The Straw Hats React to Kung Fu Panda 2
I do not own any of the properties discussed in this piece of non-profit fan-based material. Any trademarked materials are strictly the sole property of their respective owners. With that out of the way, I hope you enjoy this reaction.
Act 3: Inner Peace.
Even hours later, the rain had not subsided. The droplets of water from the sky joined with its cousin, the river stream, which produced an incessant, yet harmonious tone. The forest was far from the city, yet it seemed as though the malignance born from its walls and owner permeated the once vibrant landscape, rendering everything a dull grey. Po continued to float along the current, as he had been doing for hours. Still unconscious, his body was littered with bruises and fresh singe marks peppered his otherwise well-groomed fur.
"Oh my God." Usopp whispered so quietly that even he could hear.
"This is awful…" Nami agreed.
Unbeknownst to him, and many more hours of being carried by the stream, his body finally came to a stop in front of a low pier. The Soothsayer stood there, having foretold that this was where the prophesised one would arrive. She poked the panda's belly with her cane and sighed wearily, mostly in deliberation for how she would carry the hefty warrior, before slowly getting to work.
"The old goat?!" Luffy asked.
"I know she doesn't work for Shen, but why would she care about what happens to him?" Smoker huffed.
"Guess we'll see." Law said.
…..
Plip!
Po slowly opened his eyes upon the sensation of another droplet of water hitting his forehead. When his eyes adjusted, he observed his surroundings to find himself nowhere that he recognised. It was a house, or at the very least it had been, for now it was nothing more than a charred skeleton of what it once was. Po silently raised his head, his muscles begging him not to, and when he looked down he saw why; his body was wreathed in bandages and dozens of acupuncture needles were dotted along his frame.
"Oh come on!" Chopper practically seethed. "I keep saying: That's not how acupuncture works!"
"Then how does it work?" Robin teased.
"IT DOESN'T! IT'S PSEUDO-SCIENCE BALONELY!"
I never thought there'd come a day where I'd agree with the sapient venison." Law quietly muttered.
He then registered the crackling of a flame to his left and saw the old goat lady from before resting in front of a fire. She worked for Shen, Po realised, before he attempted to crawl away slowly on his back. The floorboards creaked under his weight, causing the Soothsayer to crane her neck upwards slightly. Po weighed his options and did the only the only logical action that crossed his mind at the time… he went completely limp and played dead on the floor, stuck out tongue and all.
"Ugh.." Sanji quietly facepalmed
The panda waited for a few seconds before slowly turning his neck to see if the coast was clear, coming face-to-face with the Soothsayer.
"AH!" Po jumped, before groaning in pain. Clutching his arm, he noticed that the Soothsayer was holding a cup filled with a putrid smelling brown liquid. The Dragon Warrior recoiled at the very sight of it. "Yeah… like you're going to get me to drin-ahhhh."
Before Po could finish his sentence, the old goat stuck a needle in his forehead, causing his eyes to bulge outwards and his mouth to pop wide open. She tossed the liquid into this mouth, before removing the needle, causing him to involuntarily swallow the mixture. Po gagged in disgust as she returned to the fire.
"I don't think that woman is any form of medical professional." Chopper mewled fearfully.
"I dunno." Luffy began. "She can see the future, right? Maybe she can see exactly what you'd need to get better."
The entire audience fell silent for a few moments.
"Did he actually… say something insightful?" Nami gasped.
"You know… I think he just did." Brook's eye sockets somehow expanded to twice their normal size.
"If I wanted you dead, I would have left you in that river." The goat said, a great weight hanging on her words.
"Then why save me?" Po asked as he began to remove the needles.
"So you can fulfil your destiny."
"What are you talking about? Where am I?" As Po got to his feet, he stared beyond the confines of the house, seeing the burned remains of a small village through the grey overcast. "What is this place?"
Robin looked downwards sorrowfully. Part of her already knew but refused the connection.
"I am surprised you remember so little." The Soothsayer said solemnly. "But then, you were so little when it happened."
Po's balance was suddenly overcome, as dozens of pained screams echoed horrifically inside his head. He collapsed to his knees, before crawling towards the edge of the ruined house. The Soothsayer merely gazed at his as he attempted to catch his breath.
"Alright! I've had enough of the riddles! What is happening?" Usopp screamed in irritation and discomfort.
"The cruelty of memories long supressed." Brook answered, without a hint of his usual joy.
"Perhaps you do remember." The goat mused.
"Remember what? It's just a stupid nightmare." Po groaned in discomfort and annoyance.
"Nightmare… or memory?" She asked.
Law dipped his hat over his eyes, almost like the defence mechanism of an animal.
Po was silent, simply gazing into a puddle just outside of the ruin. His reflection shimmered, before morphing into that of an infant panda giggling happily. Po looked upwards from the puddle as his memories took over, transporting him far back to a thriving, verdant village. Farmers worked contently in their fields, as children ran by, flying their kites. Meanwhile, two parents waved to their baby child, who giggled as he attempted to crawl towards them. Po instantly recognised them, even if he had never seen them before.
Luffy stared at the village with glossed eyes. A sparkle of his usual wonder flickered across them, before being prematurely snuffed out by his own understanding of what would come next.
"All these people… they couldn't have just vanished." Bepo.
"They didn't" Luffy said.
"This was a thriving village." The Soothsayer began. "Young Shen was in line to rule Gongmen City… but he wanted more. I foretold that someone would stand in his way… a panda. But I could never have foretold what came next."
The piercing wail of a child cut through the silence and Po was assailed by another vision. Night had fallen, and with it had come the terrible flames that consumed the village. The citizens fled for their lives as Shen and his pack of wolves descended on them like a plague. The child whimpered in fear, as the peacock followed the wails to their source, noticing the helpless baby.
"Get them all!" He commanded, and instantly two large wolves were set upon the child, whose eyes widened in terror. Seconds before the unthinkable, however, a male panda jumped forward and struck both canines with a singular heavy blow using a nearby rake. One was felled instantly, whilst the other received a very familiar looking scar across his eye. Shen glared at the farmer with a fire in his eyes that surpassed any he could make.
"Take our son… and run away! Go!" The farmer begged his wife, as she scooped up the small infant and ran for the darkened woods. In the panic, the infant dropped his small woollen panda doll, which bounced to the ground before being caked in mud.
"It was him!" Nami scowled, anger coursing through her.
"He killed them all. All because of something they couldn't control." Law muttered softly.
"All because of who they were." Robin added, her eyelids slowly falling.
"It's unforgivable." Sanji seethed.
The vision subsided, and before his mind could catch up to his body, Po instinctively overturned a charred piece of rubble, revealing the exact same doll, now worn and withered with age.
Po stared at the toy, before clutching his head in pain as the visions began to overtake him once again. Once again, he saw the impressionistic flash of the female panda, and once again he gasped for breath, the memory too much for him to bear.
"What that his…?" Chopper started, before…
"Yeah." Smoker replied simply. It was all that needed to be said.
"Stop fighting… let it flow." The Soothsayer calmly instructed.
Po looked at her as if she asked an unanswerable request… before taking a deep breath and slowly collecting his nerves. He gently set down the old toy, before starting to cycle through some tai chi movements. At first he felt nothing, but as he focused, he could distinguish a singular droplet out from the rest of the deluge. He reached his paw up to meet it's descent.
As soon as he touched the drop of rain, he allowed himself to be taken back once again.
He saw the female panda, desperately scrambling through the forest, her horrified child clutched at her side. Every other member of the village had either perished or fled from their attackers. The infant continued to gaze behind them at the scarred wolf that was continuing to pursue them.
"Ugh, that damn wolf." Zoro moaned.
"I guess getting humbled by a farmer did nothing to curb his ego." Jimbei noted.
"Or his perpetual bad mood." Robin added.
Po strained to concentrate as he directed the water droplet, unbroken, across his arms and body. As it continued to flow, so to did his memories, now with greater clarity than before.
The mother dodged the wolf snapping at her heels, finally managing to outmanoeuvre him by vaulting over a small set of pointed branches. She rushed down a deep snow embankment, having, at least for now, evaded her pursuers. She stopped in front of an abandoned cart filled with radish crates and gently placed the child inside.
At that moment, Po's eyes snapped in realisation, his hold on the droplet wavering slightly. The mother. His mother didn't abandon him. She provided the greatest act of love a parent could possibly give. Slipping back into the flow of the past, he remembered once more.
As they watched, the emotion of the moment overcame many viewers. Especially one."
"Man, there ain't nothing stronger than the love of a mother." Franky attempted to restrain himself, before a veritable wave of tears broke their way out of his eyes.
She moved to leave, like she had in all the other flashes of the past, only this time when he cried she returned to him, tears in her eyes, yet a tender smile on her lips. She clutched his tiny paws with her own and gave Po a gentle kiss on the forehead, eliciting a giggle from the small panda. She choked back a sob, before running back up the snowy hill, waving at the approaching wolf legion before resuming her run. With their number, he was undoubtedly doomed, yet it didn't matter as long as her son was safe.
Nami held her face in her palm. As did Robin and Sanji. Franky's display of waterworks didn't let up in the slightest. Normally it would've been an unusual sight to see the mighty Straw Hats brough low by such a display of emotion. However, this was a circumstance that was far from normal.
"I called him scum before." Smoke started. "Scum is too good a word for that peacock."
It was a sentiment everyone could agree with.
Po breathed lightly, directing the droplet onto the leaf of a small plant. Wordlessly, he slowly fell to his knees and allowed silent tears to fall down his face.
The Soothsayer continued to observe, a morose expression plastered across her face. "Your story may not have such a happy beginning… but that doesn't make you who you are. It is the rest of your story… who you choose to be."
Eyes widened across the audience. They hadn't expected such as simple sentence to resonate with them on such a primal level. Of course, no one would have admitted it, but they would've gladly walked through a thousand more hellish memories if it meant leading them back to where they were right now.
"For a crazy old goat, she ain't half bad." Luffy admitted with his trademark grin.
Hearing this, Po slowly started to look upwards. A fresh wave of memories began to wash over him. His first day at the Jade Palace… His crowning of the Dragon Warrior title… meeting Shifu and the Five… His fight with Tai Lung… All the people he saved… and his father, who was there for him since the start.
"So… who are you, panda?" The goat asked.
The Dragon Warrior raised himself to his feet, a newfound fierce determination burning within him. "I am Po… and I'm gonna need a hat."
Luffy, Chopper and Usopp released a fierce cheer.
"Yeah!" Franky blubbered through a sea of tears. "So SUPER! Go save your new family man!"
"He's not having my hat though." Luffy's mood shifted on a dime, as he hugged his piece of headwear in a death grip."
"WHY WOULD HE WANT THAT?" Nami screeched, partially irked that the mood had just been ruined.
…
Back in Gongmen, the very air was thick with dread. Tigress was pushed out of the realm of unconsciousness by the irksome glow of a red torch. In front of her stood Shen, his disgustingly proud expression never leaving his face. Boss stood by his side, holding the torch alight for him. The occasional sway of the ground beneath her told her that she was on a boat, but when she made an attempt to move she found herself bound in chains, the rest of the Five wrapped against her in a lined cocoon.
"Such sad, sad faces." Shen gloated before slowly approaching the Kung Fu Master. "But now is the time only for joy." He then leaned in closely to Tigress' ear. "You are going to be part of something beautiful."
"Hey, you oversized seagull! Don't you ever invade Master Tigress' space like that! You creep!" Sanji roared, fire literally lighting in his eyes.
"Man, please stop." Chopper groaned. "You're gonna embarrass us in front of the others."
"Far too late for that." Law rolled his eyes.
When he leaned back he was met with a ferocious snarl. If he was intimidated, then he didn't show it. "Once we reach the harbour, you and your precious Kung Fu will die. Then China will bow before me." He turned to the sailing crew. "Set sail!"
A pulley system then hoisted the trapped Five via a hook, displaying them like trophies for all to see.
Meanwhile, in the canal housing, civilians were scared beyond belief by the ominous shadows cast by the dragon heads of the cannons mounted on Shen's fleet, which were now making their way out to port. Many cowered, whilst others locked their windows, hoping their meagre wooden frames would be enough to shield them from what was to come.
"Never misses a chance to show off, does he?" Zoro mused.
"All the weapons in the world would be ineffectual against this one's ego" Jimbei grumbled, having spent a majority of his life dealing with small fry who could not adequately back up their words with strength.
On a ship roughly twice the size of the others, Shen stood atop a podium, grinning in the twisted satisfaction that his plans were finally about to come to fruition. Farther up the line of ships, the Five continued to dangle like bait on a hook over legions of wolf soldiers, all but awaiting death.
Inside of a small cage that had been retrofitted into the mass of chains, Mantis sighed mournfully. "Honestly guys, I never thought I'd die like this." He admitted. "I always thought that I'd meet a nice girl and settle down… and then she'd eat my head. So sad."
"Oh my God! Set some standards for yourself man!" Usopp chided.
"Actually, that's a perfectly natural part of a Preying Mantis lifecycle. It provides a great source of nutrition for the female and her young." Robin noted calmly.
"Okay, fair. But you don't have to say such scary thing with such a straight face!" Usopp shrieked at the archaeologist.
"We cannot give up hope." Monkey affirmed. "Po would want us to remain strong! Hardcore. Right Tigress."
When the simian turned to his friend, however, he was greeted by an unfamiliar sight; the Master had hung her head in a display of shame and melancholy. There was no more fight left in her.
Further along the canal, a small herd of citizens watched with bated breath as the armada began to steadily approach the small bridge that cross the two streets. The bridge that they happened to be standing on.
"Lord Shen." Boss addressed. "What about the bridge?"
"Nothing stands in the way." The peacock replied without a flinch.
"Coward!" Smoker shouted, his cigars steadily shrinking. "There are people still on them!"
"I think it's been established he doesn't care about them." Law breathed.
"But I don't think it's been established just what I'll do to you if you don't shut your trap, Trafalgar!"
Boss gave a hand signal, which was promptly acknowledged by the squad at the front of the convoy. A single sparkling cannonball was aimed directly at the bridge, much to the horror of the citizens still currently on it. The hurried to get themselves clear.
"Fire!" Shen ordered, and within seconds, the bridge was obliterated by a sparkling cannonball.
The Five were horrified, but could do nothing more than watch. "YOU COWARD!" Tigress roared, as she fought against her restraints.
Shen didn't even acknowledge her screams of fury. Tigress continued to heave with rage, before a familiar shape caught her eye. There on the rooftops, illuminated by the light of the full moon stood a warrior of black and white, adorning a wide brimmed straw hat. The rest of the Five were in complete disbelief, but that slowly turned to joy.
"Po?!" She said incredulously, her face lifting.
"Po?!" The rest of Five parroted their leader.
"Heh, man of the hour." Zoro noted with a smirk.
"They have no idea what plush, cuddly, super-soft hell they're in for." Sanji cheered.
"It's kinda weird when they agree, right?" Usopp whispered to Nami.
"Oh yeah. Super weird."
The citizens, rushed out from their hiding places to see the object of the commotion, before silently celebrating. The wolf legion had the polar opposite reaction. Shen was mad.
Furiously mad.
"How many times do I have to kill the same stinking panda?"
"Well, you've only really half-killed him once." Bepo reasoned. "Maybe once more for good measure?"
"Bepo, please stop giving the megalomaniacs ideas." Law breathed tiredly.
"I'm sorry…" The Mink held his head in dejection once more.
"It was a joke! Stop taking everything so seriously!"
"I'm sorry…" He repeated, this time at an even lower register.
On the rooftop, Po gazed at the small army between him and his friends and gulped, before steeling himself with cool fury.
"Shen! A panda stands between you and your destiny!..."
Unfortunately for the panda, Shen was too far away to hear any of his well-rehearsed grand-standing.
"What?!" He yelled back. Unfortunately for him, Po was too far away to register Shen's inability to hear.
"I really should have seen this coming." Nami groaned with her face in her palms.
"This guy couldn't be intimidating to save his life." Law commented dryly.
"At least his hat's cool, though." Luffy happily chirped, before taking another bite of his huge snack pile.
"Prepare yourself for a hot serving of justice! Your reign of terror comes to an end!"
Shen cringed in confusion. He looked to Boss for clarification, yet all he received was an even more bewildered expression and a shrug of the shoulders.
"What?!" He repeated.
"Just like that, you've lost both the element of surprise and your dignity." Robin mused.
"Ship. Sailed." Zoro grunted."
"I don't think I've ever seen a worse rescue attempt." Chopper said, his face stuck in a dead fault position.
"I can think of a few." Sanji interjected, remembering Luffy rescue attempt involving dynamite a few years back.
Po continued with his verbal tirade, non the wiser. "And now, free the Five!" The panda whipped of his hat and angled it like a boomerang. "Disk of Destruction!"
Po aimed carefully at the chain and flung his hat like a frisbee… only for it to feebly fly several feet before falling downwards and hitting someone down on the street, causing them to fall and yell in pain. Everyone stared at the Dragon Warrior incredulously.
"Oh." Po attempted to shield his eyes from the embarrassing display.
"WHAT DID YOU THINK THAT WAS GONNA ACHIEVE?!" Usopp hollered in panicked rage.
"He thought it would cut the chain." Luffy responded plainly.
"Don't get smart with me! It doesn't suit you!" The sniper growled.
Shen's perplexation lasted for several long moments, before he eventually gave a new order. "Okay. Take aim."
The wolves on one of the ships angled the cannons towards the panda. Po was rooted to the spot in panic, whilst the Five could do nothing but watch helplessly.
"Ready?" Shen asked.
Just before the fuse could be lit, however, Po leapt from the rooftops and began to scale downwards. The wolves worked to adjust. Po continued to clamber downwards. The wolves continued to adjust. The tug of attrition persisted for a while, with Shen, the Five and the entire wolf legion tilting their heads from side to side in an attempt to keep up with Po's erratic movements.
"Hmm. Impressive; using the cannon's own weight against them to avoid heavy fire." Jimbei ran his webbed fingers through his beard.
"No, he just scared out of his mind." The fishman was met with a near unanimous response that caused his to sheepishly rub the back of his head.
"Just get him!" The peacock yelled in frustration.
Despite the numerous times the gunners adjusted, the panda's size once again betrayed his surprising speed. Po finally reached the street, huffed in exhaustion, before jumping onto one of the boats.
The gunners, exhausted and desperate for a target, finally lit the fuses on their cannons, only to instantly regret their decision upon the realisation that their comrades would get caught in the crossfire.
"Serves you right for being reckless." Brook laughed. "That really tickled my funny bone! YOHOHOHO!" He slumped back in his chair in a fit of hysterics.
"Please grow up." Zoro grunted with a half-lidded eyes.
"No, no! Don't shoot!" One of them yelled, whilst the other frantically patted away at the fuse, hoping to extinguish it. Po giggled mischievously upon realising his new advantage, before starting to brawl against the foot soldiers, gradually making his way further towards the flagship.
"Don't shoot! Crossfire!" Boss commanded, hoping to get the situation somewhat under control.
"Attack!" Shen screamed, completely contradicting the orders of his subordinate.
"What is even happening?" Smoker stared in utter confusion. Never before had he seen such a horribly uncoordinated naval attack. He quickly redacted that statement in his head. To be uncoordinated would have at least implied some level of basic strategy. This was shooting blind in the most literal sense of the phrase.
"He's really not very good at this, is he?" Luffy questioned, paying only half-attention, as usual.
Po was swarmed by innumerable wolves, who attempted to, quite literally, dogpile him. The panda attempted the weave and strike around them, to the cheers of the Five. Just before he was overwhelmed, Po managed to grasp onto a battle-axe and flung it towards the chains binding the Five, seconds before he disappeared into a hovel of armour and matted fur.
"Catch of Freedom!"
The axe flew true through the air straight towards the bundle of chains. "Monkey!" Tigress ordered and the simian Master responded by using his tail to snatch the weapon from the air and smash it into the chains, breaking them apart with ease.
The warriors darted towards the pile of wolves and dispatched them with ease. Tigress offered Po a helping paw up, which he gladly accepted before joining in the fight.
"Aw man, it's so SUPER to see the old gang back together again!" Franky whooped with an enthusiasm to would have drowned out even the loudest fireworks.
"I believe it would be wise to save all celebrations until after the battle has concluded." Robin stressed.
"GO KICK THEIR BUTTS GUYS!" Luffy yelled, completely cutting off Robin's earlier rationalisation.
"Impressive, Dragon Warrior. What's your plan?" She asked before defending herself from a blade slice.
"Step one, free the Five!" He cheered.
"What's step two?" Viper asked as she knocked down another wolf.
Po immediately deflated. "Honestly, I didn't think I'd make it this far."
"That is actually very understandable." Usopp slumped his shoulders in empathy for the panda.
"Yeah, but you don't say that out loud!" Sanji rebuked. "Think of morale!"
"Po!" Tigress snapped.
"Uh… stop Shen before he reaches the harbour!"
"That's not really a plan as much as a vague suggestion of what to do next." Brook muttered, which should have been impossible given his lack of lips and a thorax.
"Were you really expecting anything more from him?" Nami rolled her eyes.
Upon that impromptu strategy, Po and the Five leapt into the encroaching wave of wolves, starting a colossal melee. Everyone working in harmonious tandem with their comrades against a common foe.
Monkey yanked on one of the ship mast ropes and swung around parallel to it's length, becoming a furry wrecking ball that demolished all in it's path. Po grabbed a stray wolf, before slamming his head on the floor and tossing him into the air.
"Viper! Puppet of Death!"
Upon the command, Viper shot into the air to meet the wolf, before coiling her lengths around his comatose body, twin swords still in hand.
"Tigress!" The snake yelled, before the feline Master caught both her and the wolf on her back, before charging a new group of assailants. Tigress moved through the pack of soldiers with speed and ferocity worthy of her name, whilst Viper manipulated her the wolf's sword arms to attack his brethren. It was truly a spectacle to behold.
"Woah!" Luffy exclaimed, his eyes aglow with passioned attention.
"Another combo move!" Chopper half-bellowed, as he started to vibrate in excitement.
"And such a cool name!" Usopp finished. "I think I'm gonna pass out!"
"You are?!" The aforementioned duo suddenly panicked.
"STOP CONFUSING THEM!" Nami shrieked, affording the long-nosed liar a swift bonk upside the head.
Despite his elation, Po began to feel fatigue slowly creeping in, as the number of the soldiers seemed to only grow. Any exhaustion he felt, however, immediately dissipated upon seeing a familiar shape dispatch half a dozen wolves with a single move.
"Master Ox!" Po half-screamed in joy.
Another familiar face burst from the river, before delivering a spinning split-kick to two unfortunate wolves.
"…And Croc!" He continued, ecstatically.
"So nice of you guys to finally join… after all the heavy lifting was already done." Zoro grunted.
"What were they lifting?" Luffy asked, the common expression flying over his thick, rubbery head.
"NOTHING! LEARN EXPRESSIONS, MAN!" The first mate snapped back in disbelief of his captain's lack of social grace.
"Vengeance is served!" The reptilian Master proclaimed with a wink.
"But why did you...?"
"Your friend there is very persuasive." He gestured to something carving a path through the legion of wolves, bulldozing them into the air. A flash of red darted between the still airborne canines, sending them flying. Tossing the staff he was using downwards and landing on it perfectly, Master Shifu stood in front of them, ready to fight.
"Master Shifu!" Po cheered.
"Wohahahow!" Usopp chuckled. "They really don't stand a chance now!"
"It's like I can feel the bruises on their bodies already!" Chopper agreed.
"I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I live with children." Nami complained.
The red panda rapidly cleared a path for his fellow warriors with a couple wide swings of his staff.
"Quickly! Use their boats to block the way!"
The warriors moved to heed his command. Tigress charged to the bow of the front ship and kicked the cannon with meteoric force. The weapon toppled forward causing the bow to sink into the water and the entire ship to roll forward. Tigress performed an effortless backflip, landing on the rising stern, before taking a casual step onto a nearby bridge, the rest of the boat coming to a stop and acting as a great makeshift blockade.
"Such poise and grace!" Sanji screamed in elation. "It's like watching poetry in motion!"
Po, on the other hand, had a far less elegant method in mind; albeit one that took advantage of his… unique physical characteristics. Grabbing a pair of ropes hanging from two parallel ships, he heaved with all his might until they began to tip, and their sails crossed.
"Crane!" The panda shouted, as the eponymous Master soared behind the sails into the night sky.
"Wings of Justice! KA-KAW!"
The avian Master gave a thunderous clap of his wings, sending a powerful gust of wind into the sails of the ships, rocketing them forward. The two ships collided with the impromptu blockade, blocking the harbour gate completely.
"Not exactly 'poetry in motion' but it certainly is effective." Law said.
"See! He is a chicken!" Luffy pointed out, gesturing at the screen.
"What kind of chickens have you been seeing?!" The absurdity of Luffy's comment had fortunately broken Sanji out of his stupor, with aggressive effects. The other occupants of the theatre silently voice a chorus of thanks for the apropos timing.
Shen looked on; his previous confidence completely evaporated. "What?!" He exclaimed.
As soon as the wolves had regained their senses, they began to scramble up the splintered wood to reach the targets… just before all nine warriors leapt through the air, accompanied by an explosion of the wreckage's magazine. In mid-air, Po glanced to the warriors on both sides, pure glee on his face.
"I LOVE YOU GUYS!" He shouted before they all collided with the legion before them, all nine warriors working in lockstep and perfect tandem with each other, effortlessly dispatching any foe unlucky to stand in their way.
"YOHOHOHO! This is a veritable feast for the eyes. Or it would be if I had any!" Brook cheered.
"I'm gonna let that one slide, because wow." Usopp's brief irritation faded away upon witnessing the pitch-perfect harmony of group's seamless teamwork.
Shen froze in place before eventually forcing out an angered gasp. "Why aren't we firing?!"
"They're taking out our gunners, sir!" Boss screamed back. "They're getting close!"
Shen turned back to chaos unfolding before him, before he locked eyes with Po, who gave him an ominous 'I'm watching you' gesture that made his skin crawl.
"Ooo. He's getting a bit sassy." Bepo noted.
"Having 'Inner Peace' doesn't give you free reign to cocky, you know." Smoker grumbled through his two cigars.
"Fire. Fire! F-Fire at them!" the peacock shrieked.
Holding the fuse in his hand, Boss surveyed the battlefield before him. If he were to fire, then there would surely have been casualties. "But sir, we'll kill our own!"
"I said fire at them! FIRE!" Shen said without missing a beat.
Boss stared at the approaching warriors for a long moment, before turning to Shen and tossing his fuse to ground.
"No." He said simply.
Shen said nothing and flung a feather blade at the wolf. The knife landed in his chest, killing him instantly.
"WHAT THE…!" Chopper shrieked.
"This peacock is seriously getting on my last nerve." Smoker growled out.
"Forget that!" Law huffed. "There's a special place in hell for those who kill their own. He couldn't possibly get any lower."
With that obstacle out of the way, Shen leapt onto the bow's main cannon and directed it at the warriors. He grinned evilly, seeing the once determined scowls of the Masters slowly transmute into looks of horror. With a swipe of his talon, he sent up a trail of sparks that lit the weapon, causing it to growl to life.
"Po!" Tigress screamed, shoving the panda out of the way.
KABOOM!
Unfortunately, it was for naught. A tremendous explosion ripped through the boats blocking the exit to the harbour. Debris and bodies were hurled into the air before landing in the water leading out to sea. Po thrashed towards the surface, before taking deep gulps of air, pain flaring all through his body as grabbed onto a piece of driftwood for stability.
"Argh! Those damn cannons!" Franky roared. "Turning such beautiful fireworks into instruments of destruction!"
"They're tacky as well." Nami added.
"They are, but you're missing the point!" The cyborg exclaimed back at her.
Shen's armada snaked it's way out of the gate, moving calmly through the water like trained predators, before lining in front of the harbour, creating a shield that guarded the front of the bay.
Breathing hard, Po surveyed the destruction around him. Shifu was grasping onto a wooden crate; still breathing, but slowly. He managed to afford the panda a defeated glance.
He saw the rest of his fellow Masters, in varying states of exhaustion, either barely holding onto anything they could grab or just managing to tread water.
"Damn, they're in really bad shape." Usopp winced, hissing air through his teeth.
"Indeed, but there's nothing to be done now." Jimbei conceded. "They'd need a miracle to get out of this now."
Then he saw Tigress. She had an iron grip on a piece of flotsam, but that was the only thing about that was solid. When Po reached her, he found her quivering and breathing shakily.
"Tigress." He whispered, gently clutching her paw in his own. She raised her head slightly, locked eyes with him, and lowered it again.
Po released her paw before turning towards the line of ships, being met with Shen's goading smirk once more. The panda shot him an ice cold glare, before pushing himself away from the piece of flotsam, much to Tigress' protests.
"THAT'S IT! MAKE HIM PAY!" Sanji declared, infuriation blistering through his blood.
"I agree! But for completely different reasons!" Chopper joined in.
"Why are you cheering for him?!" Nami fumed. "Those cannons are gonna turn him to Swiss cheese!"
"I'd say 'He has to have a plan', but given his track record, that'd be a bare-faced lie." Brook said, matter-of-factly. "I can even tell a bare-faced lie. I don't have a face! YOHOHOHO!"
Shen laughed boorishly at Po, who managed to slowly clamber up an overturned ship, which lay out in the open without even the slightest hope of escape. The Dragon Warrior turned to face the fleet before closing his eyes and becoming statue-still.
"As you wish." Shen shrugged, before gesturing to his soldiers. "Let's finish this."
Dozens of wolves manoeuvred the ship's cannons into position with a series of heavy clunks. The hustle and bustle of the work on the ships was contrasted by the almost eerie silence on top of the ship. Po wove through a series of Tai Chi movements, before resting in a ready position, opening his eyes and waiting.
"Woah! He's not gonna-?!" Bepo's bead-like eyes widened in shock.
"That's insane!" Usopp immediately caught onto the near-suicidal plan unfolding onscreen.
"It's stupid!" Nami continued.
"It's awesome!" Luffy grinned.
"Fire!" Shen commanded. Instantly a wolf gunner lit the fuse of the cannon, and a sparkling ball of fire and rage was launched towards the panda. Yet, when the panda closed his eyes again it seemed as though it had the weight of a droplet of water. As the mantra of inner peace rang through Po's mind he reached out… and caught the cannonball before swiftly reflecting away into the water.
"HOLY…!" Jaws dropped. Eyes bulged. Food was spilled. The vast majority of the audience were beside themselves with disbelief. Others were completely silent.
"I've only seen other Vice-Admirals be capable of stopping cannonballs with their bare hands. Never redirecting them." Smoker spoke quietly, almost as if he were embarrassed to admit a fault or weakness in the organization he had pledged himself to in front of the enemy.
Onlookers traced the cannonball's arc in varying states of shock. Shen looked the worst. Po smirked at him, lifting his paw into the air.
The triumphant gaze quickly faltered the moment the panda realised that his paw was now on fire. "Ah! Ahhhhh!" Po turned on his heel and flailed about before finally extinguishing the flame by stuffing his hand in his mouth.
"Come on! That looked so cool! Couldn't you jus have ignored it for a second?" Usopp tried to rationalise.
"His paw was on fire! You don't ignore something like that!" Sanji argued.
"You have no room to talk! You light your legs of fire just for fun!" The sniper bit back.
"Am I the only one who find it odd that he could have just… extinguished it in the water? Just me?" Jimbei posited, before simply shrugging.
Shen shook himself out of his shock before raising his feathers out in command. "Again!" He shrieked, before another cannon let loose it's payload.
Po grabbed the cannonball, as he did before, before fumbling against the speed of the projectile and juggling it upwards away from him.
The wolves were petrified, as Po cheered in victory before hastily sidestepping another barrage.
"All these resources and men, yet you still can't kill 'one stinking panda.'" Law droned mirthlessly. "It's actually kind of pathetic."
"That's the point. He's all sound and fury." Zoro stated. "Yet, there's nothing he can back it up with."
"Kill him! Somebody kill him!" Shen howled.
Despite his orders, every subsequent shot was either directed or shot. Po was getting more confident casually catching another cannonball with a spinning manoeuvre that sent it right back at the ship that attacked him, reducing it to splinters.
"What?! No!" Shen screamed in a fit of panic.
From their perches, Tigress and Shifu looked on in awe. Shen looked on in fear, especially after the target of his hate casually deflected another cannonball, before giving him a 'you're next' gesture.
Luffy giggled at the panda's cheeky display.
"Don't get cocky." Zoro warned, albeit with a small smirk chiselled onto his face.
"I'd say he's earned this." Jimbei smiled.
"Keep firing! KEEP FIRING!" The peacock yelped, frantically signalling one of his gorilla guards to fire the flagship's primary cannon. The sparkling projectile shot forwards towards Po, who readied himself to catch it. The sphere impacted his centre, pushing him and the platform he was standing on back a few metres. The panda continued to yell, as the spinning orb began to carry him off his feet and up into the air, the centrifugal force sending him into a spin before taking a large sliver of water and sending it into a spiral around the panda.
Po landed back on the boat before being sent into another spin. The rotation occurring so rapidly that it appeared as though a fiery Yin Yang symbol had replaced him, identical to the one in the Soothsayer's prophecy. Shen recoiled in fear.
"Would you look at that… he was the one who would restore balance after all." Jimbei noted.
"I seriously doubt any part of his face is gonna be balanced after all this." Luffy gestured.
Robin sighed at the captain's clear lack of nuanced understanding, before continuing her viewing.
The symbol dispersed, revealing Po about to take a massive windup for a throw.
"Skadoosh!"
"YEAH!" The trio of the youngest Straw Hats cheered wildly. "He did it! He said the thing!"
"Some of us are actually trying to watch the movie…" Nami hissed dangerously. The implied threat made Usopp and Chopper stiffen, but, predictably, did nothing to deter Luffy. A second later and the rubber-man was left with a steaming bruise that nearly eclipsed his face.
Po surrendered his hold, making the cannonball rocket forward towards the flagship. Shen braced himself, as the projectile tore through the cannon it was birthed from and landed square in the magazine. Within seconds the ship detonated in fierce, colourful explosions, which cascaded outwards to the ships on either side. Those in turn erupted, resulting in domino chain that eventually flattened the entire fleet.
When the explosions finally stopped, and the smoke cleared, Shen coughed for breath, before finally coming to his senses in the ruin of what was once his flagship. He titled his head upwards to see the main cannon reduced to a barely recognisable lump of slag, suspended in the air by tangled jackstays. The peacock then scanned the last traces of his armada with pure bewilderment. How could he, of noble blood, be brought so low by a single panda?
"Well… that escalated very quickly." Franky noted, awkwardly stretching out the collar of his already stretched out Hawaiian shirt.
"It always does." Usopp huffed.
"Yeah, but to us! Never to others!" Franky exclaimed.
"Are you seriously bragging about having bad luck?!" Law questioned, incredulously.
"H-how did you…?" Shen turned to Po, casually standing behind him. "How did you do it?"
Po merely shrugged. "You know, you just keep your elbows up and keep the shoulders loose." Mimicking the action for clarification.
"BE SERIOUS!" Both Nami and Sanji hollered, their teeth sharpening to points in pure rage.
"Not that. How did you find peace? I took away your parents! Everything! I scarred you for life!"
"See, that's the thing Shen. Scars heal."
"No, they don't. Wounds heal."
"Oh, yeah. What do scars do? They fade, I guess?"
"I don't care what scars do."
"Is this really an important topic of discussion right now?" Robin asked with squinted eyes.
"Apparently?" Chopper responded hesitantly.
"You should, Shen. You gotta let go of that stuff from the past because it just doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is what you choose to be now."
"Hmm, a little cheesy but I like it." Brook commented. "I would have said something vastly more introspective and eloquent, but to each their own."
"No you wouldn't." Zoro rebuked. "You would've either made a dumb bone joke or asked them for their underwear."
"DON'T DENY A MAN HIS INTERESTS!" Brook began. "AND BONE JOKES ARE PROFOUND!"
"Whatever helps you sleep at night."
Shen's eyes widened. "You're right. Then I choose… This!"
Faster than a blink of an eye, Shen produced a half-dozen feather blades from the sleeve of his robe and lashed out furiously at Po, who only just managed to duck the incoming strike.
"Oh come on!" Usopp yelled, throwing his hands upwards in frustration.
"Are all bad guys so persistent in this universe?" Franky questioned.
"I believe it's just a constant anywhere you go." Smoker sighed.
The peacock's strikes came fast, meaning that Po had to be faster. He angled his body in ways he wasn't used to, finally catching Shen off guard with a sweeping throw, despite this, the dishevelled bird spun around on his talon, managing to nick Po's cheek with his blades. Po recoiled in pain, trying to get some distance between himself and his aggressor.
Shen retaliated by launching the feather blades forwards. In the split second that they flew through the air, Po kicked one of the ship's floorboards upwards, using it as a shield to protect himself. The feather blades 'thunked' harmlessly into the wood, but Shen was on the offensive once again, dashing for his glaive.
He scooped the weapon up and thrust it towards Po with calculated, rapid strikes. Po continued to weave around the attacks, neither of them noticing the glaive slowly cutting through the tangled jackstays holding the cannon in place. Every slice caused the structure to creak and tilt even more.
"Ah, it's a metaphor…" Sanji pounded his fist into his hands.
"No, it's a cannon." Zoro said, as if he were speaking to a child.
"I believe he's referring to how him cutting the ropes tied to the cannon, which will inevitably lead to him getting horrifically crushed, can be interpreted as his own self-destructive tendencies being his own downfall." Robin summarised.
"Huh." The swordsman grunted.
"How succinct! Your analysis skills never fail to wow me, Robin dear!" The cook exclaimed in whirlwind of jubilation.
"You're not to touch me." The archaeologist held out a hand to distance herself, immediately halting Sanji in his tracks.
Po rolled over another slice, feeling the displaced air from the blade, as he rolled out of the way. The cannon finally began to topple. Shen turned to see the lump of metal slowly fall down. Po yelped and ran for the bow of the ship, whilst Shen slowly closed his eyes in a bizarre moment of serenity.
The cannon met wood, causing a final round of multicoloured fireworks to burst forth, propelling Po forward into the water.
"You know, it's strange." Law mused.
"What is?" Chopper asked.
"In the prophecy, the goat said that Shen would be defeated by a warrior of 'black and white'; so he killed all the pandas to make sure that wouldn't happen. Instead, him cutting the ropes was the thing that killed him. So in a way, you could say that he was the warrior of 'black and white'.
The rationalisation sunk in for the audience.
"Goodness. Oogway really wasn't joking when he said that you will meet your destiny on the road you take to avoid it." Brook commented.
As soon as he surfaced, Po was met with an eruption of cheers. He was startled for moment, before it finally hit him: he had done it. Shen was no more.
"Whew." He sighed.
He looked up to see an outstretched paw hanging off the pier. Tigress smirked at him, as she steadily pulled him back onto the dock.
"That… was pretty hardcore." She continued to smile.
Po smiled in turn… before quickly scooping her into hug. The feline Master froze completely. The other Masters looked on in shock. Crane's beak dropped. It was clearly an emotional time for everyone.
"Aw, man. I'm not ready for the waterworks again." Franky fought back another spray of tears.
"Well, it's over now, at least." Nami sighed.
"Don't jinx us." Usopp groaned.
Just as quickly as it had begun, Po released Tigress, before looking downward timidly. Seconds later, the rest of the Five dogpiled the panda in a fierce embrace.
"Don't ever do that again, please." Crane joyfully pleaded.
Shifu stepped forward, beaming with pride. "It seems that you have found inner peace." His smile collapsed into a frown. "And at such a young age."
"Well…" Po beamed. "… I had a pretty good teacher." He grabbed Shifu and pulled him into the group hug… only to feel nothing but air. Both his teammates and he looked from side to side to see that he was perched on a small beam on the side of the pier.
"That sneaky little fox." Luffy giggled.
"You really need to learn your animals, man." Sanji huffed.
A moment later, a shower of sparks erupted from Shen's flagship. Fireworks burst into the sky and the citizens nearly split the sky with the force of their cheers. Tigress placed a reassuring palm on Po's shoulder, as the Soothsayer sorrowfully smiled at the display. The people yelled joyously, as the fireworks coalesced into a flaming Yin Yang symbol. It was clear… balance had been restored.
"Wow! So pretty!" Chopper gasped.
"To new beginnings, and hopefully the start of something better." Smoker said, a stealthy smirk starting to grace his face.
…
It had been a quite few days in the Valley of Peace, despite the movements of the world beyond. Messenger geese had spread the news like wildfire; the tyrannical rule of Lord Shen had been overthrown and the newly appointed Master Storming Ox had taken over as steward of Gongmen City. China was at peace, yet Ping was not.
Inside the noodle shop, little could be heard apart from the telltale signs of a child sniffling and struggling to fight back tears.
"What do you mean he's not here?" The child's mother scoffed in indignation. "All he wanted was to meet the Dragon Warrior!"
"He was saving the world! You can't seriously expect him to haul tail across half a continent for a birthday party, can you?!" Law shook his head.
"Aww, but he wanted it so badly!" Nami pouted. "You seriously can't say no to that face, can you?"
"I think he just did." Usopp noted snarkily. "For someone who captains the Heart Pirates, you sure are heartless."
"NOBODY ASKED FOR YOUR OPINIONS!" The former Warlord screeched in retaliation.
Ping chuckled uncomfortably, holding his new signature dish, inspired by his son's boldness to follow his dreams. "How about some tofu birthday cake, instead?"
"Ugh!" Luffy cringed once again.
"You know what… we'll try again some other time. When do you think he'll be back?"
Ping attempted to compose himself, before, unfortunately, buckling under the weight of his emotions. "I don't know, okay! I DON'T KNOW! Maybe never! I mean, I worry, okay, I'm his dad… or at least I was his dad…" He flopped down onto the table. "Why did he have to go and save China… I know why, but why? My little panda…"
As Ping continued to sniffle, the pig child's expression turned around completely as he noticed a familiar figure entered the store. Ping followed the child's gaze and was overjoyed to see Po lugging around two radish baskets.
"Aw man! There's nothing more SUPER than a reunion between family." Franky stifled a cry once more."
"Usually I'd find that a bit cringeworthy, but I'll let it slide this time." Robin giggled.
"Aww, thanks fo – WHAT DO YOU MEAN CRINGEWORTHY?" The cyborg yelled, having caught onto the stealth insult thrown his way.
The goose yelped in delight and tackled his son, which amounted to little in the face of the panda's sheer girth. He looked up, beaming with relief and pride.
"So how did it go? Did you save China?" The shop owner asked.
"Yup."
"I knew you would… that's why I had these new posters made." He produced a piece of parchment, seemingly out of nowhere, his son's visage emblazoned upon it. "My son saved China. You too can save, buy one dumpling get one free!"
"Wow, what a steal!" Sanji chirped.
"More like a real cheapskate move." Nami chortled.
"This coming from the queen of cheapskate moves." Usopp raised an eyebrow for a second. It was only a second because soon after he was reduced to a bloody pulp by both the fist and foot of the navigator and cook, respectively.
"Hey that's a good deal." Po smiled before setting down the baskets and looking is father directly in the eyes. "But first, there's something I should tell you."
Ping gulped in anxiety. Part of his knew this was coming.
"While I was gone… I found the village where I was born… I found out how I ended up in the radish basket."
"You did?" Ping asked, trepidations clear in his voice.
"I know who I am."
"You do?" The goose said, with barely a whisper.
A long moment passed, before eventually…
"I'm your son."
Po scooped up his father into a gentle, loving embrace.
"Wahhhhh!" Surprising no one, Franky devolved into another fit of hysterics, yet this time, he was joined by Chopper, who had his emotional sweet spot attacked by the display of familial love.
"Finally!" The reindeer half-screamed
"I love you dad."
"I love you too, son."
The reconciliation between father and son elicited many emotions. Relief. Sorrow. Confusion on Luffy's part. But there was a underlying current of tranquillity that followed, as if everything that was once wrong had suddenly been righted.
They could have stayed like that forever, but Ping leapt from Po's arms to examine the radish crates.
"Ahh! Delicious, fat radishes!" He exclaimed, before picked one of the crates up and moving to the kitchen. "You're probably, let me make you something to eat!"
"They're right! I could really go for something to eat right now!" Luffy cheered, happily rubbing his stomach.
"HOW?" Nami yelled.
"WHAT ARE YOU?!" Smoker asked incredulously.
"What are you talking about? I'll cook." Po scooped the other crate up, before giving the pig child a small pat on the head.
"No, I'll cook."
"Dad…"
"It's the least I can do, you saved China."
"It's the least I can do, you raised me."
As he said this he pulled out the small doll from the village and balanced it on top of his crate.
"Po…"
"Dad…"
"Po…"
"Okay, let's both cook together."
"Together… no I'll do it."
Sanji smiled softly, being reminded of simpler times, before grand adventures or insane pirates. That isn't to say they were better times, just simpler.
The two of them laughed as they entered the kitchen. All that was broken was fixed, even if it never was broken in the first place.
…
Far away from the Valley, high in a mountain that graced the heavens, sat a shrine wreathed in moss. Under the canopy, sat a motionless figure adorned in a dull green cloak. For the first time in a long while, the figure moved, as if woken by a voice in the air itself.
"My son is alive…" The older male panda breathed, as he pulled the hood from the cloak back. He stepped out from the shrine reinvigorated. As the other panda of the village caught his gaze, he afforded himself a grin. He couldn't wait to tell them the good news.
"Wait, what?!" The audience yelped.
Robin strangely felt the stirrings of a tear start to form in the back of one of her eyes. "They… they're safe!"
"I don't believe it." Law gasped.
The End.
"Hold on!" Usopp groaned. "You seriously can't just stop it there!"
"Apparently, they can." Brook huffed.
"Imagine how I felt." Lumiere's voice rang over the transponder snail hanging from the projector. "I had to wait five years to see what happened next, you barely have to wait five hours."
"Really? Yeesh." Zoro said, raising an eyebrow.
"Now if you'll be so kind, the cleanup crew has to deal with the mess you've made. Give 'em some space, and I'll let you know when the next screening will be ready."
"Sounds great!" Luffy thrust his hand into the air "C'mon, let's go… urgh!"
Before the energetic teen could take another step, his crew dogpiled him and dragged him through the screening doors, not wanting a repeat of what occurred last time.
….
Second movie done! Urgh, , why must you hate me so? Anyone else got that notification saying I need to rework my email? I can't access anything now! Not reader stats, follows and favourites, or reviews. Regardless, I hope you all enjoyed this, as much as I enjoy the new carpal tunnel I've gotten from writing it.
Now for responses:
Kamen Rider Sentry: Not right now.
King-Of-Gods: Enjoy.
NightShock69: Meh, the manga takes it further. I'm not having him collapse due to nosebleeds.
Joanne Frances Tiano Cajilig: Here it is!
Gamelover41592: Many thanks.
Tacktician: I picked up on that, nice eye.
Son-of-Scorn: You don't know how much your words mean to me.
Teen Shallot: Ta-dah!
Carre: Thanks.
Nicholas: I may never have a social life again if I do that. I'm trying to get through this first.
Matt: Oh absolutely.
Poseidon3000: Thanks!
CalliTaxes: Most assuredly.
Saifo: It's right here!
Musizlover2008: I tried to correct that here.
AbandonatoSoul: Something is up with Fanfic.
QuaZorKi: Thank you!
Calebray866: I don't know. If you want to try it, don't let anyone stop you.
Sorry if this is a few days late. The FNAF movie and Spidey 2 have consumed all my October time. I can't believe I won on both fronts. Maybe this isn't the worst timeline after all? The only downside is that now there's nothing to look forward to, unless they're working on DLC for The Flame storyline. If anyone can inform me on how to resolve the Fanfic situation, that'd be greatly appreciated. Next will be the second intermission.
Until then…
Ciao.