Chapter 2

Spottedstone

Many, many moons had passed and Spottedstone was still a blind-star. He looked to the sky like the others, who murmured about the darkness that was to come, yet all he saw were white puffy clouds rolling over the taiga's skies. The sun would get blotted out by a few of them, but none of it felt ominous to him. He tried, with all his might to try and find that tiny connection with the stars, but nothing ever happened. His white toed paws dug their sharp claws into the gravel of the Cloud-sight spot, but he couldn't read anything. Even at Star Falls he couldn't make a connection to StarClan and it made him feel more and more unsure on why he was chosen to be a medicine cat.

Moonface padded over, her blue eyes bright. "Have you seen anything yet?" She asked softly.

"No." He replied, his yellow-green eyes downcast with shame. "All I see are clouds."

"Have you tried relaxing and opening up your mind?" She advised gently, her tone so soft and warm as she sat beside him.

Spottedstone looked back to the sky, "I'll try that again, but what will happen if I never can see a sign? What will happen to me?"

"That's up to the stars to decide." Moonface replied. "We understand it can be hard, it will take many, many moons before you are as prepared as we are."

Foreboding churned in his stomach, as far as he knew no cat had been born like him. No cat had ever been born with the proper pelt and no ability to see anything from StarClan, their sister-Clan as Moonface often put it. Darkness was around the corner, all the others could see it, so why couldn't he? He was a full-medicine cat in skills. However, he had yet to be acknowledged by them all of his life. It was as though they weren't truly there, watching them, in his heart and mind. As a kit he firmly believed that StarClan was wonderous and truly was there for him. Yet, after it stole his family: his mother, father and siblings; it was as though he had lost faith and nothing he did could rekindle it.

Relaxing his mind the best he could and opening his heart with silent pleas and prayers, he tried desperately to see something or anything at all. The clouds still rolled lazily across the sky, his heart feeling it might break as he realized, with anger in his heart, that he was failing. He looked to Moonface, freezing when he saw the look on her face. Her blue eyes wide, glazed over as her jaws hung open as though seeing something. Jealousy filled him that StarClan allowed her to see something and not him.

Her voice had dropped, it always had with how odd Moonface was. With a single blink, they spoke. "When the time comes, you too, will see as we do."

"Is that what StarClan says?" He asked bitterly.

"It is." They replied, looking away. "You are chosen as you are not blinded by the stars. When the stars align and darkness falls, they will whisper and it is up to you to hear them."

The tiny spark of hope was dashed, the stars wouldn't speak to him. Their whispers were always the wind to him. Feeling his heart crack into two, he conceded. He would stop trying to look for signs, he would stop trying to dream among the stars, it was a vow that he had to make to stop wishing and hoping. Their religious ways did not speak to him and he was more then star-blind, he was star-deaf as well. He looked to the sky, seeing only the beauty of the clouds high above him. As blurry as they were, he could still feel and see the beauty of the day while his heart felt it was breaking within him. He wanted to believe that they would speak to him and allow him to see the signs to understand. Yet, it was like he was being punished by them unfairly.

Everything he wondered and wanted to understand was still on his mind, yet it was tainted with the bitterness. His tail twitched, thumping the earth as he tried to control his emotions. Greif of something he never had surged through him, making him feel even more in pain than before. No matter how hard he tried to be strong, it never helped or got rid of the facts that he would never be a true MoonClan cat. Turning his gaze back to his mentor, he finally understood at last what the stars meant. He may not ever hear more then the wind, but he had the skills and ability to pass through everything else. The answers he sought may never come true, but he will be sure to do what he could to prove to his Clan that his star-blinded and star-deaf ways were not the end. He was a medicine cat, that way he could heal and not have kits of his own. The stars wanted him to live and whatever that meant, he knew he had to find out why.

"Moonface," He asked, his voice full of conviction. "StarClan never gives us more than any cat could handle, correct?"

"That it is." She replied, her voice still deepened, almost like a tom. "Why?" she inquired.

"What if the ways of MoonClan were never to be set in stone?" He dared to ask, his gaze challenging her. "What if the reason I cannot see or hear StarClan is because of the deaths that have happened? Senseless deaths of kits who needed love more than the stale beliefs of pelts mattering to us. What if I am being punished because of that?"

"Highly unlikely." Moonface meowed, her blue gaze perplexed as her voice rose back into its usual comforting lilt. "Why would our Sister-Clan ever punish us? We have been loyal to their heeds and words for many, many moons."

"No where in the Code has it said that kits born with any other pelt color then white, black, or gray; are to be left to die." He reminded her gently, keeping his bitterness in check. "Either way, that is neither here nor there, I just wanted to ask your personal thoughts."

"We must deliberate on what you have said." Moonface explained, "We cannot think at the same time after all. Moonface is the name of not one entity after all."

"I understand, take your time. In the meantime, I'll be seeking out as much as I can about what is blocking my abilities as a MoonClan-cat and doing as much healing as I possibly can." Spottedstone mewed respectfully. "I do not wish to tarnish the good name of MoonClan or StarClan, so I won't tell anyone else."

"Good, as far as they all know you are just like them, never forget that." She murmured, looking away. "We must discuss alone, so take your time checking everyone."

"Very well." He dipped his head, allowing her to pad away from him before he rose to his own paws with a stretch. He never had the same abilities as his Clan-mates. Sure he had their long-legs, thick fur, and a gray spotted tabby pelt, but what he lacked was their ability to communicate with StarClan. For as long as any cat could remember, they were all gifted to speak with the stars in some shape or form. He lacked that ability, yet StarClan chose him to be the next medicine cat since Moonface was so old that she needed someone to take her place when their signs soon turned into calling for her.

However, Moonface had a secret, one that was obvious. She spoke either in the tone of a she-cat or the tone of a tomcat. According to the stories Spottedstone had heard about her, she had two spirits within her, the one who is Moonface and the other an unknown tom who was her brother. They were united into one body just as StarClan had decreed them to be, and yet he had no idea what it truly meant or how it worked. If it was what they believed, that was fine with him. However, whenever Moonface switched voices, he knew to already think of her as a "they/them" due to being unsure if it was still her speaking or her brother. Occasionally the two spirits would speak as one, but it was hard for any cat to tell for sure as she often used her tom-voice for either one.

The spotted gray tom looked to his paws, yearning from deep within his own heart for the stars to end their silence and blindness from him. Slowly he padded to his Clan-mates, giving them a good sniff and check up. His heart thudding in his ears as he tried, everything in his power, to focus and hear the problems of each cat to advise them on an emotional level. That was one of his specialties, listening and giving open ended advice that would help any troubled cat in need. Yet, his heart was not into any of it. Pain burned in his chest as he did his best to listen to their pains. To him they sounded so small and petty compared to his massive problems of not fitting in.

"... So what should I do, Spottedstone?" Chervilwhisper mewed gently, her blue eyes round with worry. "I mean, I want to protect Hazenose from being hurt, but I also don't want to be in the way of Ravenfoot either."

He blinked, unsure why this was even his problem, but nodded dutifully despite not knowing the real issue he pretended to listen to. "Perhaps it would be best to wait it out and keep an eye on the two."

"And then what?" She leaned in, her mew becoming a whisper. "Wait until Hazenose is expecting kits? What if Waspfern is still in the nursery by then?"

"What are you so afraid of happening? A split in the Clan?" He inquired, feeling a bit on the petty side.

"I don't want them to fight!" She blurted out softly, "It would be bad for either of them and then Ravenfoot-"

"Ravenfoot would get as he deserved." Spottedstone told her calmly. "If you step in you could get hurt, but if you don't they will hurt each other. That is the real issue isn't it?"

"It is." She admitted. "Ravenfoot would break one of their hearts and probably twist it all up."

"I wouldn't be too concerned." Spottedstone assured her. "I'll take care of it when I check on Waspfern and her kits."

"Thank you." Chervilwhisper meowed, relaxed. "I feel much better."

"I'm glad." He nodded to her, getting up to move on. "I have many more cats to check on, so I will continue my duties."

.

The day wore on, the sun climbing higher and higher before descending as it always had. By then, he had finished checking on the warriors, even Ravenfoot who didn't have many concerns himself. The long haired black tom didn't seem worried about anything he may be causing. His suspicions rose with the golden eyed tom as he went into the nursery to check for any kit injuries like usual. Often kits don't realize how sharp their claws are when they are young or they climb up the vegetation and fall and sprain something. Kits hardly run to their mothers to tell of any new injuries, especially if it got them in trouble unless some cat brought in burrs and thorns to prick the others by accident.

Swiftly, he began with the youngest kits from Silverstem's litter: Kestrelkit, Mistlekit, and Dawnkit. They were only two moons old so they were more likely to need check ups for even the smallest cough or sniffle. They weren't too young, but stopping kitten-cough in its earliest stages were what kept MoonClan with the most cats of the three Clans, after all. Blinking warmly, he dipped his head in greeting to the young queen who blinked back slowly her gaze going to her kits who were playing with a flaking ball of moss.

"Kestrelkit, Mistlekit, Dawnkit; it's time to stop playing and let Spottedstone assess you." She called gently, sounding relieved. She was a first time mother and it was obvious by the worry etched in her gentle yellow eyes.

Quickly, the oldest kit, a blue-gray spotted tabby she-kit, pranced up to him with her little tail straight up in the air. "I'm healthy, aren't I?" She squeaked.

"Of course you are." He purred warmly, "I just want to make sure you don't have any signs of sickness so you can keep playing like all the healthy kits." Spottedstone truly loved working with kits, it brought him immense joy to see them rumbling around in play-fights and streaking across camp with the light of play in their kit-blue eyes. However, he knew that those days were running out as he checked Kestrelkit over. Her kit-blue eyes weren't as blue-gray as they used to be and were already changing to a more gray color, giving sign that she was nearing three moons of age.

By three moons not only would she have grown bigger, she would begin being touched by StarClan, leaving him more and more alone. With a swift pat with his paw, he shooed her away to see her silver furred brother, Mistlekit, and checked him over as well. He was on track like his sister and the more he listened to his little heart and lungs, he knew that he was healthy. Another swift pat of the paw sent him on his way to play with Kestrelkit while he turned his attention to Dawnkit. The kit that Silverstem fought to keep, explaining that StarClan had foreseen that she would be a great asset to the Clan in the future. The small silver and blue-gray tortoiseshell she-kit had been healthy ever since, unaware that the pale cream splotches of color had nearly sent her into the forest all alone before her eyes and ears could open.

"Alright, Silverstem, your kits are healthy as can be. I will move on to Flinthaze's litter now." He stood up and moved to the next nest.

"Thank you." Silverstem mewed softly, watching her kits play.

Spottedstone padded up to the blue-gray tabby she-cat, her hazel eyes already watching him intently. Flicking from Dawnkit to him. "Did StarClan truly want that kit to live?" She asked, nosey as ever.

"Do you truly think our Sister-Clan would ever lie?" He challenged, his words feeling hollow to his own ears; however it did the effect he had wanted. Flinthaze looked away, ashamed with herself.

"No." She breathed. "I just can't believed a kit with flame in her pelt was allowed to live."

Spottedstone grunted as he looked over Cinderkit and Jaykit, checking them over to make sure they were healthy three moon old kits. Satisfied, he looked back to their mother. "What's so hard to believe about it? StarClan never said a cat of different colors had to die. As far as I know anyway, but if it will make you feel better, I will consult with them as soon as I am able."

"I don't see why it should live." Her mew was hard, venomous even. "It's against everything that MoonClan stands for. She claimed my mate as their father, but if that was the case then my daughter would have had that cursed flames in her pelt. I say she mated with some dumb tom outside of our territory!" Her tone was angry as her meow slowly raised, catching the attention of Silverstem as well as Waspfern.

"It is not your call." Spottedstone stood his ground, hissing softly. "The Stars have spoken, do not turn your back on them!" He felt fiercely protective of Dawnkit, he understood the confusion that she must be going through right this moment. He just wanted to protect her, allow her to grow up, he wasn't sure if StarClan had really made that decision. He had to believe Silverstem, which made his mind race in worry and put his defenses up. "If the Stars said that any cat who didn't believe in them had to die and Moonface said it had to be you, would you let them?"

"Of course not!" She seemed horrified.

"Not even if it was what the Stars ordered?" He challenged, his tail flicking aggressively.

"Perhaps..." She relented, looking away. "I wouldn't like it, but I would."

Spottedstone nodded, "Then that is how it is for Silverstem. She knows it's wrong, but the Stars have spoken to her and she believes in their judgement. If you or any cat bring harm to her kit, you will be destroying your own connection to our Sister-Clan. They could abandon you and who knows what they will do when you are forced to become star-blind and star-deaf? I don't want that to happen to you."

She nodded, looking away in shame. Slowly, he padded on to the black she-cat who blinked curiously. "Is Flinthaze trying to turn to the Starless?"

"No, she had to confess that darkness in her heart, but I handled it." He looked to the kits, they were four moons old, obviously healthy even without an assessment. "Do you have anything you wish to share?"

"Not in particular." Waspfern admitted, looking to her kits with love and adoration. "Nightkit, Starlingkit, and Spiderkit look very healthy. I'm sure you don't need to assess them at all to know that."

"That is true." He conceded, padding to her side. "But I do have something to discuss."

Her amber gaze remained focused on her kits. "Go on."

"How long has it been since Ravenfoot has stepped paw in here?"

Hurt flashed in her eyes. "Not since we named them." She whispered, her claws digging into the nest beneath her. "I've seen him with Hazenose. We went for a walk and I confronted him about it."

"I'm so sorry." Spottedstone murmured.

"He told me that it meant nothing, but I'm not blind. I know he is flirting with a younger she-cat. What have I done wrong? I have given him kits, was that not enough? Spottedstone, please... We argued until I told him to never come back to the nursery if he was that miserable in being a father. He looked so angry, asking if some cat told me, but I told him I saw everything!"

"You've never done anything wrong. You loved him and you believed he loved you as well. It is his own fault to not see how much love you have for him, not yours." He told her gently, almost as though he knew that pain. "I'm sure he wanted to be a father, but whatever happened in his head I cannot say. Would you like me to consult with StarClan on your behalf as well?" It was a small offer, one of comfort and full of emptiness.

"I have consulted with them." She told him. "They told me to let him go. But I can't. I just can't. He promised-"

She froze as his tail draped over her shoulders. "It's alright." He told her softly. "Some cats make promises that they cannot keep. Someday, you will meet the cat who will keep their promises. You won't want to believe them, but they will prove it every step of the way. It's not that he wanted a younger cat, it could be as simple as he doesn't know what he truly wants. I will do everything in my power to seek answers, that is what I am here for."

Waspfern nodded, lowering her head to the edge of her nest. "Do whatever you wish." She conceded. "I've already lost the cat who was my everything, now I have kits. Kits that I sometimes wish I..." She closed her eyes, clearly not wanting to finish what she would say.

Spottedstone didn't blame her, the black furred queen had been in turmoil for four whole moons. No cat had spoken of these problems, which was understandable. It was none of his business or in his duties to handle, but he couldn't resist but try to help. Without StarClan's influence on his life, he had to be more logical than the others. It was lonesome, but he hoped it truly could be of some use when everyone around him could wholeheartedly believe in something he never could connect to.

Feeling he had done all he could, he made his way out of the nursery and padded back to the medicine den. His heart was heavy with the shadows of his Clan. Without the Stars, he supposed, everything looked even less perfect. To imagine those frost-tinted views of the others only made questions buzz around in his mind more and more. Everything he loved and cared for looked to StarClan, not him. When he tried to look to them for guidance, he was unable to see or hear them himself. Without any true answers, his gaze flitted back to the sky once more. The clouds white and puffy, but have grown larger than they had been earlier in the day. He supposed a storm could be coming, but he could never be sure as sometimes it just meant it was going to be covered in vast pale gray clouds to chill them to their very bones.

Maybe it will rain, or will it snow? I can't remember what season we are in anymore. Spottedstone mused to himself, his yellow-green eyes looking back ahead. To me, at this point, they mind as well be all the same.

Author Note:

Spottedstone is loosely based on the cat I own! As you can see, MoonClan appears to be perfectly religious, but they are far from it. While he challenges all that Moonface has ever seen and known; he still finds ways to be helpful. Even if it means that he is pushing his own troubles to the back and tries to not give into his own emotions.

This is a piece of what my father taught me: to be a listener, without judgement, before giving some advice. After all, no matter what I go through, someone else could really need an ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on.

Thank you so much for reading and may you have a fantastic morning, day, evening, or night. - NightSky