Translator

Failure. A word that should be unacceptable from a perfect machine, is a term that this unit has gotten quite familiar with during the first few days of monitoring their pink captive, aka "Amy".

Though a machine that cannot fulfill it's prime functions should be scrapped and replaced at once, this unit feels no worry, for their main function lies in combat. Thus, the development of additional skills and information are nothing more than signs of progress, even better if they are developed for the sake of serving the Eggman Empire with greater efficiency. Though the unit is aware of this…

It does not make the following failures, which this unit has listed below, any less frustrating.

This unit, fully aware of it's place in the current hierarchy and having no traitorous thoughts whatsoever, still feels like suggesting that any further models of it's series should be inserted with information that one could call "Common knowledge" as the lack of it, has led to several incidents.

Incidents which this unit shall now register in a separate review dubbed "Failures".

Failure#1

As this unit has written before, the captive known as "Amy Rose" (Which will be shortened to Captive from hereon for the sake of easier reading) was going to be treated to "Dinner" at 6 pm.

This dinner consisted of a plate of snails cooked in sauce, to be more specific this unit gathered about 16 snails in the more shaded areas of Palmtree Panic with the aid of a small shovel, cleaned and washed them in boiling salted water for half an hour in the kitchen, then poured them into a pan filled with garlic sautéed (as in spread or covered) in olive oil and tomato passata along with rosemary and salt. The dish was then cooked in low heat for about twenty more minutes.

After which it was to be gloriously served piping hot. Emphasis on glorious for the Eggnet archives told this unit that A) Hedgehogs find insects to be a delicacy and B) This dish is considered "Haute Cuisine" (High cuisine) in the Spagonia region, thus everything pointed to this being a success.

This unit's expectations were swiftly corrected however when the Captive turned green in discomfort at the mere sight of the dish and hysterically cried out and this unit quotes….

"Eeeew! Ew! Ew! Ew! You HAVE to be kidding me!" and other such exclamations that showed her displeasure at the dish without giving a solid explanation as to why she had such a reaction.

Naturally this led to Failures #2 and #3 until she finally clarified that "Girls find insects yucky."

To say that this unit showed surprise at such a revelation would be incorrect, for this unit cannot mimic any facial movements other than nodding. Still, this unit shall here-on scrutinize its information more carefully as the information that should have been trustworthy was wrong.

As for whoever input that information, this unit feels it would be wise to scrap them.

Regardless, this still left the unit with a glaring issue: the captive still has no dinner. And this unit will not STARVE the captive because the organic has not shown any signs of deserving such a fate.

Somehow, this has led this unit into allowing the captive entry into the kitchen after she made the offer of helping this unit help her by letting her help herself. Or in simpler terms…

The captive cannot reject food that she has made herself. An idea that appealed very much to this unit at the time, for there is only so much effort one can spend and see it be thrown down the bin.

This unit must insist however, that despite what the camera feed may tell at the time. That this unit was not fraternizing with the captive, sure this unit helped her cut the vegetables, yes this unit mimicked the song she was humming without her requesting it to do so, and yes again this unit did not protest when the captive put some cream on their mouth to mimic a smile, but it all has a reason.

A reason that this unit is struggling to put into clear words, so instead this unit shall show the meaning of said reason through a hypothetical conversation between it and the captive.

Amy Rose: I am an organic and thus a social creature, isolation makes me feel sad. I am sad.
This Unit: Your sadness is noted, I shall alleviate this problem for no hidden reason.

Amy Rose: I feel acknowledged, my odds of rebelling lower in response to this development.

As demonstrated, the hidden reason is to keep her odds of rebelling low. Because as seen through repeated observation, one destabilizing aspect of organic lifeforms is their need to interact with others. And the Captive is no exception, to ignore her for anything but basic needs would be to mentally harm her in some way. And this unit does not have the permission to do such a thing.

In hindsight and further review, this unit realizes that from an outside perspective this unit might seem to be getting attached to the captive. This could not be further from the truth because not only is this unit physically incapable of caring for anything due to the lack of silly organic hormones.

But also because the opposite is very much happening. The captive is getting attached to this unit!

Perhaps an unnecessary exclamation point aside, this unit can still state with confidence that the captive grows less and less wary of them as time passes by. Just the other day this unit finally managed to get her to fess up the fact she was playing with "Tarot cards" whenever she had the time to do so outside of this unit's observations. The way she held the cards clearly conveyed that she either expected this unit to mock her for it or even worse, rip the cards in front of her. The conditions of the cards themselves conveying the fact that such a situation has happened before.

This unit did no such thing, no, believe it or not, but this unit had the SOCIAL INSIGHT to sit down before the bars, tilt their head to feign curiosity and patiently wait for her to notice that.

What followed was basically an explanation about tarot cards and how it allows her to see the future, give a voice to her intuition (whatever that means) and overall connect deeply with the soul.

She then extended an offer this unit's way to read their future. As much as this unit wanted to just scoff at the concept, to reject a concept without seeing proof for oneself whether it is true or not would be a very unscientific thing to do. Thus, for the sake of that, this unit agreed to it.

The results were:

Magician Reversed (Omen that means one mustn't miss an incoming opportunity)

Death Upright: (Something will change)

Tens of Swords Upright (One will hit rock bottom or be betrayed/overall a bad sign)

In short, she predicted that whether or not this unit succeeds or fails at taking an opportunity in the future, things will forever change and this unit's relationship with someone will turn sour.

A silly statement really, if only because it is quite obvious. This unit shall explain.

"Amy Rose" admires/loves "Sonic the Hedgehog".

So if this unit succeeds in killing the blue organic, the "friendship" between it and "Amy Rose" will end. Likewise if this Unit fails this objective, Dr Eggman will have no more need for them.

So this prediction, though accurate, really doesn't mean a thing. As this unit could have made the same conclusion without the aid of some mystical cards. Still, the captive mistook this unit's silence at the end and tried to cheer them up by saying that with enough effort, one's fate can be changed.

This unit however does not see any need to do so. For this unit's existence is quite simple.

Either this unit will succeed in their directives or they will be scrapped, as they should.

…

This unit has been experiencing unspecified discomfort widespread across its processor whenever it thinks about this. Most likely this unit's survival directives are malfunctioning, this will be fixed.

Failure #4

This unit has failed in fixing the malfunction. The second best measure is to simply direct one's thoughts elsewhere so the error cannot be repeated. This unit will do so until Dr Eggman returns.

Failure #5

The captive refers to this unit as "he". Attempts to correct her have proven futile.

This unit shall quietly tolerate the incorrect gender descriptions from hereon.

Failure #6

This unit made the mistake of letting the captive see the footage of the Metal Sonic projectors displayed throughout the landscapes of Little Planet. In response, this unit had to allow her access to unit "Squirrel bot" to show that no real animals have been harmed during the making of it.

The fact it would have been a waste of a good eggbot was wisefully kept to oneself.

Failure #7

This unit has destroyed a fellow badnik, a motobug to be precise after it moved to attack the captive. This situation happened because this unit was foolish enough to believe no trouble would come if this unit left the captive in the recreational area while this unit quickly dealt with an obligatory scan of the planet to note down Sonic's current location. Instead this emboldened a group of badniks to attack her the moment this unit was out of sight, for this unit had changed her role from "Harmless" to "Moderate Threat" before without putting in any additional instructions on how she is to be unharmed unless she enters forbidden areas or attempts to escape the premises.

This unit only got to destroy one badnik because by the time this unit came back, she had destroyed the rest while having not a single scratch on her person whatsoever. As much of a good news at that is, it did not change the fact that this unit now had to clean up the room, though not without help.

This unit will take any punishment deemed necessary for this neglect.

Those were all the failures listed so far. The only other noticeable event would be the lack of them coming from Dr Eggman. As it has now been about 2 to 3 days without his presence or any news about him. Though this is not something this unit should worry about, this unit will regardless move to investigate the ancient temple system known as Tidal Tempest as that is the last location where his signal has been shown. Perhaps he is occupied with facing off against Sonic there or…

No, it would not do to think of a worse case scenario. Other than perhaps the possibility that the captive might try to escape during this unit's absence, this unit is confident that Dr Eggman is alive.

And this unit will verify that fact, if the latter doesn't return any signs within 24 hours.