"Capcom has produced hundreds of deadly warriors, but few can best these two hulking leviathans." Wiz starts the episode.
"Haggar, the mayor-elect of whoop ass." Boomstick inroduces one man.
"And Zangief, Russia's Red Cyclone." Wiz introduces the other, both of which seem like they visit the gym very often because they look like they have muscles in places most people don't even have places.
"These two wrestlers have never met in person, but their rivalry is legendary, and it's about time they duked it out!" Boomstick says with anticipation.
"Wrestlers?!" Both Yang and Jaune exclaimed both excited.
"Like The Stone?" Jaune asked.
"Or Jaune Cena?" Yang asked.
"This is gonna be awesome!" Jaune shouts enthusiastically.
"Isn't that stuff fake?" Weiss asks.
"You take that back!" Yang orders her.
"Okay, sorry. Sheesh." Weiss says.
"Yang loves wrestling." Ruby whispers to Weiss.
"Yeah, I can tell."
"I'm Wizard and he's Boomstick, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win… a Death Battle."
"Standing six foot seven and weighing 266 pounds -30 of which is probably in his manly mustache- it's Mike Haggar!" Boomstick introduces Haggar like a ring announcer.
"I wish I could grow facial hair like that." Jaune says, imagining himself with a mustache like Haggar's.
"For many years, Haggar was a champion wrestler of Slam Masters until being elected mayor of Metro City, a metropolis overrun with street gangs." Wiz continues.
"Too bad there aren't more badasses in office. Most mayors would just put up laws against crime or increase the police force, but Mike takes matters into his own hands."
"He sounds like my kind of mayor. Someone not afraid to get his hands dirty to stop crime." Yang says, quickly respecting Haggar's way of doing things.
"Haggar is a former pro-American wrestler, specializing in grabs, holds, and quick strikes. He's of Scottish ancestry and proud of it, even having a Scottish flag on his gym. It's likely he has also trained in Scottish backhold wrestling, which involves bearhugging an opponent and keeping your balance while overpowering theirs." Wiz theorizes.
"Haggar's got a devastating move set, ranging from Suplexes, Body Splashes, and his own invention: the Spinning clothesline double lariat, which Zangief stole for his own use."
"Yeah, me too. I'm totally taking that move!" Nora says.
"To even the score, Haggar copied Gief's spinning piledriver." Boomstick adds.
"I'd like to see you try that move, Weiss." Yang says in a joking manner.
"You know I couldn't do that!" Weiss says. "Nor would I ever fight like a barbarian!"
When Haggar isn't overpowering people with his pure manliness, his weapon of choice is a blunt pipe. Hey, he's a mayor that kicks ass and recycles!"
"Even after his victorious election, Haggar continued his vigorous training."
"By piledriving sharks!"
Both teams eyes widen at this.
"I'm sorry, he piledrives what now?!" Jaune questions.
"That's so cool!" Nora says.
"While I don't approve of the animal cruelty, it is impressive." Pyrrha says.
"It's a shark, Pyrrha. If anything I'd say he's saving lives." Yang says.
"It appears Haggar wrestles bull sharks, one of the deadliest sharks on Earth. These can grow up to 11 feet long and weigh up to 500 pounds." Wiz continues. "Wrestling these proves Haggar's proficiency in the Scottish backhold, as he keeps his balance against the thrashing sharks until he can piledrive them into the beach."
"Next Jaws movie needs more Haggar!"
"What's Jaws?" Ruby asks.
"Well, you see, Ruby, the jaws are each of the upper and lower bony structures in vertebrates forming the framework of the mouth and containing the teeth." Ren explains.
"Wow, thanks, Ren." Ruby says, causing Weiss to facepalm.
"No, you dolt, it's clearly a movie from wherever this show came from, more than likely about sharks."
"Oh… yeah, that makes more sense." Ruby says.
"Unfortunately, during his time as mayor, Haggar was undoubtedly forced to prioritize politics over training. It's likely he didn't have much time to learn new techniques or train against many other wrestlers. As a result, he uses moves and skills from an older era." Wiz mentions.
"Huh, that's a shame. It probably means he's rusty too." Yang says.
"That may be a cause for concern in this fight." Pyrrha says.
"But they seem to work pretty damn well."
"He certainly hasn't lost his touch."
We see a campaign ad for Haggar as a bald eagle lands on his muscular arm, and a voice talks about Haggar.
"Mike Haggar, the candidate who puts people first."
Haggar growls and kills the bald eagle with a single punch, causing it to explode in a bunch of feathers.
"More animal cruelty?" Blake asked with a hint of anger. Piledriving sharks is one thing, but punching an eagle into feathers is another.
"Zangief stands seven feet tall at 350 pounds, weighing in as one of the strongest on the Street Fighting circuit." Wiz explains.
"My Gods, that huge!" Weiss says.
"He would tower over you, Ruby." Jaune says.
"Yes, I know how small I am, you don't need to remind me." Ruby says with a huff.
"Aww, you're so cute when you're mad." Yang pinches her cheeks.
"Stoooop!" Ruby whines.
"And as a testament to his manliness, check out that wicked shin hair!" Boomstick points out as we get a closeup of Zangief's hairy shins.
Mostly everyone was grossed out by that image.
"Gross." Weiss said.
But Jaune was imagining himself with some shin hair of his own.
"Zangief is a champion wrestler in Russia, using push and pull techniques to throw his opponents off balance. He also specializes in Sambo, a combination of wrestling and martial arts. He's not skilled in leglocks and chokeholds, but his grappling, submissions, and groundwork are second to none." Wiz comments.
"Zangief's best moves include his Double Lariet, Atomic Suplex, Flying Powerbomb, and a wicked backhand called the Banishing Flat, a move Zangief learned specifically to counter projectiles."
We see Zangief getting hit with Hadoken after Hadoken by Ryu.
"Zangief. HATES. Projectiles." Boomstick finishes.
This made everyone chuckle, because Zangief would HATE having to fight any one of them apart from Jaune.
"His signature move is the Spinning Piledriver, which he learned after getting caught in a cyclone while piledriving a bear." Wiz explains.
"That is the most awesome thing I've ever heard!"
"That is the most awesome thing I've ever heard!" Yang says at the same time as Boomstick.
"Actually, wrestling bears has been Zangief's favorite training exercise since he was a kid." Wiz continues.
"This guy has been wrestling bears since he was a kid?!" Jaune says in complete shock.
"No way! That has to be an exaggeration!" Weiss says, not believing it herself.
"Supposedly, he wrestles grizzly bears, but these are not native to Russia. It's far more likely he wrestles Ussuri brown bears, which can weigh up to 1,500 pounds, well over twice the size of a full grown grizzly." Wiz explains.
"Holy shit! He piledrived one of those into a tornado?!"
"That is actually unbelievable." Blake says.
"If only we could bring this guy to Remnant. I'd give him all the money I had to see him do that to an Ursa." Yang says.
"Battling such a massive beast corresponds with his Russian wrestling training perfectly, forcing the bears to lose their balance and knocking them out cold!" Wiz adds. "Zangief is a loyal Russian through and through, always fighting for his country rather than personal gain. He is often employed by the Russian President as the country's official fighting representative. That said, Zangief is pretty dimwitted, more a follower than a leader. He fights with instinct rather than reason."
"That could be Haggar's only chance in this fight. He may need to outsmart Zangief rather than overpower him." Pyrrha theorizes.
"All the more reason to get out of his way!"
We see Zangief attack the Duck Hunt Dog, piledriving it behind some tall grass.
"Mmmmhhh! Me Zangief broke you!"
"Why is the theme of this episode animal cruelty?!" Blake asks.
Everyone hears a bark behind them. Ruby turns to see Zwei barking at Zangief after seeing what he did to the Duck Hunt Dog.
"It's okay, Zwei, I wouldn't let anyone piledrive you." Ruby says, picking Zwei up and holding him in her arms.
"Lest they face the wrath of Weiss Schnee if they even think about it!" Weiss menacingly says before she showers Zwei with all the pets. "Because you're just the cutest, little pupper in the whole world! Yes, you are!"
"Alright, the combatants are set." Wiz says.
"The unstoppable force against the unmovable mayor!" Boomstick says.
"Let's end this debate once and for all."
"It's time for a Death Battle!" Boomstick gets us hyped up.
"Yeah!" Yang and Jaune, the two wrestling fans in the room, yell enthusiastically.
Zangief and Haggar stand in a deserted street. Haggar stretches his muscles and rips his shirt while Zangief removes his cape, points upwards and laughs, and drinks a bottle of beer before crushing the bottle.
"Let's go, Zangief!" Yang cheers.
"Let's go, Haggar!" Jaune cheers as well.
FIGHT!
Haggar and Zangief both grab each other and look at each other in the eyes before Zangief throws Haggar behind him. He tries to attack Haggar with a flying kick, only to get blocked. He tries to punch him, but his punches get blocked, too.
After dodging Zangief's lariat, Haggar suplexes him, attacks him with a lariat, and kicks him. Zangief suplexes Haggar twice and piledrives him before throwing him across the street.
As Zangief advances, Haggar kicks him and attacks him with a steel pipe, but Zangief counters with the Banishing Flat, knocking him into a building, which Zangief enters to finish the duel. As they fight, they also go upstairs. A couch, a globe, Princess Peach, a Dragon Ball, Big the Cat, and Pedobear get thrown out the building.
"What is happening here?" Weiss asks.
"It looks like they're taking the fight upstairs." Ren says.
"No, I mean what is being thrown out of the windows?" Weiss clarifies.
"Was that a fat cat and a bear?" Jaune asks.
Haggar and Zangief's fists hit each others and Haggar tries and fails to hit Zangief, but Zangief suplexes Haggar near a window and, after a few blocked punches, throws himself at Haggar, sending them both out the window.
Zangief tries to piledrive Haggar into the pavement, but then Haggar begins to turn the tides and tries to Piledrive Zangief, then Zangief tries to piledrive Haggar, then Haggar tries to piledrive Zangief.
"This is a toss up." Blake says.
Yang and Jaune both lean in, hoping that they're favorite will come out on top.
This goes on for a while until they both hit the pavement. As the dust clears, Haggar and Zangief are both seen lying down on the pavement. But Haggar has blood around his head, indicating his death. Then Zangief stands up, points both arms upward, and laughs triumphantly.
K.O.!
"Aw man…" Jaune says sorrowfully.
"Yeah! I knew 'Gief would pull through!" Yang says.
"A great man has fallen today…" Boomstick says a heavy sigh.
"Haggar and Zangief's similar moveset appeared evenly matched, anticipating each other's moves and countering with their signature attack." Wiz explains.
"He led a long productive life, kicking ass, ruling Metro City, and keeping the beaches safe from rogue sharks…"
"He sure did…" Jaune says, saluting Haggar.
"He was a mayor, not a soldier." Weiss says.
"Not only is Zangief almost 100 pounds larger than Haggar, he's also 13 years younger and been training all his life." Wiz explains.
"I'm gonna miss that wonderful mustache!"
"Zangief's youth and lack of political agenda were enough to give him a slight edge."
"Poor Haggar. He may piledrive sharks, but Zangief's bears were three times larger and probably twice as dangerous. Sure, Haggar can grapple a half ton shark without falling over, but if Zangief can push around 1,500 pound bears as a hobby, Haggar didn't stand a chance."
"He definitely put up a great fight, though."
"That he did. 'Gief just found his window of opportunity."
"Even when he's grieving, he still has room to make a pun." Weiss says, pinching the bridge of her nose.
"And it was a great pun." Yang says.
"The winner is Zangief."
"Well, that was a fun one, even if I'm not a wrestling fan." Ruby admits.
"That was good, but I'm ready to watch another one!" Nora says, excitedly.