FARMING

Bakugo drove his hoe into the damp soil with all the strength and robot-hating fury he could muster, dug a deep furrow into the field, and wiped the sweat off his brow. Hefting his hoe over one shoulder, Bakugo smugly surveyed the neat rows in his tilled field while his classmates struggled with their own plots of land.

"That right there," Bakugo said, "Is how we win against the robots. They need fossil fuels and electricity to survive, but we humans can survive anywhere there's dirt." He jabbed his hoe into his field to emphasize his point.

"But do we really have to do it by hand?" Sero asked. "It would be so much faster if we got a tractor-"

Bakugo hurled his hoe, beaning Sero square in the forehead. "And let them poison the food supply with their nanomachines? Think, Sero! Why do you think allergies are on the rise? People didn't die to peanuts and wheat back when they tilled the fields by hand. The robot sympathizers tell us it's allergies, that our bodies are rejecting the stuff that keeps us alive, but it's really the nanomachines malfunctioning and killing them too early."

Over in his own plot, Kaminari buried the broken pieces of a PS5. As he tenderly patted doritos into the soil and watered them with mountain dew, Mineta sneered at him and said, "That'll never work."

"Oh? And growing new porn from a ripped up playboy magazine's going to work any better?"

"I'm giving the melons instructions! You'll see when I have the biggest, juiciest melons on the planet."

"Nah, that's Momo."

Hound Dog hit him from behind with a baseball bat, making a loud 'bomk' sound. He gave Mineta a long look before dragging an unconscious Kaminari away.

Over at Bakugo's field, the first shoots sprouted from the soil. Kirishima gawked at it. "Dude. How do they grow so fast?"

Bakugo curled a bicep. "It's all in how you till the field. If you ain't sweating, you ain't doing it right."

Hagakure, invisibly sopping wet, moaned, "But I've been going at it all day and I can't see any plants at all!"

Izuku came over and tasted the soil. "Using nitroglycerin as fertilizer. Very efficient. Your plants are growing almost as quickly as mine."

Bakugo glared at the bountiful collection of head-sized tomatoes, ears of corn long enough to stab someone with, and pumpkins that could serve as a seafaring vessel. He furiously hoed his field, showering his produce with his sweat. The vegetables visibly swelled, racing to match Izuku's produce. Soon, the entire school was overtaken with impossibly-proportioned vegetables.

While the eternal rivals solved world hunger, the runoff crept into the other fields. Kaminari's plot sprouted PS5's, Mineta's grew very suggestive fruits that he ogled, while Hagakure's remained visibly unchanged.

"Really? Why aren't mine growing?"

Momo groped around her ground and said, "Your plants are invisible."

"Really?"

"No, I said that to try to make you feel better. Sorry for lying."

498

"Oh wow, these tomatoes look so juicy!" KA-BOOM!