"Well it's all deep and raspy!" Sokka exclaimed as if it explained everything.
"Okay? and?"
"I bet Sokka's just jealous because his voice still cracks" Katara broke in smugly. Sokka tried to lunge at his sister but his girlfriend held him back. Letting out an enraged gurgle, Sokka let himself be pulled back into his seat.
"Can you guys just go back to trash talking Jet please? It was funny" Toph said.
"He doesn't deserve to be talked about" Zuko responded "but his swords are to stupid not to trash talk. They didn't even cut things!" He said, gesturing wildly "and after we broke up he just kept following me! It was fucking annoying! He was all like"Li take me back""Li lets go blow something up""Li you're a fire-bender""
"Li?" Sokka asked curiously.
"That's thats name I used in Ba-sing-se when we worked in the tea shop"
"You worked in a tea shop?" Sokka asked.
"Yeah, me and uncle worked there for a couple months" Zuko answered, calming slightly.
"You were in the city for months?" Katara questioned.
"Yeah, me and uncle were living there. I didn't even go there looking for you"
"Really?" Katara sounds slightly incredulous.
"Yes, uncle had even opened his own tea shop before Azula showed up" Zuko felt a pang of sadness at the thought of his uncle, his mouth tilting downwards and brows scrunching. His uncle probably hated him now, for betraying him (look inside yourself prince Zuko, What is it that you want?)
"What are you moping about now Sparky?" Toph's voice brought him out of his thoughts.
"Uncle" he replied simply. Toph just nodded, understanding, but not pushing him.
"Wait, if you're only sixteen why does your scar look years old?" Aang asked, breaking his own silence for the first time in awhile.
Zuko went still, his heart stopping in his chest and single good eye widening.
"Hey Sparks you good?" Toph asked as concern colored her tone lightly.
"Yea yea, I'm fine" Zuko took a breath "it looks like that because it is"
"How many years?" Aang kept pushing.
"Three"
"How did you get it?"
.
.
.
(Whywhywhywhy? Why did they have to ask that question? Anything else would have been fine. So why this one? Why did they want to know? Everyone knew. They all watched but they didn't help. Why did they not help? He had pleaded but now he was burning. Agony was ripping through his body as father talked (suffering will be your teacher) and Azula was laughing. He couldn't breath. Why couldn't he breath? The floor felt cold underneath him but he was still burning, still hurting. Why did it hurt?)
"-ey you n-ed to br-the Zuko"
"I'm s'rry, s'rry. M'nt no disrespect sorry. P-please e'm sorry-"an ice cube was shoved into his mouth, the cold shocking him into coherency. Zuko blinked rapidly to clear his vision while working his mouth around the piece of ice. A small callused hand was gripping his own, the owner of said hands looking at him in concern, her face twisted. Various pairs of eyes were looking on with in concern. Katara was crouched down in front of him, one hand holding his other hand that was unoccupied by Toph's own, and her other filled with various small chunks of ice.
"What-" Zuko began, confusedly "what happened?" He asked, his voice raspier then it had been before.
"You had a panic attack Zuko" it was Katara who answered him, worry creasing her brow.
"Oh" Zuko's mind felt slow with the remains of his earlier panic, his processing power running low "that fucking sucked"
Sokka barked out a loud incredulous laugh "Yeah it does buddy, are you okay?"
His heartbeat was still slowing from breakneck spears, and his head still sluggish, Zuko replied "I feel like I just got run over by a stampeding Komodo-Rino"
Another strangled laugh came from Sokka.
"Zuko, do you know what triggered it?" Zuko looked back towards Katara where she was crouching. He had to look up slightly to meet her gaze from his own position sitting down. Her eyes were soft and concerned which was not a look the fire-bender was accustomed to even being pointed in his general direction, let alone at himself.
It was weird, but a nice weird.
"Probably the question about my scar" Zuko answered Katara's question "fire-benders don't burn easily"
"Wait... are you saying that someone did that to you on purpose?" Suki piped in from her seat besides her boyfriend.
"Yeah" A slightly hysterical laugh bubbles up out of his throat, coming out raspy and harsh "my father never did love me I guess"
Zuko closed his eyes against the sudden suffocating silence, raspy chuckles still working their way up his throat.
"Are you telling us that the Fire-Lord did this?" Aang broke the silence, his voice sounding completely stricken. Zuko opened his eyes and turned to meet the avatars eyes. Grey met Gold. Grey eyes teary. One gold one hazy and slitted, the other bright and metallic. Zuko's chuckles died out.
"Whoelsedo you think could get away with scaring the crown prince?" A lone tear made its way down his cheek to drip silently onto the stone floor.
Suddenly Zuko's arms were full of crying air-nomad. Aang was clinging onto his front, limbs wrapped around him like an Octo-cats tentacles.
"Why did he do that!" Aang cried out "parents aren't supposed to do that" The twelve year old clutched onto Zuko harder trying his best to comfort his fire-bending teacher.
"Yes I know that, it's fine. Guess what" Zuko said as he awkwardly pat the child's back.
"What?" Aang looked up tearfully.
"When I left the caldera I confronted him. I told him he was cruel and wrong, and then I threatened him with my swords" His grin morphed into a much more feral expression at this as he bared his teeth in a parody of a smile.
"Way to go Sparky!" Toph said breaking the stunned silence. The earth-bender moved herself towards him and shoved Aang aside and crammed herself onto her brothers lap next to her earth-bending student.
Zuko looked so confused at this development, not quite sure what to do with the children monopolizing his lap for themselves.
"Is there any other top secret-secrets your not telling us?" Sokka asked jokingly. Which by now he should have learned not to ask stupid questions. Zuko considered the question for a moment before replying.
"I'm the blue spirit"
"Your thefuckingwhat!?!"
Mmm... Mmm... Mmm... Mm...
Having just got back from breaking into and out of the most inescapable prison in the Fire Nation, and gaining Sokka's trust, Zuko went to sleep feeling pretty accomplished.
That is, until he was woken up by a whisper-yelling Sokka shaking him.
"Zuko! Zuko! Zuko!
"For Agni's sake, what do you want, Sokka?!"
"Aang's waking everyone minus Teo, Haru, The Duke, and that new big guy up! He says Roku has something important we need to see!"
Zuko groaned and got up to follow Sokka. Aang might call a meeting for a silly reason, but none of the past avatars like Roku would.
When they got to the fire pit, everyone was there, yawning and rubbing their eyes. Except for Aang. The kid was running around, making everyone sit in a circle, and lit up when he saw Zuko and Sokka walk into the firelight.
"Sokka! Zuko! You guys are the only ones we were waiting for so once you join the circle, we can get started!"
Hakoda, the most awake after Aang spoke, like the responsible adult he was. "Ava- Aang, while I'm sure this is important, why, exactly are we here?"
Aang's smile faltered a little bit, but then bounced back brighter than before.
"Well, I don't know the specifics but Roku appeared in my dream and said 'The circle is complete.' and told me to gather you guys and have everyone sit in a circle!"
Toph, very loudly, cleared her throat. "Not that I don't love all this spirit mumbo-jumbo, but I really would like to go to sleep. Ya feel me, twinkle-toes?"
This did nothing to discourage Aang. In fact, it probably encouraged him more.
"Good point, Toph! Let's get started!" Aang used air bending to fly over Sokka's and Zuko's head, ruffling their bed mussed hair, and sat in the middle of everyone.
"Ok! Now, I'm gonna start glowing in a sec, but don't panic! Roku said everyone has to stay seated for this part!"
Aang closed his eyes, and everyone sat in silence, Zuko almost following Aang's example, before Aang's eyes shot open, glowing white. His tattoos were glowing white too. Just like any other time Aang had gone into the avatar state.
What made this time different, was that the glow was getting bigger, until it covered all of them with a bright flash of light.
So far, Zuko was so not appreciating being woken up in the Agni-forsaken middle of the night.
And when he finally blinked the spots out of his eye, and recognized the floors, curtains, and furniture, he absolutely regretted even waking up.
"Woah!" Toph said, eyes wide on all fours. "This is so weird!"
"What are you talking about, Toph?"
"You know how I see through the Earth? Well, this feels like that except- well- I don't know! The things are there but at the same time they're not!"
Zuko cleared his throat and everyone turned to look at him.
"I think I know why."
Katara glared at him coldly. "Do tell."
"We're in the past. My past, to be specific." Zuko tapped his chin in thought. "Actually, it would probably be more accurate to say it's a reenactment of sorts. Kinda like how plays can redo and show things that happened in the past over and over again."
Suki frowned and spoke for the first time since this whole ordeal started. "That's cool and all, I guess, but why would Roku wanna show us your past?"
Oh. Oops. "Oh, uh. It might be because he may or may not be my great grandfather on my mom's side?"
Everyone stared at him like he had grown a second head, until Aang made the biggest smile in the world and launched himself into a hug at Zuko. Zuko responded by awkwardly patting the kid on the back before pushing Aang off of him.
"Anyways, can we please focus on whatever this is so we can move on and go back to sleep?" Zuko complained, sounding only mildly less angry than when he had been woken up.
The rest of the group silently agreed and turned to look at where Zuko was staring.
On the bed, there was a beautiful woman smiling down at the bundle in her arms. It was an odd sight to see, but if this was supposed to be Zuko's past then that was-
"Zuko! It's you as a baby!"
Ugh. Great.
Zuko crossed his arms and scowled. "I'm aware of that, Aang."
Ozai walked into the room, followed by three fire sages.
"Ursa, give the boy to one of the fire sages. Now." Ursa handed Zuko over to a fire sage and the three of them examined him, whispering to each other.
The one closest to Ozai cleared his throat. "The boy… he has no spark in his eye." Ozai scowled.
"No spark? He's of royal blood. My blood. He must be a firebender."
Ursa frowned, and her hand clenched the sheets. "Don't be that way, Ozai! He's your son!"
Ozai's eyes snapped to her, mouth in a snarl. "He is an embarrassment! No child of mine should be a nonbender! I should have him thrown from the palace!" Ursa's face paled, and she leaned forward in an effort to appease her husband.
"Ozai, please! He might still be a firebender once he's older!" Ursa glanced pleadingly over to the fire sages. "Right, honored sages?"
The sages licked their lips nervously but eventually, one opened his mouth. "Lady Ursa is correct, Prince Ozai. There may be a chance, still, for the child." The sage holding Zuko handed him back to Ursa.
Ozai scowled. "Sages, leave us." Ozai turned to Ursa. "I will allow you to keep the boy, because I am a kind and merciful husband, but, the moment he becomes more trouble than he's worth, then he is gone."
The scene dissolved into a garden.
Zuko could feel everyone's eyes burning into the back of his skull (ha.)
Sokka's eyebrows were furrowed, and the corners of his mouth were pulled down. "Your dad was seriously gonna get rid of you for not being a bender? And what was with the way he was talking about you?"
"What way?"
"Well… y'know… like you were an object or something."
That's when Aang spoke, eyes wide and voice small. "Was he… was he really just gonna get rid of you?" The way Aang asked, the way he looked-
Agni. It was so easy to forget that Aang was only twelve.
But, before Zuko could respond, the garden shifted again, to a dining room.
Past Zuko, his mother, his father, and a younger Azula sat around the table eating. Azula and his father were discussing her firebending forms when Zuko chimed in and-
Ozai slammed his hands on the table and past Zuko flinched back."Zuko! How dare you lecture your sister on firebending?!"
"Despite her being a year younger, how many more forms has she mastered than you?"
Past Zuko stared down at the table. "Fourteen."
Ozai looked down at Zuko, contempt clear on his face. "When you were born, we weren't sure you were a bender at all. You didn't have that spark in your eyes. I planned to cast you from the palace. How embarrassing for a prince of the Fire Nation to have a nonbender as his firstborn!"
"Lucky for you, your mother and the fire sages pleaded with me to give you another chance. Azula, on the other hand, never needed that kind of luck."
"She was born lucky. You were lucky to be born."
The past Zuko stared at the table, hurt written clear all over his face, while the present Zuko flinched back minutely.
The scene shifted back into a garden.
Zuko was really hating waking up.
Everyone had varying looks of anger and shock on their faces. Aang looked like he was tearing up.
Sokka was, again, the first to speak up. Apparently, breaking into/out of prisons together was a real strong bonding experience. "Spirits, Zuko… I'm so sorry. How could he say things like that to you?" Sokka looked physically ill.
Zuko just shrugged.
"Azula has always been his favorite."
Toph walked over to Zuko, punching him in the arm. "Don't you worry, Sparky. You'll always be my favorite between the two of you."
Then the scene shifted again.
They were in Zuko's old room, and his younger self was laying in bed, when Azula opened the door.
"Dad's going to kill you!"
Zuko heard multiple gasps from behind him, from both horror and anger.
Azula smirked. "Really, he is."
"Ha, ha, Azula. Nice try."
Azula walked closer to Zuko's bed. "Fine, don't believe me. But, I heard everything. Grandfather said Dad's punishment should fit his crime!"
She put on a fake, deeper voice. "'You must know the pain of losing a firstborn son. By sacrificing your own!'"
Young Zuko looked away from her. "Liar!"
"I'm only telling you for your own good! I know! Maybe you could find a nice Earth Kingdom family to adopt you!" Azula mocked, all fake smiles and sweet voice.
"Stop it! You're lying! Dad would never do that to me!"
That's when Zuko's mother walked in and dragged Azula out, leaving Zuko alone.
"Azula always lies. Azula always lies. Azula always-"
And then Zuko's mother was leaving and-
"No matter how things may seem to change, never forget who you are."
And then they were back in the stupid garden.
Surprisingly, although hesitantly, Katara spoke.
"… Where did she go? Why'd she leave?"
Zuko sighed. "I wish I knew."
And then the scene shifted and-
No. No. No, no, no, no, no.
Not this, again.
They were in the war meeting.
Zuko let out a breathy laugh. "Ha, ha… shit." Aang and Hakoda looked over at him curiously, but didn't say anything.
"So, I am recommending the 41st division."
"But the 41st is entirely new recruits. How do you expect them to defeat a powerful Earth Kingdom Battalion?"
"I don't. They'll be used as a distraction while we mount an attack from the rear. What better to use as bait than fresh meat?"
Katara growled and stepped forward. "They can't just-!"
"You can't sacrifice an entire division like that!"
Everyone, past and present, turned to the voice of the young prince.
"Those soldiers love and defend our nation! How can you betray them?!"
Ozai stood from his dias. "Prince Zuko! For your disrespect, you will fight in an Agni Kai!"
Young Zuko stood proud, looking at the old general, and declared, "I accept the duel!"
The scene started to shift, and Sokka whistled.
"Wow, Jerkbender. Impressive show you just put on. How old were you there?"
Zuko laughed bitterly. "I was thirteen. But, wait until you see the real show."
Suki cut in this time. "An Agni Kai is a fire duel, right? So you'll be dueling the general even though you were only thirteen?"
Zuko rubbed the back of his neck. "I've never been the greatest bender, but the general was old, so I thought I could beat him."
Suki frowned. "'Thought'? Did you not beat him?"
Zuko looked over to the actual fighting area, everyone's eyes following his. "You'll see."
Young Zuko stood up and turned around, and slowly caved into horror.
Similarly, everyone else also looked horrified. "It was the general's plan, but in speaking out in the Fire Lord's war room, it was him I had disrespected."
Hakoda looked at Zuko, wondering how a man could fight his own son. "So, you fought your father?"
Zuko's eyes got distant, and he smiled sardonically. "You'll see."
The past vision of Zuko begged. "Please, Father! I only had the Fire Nation's best interests at heart! I'm sorry I spoke out of turn!"
"You will fight for your honor!"
Past Zuko fell to the ground in a bow. "I meant you no disrespect! I am your loyal son!"
Present Zuko clenched his fists to hide their shaking.
Toph said nothing.
"Rise and fight, Prince Zuko!"
Tears started streaming down past Zuko's face. "I won't fight you."
"You will learn respect. And suffering will be your teacher."
Zuko felt sick, and moved to cover his ears. "Everyone, cover your ears, now." All of them listened. Even Katara.
That didn't change the fact that they saw Ozai's hand making it's way towards Zuko's face, cupping it, almost softly at first.
Didn't change the fact that their hands couldn't do much more than muffle the screaming.
And Zuko couldn't take the screaming- his screaming- so he crouched down to make himself smaller, and then-
And then they were back in the Air Temple. No screaming. Just silence.
And then Zuko was barreled over by two small masses. Toph and Aang. Both, horrifyingly enough, crying and shaking.
Zuko wrapped his arms around both of their backs and looked up at the rest of the group. All of them were several shades paler than they had been earlier, and everyone except Hakoda had tears in their eyes.
Zuko raised one of his hands to form a fist in front of his mouth and cleared his throat.
"Ah… I'm sorry you guys had to see that."
Sokka wiped furiously at his eyes while Aang and Toph's grip grew tighter around him. "Spirits, Zuko. You don't have to apologize, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm so sorry that he…"
Zuko shook his head. "It's really not that big of a deal. It was so long ago."
Everyone gaped at him.
Sokka spluttered. "Zuko! He literally-"
"-Gave me my scar and banished me until I found the Avatar. I know, Sokka, I was there."
It got quiet again. Aang looked up at him.
His voice was still shaky and quiet from crying. "But… I didn't appear until a few months ago."
Zuko looked away and snorted.
"It's kinda funny, isn't it? He burns me and sends me off on a wild goose-owl chase to find someone that hasn't appeared in one hundred years to, 'teach me respect', and then I actually found said person and joined him to defeat my father."
Sokka made a slightly strangled noise. "That is, in no way whatsoever, funny. At all."
"Oh."
Hakoda cleared his throat, and, finally, spoke. "For what it's worth, Prince Zuko, I find it admirable that you spoke up for those soldiers."
Zuko looked away. "Just 'Zuko' is fine, Chief Hakoda. But I really didn't do much for those soldiers. When it came down to it, I didn't fight for them, and they died."
"If you're 'Just Zuko', then I'm just 'Hakoda'. And, Zuko, no one can blame you for not fighting your own father."
I do, Zuko thought. But he didn't say anything.
Then, Toph pulled back from the hug to punch him in the arm.
"Ow!"
"No more thinking, Sparky. Now, everyone, quiet, so we can sleep."
Toph then thought it was appropriate to burrow deeper into Zuko's chest, cuddling even closer.
All the other kids, Katara (didn't she still distrust him???) included, else apparently took this as an invitation to move somewhere where they would be sleeping with at least one body part touching Zuko. Hakoda laid a ways away, already asleep.
Zuko couldn't move. At all.
Normally, this would be frustrating, but this time it felt… nice.
Zuko fell asleep.
The next time Zuko woke up, it was a little later than usual, about half past sunrise. He woke up with warmth that did not come from him, sleeping faces of people who trusted him surrounding him. He was the only one awake.
He went back to sleep. Just a little longer
Mmm... Km... M/m... Mmm... Mm
Oh!" actor Zuko cries with all the passion of a dead turtle-seal, as actor Azula's blue fire ribbons land around him. His knees hit the stage with an audible thump, and a wince twists his face into the most expression it's had the whole play. "My sister has defeated the Avatar!" he shouts over actor Azula's evil cackling. "Who could have foreseen such an outcome!"
The audience jeers and laughs throughout the theater. In their high, shadowed balcony, the real Team Avatar inches down further in their seats. They do their best not to look at the real Zuko, sitting wide-eyed and frozen at the end of the row. Even Toph isn't cackling over the ham-fisted dialogue of this scene.
"Stand and fight, traitor!" actor Azula screams. She accidentally tosses another bunch of blue streamers into the audience when she throws her arms out to gloat. Real Zuko goes cold; a horrible anxiety blooms in his chest.
Stand and fight.
I'm sorry!
Stand and fight!
"No!" actor Zuko cries, face contorted stupidly like he's actually trying to cry as he crumples further into the wooden stage. "I am still but a lowly coward, and now I have not even the Avatar to protect me!" The anxiety grows choking tendrils that claw their way up real Zuko's throat. On the stage, actor Zuko throws his head back to stare at the ceiling and cries, with all the stilted drama of Agricultural Minister Akim reading the yearly grain harvest report, "Ah! If only I had learned my lesson the first time!"
I'm sorry! Father, please! I am your loyal son!
Real Zuko might have stopped breathing. He wants to run, but his legs have stopped working, too.
Actor Azula smirks and poses at the front of the stage, not even looking at the mess of flailing limbs behind her. The crowd is in hysterics. Real Zuko's head feels stuffed with cotton; memories rise like bile at the back of his throat.
His ears ring with the audience's silence.
Please, father, I meant no disrespect.
The audience might laugh at what comes next, but only one voice matters.
The melodramatic wardrobe malfunction masquerading as Prince Zuko wails and cries his way through a poorly-written monologue about cowardice and treason and tries not to tangle himself in the blue ribbons coating the stage. Next to him, the false Azula continues to smirk.
An impossibly tall figure towers over him, blurry and dark through a haze of tears, backlit by Agni's fire. A warm palm cups his cheek from nose to ear; a callused thumb brushes a tear from his cheekbone. A trembling moment stretches between them where he thinks the kind touch might mean mercy.
Actor Zuko reaches a crescendo of wailing as he describes for the audience how he has once more betrayed his nation and her loyal soldiers, only to prove himself too much a coward to face the consequences on his feet like a true Son of Agni. And oh! The Fire Lord's grace and compassion has granted him more second chances to learn than a cowardly traitor deserves, but he threw them all away like a fool!
You will learn respect, and suffering will be your teacher.
The Princess, blessed be her name, may she burn bright with Agni's glory, will show none of her Father's great mercy for his crimes!
At first the words do not make sense.
And then father's hand on his cheek wreathes in flame.
And Zuko screams.
Real Zuko's nose fills with the scent of smoke and burning flesh, his ears ring with the sound of a child's screaming.
"I will die as I have lived," the actor cries at last, "a traitor and a coward, with less honor than the savages for whom I betrayed my glorious nation!"
The pained grunt that accompanies the actor flinging himself fully to the floor might be real, judging by the speed at which his nose slams into the wood, but no one in the shadowed balcony notices. Nor do they watch when actor Azula's flame ribbons finally consume the actor-prince and his dramatic flopping finally ceases.
--
Four pairs of eyes and one pair of dirty feet fix on Zuko - Zuko who is burning, always burning while the world watches.
--
There was cheering in the arena while he burned. It cuts off in his memories only when he passes out from the pain. Sometimes he still hears the cheering in his nightmares.
This crowd cheers, too, as entertained by this cheap play as any of the nobles who watched the real thing.
--
The memories hold him captive for too long, the others unwilling to leave without him - or perhaps uncertain how to escape quietly when Zuko is lost so deep in his own head. An influx of new, chattering voices from just beyond the doorway by which the Avatar and his friends chose their seats jerks him too late back to his present reality. A group of pleased - and possibly drunk - theater patrons has collected on the balcony for a post-show bout of lurid speculation on the Royal Family and the rumors surrounding them these days.
The loudest speaker is male, boastful and bragging but lacking the accent that would mark him from Caldera nobility - Zuko doesn't know the outlying islands as well, but if he had to he would guess one of the wealthier merchants who call Ember Island home. There's a thump right on the other side of the wall, and the man's voice filters through clearly - growing somehow even more thick and pleased as he doles out what is clearly supposed to be a bit of gossip both exciting and taboo.
It seems this group has chosen to congregate right next to an open doorway to a public building in the middle of a public area for their gossip. Zuko absently upgrades his earlier assessment to definitely drunk.
"I heard," the man is saying, smug voice pitching suddenly lower until it almost feels as though he's standing at Zuko's side, whispering in his ear, and Zuko has to strain to catch every word, "that it was the Fire Lord himself who burned the Prince's face." The audience gasps, a flurry of shocked and titilated noises that bubble loudly into the speaker's well-timed pause. When he picks up the tale again, his voice is smug enough to rival Zhao at his worst. "Oh, yes." Zuko can practically see the smirk that accompanies a cloying note of false sympathy. "You see, Princess Azula had been outperforming her brother for years. So when the prince tried to get Fire Lord Ozai's attention through a bit of common teenage rebellion and leaked vital information on the war effort to some low-level Earth army officer who hadn't even promised him anything in return, only for that petty officer to take the Prince's information and set a trap that got a whole company of our own loyal soldiers killed and himself a nice promotion? Well, it was the last straw for Fire Lord Ozai. And just the excuse he needed to get the weaker heir out of the way."
Zuko is distantly impressed that this man would dare to speculate so boldly, even drunk. Less distantly, his friends' gazes lock onto him like a physical weight, pressing him down down down from three directions. Their eyes (and feet) are a silent counterpoint to the blood rushing in Zuko's ears and the voices just beyond the door that titter and shriek like a flock of mosquito-pigeons scenting blood.
A scoff cuts through the curious murmuring. A skeptic speaks out. "Oh please. That's not what happened at all!"
"That's blasphemy against the Fire Lord, that is!" a third voice agrees, louder than the first two. Whispers hiss and buzz around the group, gleefully admonishing the third speaker towards caution and quiet that they are well past needing. "The Fire Lord wouldn't burn his own kid," the man continues only a little less loudly, "that'd be uncivilized!"
This, apparently, is all the incentive this group needs to unleash a full flood of eager speculation.
"Yeah!" a fourth voice cuts in, only barely ahead of the others and nearly tripping over itself in excitement. "I heard the prince was so bad at firebending he burned his own face off!"
"That's what I heard, too," an older woman's voice is quick to add. "The boy was an embarrassment to his father and our glorious nation, but that's no reason to spread nasty lies about the Fire Lord, may Agni bless his name!"
"Hah!" Another voice piles into the fray with blunt self-importance. "Only fools believe that gossip. As if our glorious Fire Lord would burn his own family or have a terrible firebender for a son! I heard the boy was a bastard, and that's why he was banished! His mother actually thought she could pass off a child from her secret lover as one of Agni's line - it could have been taken care of quietly once the boy was old enough for conscription when his father was second in line to the throne, but the mother and the boy both had to go when Fire Lord Ozai took the crown after Prince Iroh proved unworthy. You can't have a bastard next in line as the Fire Lord's heir!"
Shocked gasps and several whispered variations of, "You idiot!" cut off any more of that particular story, but new voices rise swiftly to fill the gap.
"The prince was the idiot! I'm telling you he was a lousy bender who burned himself, and that's what finally did it!"
"And I'm telling you that's ridiculous! I bet it was Princess Azula, making her own bid for power - following right in the Fire Lord's footsteps!"
"Shut up, you idiot. You could get arrested, talking like that about the Lightning Princess!"
"Or shot full of lightning - I heard that's how she killed the Avatar!"
"I heard the same thing! Anyway, it was arrogance that did the Prince in, according to my cousin who worked in the palace as a scribe a few years back! She told me that the prince challenged a general to a duel because the General cared more about defending our great nation than chasing down myths!"
"Oh! That's why the Fire Lord set the terms of the prince's banishment the way he did!"
"The Fire Lord represents Agni himself; his will is always just. It was obvious what happened the moment the decree went out."
"You're all fools," a new voice breaks in - a soft-spoken older woman whose words ring with authority, someone who has no need to shout to be heard. "Why do you think the Dragon of the West was sent off with the boy?"
The crowd quiets. If he could think past the fizzing static in his ears, Zuko would be impressed and envious at how swiftly she commands the entire group's attention.
"It couldn't have been clearer if the Fire Lord had announced it himself. There was an assassination attempt against the Crown Prince, and that's how he got that unsightly scar. A wound like that would have nearly killed the poor boy. The Fire Lord wanted to protect the Prince from further assassins, so he sent his beloved only son into hiding and trusted his brother to keep the boy safe. The excuse of banishment lessened his value to the Fire Lord's enemies, and it gave him a chance to learn first hand about the world he was meant to inherit."
Zuko's heartbeat feels fluttery and strange as the almost pleasant fiction unfolds.
"The Prince was always meant to come back home one day, but no one knew that the first seeds of treason were already growing... in the heart of the Dragon of the West! It was that traitorous Dragon who betrayed Fire Lord Ozai first. His own brother! It was the fallen Dragon, broken by his failure at Ba Sing Se, who clearly plotted to seduce Crown Prince Zuko into treason with him so that he could pay for the death of his son with his nephew's blood!"
--
Zuko's whole body is numb and buzzing, weightless and heavier than the shame that fills his lungs until he's drowning on dry land.
Uncle left his home behind for three years to follow Zuko. Uncle was captured and imprisoned because of Zuko.
Uncle was the only one who stayed no matter how cruel or stupid or selfish Zuko was, no matter how many times he shouted or insulted Uncle's tea or flipped Uncle's Pai Sho board across the deck when he was losing yet another game because he couldn't bear to think more than one step ahead without wanting to scream.
Uncle saved Zuko's life over and over, and Zuko may never get to tell him that he's sorry.
Zuko bolts as soon as his shaking legs will hold his weight.
--
A moment of silence and a shared glance pass between the five children left in the shadowed balcony. In unspoken agreement, they shuffle outside without a word and follow their friend at a slower pace.
oOo
"You don't have to tell us which rumor is true," Katara says softly.
Zuko doesn't startle as she and the others pick their way towards him across the dark, sandy stretch of otherwise empty beach. All the noise they made on their approach was, he assumes, deliberate. He'll appreciate it, probably (hopefully), when he has space in his head again to appreciate such things.
"Or if none of them are true!" Sokka adds. His voice rings across the beach, not quite loud enough to compensate for the cracks that form between the words.
"Yeah," Aang agrees, unusually subdued in contrast. "You don't owe us that story, Zuko. It's yours, which means its your choice what to keep and what to share."
Toph says nothing, but the way she stomps across the sand and throws herself down at Zuko's side speaks for her. (He knows that she'll understand him, too, when he leans towards her instead of flinching away from her sudden presence on his left.)
The rest of the team (the rest of his friends) follow Toph's example and settle themselves around his curled up form in the sand. Even Suki is there, though they still barely know each other, as graceful in the silent hand she lays on his trembling shoulder as Toph isn't where she is slammed up against his other side.
Zuko keeps his gaze turned towards the dark expanse of the ocean, focuses on the cool feeling of seawater that briefly laps against his knees with each gentle wave. Starlight glitters off each dark crest, flickering twists of light and shadow that ebb and flow in a rhythm almost like meditation. A rhythm like La breathing with the firebender huddled on his shore, watching the matching glints of starlight reflected in the salt water tears that he stubbornly refuses to let fall.
He doesn't want to see what his friends' faces hold. Doesn't know if he could bear it if he looked and saw pity in their eyes. This show of support already threatens to break what little composure he has left. He's terrified of what will happen if he loses any more.
He wonders if he really is a coward.
(He has wondered this before. It always feels worst when he is most uncertain of the answer.)
A breeze whistles long and lonely across the dark shore, dances through the quiet crowd at the edge of the water, and turns inwards to kick up easier swirls of drier sand towards the house where the tide does not reach. After what feels like an eternity (what his ever-present sense of Agni, even when the Fire Spirit lays unseen below the horizon, tells him has only been minutes), he closes his eyes and breathes. His lungs expand till they ache and he keeps breathing, seeking inwards for that stable foundation built over years at sea with the help of patient, guiding hands. He takes in salt-spray off the sea, sweat from close-packed bodies, and the scent of overflowing tide pools and fish that always lingers beneath anything else on Ember Island. Faintly he imagines he can even taste the echo of spices lingering on the back of his tongue from the cheerful Market that starts up by the theater right after every evening show.
He holds the breath in his core for a count of four, then opens his eyes and his mouth and lets it go. Feels the loss of tension in his ribs and the collapse of his emptying lungs, keeps breathing out steadily until his body burns from it.
(This burn is Zuko's doing, but it cleanses rather than destroys.
Firebending comes from the breath, says a memory in Uncle's steady, encouraging voice.
Zuko breathes.)
Not a hint of stray smoke escapes his lips. The burn in his lungs is nothing more than a lack of air.
He breathes in.
"The first one was closer than anyone else, I guess." His voice sounds as distant to his one working ear as the far-off horizon where dark, starry sky blends into dark, glittering sea until even his good eye can't see anything more than an indistinct mix of light and shadow.
A harsh, indrawn breath cuts off quickly from behind his right shoulder, where Sokka sits cross-legged in the sand. Suki's grip tightens briefly on the same shoulder before she forces the touch to gentle again; she cannot hide the tension that still strains through her arm and fingers, but Zuko will not begrudge her that tell. It is an ugly story. On his left, Toph is still and solid as stone (as still and solid as stone held in any hands but hers, that is). The faint shifting of air just behind Toph gives away the hand that Katara has rested on Aang's knee, both silent comfort and steady anchor against the Avatar's anger. A moment later, Aang's inner flame settles back to its usual low embers; a bit of Zuko's tension bleeds out with it.
The words come just a little bit easier after that, though his voice stays soft - a whisper that carries only to the edge of their small group but will not dare venture alone into the dark that waits beyond them. "It was Ozai," he says. "I was thirteen, and he burned me on my knees while I begged him for mercy. Every noble in Caldera was invited to watch. For a long time, I kind of thought everyone knew what happened." He pretends he doesn't notice how rigid all his friends have gone, still as statues in the sand, silent as the grave his father tried to give him. He doesn't say that he still kind of thought they knew the story when he joined them, that "for a long time" really meant, "until tonight."
It's been a while, he guesses, since he cared to think about it deeply enough to question the assumption.
His chest is tight; the next breath slices down his throat like a knife of waterbender ice. A not insignificant piece of him still remembers being that thirteen-year-old kid, still wants nothing more than his father's love, still bleeds like an open wound at its lack. For that child who still recalled the smell of his own burning flesh every time he woke from the nightmares in his dreams to the nightmare of his life, it had been inconceivable that anyone else in the world hadn't known every detail of his shame, like the whole ugly thing must have been stamped as clearly across his face as Ozai's brand. For the first time, he wonders if the nobles who attended that sham of an Agni Kai, the ones who cheered at the spectacle of a child publicly burned by his own father, even all knew the reason why their Crown Prince was being brutalized by their Fire Lord in front of them.
"I guess it was pretty self-centered of me," he whispers, around a huff of not-quite-laughter.
Sokka's equally whisper-quiet, "Yeah, just a little," makes the next breath come warmer into his lungs. The hissed, "Sokka!" and faint thwack of Katara's palm against Sokka's shoulder in the next moment loosens something further in his chest.
He takes in another breath, solid ground slowly reemerging beneath his feet, and grants himself a moment to appreciate these enemies who have, inexplicably and against all reason, become his friends. He thinks it might be nice, to tell this story for the first time to his friends in his own words. He draws his legs up and wraps his arms around them, rests his chin on his knees. He moves slowly, careful not to dislodge Suki's trembling fingers or push Toph's solid warmth away.
"It started with a war meeting," he tries, before realizing that probably isn't completely right. "Well, really," he amends with a quick wry quirk of his lips, "it probably started a long time before that. Maybe it even started when I was born? He might have planned to kill me when I was eleven?" Zuko closes his eyes and reigns in the words piling up on his tongue before they run any further out of his control, breathes deep like Uncle taught him with his typical endless patience back in those days(-months-years) when Zuko was still terrified of his own fire. "I don't actually know..." he almost admits, but he's not able even now, even here, to complete that sentence. I don't actually know if he ever loved me, if he ever looked at me and truly cared. Something almost like a laugh bubbles up with the huff of breath that leaks out between his lips before he sobers enough to try again. "But for a long time, the war meeting is where I thought the story started."
The rest of the tale comes out much the same as the beginning - blunt, frequently backtracking over on itself, and littered with little clarifying details that may or may not make anything clearer, but he thinks they probably get the important bits regardless. They don't interrupt until he's done either way.
He's grateful, for their silence. He doesn't know if he could have finished telling it if he'd had to stop partway through. He's never told the story to anyone before. It feels strange to have told it now - almost like the whole thing was just another poorly written play, himself the sole bad actor constantly flubbing his lines for an overwrought scene that borders on too cruel for credibility. He's not sure, when he's done, if he feels lighter or heavier.
He thinks he just feels empty.
Something wet lands on his arm, snapping him out from the shadows of self pity. Cold horror spikes through his lungs when he finds the source.
Toph cries silently. It makes her look uncomfortably fragile, almost like the delicate little kid she has never been. Zuko hates it. He hasn't known Toph very long (hasn't really known any of them very long), but he already knows that Toph is never quiet or small. He thinks, with a little swell of self-loathing, that he would fight another Agni Kai if it meant that Toph never had to feel small or quiet again.
Even he's not stupid enough to say that, though. Instead, he shifts the arm she's leaning against until it knocks loosely against her side in what he's mostly sure by now is Toph-speak for affection. Toph laughs, muted but genuine, and tilts her head in the direction of his face.
"Weak, Sparky," she says, and if her voice starts off a little more like the wet sand beneath them than her usual solid stone, Zuko certainly doesn't notice. "I know you can hit better than that."
Zuko pretends to consider this. (He also pretends that he can't make out Katara's frown from the corner of his eye or hear Sokka suppressing laughter again. They're on his bad side when he turns towards Toph; it's not a hard fiction to sell.) "Eh," he says, waving one hand in a so-so motion, "if this year has taught me anything, it's that I'm surprisingly bad at fighting twelve-year-olds."
Toph cackles. Behind them, Sokka loses the battle with laughter, and the sound drags a reluctant smile to Katara's eyes even as her lips fight to keep their frown. Zuko rests his chin back on his knees and lets himself be content. His heart has slowed, finally tipping back into a steady rhythm with his inner fire, which meets and reflects the warmth of this moment back towards his core - a soft glow that is safety and comfort and peace, so far in every way that matters from the blistering heat of memory.
--
When they finally stumble back up to the beach house, they are all ready to throw their exhausted bodies towards sleep. Just before the doors, however, Aang pauses.
Zuko hangs back with him when he sends a loaded glance Zuko's way after shaking his head to Katara's questioning look. The rest of the group files inside without them, Sokka loudly extolling the virtues of sleep vs the work of scrounging up a snack before bed as he turns towards the kitchens at the back of the house. As soon as the others disappear from view, Zuko catches an armful of sniffling Avatar that nearly bowls him over.
"Thought an airbender would do a better job letting me breathe," Zuko wheezes. If the scowl on his face looks more like a smile in the dark, at least Aang can't see to tell the difference with his face smashed into Zuko's sternum.
"Sorry," Aang mumbles. His grip lets up just enough that Zuko can breathe again, but he doesn't let go.
Zuko doesn't let go either.
"I'm sorry," Aang repeats, and this time Zuko is pretty sure he isn't talking about nearly cracking Zuko's ribs.
"It's okay," Zuko says. "It happened, and maybe it's not so bad that it did." Aang sniffs against his chest, somehow managing to convey his outrage without detaching himself from the embrace, and Zuko hastens to clarify. "I wish it hadn't happened. It was cruel and it was wrong." The mantra rings in his head, the words overlaid for a moment with the memory of finally saying that truth to his father's face. "But it also lead me here," he continues, putting words to another concept for the first time in front of someone else who deserved to hear them, "and..."
He trails off. He's grateful for Aang's silent patience while he puts the words together in in his head in an order that makes sense. He wants to say this right.
"It shouldn't have happened. It should never happen to anyone." He knows that now, he does. It's a little easier to believe it here, with Aang's arms around him in the dark while their other friends wait in the wreckage of his family's old vacation home. "But I'm glad that I'm here. I don't know if I would have joined you if he'd been a better father, and..." he pauses again, feels his mouth twist in a wry grimace over what might have been. "And I'm glad that I am here."
At the end of the day, it is true that his father was cruel and that he will carry the evidence of his father's cruelty on his skin for the rest of his life.
It is also true, though, that his father's actions played a role in getting him here and now, and it is true that this place here and now is one that he wouldn't give up for anything. Not even if it would get him what passes for his father's love.
"I'm glad you're here, too," Aang says, finally prying himself off of Zuko enough to give him a smile, small but bright like the first rays of Agni piercing through the clouds after a thunderstorm. Zuko smiles back - softer, maybe, and smaller, less practiced, but still genuine and warm as the fragment of Agni's light he carries inside himself always, tucked up now against the equally warm knowledge that no matter what his father thinks of him, here and now he is not alone.
A loud crash shatters the silence on the front steps; the noise of cracking china is followed closely by the unmistakable sound of Sokka's voice shouting curses at fragile dishware from somewhere inside Zuko's family home. His smile twitches just a little bit wider. Outlined in the glow of the open doorway, Aang beams bright as Agni on a cloudless summer day.
They turn their backs on the stars and the ocean to rejoin the rest of the group, and Zuko thinks he knows his answer: here in this place in this moment with the weight of his past scattered on the sand behind him, he feels lighter than he has in years
M. M. M. M. M..
The nights on Ember Island were warm.
The sounds of the waves lapping at the shore, and the animals that inhibited the the islands undergrowth provided a soothing background noise.
Fire light could be seen flickering against the sand.
Six figures could be seen seated around a roaring fire pit, one figure sitting slightly apart from the rest.
Zuko sat in the sand contemplating how he got here
The avatars group was a bunch of children, he decided (not that he was much better, but he didn't believe that)
The group was listening with rapt attention as Katara gleefully recounted the time that Sokka has gotten two fishhooks stuck in his hand.
"He thought that it was a good idea to try, and get the first hook out by using another!"
Sokka groaned into his hands, the visible parts of his face bright red in the firelight.
"Why do you have to tell THAT one?" he sputtered "you could have told any other story!"
Katara just looked smug "well" she began "I guess I could tell them about the time you got stuck in the healers h-" "NO" Sokka yelped "ahhh" he looked around for a distraction "Zuko!"
Zuko's head shot up at his name. He had been staring into the fire, only half listening to the conversation going on around him (not that he could do anything other then half listening with one mangled ear)
Focusing on the blue clad boy sitting across from himself, Zuko has to withhold a groan.
"Zuko, how about you tell us a story?"
"I'd rather not" he deadpanned back "I'm not the best at storytelling"
"Aw c'mon, you cant be that bad!" Sokka was staring at him with what could only be described as kicked puppy-kitten eyes. Zuko rolled his eyes even as the rest of the group began to encourage him.
"Yeah come on Zuko! I bet you tell great stories!" Aang chimed in.
Looking at their eager faces, Zuko couldn't repress a sigh "I really don't want to, I don't even know any good stories"
"Aww cmon Sparky, live a little!" Toph exclaimed in her usual manner. Toph was always loud, but she was a good loud.
(Not like the sounds of his own screaming after a harsh punishment, or the footsteps that were always to loud to avoid fathers wrath)
"Hey how about you tell us about how you got your scar?" Katara asked tentatively.
Zuko sucked in a harsh breath. He knew that they were going to ask about that at some point, he was just hoping that it could have been later (much later).
Katara immediately backtracked at his sharp intake of air "you don't have too" she adds hastily "we're just curious, but you don't have too!"
"Well I want to hear it"
"Toph!" Katara admonished.
"What! I didn't even know he had a scar until after that stupid play!" Exclaimed the small earthbender.
"Nono it's okay, I can tell a story" Zuko intervened before Toph, and Katara could get out of hand.
The fire flickered harshly, casting long dark shadows over his face. The others had turned their attention into him, waiting patiently for Zuko to continue. He took a deep breath, steeling himself, the fire breathed with him offering a crackling, and warm comfort. Drawing himself up, he began his story.
"Once there were two children, a brother, and a sister" the group in front of him were hanging into every word "the brother was born first, but he was born weak, and during the dead of winter. The boys father considered this a bad sign, for he did not want a weak son"
("It should be put down, I will not have a weak heir!")
"The boys father wanted to have him killed-" Aang gasped, interrupting Zuko's trail of words.
"Why would he kill a child?" He asked shakily.
"Because being born during winter was considered a bad sign to these people" Zuko answered "now let me finish" he huffed, burying his hands into his lap to hide their shaking.
"The boys mother was able to convince her husband not to kill the infant"
("Ozai please, don't kill my son, he will be strong, please" "very well, but if he disappoints it will be on your head")
"A few years passed when another child was born, a girl this time. She was born with in the middle of a heated summer so their father was immensely pleased"
("Azula was born lucky, you were lucky to be born")
"Over the years their father showed a clear favor of his young daughter, and cast his older Son to the side" Zuko trailed off, taking in a shuddering breath, a heat slowly building behind his eyes. The children (oh Agni, they are just kids) listening with rapt attention, Sokka leaning against his girlfriend Suki, Toph sitting slightly raised on a bed of earth she had bent into a more comfortable seat, muted green eyes staring vacantly in his direction, Aang clearly trying, and failing to look like he wasn't trying to sit close to Katara, and the waterbending masters focus solely on Zuko.
The sand was cold underneath him, soft, and malleable, but cold none the less.
"Because of this the son found solace in his mother"
Zuko's chest hurt just thinking about her, her soft hands, the way she would smile oh so softly at him.
"The boys mother loved him, she would sometimes sit out by the courtyards pond, and show him how to feed the turtleducks that lived there"
The burning behind his eyes was getting harder to suppress. His voice was filled with melancholy as he spoke, thinking of softer times.
"Over the years the father became cruel to the son because he failed to meet his standards, the daughter followed in her fathers footsteps, burning with her hands, and tearing with her words"
Zuko couldn't hold back the full body shudder that came over home in remembrance of Azula's burning fists, and sly words aiming to hurt him as best they could.
He could see it in Katara's eyes when she realized he wasn't just talking about random people, but talking about himself, but he just kept talking, not sure if he could stop himself even if he tried. He had never discussed his childhood with anyone, not even his uncle, and it had been building up for years.
"When the boy was eleven-" He choked, trying to even his breathing out "when he was eleven, and the girl was nine, the children's uncle came home from war, He was the elder brother of the children's father, and a respected general of an army" his voice was shaking slightly, and he could see the mounting comprehension in the eyes of the group. Taking a deep breath, he continued.
"The children's father was jealous because he was the younger brother, so he was not in line to inherit anything from his father, who was the current leader of the nation. The older brother had just lost his only son to the war, so the younger brother used that as an excuse to try, and upserp the the elder brother. He went to his father and said "Father, you must know as I do, that my brother no longer has an heir, but I do, my children are alive""
Zuko brought his knees to his chest, hands still firmly in his lap, as if to protect himself from the memories recounting that day brought up.
"... then what?" It was Aang who hesitantly asked.
"The current leader looked down upon his son, and asked him what it was he wanted. The son replied "you should revoke my brothers birthright, and make me heir to the throne, as I am but your loyal son", the leader was enraged that his son would ask him to betray his firstborn. He demanded that because Un- his first born had to suffer the pain of losing a son, that so did his youngest son"
("You will know the pain of losing your first born son")
The group looked horrified at this information, and He couldn't hold back a wet, raspy chuckle. His eyes had glazed over, too lost in the memories.
"What they didn't know was that the younger sons daughter had hidden behind the curtains, and heard everything. That same night she went to her brothers room, and gleefully told him how father was going to kill him"
("Zuzu guess what!, Fathers going to kill you!")
"I- the boy, didn't believe her because Azula- She always lies!"
(Azula always lies Azula always lies Azula always lies Azulaalwaysliesazulaalwaysliesazulaalwa-)
Tears were blurring his eye refusing to fall as he kept recounting "that same night, the boys mother came into his bedroom, and bid him goodbye. The next morning she was gone, his grandfather was dead, and his father had been crowned Fir- crowned the leader"
His mouth had begun spitting out sparks that would briefly light up his face before once again wreathing his face in shadows.
"With my-the boys mother gone, there was no one there to shield him from the horrors inflicted on him by his father and sister"
The fire flared violently as if preparing for an attack. Tears had finally made their appearance, drops is salty water slowly trailing a path down his face. He made no move to wipe them up (Acknowledging it makes it real). He could see the sad, and horror stricken faces of his friends (are they actually your friends though?) reflecting in the firelight. Aang's, and Katara's eyes glassy with withheld tears, their skin paled to almost match the Firenation skin tones. The same could be said for Sokka, Suki, and Toph.
Zuko could feel his tears dripping from his right eye (his left hadn't shed tears since the Agni Kai) down his face, to trail off his chin, and down the pale Columns of his throat.
("Crying is for the weak Prince Zuko")
"Two years la-later when I was-when the the boy was thi-thirteen, there was an important w-war meeting being held" Zuko was stuttering threw his words at this point, tears coming down faster, and a choked sob fighting its way up his throat.
His hands made their way up from his lap, to tangle firmly into his hair, tugging painfully. Zuko let out a pained hiss threw clenched teeth. The group looked concerned, Katara barely holding herself back from stoping his hands.
"I begged m-my Uncle to all-allow me to attend because I thought it would be useful because I would o-one day at-take the throne"
Toph moved over towards him, and buried herself into his side, grabbing onto his forearm to offer some sort of comfort. Her muted eyes could hold no emotions, but her face held a mixture of curiosity, anger, and sorrow all mixed together in a heap.
Looking back towards his lap, hands still fruitlessly tugging at his hair, Zuko tried to take a deep breath to steady himself, but it came out a shuddering gasp.
"Uncle t-told me that I could en-enter as long as I-I kept silent, but during the meeting, o-one of the generals preposed sending out a group of new recruits as ba-bait, HE WANTED TO USE THEM AS FUCKING BAIT!"
The fire roared in time with his yell, he jumped up, dislodging Toph in the process. The group flinched back at his sudden outburst, but Zuko was to distraught to notice.
"And I-I just-I just couldn't l-let that happen! So I said so, a-and father d-didn't like that! so I-I was challenged to an Agni kai"
"What's an Agni kai?" Sokka asked tentatively.
"An A-Agni kai is a firebending dual held to settle disputes of h-honor, it ends when one par-participant is either b-burned or dead" Zuko explained, settling back down to where he had been sitting before.
"That's horrible! Why would they do that?"
"be-because their bad, o-okay they are bad" a new wave of tears made their way down Zuko's face, sobs now freely breaking out,choking their way up his throat.
"When it w-was time for the Agni kai, I-it wasn't the old general sta-standing across from me, it was Fath-The Firelord" gasps rang out across the sand "I couldn't I-I just couldn't fight my f-f-father, so I-I got down on my knees and begged, it w-was shameful, and cowardly to d-do so but he was my father, he was supposed to take carE of me! Why didn't he take care of me?"
Zuko buried his face in his knees after he said that, tears soaking into the fabric of his pants. His chest was heaving with the force of his sobs.
He felt a pair of arms encircle his shoulders, flinching at the contact.
"a-as i was o-on the floor begging, i was begging!, Fath-Ozai walked towards m-me, a-and I thought-I thought he w-was going to f-forgive me!"
("Please father, I am your loyal son!" "Stand and fight Prince Zuko")
Zuko's hands came down from his hair to clench desperately into the fabric of whoever was holding him's shirt, grasping desperately at the cloth, as if it would disappear if he let go.
Zuko let out a keening wail, choking, and shaking. A hand was rubbing soft circles on his back, trying to soothe him.
"a-and then" he choked out "and then he burned me" ("you will learn respect, and suffering will be your teacher") "he put h-his hand to my face, and burned me!"
The arms around him tightened imperceptibly, and the hand on his back stuttered in its movements. Zuko wailed again. It was a heart wrenching sound filled with sadness, anger, and hurt, spirit deep pain that had been left to grow, and fester, and Rot over the years.
Someone was talking in soft tones next to his ear (the right one, not the left one, because the left didn't work anymore). He could not make out what the words that were being spoken were, but they were soft, and soothing. He leaned into the hold of whoever was holding him, trying, and failing to stifle his sobs.
"H-he said-h-he said I could come h-home if I found Aang, I-if I found the A-avatar, but it w-wasn't home, ho-home is supposed to b-be safe" he cried harder a that, his voice raspy, because the royal palace had never been safe, never been home, not even when his mother was still there. The lingering threat of Father, and Azula saw to that.
Another body pressed itself next to him, leaning up against him. Zuko caught a glimpse of orange in his peripheral vision. Sobbing harder at the thought of Aang Because he had hunted them, and they still let him stay around.
"Hey buddy, your okay, it's okay, he's not here, their not here, your safe" Sokka's voice washed over him, and he realized that it had been Sokka that was holding him. Zuko pushed his face into Sokka's shoulder harder, trying to hide away from sight. He gripped even tighter, making sure Sokka couldn't leave him.
After a while his Sobbing eased, and leaked into exhaustion. Going limp in Sokka's arms, Zuko closed his eyes, inhaling the scent of sea, and steel.
The last thing he heard before Succumbing to his exhaustion was someone's voice softly speaking "don't worry sparky, we won't let them hurt you, just let them try it" it was said with such conviction that despite himself, he believed it.
When the group finally saw their resident firebenders breathing even out in Sokka's arms, they sighed.
"Holy crap..."
"Language Toph, but yes, holy crap" Katara sighed, rubbing her eyes to rid them of the tears that had collected there.
"Twinkle toes, when you fight Bitch-lord Ozai, I want dibs on breaking his bones, there's always a chance I'll invent bone bending" Toph said completely serious, ignoring Katara's call of "language".
"...Okay" Aang answered, slightly intimidated by the girl. He also wiped the tears out of his eyes "he's ours now, they aren't allowed to have him back" he said, deciding for them all. Not that they had any protests. Sokka was petting Zuko's hair why'll he slept, his face contorted even in sleep.
"I'll stab them, I swear I'll do it" Sokka declared "the messed with the wrong people" his eyes were burning with a simmering anger.
"And I'll let you" the monk said, still leaning into Zuko "he's ours now"
Mm.. Mm.. M... Mm.. Mm..
We'll need to find Aang." Zuko buried his face in his hands. "What's taking you so long with that map? I told you the woman we need is in Gangkou. You should remember her, the one with the shirshu? You have heard of Gangkou before, right?"
"Yeah, Zuko, we have!" Sokka snapped at him, squinting slightly. "I just… can't find it on the map. Give me a sec!"
He sighed and reached out to grab the map from his hands. Clearly it had been Aang that was the navigation master in the group if Toph could've found Gangkou more quickly than Sokka.
He stared at the map for a few long moments.
"When… was this map made?" He asked in quiet bewilderment, looking over at the rest of the group before staring down at it. It didn't even have the Fire Nation colonies, which would imply that it had been made at some point at least forty or so years before the first Comet, long before even Aang had been born. And that wasn't starting on the fact that it didn't even have the most important port cities labelled—no wonder Sokka couldn't find Gangkou, it wasn't even labelled on the map!
Katara crossed her arms. "Aang had it in his pack when he came out of the ice, but it's served us well. It's been accurate enough for us to get around."
"Accurate enough, I guess!" He said, shaking his head. "The Air Nomads were known for having incredibly precise maps in terms of the size and shape of the landmass, but doesn't have any major port towns labelled, next to no major trading towns. It doesn't even have the colonies labelled—how did you manage to stay out of them?"
There was silence.
He should've realized. After all, Sokka had been the one to suggest breaking into the Boiling Rock in the first place.
Only for him to discover after they got back that it hadn't even been the first prisonbreak the group had orchestrated.
"You didn't stay out of them, did you?"
"No," Katara admitted bashfully as Zuko began to rifle through his pack. He knew he had it here somewhere—he refused to use anything other than his own, high quality and carefully annotated maps most of the time. But Sokka was the navigator here, and he was normally brilliant. He would've thought he'd at least pick up a more up to date map, you could get them in any major town.
"We went to the Fire Days Festival once." Sokka chimed in. "Even though I said we shouldn't. That's actually how we met Jeong Jeong."
Zuko blinked in surprised. "Jeong Jeong? As in Admiral Jeong Jeong? As in the Deserter, the most wanted person in the Fire Nation?"
"Actually, Zuko, based on the town bulletin board I saw on Ember Island, that would be you followed by the Blue Spirit," Suki said, smiling at him. "So, apparently, the third most wanted person in the Fire Nation."
"Second," Zuko muttered as he finally found his map and unrolled it, checking it over. There it was, Gangkou, the annotations noting it to have June's bar and a particularly good weaponsmith written in his tiny, precise handwriting right next to it. "Go directly east. Once we see land, we should angle ourselves slightly northward." He handed the map to Sokka. "Don't lose that, it took me three years to develop that map, you have no idea how many tiny islands and annotations I had to make it completely accurate. And don't get me started on just how unmapped the southeastern Earth Kingdom is, I had to add more than a dozen towns."
Sokka stared at the map in silence before looking up at him and adjusting their course ever so slightly. "Zuko. I could kiss you right now—where have you been all my life?"
He blinked. "Please don't. For the first thirteen years I was in the Imperial Palace—which is located in the Caldera, by the way, since you map doesn't actually mention that. Then I was banished and so I spent three years sailing the world—hence how I have most of those annotations—and then I was chasing you—"
"You were banished at thirteen?" Suki asked, staring at him with that odd kind of look old women usually had the moment they were about to pinch your cheeks.
He shifted away from her slightly.
"Yeah, I spoke out at a war meeting and then my father challenged me to an agni kai. I lost, got scarred, and then banished." He really would've thought they already knew that, it was common knowledge, after all. Even the most obscure towns he had been to in the Earth Kingdom knew that. He shrugged, by this point it was just a fact of life for him.
It was odd for them to be so quiet, but maybe they were, for once, actually shutting up so that he could continue his explanation. How uncharacteristically kind of them.
"Anyway, then Zhao blew up my ship and stole my crew, so people actually thought I was dead for a while but I actually snuck onto his ship to continue chasing you—sorry about that, by the way. Then, after the Siege of the North, we washed up in this colonies resort town. Then Azula tried to arrest me and Uncle, so we had to run from her, and then we split up when I stole some things and Uncle didn't like that—"
"You stole things?" Toph slammed her hands against her knees and leant toward him, the widest grin he had ever seen on her face. "See, guys, I told you we should've just stolen things!"
"Toph, please," Katara whispered, like he didn't have incredibly acute hearing. "Now isn't the time to be thinking of stealing things, not after what he just told us—"
"I also burnt down Suki's village and tried to capture Aang a dozen times." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I wouldn't recommend doing everything I do. Particularly considering…" He glanced at Katara and glanced away. "You know."
Katara sighed and leaned over to place a hand on his shoulder. "You made up for it, Zuko, and you're still working to make up for it further. It's okay."
He nodded sharply and leant over the edge of the saddle, squinting. "That looks like Gangkou. Sokka, adjust our course a bit northward—that's south, Sokka. Sokka. Sokka—oh just hand me the reigns!"
How had he ever thought they were masters at evasive maneuvering?
