Words, 3654

5: Autumn's Shift

"No."

"Sirius, please."

"I said no."

"Why not?" Lily leaned back against the kitchen counter, arms crossed over her chest in irritation, and her head quirked slightly to the left, eyes observing Sirius' pinched features.

Sirius huffed. "Because," he said, sounding annoyed, refusing to elaborate.

Sighing, Lily pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. "I need a better reason other than because," she grumbled out, swinging her foot side to side. They had been going back and forth for over an hour about going out, Lily reasoning that they needed fresh air and a break from the flat. The air would do Harry well, he was getting cooped up. And Lily required shopping for more clothes and they were in desperate need of a grocery run. But Sirius was quite stubborn, and not acting much like Sirius.

"Do you know what kind of scandalous rubbish will hit the front page of the Prophet?" He demanded, holding her gaze, stormy eyes burning intently.

"Oh, is that what this is about!" Lily snapped, standing fully to face him, no longer seeming intent on playing dumb with him, "really, Sirius? Are you scared of the media thinking James' murder as a prime opportunity to swoop in and snatch me? Because Merlin knows that's what kind of sick, twisted person you are. Good God, Sirius!" She stepped closer to him, forcing him to take a step back, "what happened to the mentality you had almost two weeks ago? Let them think what they want, it's my job to protect you and Harry. Blah- blah- blah. What happened?"

Sirius stepped back some more, hands held up to prevent Lily from continuing her advancements on him. "I know I said that," he began.

"Was it the article from the Hospital?" She grounded out through gritted teeth. Sirius vaguely remembered hearing someone saying one should never make a redhead angry.

He looked away in shame, heat creeping up the back of his neck.

"Sirius," said Lily in a calmer tone, "you can't let this control your life, they'll believe they're right."

Sirius turned his gaze back on her face, Lily's lips were pursed together in clear displeasure with him. Something unexplainable struck him as he continued studying her face and the way her eyebrows narrowed downward, he didn't like it. "You're . . . you're right," he finally managed to push past his cracked lips.

Lily's expression softened slightly at his admission, which she knew was hard for him. "So I'll take a shower, and you get Harry and meet me down here in twenty minutes?" She asked, giving a slight quirk of her lips.

Reluctantly, Sirius nodded, still preferring the idea of sleeping in. Yes, sleeping in. It was currently 10:23 in the morning, and anyone that truly knew him, knew he wasn't, was not a morning person. It all began with Lily walking into the sitting room and opening the curtains to reveal the first light of sunlight, declaring that they needed to go out for a grocery run. Sirius groaned, missing his pillow, the only one he had managed to get from the Redhead when she was in the bath a few nights ago. He had originally gone in his room to see if she had just hidden his cigarettes or really thrown them out, but then he thought of his pillow and sleep. And of course, Lily had only been nice enough to share one of them, despite all three belonging to him.

Sadly, his current fixation was his pillows.

A small voice whispered in the farthest corners of his mind, reminding him that this was his idea. And it was, and even if he complained about it, he didn't regret it. And maybe he probably needed to stop before Lily got the wrong impression, because he didn't regret having them. It was nice not being so lonely all the time, he just wished the circumstances could have been much different.

Shoving from the wall Lily had backed him against, he headed towards the sitting room to find Harry.

When Sirius entered the room, Harry jumped up from the floor, sending the toys he'd been playing with to scatter across the rug as he bounded to him. "Siri!" He exclaimed, grinning as he held his arms up, waving them around, gesturing for Sirius to pick him up.

With a ghost of a smile gracing his lips, Sirius knelt down, holding his arms open. "Come here," he said, spreading them wider for Harry. Beaming, Harry charged forward, launching his body forward at the last second, landing safely in Sirius' outstretched arms. Sirius sighed in relief as the initial panic of not catching him dissipated as fast as it had come.

"We're going out," he informed him, beginning to tickle the small child, which Harry just giggled in response, squirming in his godfather's grip, trying to escape the playful assault on his tummy.

"Siri," he cried, swatting at the man's hands, still laughing and wriggling around, his escape In vain.

"Oh no," laughed Sirius, a genuine laugh, the first in days, "you're not going anywhere, mister."

Harry opted for sticking his tongue out at him before sneezing in his face.

Sirius retracted a hand, using his sleeve to wipe snot from his face. "C'mon, Harry," he whined, rocking him side to side instead of back and forth, "that's so unsanitary."

Harry just giggled, bouncing up and down on his knee.

"Okie," said Sirius, standing and properly gathering the toddler in his arms. Sirius smiled down at the innocent face turned up towards him, green eyes watching him curiously. Very carefully, he brushed hair back from Harry's forehead, prohibiting its course towards his eyes. "You're a very special little boy, Harry," he told him, wanting him to know: understand, he was more than a scar on his forehead. Harry James Potter was a unique boy because he was him, just him, the son of James and Lily Potter. There was not another soul like him, just as there was no other like Lily or him.

"Ready to go?" Lily came in, pulling on a faded ice blue sweater with a cat on it over her head, the cat was sitting in a Christmas tree, surrounded by red and green ribbons.

"You're not going to burn up with a shirt under that?" Asked Sirius incredulously, staring at her with raised eyebrows.

"Of course not, it's freezing out there."

Handing a disgruntled Harry over, like he were an object of concern, Sirius headed to the coat rack muttering, "women are strange."

Okay. Maybe he did need the fresh air. And maybe he was acting out of character deciding to hide from the public eye, but he couldn't really do anything about that now, not when Lily had so generously dropped the subject for now. And, who could really blame him when the Prophet was involved?

Soft clouds rolled through the grey sky above, the perfect image of an artist's handiwork, as blue touched here and there, Autumns leaves blowing down from browning trees to flutter along the dewy grass, filling the air with a crispness that only the Autumn season could bring. If one were to look closely, one would see the soft strokes of yellow and orange decorating the faded life in the trees and sprinkling on the veins of leafy branches and bushes.

"Isn't it beautiful?" Said Lily beside him, throwing a glance over her shoulder to peer closely at his expression.

Sirius gave her a gentle smile. "Yeah," he said, admitting to his thoughts. As they passed a small bush, he stopped to admire the yellowing leaves and dying roses, barely clinging to Summer's youthful bloom. In a way, they reminded him of his life, in Summer when all was well, but Autumn's winds brought with it a change in life's season, turning the clock to shorter days and colder nights.

"Sirius."

He started, his hand going for his wand before he realized it was just Lily. He relaxed. "Sorry," he said, offering her an apologetic smile.

"You seem distracted," she noted , following his gaze to a withering flower, just barely hanging on its stem by a thread.

"I was," Sirius cut himself off, stooping down to pluck the flower and a few petals from the bush, "they reminded me of the seasons of our lives." Slowly, he held his hand out, palm up, motioning for Lily to take them from him.

She frowned, the wind blowing a strand of still slightly damp hair in her face. "You're offering me dead roses?" She asked, quirking a red eyebrow up at him in confusion.

He shrugged, "they have their own special beauty about them, like life's challenges."

Nodding slowly along with Sirius' silly smile, Lily took the dying flower from his open palm, deciding she would think more about Sirius' odd behavior later.

Mama," said Harry, deciding to chirp in, waving a small hand between the adults from where he sat snuggled in Lily's arms.

"Yes, Harry?" She said, switching her focus from Sirius, who began playing with dead flowers.

Harry gestured wildly towards a large pile of pine straw and dead leaves someone had raked into a small hill.

Lily shook her head down at him, a sad look crossing her face. "No, Harry, not today. We can't," she explained softly, patting his hair down.

Sirius zoned back in, letting the crushed petals fall from his hands to scatter across the cobbled street. "I'll take him to play while you shop," he told her, giving her a reassuring touch on the arm, "he needs the fun."

Lily hesitated, "are you sure?"

Sirius nodded.

"I would hug you, but," she ducked her head as a blush crept across her pale cheeks.

Sirius laughed softly at her. Lily let Harry down on the stones, before he darted off to Sirius, reaching up to grab his hand. Kneeling down, with his tows supporting him in a squatting position, Sirius allowed Harry to seize his hand.

"Meet you back here?" Asked Lily, chewing on her bottom lip, something Sirius started noticing when she was nervous.

Pulling away from Harry, he got to his feet and sidestepped to her, and placed a warm hand on her trembling shoulder. "It'll be okay," he promised, brushing a wild lock of hair back over and behind her shoulder.

Lily met his intense gaze with her uncertain eyes. "And if it's not?" She whispered, Harry plopping on Sirius' right foot in irritation.

Sirius wrapped an arm around her thin shoulders, leaning in close so as for not to be overheard by Harry. "Then the gods damn my soul," he breathed in her ear, a strand of the offending hair tickling his nose.

"Okay. I'll be back soon."

"Harry."

Harry had absolutely knocked himself out. First, Harry dragged Sirius to the pine straw pile and rolled around while Sirius spoke with an older lady, asking him if Harry was his, something about their hair being similar, and, of course, he lied and said yes. Then Harry had run over, waving up at a flock of owls, asking what the flying things were. And he had been forced to place his differences aside in order to explain, while the lady commented on owls being out and about for weeks now. Eventually, Sirius decided he was hungry, weird human functioning. He had drank coffee instead, picturing Lily's disappointed frown, and bought Harry a milk to make up for it and because he wasn't too sure on what to feed him.

When they got back to the benches, Harry yawning the entire way back, Sirius plopped down, tired. He was missing three hours of sleep all thanks to-- he stopped his thoughts, instead gazing down at Harry and feeling horrible all over. He lied, and he had no need to lie, surely the Muggles would understand a godfather spending time with his godson? He was Harry's godfather on the off chance of Lily and James dying, and. . . and James was . . . well, he was dead.

Groaning in despair, Sirius hugged Harry close. Harry gave him a startled expression, not expecting the random hug from the man. "You're special," Sirius made sure to remind him.

Harry gave him one of his goofy little grins making Sirius chuckle.

"Hey," called the voice of Lily as she headed towards them, bags swinging from her arms, "I ended up spending all the money you gave me. What's this?" She finally made it to them, after pushing through a crowd of young girls not much younger than themselves. And it hit Sirius just how young they were.

He looked up, meeting the gaze of bright green eyes, the eyes Harry's took after. "I got him all tired for you," he said in a teasing tone, quickly ducking his head back down when one of the girls turned to get a better look at him.

Lily smiled, "mind helping?"

"Mind saving me?"

"Oh, does Sirius Black need saving?"

"Possibly."

Lily rolled her eyes at him, "Come on, Black."

In one fluid movement, Sirius was beside Lily, taking a gallon of milk from where it hung on her wrist. "Follow on," he said, shouldering his way through the girls who just had to be in his way, apparently. Sirius passed by the bush he'd been enamored with earlier, Lily sprinting to keep up.

"Sirius," she gasped out, sliding along the dirt and stone path, "slow down."

Sirius threw a glance over his shoulder to see Lily struggling to keep stride with him, her hair constantly falling in her eyes despite her tilting her head back slightly. He turned around, leaning against a pole until she appeared at his shoulder. "Really?" She grumbled, "I know you want to go back to sleep, but geez."

Sirius mumbled incoherently under his breath, wishing he knew where his cigarettes were. Maybe he can go buy some later when Lily is distracted. Really, he didn't get why she took them away from him.

They climbed the front stairs up the apartment complex and started down the hall towards the lift, all the while Sirius continuing to have to shift Harry around in his right arm.

"Alohomora," said Sirius, shifting Harry over so he had better access to tap his wand against the door handle. And, with a soft click the door swung in, revealing the flat just as they had left it four and a half hours previously.

"put him to bed and come to the sitting room after you've finished," said Lily, dropping several bags on the table before grabbing the milk from Sirius, "go on," she waved.

Forcing back a grumbling response, Sirius trod down the hall, entering his room and gently putting Harry to bed. On his way out, he turned to watch the small boy. Harry had rolled over, tangling the covers around his small body, and burrowed deep into the pillows with a sleepy smile plastered across his face. Quickly, before anything disturbing could be muttered in periods of sleep haze, Sirius hurried from the room, thinking about how he needed bigger living accommodations.

When he got back from putting Harry to bed, Lily was still in the kitchen, and so he went to help her put groceries away.

"Sirius," began Lily as he passed her a box of honey lavender stress relief tea.

"Yeah?" He replied, pulling out a package of dental floss from a brown paper bag and studying it suspiciously.

"You need to stop, she told him, grabbing a container of lettuce from a bag across from him, along with a small package of deli meat.

Sirius set the toothpaste and toothbrush he had been admiring down, tilting his head to the side at a dramatic angle, giving the redhead a confused expression. "I didn't mean to intrude on helping you," he murmured softly.

Lily's head shot up, emerald eyes snapping to him. "No, you may continue helping me," she said quickly. Sirius stepped back where he'd been previously and began sorting through different Hot Chocolates. "I meant the smoking," she continued.

Sirius faltered for a moment before pressing on, dumping the packets in the plastic bin he had for teas, coffee, and such.

"I don't want you doing that around Harry," Lily explained, setting a bag she had placed her toiletries in on the bar beside Sirius' wand.

"I'll go outside," he grumbled, heading to put a pot of coffee on to brew.

"I care about you, you know. I don't wish to see you destroy yourself from the inside out," Lily sniffed, her voice oddly thick with emotion.

Sirius just nodded.

"Sirius," she begged.

He sighed. "I'll try," he promised, "but I'm currently busy with other thoughts," he tapped his wand impatiently against the picture, speeding up the process.

"Think past the coffee, Sirius!" She cried, throwing her hands up in exasperation.

spinning around, Sirius flung his wand down on the countertop behind him, facing Lily fully. "I am," he snapped, "I'm wondering where we need to go. We cannot stay here for much longer," his shoulders slumped, his hair falling in his eyes, "sorry."

An embarrassed flush made its way onto Lily's cheeks. "No, I'm sorry. Sirius, that's thoughtful of you," she reached out, patting him on the shoulder.

Sirius gave a half-hearted shrug, turning back to his beloved coffee pot before Lily could say anything else, not that he minded, he just needed to think for five minutes in peace.

"I was thinking of a soup or something," said Lily after about ten minutes, her voice cutting into Sirius' peaceful bubble.

Sirius' breath caught in his throat, he hadn't noticed her leave or come back in. "Yeah-- yes, that's fine," he managed to croak out.

Lily smiled over across the counter at him, letting a pile of potatoes spill from her arms to land on the surface in front of him. "You can start with peeling these," she instructed, handing him a knife.

Taking the blade, Sirius wordlessly began shredding the skin from the potatoes, pretending they were all the people he despised, that did him wrong in order to better motivate himself.

"So, where were you thinking?" Asked Lily after a while of working in silence, the small kitchen filled with the fresh smell of cut potatoes and boiling carrots, with the slightest hint of grilled ham.

"Hmm?" Hummed Sirius, dumping more carrots in the steaming pot.

"To live?" Replied Lily, finally waving him back with a spatula.

Sirius rubbed his forehead in concentration, fingers catching in his hair. "Not a Wizarding community," he began, "I don't want to-- I worry for Harry. Maybe a Muggle town, or somewhere like Godric's Hollow, witches and wizards and Muggles. But no, of course, we wouldn't live there, unless. Guh, Merlin," Sirius groaned in irritation, sliding down to the floor with his head on his knees.

Lily kept stirring the pot.

"I mean somewhere like it. Or ev-" Harry took that time to interrupt them.

Sirius gestured for Lily to stay put as he hurriedly left the kitchen, not noticing the owl tapping at the window glass as he made his way out.

"Harry?"

"Harry, come here," Sirius crawled on the bed, pulling the sobbing boy to his chest. "Harry, shhh. It's okay. I've got you. Shhhh, shhh, shh," he murmured in his hair, gently rocking him in his arms.

Shhhh," he soothed.

"Harry, what is it?" He peered down at his small face.

"I've got you. Siri's got you," Sirius forced back a snort at that comfort line, something about saying Siri sounded wrong coming from his lips.

After another minute of shushing and nonsensical words coming from Sirius' mouth, Harry settled down, laying his head in the crook of Sirius' neck, where the shoulder, collarbone, and neck all met each other.

Sirius held his breath before laying Harry back on the mattress, fixing the covers, and tucking him in. Sirius hurried from the room before he could get called James or something more mortifying.

Once in the kitchen, he found Lily looking over a letter.

"What's that?" He asked, curiously peeking over her shoulder.

"Oh, dear, Sirius," Lily lifted her head, staring up into his grey eyes, "it's-it's. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to," she held it out to him, her hands trembling.

Sirius took the parchment, his fingers brushing against Lily's cooler ones.

Dear Mr. Black

It is with a heavy heart that I write to you

Maybe we should make this short. Yesterday evening I received a letter from your father, Orion, informing me of your dear mother's passing.

Please find enclosed a document of your return fortune and heir property, for a return into the Black Family.

Albus Dumbledore

"Hag got what was coming," said Sirius, flipping to the back to find a document of papers. Pulling it off the parchment carefully, he poured the contents out onto the table, a copy of his Gringotts account falling out along with it.

"It can't be," Sirius gasped, holding a small square deed up to the light, "my father's giving me the Black Cottage." Sirius stared wide-eyed at the thick parchment in his hand, the Black crest engraved on the envelope, "he always hated that place."

Lily stared in wonder, "how odd."

"Yes," agreed Sirius, shoving the papers back in their respective envelopes, "very."

Lily unexpectedly grabbed him by the arm, using physical force to turn him to her. "Sirius?"

Sirius lifted a hand to touch her arm, his fingers breezing over the soft skin, "Lily."

"You're so-- you and Lord Black don't get along," she began nibbling on her lips, pulling at the red skin.

Reaching out, Sirius pulled the abused flesh from between her teeth. "I'm the last remaining heir to the most noble and ancient House of Black, blood magic makes this choice," he explained.

Lily nodded, "As long as it's safe."

"I will make bloody sure," Sirius promised her.

A/N

Gosh, they really sound like a married couple. I'm probably changing the rating to T, instead of K because of Sirius being Sirius. We still love him, though, very affectionately.