She couldn't believe it. She was staring at the little piece of plastic down in her hands. Two pink lines indicating her pregnancy.
Sam swallowed, her suspicions now confirmed. She wasn't feeling well the last couple of days and when she was late a little voice in the back of her head started to tell her to take a pregnancy test.
They were so careful and yet it happened. She never thought that it was possible after her blending with Jolinars, that it was even possible for her to get pregnant in the first place.
God, what would she tell Jack? They never discussed the possibility of children.
Mixed emotions crashing in on her and she started to cry.
Curled up on her bed, eyes red and tears streaming down her face, that's how Cassie found her surrogate mother when she came home.
"Oh my god, Sam. What's wrong?" she immediately asked, sitting down beside her on the bed.
"Cass, sorry, I didn't realize how late it is. I'll make you dinner..." Sam was rambling while she tried to get up, but Cassie held her in place.
"Stop Sam, first you'll tell me why you're crying. Something wrong with Uncle Jack?"
"No Honey, don't worry. Everyone is alright."
"But you don't cry without a reason, what..." she became silent as she spotted the pregnancy test lying on Sam's bedside table. "...you're not serious! Sam? You're pregnant?"
Sam took a deep breath, ready to say it out loud for the first time. "It looks like that."
"But that's great news, isn't it?"
"It's not as if I planned it... as if we planned it. I'm... I'm not even sure if he wants to have kids. We're living miles away and after Charlie... I'm just not sure this is a good thing, Cass."
Cassie was stunned, she didn't expect that reaction from Sam. She just assumed that one day they would have a baby, it seems like the next logical step for these two, who loved each other so deeply and shared their love for children. Never once it crossed Cassandra's mind that a baby wasn't good news. She reached out for Sam and embraced her in a big hug.
"Sam, try to calm down a bit. I know you'll be a wonderful mother and Jack does love kids. Why else would he have spent all his time with me when I was younger? He was like a father to me. And he loves you. It may be a shock because it wasn't really planned, but I'm sure he'll come around and will be happy."
"Thank you! Just what I needed to hear right now. I'm afraid, Cass. I didn't expect it and never thought it was in my cards. Your Mom told me after Jolinar it wasn't likely to happen. So this is a miracle for me."
"It is a miracle indeed, but a good one. Believe me. I'm going to be a big sister." She squeaked, "that's so exciting! Come on, let's book you a flight and get you to DC as soon as possible, so you can go and tell your husband."
Less than 6 hours later Samantha Carter sat on a plane, heading from Nevada to Washington DC. She took a cab to their townhouse in Georgetown. Jack should be at the pentagon for at least another few hours. She would start dinner, working to calm her nerves would do her good before she would have to face him.
The door wasn't locked. That's unusual for Jack these days. While he never locked his house in the Springs here in DC it was a whole different situation.
She carefully walked into the house. As she rounded the corner to the living room she saw Jack, sitting on the couch in his sweatpants, a beer in his hand. He was so lost in thoughts that he didn't even recognize her coming in. Sam was taken aback. Why is he home, drinking at the middle of the day? Has something happened? He would have told her, wouldn't he?
"Jack?" She asked softly.
He was startled because he really hadn't heard her before. "Sam! What are you doing here?"
"Me? Jack, what are you doing? Drinking in the middle of the day! Why aren't you at work?"
"That's none of your business!" He replied, a bit too harsh for her liking.
"I think it is, when my husband obviously doesn't seem to be well." she countered.
"You shouldn't even be here in the first place, so don't judge what you don't understand!"
At a loss for words she blinked at him.
"Okay, well hello to you, too. That wasn't exactly the welcome home I was hoping for."
He got up and was now standing right in front of her, full sized. "And what, Samantha, were you expecting. Showing up unannounced in the middle of the week?"
"Wow, I didn't know that I needed an appointment to visit my husband."
"You should know by now that when I really wouldn't be needed at the pentagon this week I wouldn't even have been here."
A bit confused she looked around and then it hit her. The photo of Charlie neatly placed on the coffee table next to his beer bottle.
Her hand went to her mouth and with a lot of emotions in her voice she replied "It's Charlie's date of death! Oh my god, Jack. I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was today!" She tried to reach out to touch him, but he jerked away as if she burned him.
A little confused, but more hurt she tried to approach him. "I'm really sorry, Jack. I wasn't aware what day it is."
Wasn't it ironic that she had to find out about her pregnancy on the day of his son's death? She knew she couldn't tell him today or maybe not even tomorrow, but she was determined to be here for him, in whichever way he needed her.
"Sam, what exactly are you doing here? Don't you have important work to do at Area 51?"
His cold voice and distance did hurt her so much, she wasn't prepared for this. She was prepared to fight for her child, to deal with his emotions when she would tell him that he's going to be a father again, but not for this cold welcome she's experiencing right now. Sam knew this day was never easy on Jack, but last year they made it through the day ok. Why was he like this now? Was it because he didn't make it to the Springs this year? That he wasn't able to be at his son's grave? But he didn't need to be so dismissive to her. Instinctively she put her hand on her abdomen as if to protect her child.
With all her emotions mixed with the hurt over Jack's anger and harsh behavior and her hormones so out of place she began to cry. Staring at him for a long time, not able to get a word out.
"That's just perfect. I am grieving and you're crying. Go home, Sam. Leave me alone. You wouldn't even understand what I'm feeling right now." His emotions mixed with the beer, obviously not the first one he had today, made him say things he would regret if he were sober. But he wasn't and was out to hurt someone else to release a bit of his pain.
"But I am home, Jack. This is our home, we bought it together. Do you remember this?"
"Yes Sam, I remember. But you live in Nevada and I'm in DC, thought we'd give us a little heads up before showing up at the other one's place."
"Not even a month ago you would have flown out on any occasion that presents itself just to say hello. And the welcoming would have been a whole different action."
"So you're here for sex?"
"Argh Jack, that's not what I'm here for and not what I'm saying. Okay, you're not in your best condition today, I can understand that..."
"You can? I don't think you can. Have you ever lost a child? Do you know what it's like? Holding that little lifeless body in your arms just to be told by the paramedics that there isn't anything they could do for your little boy??? I don't think so Samantha. I'm just glad that there is no possibility of experiencing something like this again."
"That's not fair! I'm not here to fight with you. I'm sorry I didn't realize what day it is, but I really thought you weren't able to hurt me like you did today. Maybe you're right and I should go. Don't want to bother you while drowning your thoughts in alcohol."
Normally Sam would have tried harder to get to him. She knew he wasn't serious in saying all those awful things to her and that it may just be a way to deal with his emotions today. He wasn't able to visit Charlie today and that would be the first after all these years after his death, but that didn't mean she could put it away like that.
He had hurt her, badly, intentionally or not, it didn't matter. She could feel her nausea creeping up on her and she prayed that she wouldn't lose the contents of her stomach right there. She made a beeline for the guest bathroom, just in time to reach the toilet to empty her stomach. When she came out again she saw Jack standing in the hallway. A concerned look on his face. But she couldn't be bothered by that. Now she was angry and determined to get back to Nevada as soon as possible.
"What's wrong with you?" he asked hoarsely.
"Nothing that should bother you. I'm sorry I came here!"
"Yeah, me too."
He turned around to go back to the living room. Anew her tears streaming down her cheeks. She left their house, called a cab that drove by and made her way back to the airport.
She found a flight back home, but that was not for the next 4 hours.
Her phone beeped with a message from Cassie.
/Hey Mom, how did it go? Love you, Cass/
/It didn't. Coming home in a few hours. I'm at the airport./ was all she could reply, not knowing what she should say or how she could explain what had happened.
Right away her phone began to ring. Cassie.
"Hey Cass!" she took the call reluctantly.
"Sam! What do you mean it didn't? Why are you coming home? Did he throw you out?"
"It was horrible, I didn't even get to tell him, Cassie. I didn't realize what day it was. It's the date of Charlie's death."
"But that doesn't mean you couldn't stay and tell him in a few days, does it?"
"I don't have any words to explain what happened. He was devastated that he wasn't able to go to the cemetery today. The president needs him here, so there was no way he could have flown out to the Springs. He was home and maybe a little drunk. He didn't expect me today, but what he said and how he acted. It hurt!" again she was crying and Cassie could hear it over the phone. Heartbroken for the woman she loved so much.
"Sam, I'm sure he didn't mean it like that."
"Maybe. And maybe I'm not rational enough right now, but he never talked to me like that. Not even when I was still under his command. He made it clear that he was glad there was no possibility to experience something like this again. He doesn't want any more children because he couldn't stand to lose one ever again."
"Sam, are you sure? Couldn't it just be a spur of a moment? When he's able to think clearly again it might not be that hopeless."
"All I know is that he never hurt me like this before. I don't want to see him again so soon. I'm coming home, the distance will do us good."
"Promise me to look after yourself! I'm concerned about you, Sam. Do you think flying in this condition is ok for you? Will the baby be ok?"
"I just want to come home. I'll take care of myself, I promise. They announced my flight right now. Gotta go, boarding. See you soon honey!"
"I'll be waiting for you. Gonna meet you at the airport. Love you, Sam."
"Love you too, honey!"
As soon as they ended their call Cassandra dialed the number of Jack. He twitched at the shrill ring of his phone, not nearly in a condition to speak to someone he tried to ignore the ringing. Probably Sam checking up on him. Her visit is only just a veil of a memory by now. Did they fight? How much did he drink before Sam showed up? He knew he hadn't been welcoming, but he couldn't remember much of what he said to her. Memories blurred by alcohol, but he had the bad feeling he had said and done things he dearly would regret. Had he really thrown her out of their hose? His eyes filled with tears.
Finally the ringing stopped and the answering machine sprung to life.
"Jack O'Neill!" He recognized Cassie's voice, man was she pissed, he could clearly hear that. "You stupid son of..." she wouldn't say the word, but he knew what she wanted to say. "... You're an ass! How could you? I never imagined you two fighting at all, but are you out of your mind? How the hell could you hurt Sam like this? I have no words... Wait, I have words for you, but most of them aren't nice..."
He couldn't stand her accusations anymore and picked up the phone.
"Cass...what have I done?" he said with a shaking voice.
"I don't know the details yet, Jack. But you screwed up big time, Mister!"