Hey! So this idea is based off the now-cancelled film Coyote VS Acme, but it's not going to have any humans in it. I don't know where they were going with the eternally-unlucky lawyer Wile.E originally hired, but that's out the window.

I do not own Warner Bros or any Looney Tunes character in any way shape or form.

The coyote was hungry. No change there then - he'd spent all of his life one step away from starvation. As it was he was licking his lips and massaging his stomach as it protested in anger. What he wouldn't give for just one roadrunner...

*Zoom!*

...Well. Talk of the devil. The coyote reached out a hand longingly as the bird shot past him. He just managed to graze his feathers. The coyote looked down at his hand imagining having a whole bird to feast on. A whole bird...

With renewed vigour he took out his ACME Catalogue [Good for all your household needs!] and studied it intently. 40 pages and he was already a quarter through! But now he needed something special in order to finally catch his prey.

Ah! His finger landed on number 39. ACME Sticky-Net (Catch what you need with one swift throw!) ah! That was perfect. He wrote his details on the slip, popped it into a post-box and waited. Approximately 30 seconds later a large parcel fell from the sky. The coyote reached his hands out for it expectantly, only for it to land on his head and squash him flat. He didn't care however as he was to excited, practically salivating at the mouth at the mere thought of finally getting to eat!

He quickly got the net out of its packaging and found it instantly stuck to his hands. With frustration the coyote pulled and pulled but couldn't get himself free. Finally in desperation he stuck his foot on it, hoping to get enough downward force to pry it away from his hands. Of course that didn't work either and he ended up hopping around in one leg while silently cursing his life.

It was then that the roadrunner appeared and went "Beep, beep!" next to him. The coyote shot about a mile into the air, landing literally on his head. The roadrunner smiled, beeped again and legged it. The coyote glared. At least he was out of the net now, but still, that Roadrunner was a pain. Never mind - today was the day that the coyote would win! With an evil smile he rubbed his hands together and pictured a roast roadrunner. He looked round for the net and found it covering a nearby cactus.

After smacking his hand against his head, the coyote hurried over and pulled the net off. Well, he tried, but it refused to let go of the cactus. The coyote let go and had a small temper-tantrum, jumping up and down and nearly pulling his fur out, but then he had an idea. He grinned and rubbed his hands together.

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[A short time later]

If the mountain wouldn't go to Mohammed, then Mohammed would go to the mountain. Or in this case if the roadrunner wouldn't come to the cactus...

The coyote grinned devilishly and did a little dance of joy. This was bound to work! In the distance he saw the roadrunners tell-tail lines of smoke, and hurried to position behind a couple of rocks. This was where the net - now stretched between the rocks like a make-shift catapult - was waiting for him. Wile.E took the other end of the cactus and with careful precision - it was very sharp after all - and waited...and waited...and waited. After about thirty seconds he frowned and peered round the rock. Where was...?

"Beep beep!"

The coyote jumped a mile in the air, releasing the cactus in the process. It propelled forward and impaled itself [somehow] in a rock. Wile E by now was on his way back down again and he looked down to where the bird was inquisitively looking up at him. With a sudden rush of anger he paddled himself through the air so that the roadrunner wouldn't either catch him or laugh at him when he fell. When he was a suitable distance away he allowed himself to carry on falling, sticking his tongue at the bird so that he knew the coyote had outsmarted him again-

*crunch*

The coyote stopped dead. His eyes welled up and he let of a squeak of discomfort. He leapt of the cactus as if his bum was on fire [which to be fair, it pretty much was] and ran around in a circle before remembering he had brought at paddling pool not to long ago. He reached into his hammerspace, removed the pool, blew it up quickly and then started searching through his hammerspace for the water...where was the blasted water!?

"Meap, meap!"

The coyote turned to see the roadrunner holding a hose that had water coming out of it and gesturing for him to step aside. The coyote did so, and the roadrunner started to fill the pool up.

As soon as it was deep enough to get his ankles in, the coyote leapt into it and allowed the water to cool his burning backside. When the pain subsided he set about removing the cactus spines. After a short while he felt better and looked up to thank the roadrunner, only to see he had already gone.

The coyote sighed and relaxed back in the pool. Fair enough, after all the roadrunner had helped him, so he deserved a break. As he was relaxing he caught sight of the net - still stuck to the rocks. He glared at it, what was that thing made of!? Glue, paste and rubber!?

As he simmered silently, he thought over the inventions from ACME that had failed. As well as the net there was the cement shoes meant to attach to the roadrunner and slow him down. Great - except they didn't come in roadrunner's size. The coyote had been getting water out his snout for a week following that.

The car that broke down almost immediately after starting, the fly-trap paper that was to sticky, the paint that was meant to paint roadrunner heaven and instead painted cooked roadrunner. The coyote almost broke his jaw. The batman suit, the multiple rockets, the catapult that broke as soon as you put a rock onto it and finally the snow machine that created water because the desert was to hot. Ok, in the final case that might not actually be ACME's fault - but the rest were!

Where was their product tester? Their inventors? Wile.E seethed, practically turning red with rage as the water started boiling around him. WHAT WERE THEY DOING WITH HIS MONEY!?

He banged his fist against the pool, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself down. Did they not realise he could have been seriously injured with their malfunctioning products!? If he was a human - a real human, not a toon one - he'd be dead by now and that was a fact.

The coyote growled slightly as he got out the pool. Someone should hold those ACME fools to account! A few foot away he stopped as a lightbulb flicked on above his head. After all, why not? Why shouldn't it be him? He knew ACME products better than anyone else after all. If they couldn't get it right for their most loyal customer, then what were they doing to their worst? He grinned, liking the idea.

Now it was just how to go about it...