authorsnote: sorry I got stuck on this for a while!
really happy with this chapter tho, I hope you are too! do review!
songrecs: say yes to heaven - lana del ray (can't believe it got released, soooo good)
Come morning her mind was far from made up.
She thought of her conversation with Jon, her tears as Aegon had swept her into his arms, her hands shaking every time she passed the Throne Room, the bile and sickness climbing her throat as she'd stared down Cersei Lannister, all leaving a swirling, confusing mess of emotions in her head.
What was she supposed to do?
As she dressed for the morning, with the help of two Northern Handmaids (Jon's doing, some familiarity, which she loved him for), her mind flickered between several different choices, several different paths, and none were clearer than the last.
She'd meant what she said to Jon, about maybe the North not being right for her anymore, and yet she longed for it anyway. She meant what she'd said to Aegon about maybe being able to stay in Kings Landing, and yet the capital still terrified her.
What would she be here?
She'd ruminated on being an outcast in the North, about being too used to the Southern way that she'd struggle away from it, the scheming, tactics, the conniving, that was absent in the North, and how could she fit in their when the former was so implanted in her? That was clear.
What wasn't clear was how she would do in the South, what would be her place?
By Aegons side? Her cheeks heated at the thought as her Handmaids left her, dressed for the day in a borrowed purple dress, it was stiff, with very large skirts, but it covered her bust. She pulled on her fur cloak to cover her bare shoulders, and pulled it tight, she really needed to attend to a dressmaker, though the thought of asking Jon for money for silly dresses made her want to squirm.
Was that her reason for staying to be Aegons Queen?
It was too early to assume that, and even if she wanted it (her mind dithered on that for a moment before pushing it aside, wants were not important for now, could or hows dominated), she couldn't imagine his Small Council agreeing to her being Aegons bride, she was too Northern, too far away from the Southern Houses to be of use, he'd be better with Ariana Martell or Margaery Tyrell, not her.
And what would Aegon want?
She was smart enough to know he wanted her, and not so modest or naïve to deny it. She thought of the kiss they'd shared, the spark she'd felt and the fizz in her blood as they'd embraced. Yes, he wanted her, desired her ….
'Men only want one thing from a pretty girl'
But did he want her for his Queen?
Did she want to be Queen?
Once she had, perhaps again.
So, was she to stay? The idea of slipping back into the conniving Southern courts chilled her bones, but the thought of going North, where even the idea of a spymaster was so mistrusted many Northern houses didn't have them … she might not be one herself, but many would think it. How could she fit in back home now?
Where did she belong?
It seemed like her answer was nowhere.
She made her way down to break her fast, her hands clasped in front of her, Blackrain at her shoulder and she'd never felt safer. She still felt nervous walking through these halls, but Targaryen bannisters flew now, not those of House Lannister, and the people smiled at her as she walked past, though some still mistrusted, the North hated the South, and the Southerners disliked them for it.
Still, she kept her head up, if she was considering staying here it could not be like last time, cowering, eyes on her shoes, terrified, a prisoner, she'd stay of her own choice or none at all, she'd never be held hostage again.
But then would she be a hostage in the North too? Jon would never slight her, but the calls for her to be married would roll in thick and fast, and though she didn't think so terribly of Jon that he'd buckle to pressure she was worried she would.
Would it be better for her here?
Her mind felt torn, oh how she longed for the North, the safety of Winterfell, surrounded by snows where none could reach her. But then she thought of Aegon, of the brush of his lips against hers, of the warmth she'd felt spreading through her as she'd taken his hand, a warmth she wasn't sure she'd ever feel again.
If she went North would she freeze forever?
She made her way into the courtyard, where long tables sat for people to break their fast. Sansa knew Aegon would be naming his Small Council before being coronated, it was a big day, but her mind was focused elsewhere.
Once she reached the courtyard she was suitably distracted, however.
As much as she'd told herself she'd keep her head high, she did duck it as the crier announced her, though hearing 'Lady Sansa of House Stark' after hiding behind a false name for so long, was nice on her ears.
She entered the courtyard to stares, Jon waved at her from the top table, but as she hurried to his side she took the space to his right, he sat on Aegons right, Daenerys a bit further down on his left, though the King had not yet arrived.
She settled down in her seat, and reached for some water, there was a gentle breeze on the wind, and she nibbled at some fruit, but her stomach was too nervy here to eat anything proper; something she'd need to fix if she decided to stay.
If.
If she were to stay here she couldn't be nervous all the time, couldn't be following Aegon around (for who else was she staying for?) like a lost little lamb, head down and scared. If this was what she was going to do, even for a time, she had to be strong, she had to be brave.
My skin has turned from porcelain, to ivory, to steel.
She was considering this being her home, and that meant she had to treat it like one. It would never be like Winterfell, and once again she felt a pang of homesickness … right as Aegon was announced.
And rather than going to the seat in the middle of the table, he sat down right next to her.
No one seemed to bat an eyelid at this (though she caught Daenerys glance over at them, subtly but Sansa caught it, she was used to watching others now), but Sansa's eyes widened, as Aegon filled his plate, and then turned to her with a smile.
She knew others were watching, only the top table hadn't flinched, plenty out in the courtyard were looking at them both, but Aegon didn't seem to care, only bowed his head to talk to her.
"How are you finding Kings Landing?" He asked, polite, calm, but not false, though her cheeks were pink as she remembered how when they'd last been this close, they'd almost kissed.
Just a brush of their lips, as gentle as a butterflies wing, and oh how she had wished for more…
"Better than I thought" She said honestly, because that was true, it was easier here, and though she still had a long way to go, she wasn't running for the hills like she thought she might.
Primarily because of the man, the King sat next to her.
"Good" He said, "I know I'm being coronated today, but I hope we can have some time for a walk just the two of us later" He said with a smile, and she found herself reflecting it, no longer caring about who watched, though many did.
It was hard for Sansa, to be herself, to not be guarded, or even calculating some might say, but she could try. She'd never trust this place, would always watch her step, but perhaps she could relax, just a touch.
"You'll be far too busy to spend time with me" She jested, for the coronation was today, after a breakfast they'd make their way to the Sept, where Aegon had eventually agreed to be coronated, he didn't follow the Seven himself, but it was expected of the King, that would take the rest of the morning and then some, and then he'd meet with his first Small Council, announce it thereafter, when would he have time for her?
"I'll make time" He insisted, and then she truly smiled, beamed even, and his matched hers this time.
They looked to any looking at them (and there were many) to be on the precipice of something, of falling into some kind of feelings.
And as they settled into their conversation, Sansa enquiring about the coronation, Aegon chatting away about what it would look like, they were engrossed completely in one another, heads bent, attention only there, and no one missed that.
Especially not his advisors, Daenerys, Tyrion and Varys bunched together, watching the two of them, in the sense they hadn't stopped it the night before, and couldn't now.
When she returned to her room to prepare for the coronation, there was several people outside she did not know.
"Lady Sansa" The older woman holding a bundle curtseyed to her, as did the two young women accompanying her, Sansa could only raise an eyebrow before remembering her manners.
"Yes, can I help you?" She asked, always polite, her Mother, even though gone would be scandalised for Sansa to be anything but that to the servants, she'd been raised right, even as she stood closed off, always suspicious of everything in this place.
"The King, Gods Bless Him, sent us" The older woman said with a kind smile, before she indicated to the bundle in her hands, she then noted each of the younger girls held materials and boxes, "A dress for the coronation, and us to dress and prepare you"
"Oh" She said, eyes widening, and her cheeks staining pink, she felt a pang in her heart that Aegon had been thoughtful enough to do this for her, so she wouldn't have to be at an important event (though not on display, she'd be in perhaps the third or second row), in a borrowed, ill-fitting gown.
It was thoughtful beyond measure, and he hadn't bragged about it at breakfast, hadn't even mentioned it.
With each move he made, even though he was a touch arrogant, and perhaps brash, she felt herself caring for him, for he was truly a King she felt proud of, and in truth the main reason she might make herself stay in the South.
And then there was this, only further kindness from him, her heart swelled.
"Wonderful" She managed, trying not to sound choked up, kindness had been so rarely bestowed upon her in the past years, she felt quite overwhelmed to have it here being heaped on her, "I'll bathe first"
The maids nodded, and as she bathed with sweet jasmine soap and rose creams, smelling floral as she dried and dried her long hair, they set-up. When she emerged, her small clothes on, a robe covering her, did they begin.
They started with her hair, plaiting it not in the old Southern style favoured by Cersei, but more of a Northern hybrid, braiding her hair round the base of her head to almost form a crown, whilst letting the rest, brushed over and over to gleam, hang loose across her shoulders and to the small of her back.
They complimented her on needing little make-up, to which she blushed, and they instead dabbed rose oil on her wrists and neck, a little bit of cream on her face, but otherwise she was left bare.
Then came the dress.
It was simply stunning.
It felt silly to cry over a dress, like something the old her would have done, and yet as the maids pulled the dress out of its wrappings, tears came to her, to have something so pretty, so beautiful …
And it was Stark grey, with Tully blue.
The dress had sleeves, modest covering her bodice, and was wrapped with a white bow at the waist. The entire dress was Stark grey with white and light blue stitching throughout, small wolves ran at the hem of the dress, and tiny delicate fish decorated the cuffs. Diamonds were also sewn into the fish and direwolf eyes.
It was one of the prettiest dresses she'd ever owned, but primarily it represented her, Sansa Stark. Not gold or red or Vale blue, it was a dress for Sansa Stark, and that was why a tear as fine as a diamond slipped down her cheek, and then a second, as they pulled her into it, securing the corset and the long flowing skirts. It wasn't flashy, it wasn't over the top, heavily encrusted and bejewelled, it was perfect.
"There" The maid said with a grin, it fit perfectly, "Pretty as a picture" And Sansa could only nod in agreement.
She stepped into delicate white slippers, and then the maids sprayed her with a gentle rose perfume, and she turned to the mirror.
And Sansa Stark looked back.
Her hair shone, the dress was perfect, and she turned to the maid then, "The King did all of this?"
"Yes" It was one of the younger girls who'd fixed her hair with quick fingers who spoke, "He was insistent it be done in time and perfect, the tailors worked all of yesterday and through the night"
"He must care for you a lot Lady Sansa" The other younger girl said before her mistress shushed her, though she grinned all the same.
It was warm out so no need for a wrap, and then a knock on the door indicated Jon was here to escort her.
"Go on Lady Sansa" The maid said, kind and smiling, "Go and show our King just how pretty a picture you are"
And as she opened the door, to Jon dressed in grey, wearing a crown of his own, his eyes lighting up as he saw her, she intended to do just that.
To say that Sansa hadn't expected to be in this carriage, was an understatement.
She had thought her and Jon would ride together, or perhaps Jon would ride with Aegon and Daenerys and she with her maids or perhaps alone, certainly not this.
It was a wide berth carriage, with her, Jon and Tyrion sat on one side, and then Aegon, Daenerys and Varys on the other.
Aegon had met her at the carriage doors, smiling and handsome, had helped her inside, and she had been glad her maids had forgone rouge, her cheeks pink enough. Again the others had watched them but she had tried to shrug it off, it was different, being around Aegon with nobody else around, or at least not just the two of them pretending others weren't around.
But regardless of what happened between them (and she had no airs), she knew she'd need to get used to this, to being watched, it was the way things were in Kings Landing.
She should know, she'd once been a watcher.
But here she was now, in the middle of it all again, after her betrothal to Joffrey had been dissolved she'd been on the outskirts of things, aside from Lannister cruelty they'd mainly ignored her, even during her sham marriage to Tyrion, now she was back in the belly of it all, and knew again, if she decided to stay as a courtier she'd be close to it all again.
Though, when Jon left maybe she'd go back to being on the outskirts, polite, observing, understanding … though what that would mean for her and Aegon…
A million scenarios could play out in her head, and a million did as the carriage carried on, with the most important people in Westeros in it.
Why she was included in such an important group, as they spoke of the coronation and the planning for it, whilst trundling along to the Sept she did not know.
But it did not pass her by how significant this would seem to the common folk, and Lords and Ladies in attendance, that she, just a Princess of the North, rode with the future King.
She felt flattered, but at the same time nervous, this was staking her as an important person, as more than just the King in the Norths sister, especially as she was pulled from her musings, one ear on the conversation, one with her head in the clouds, as Tyrion spoke.
"The High Septon will crown you with the Crown of Aegon the 4th, you will kneel and then stand, you will then turn first to Jon, who you will clasp arms with" Tyrion spoke, Sansa could see they'd been through this over and over, and now was just the final practice, it was interesting, but she knew she'd just be a spectator.
"Yes" Aegon said with a nod, glancing at Jon with a smile, and her lips lifted at that, it was nice, to see Jon have something similar to what he'd had with Robb; a brother, "My brother will not bow to me"
"Yes, we all will though" Tyrion joked, "You will then turn to Daenerys who will kiss both of your cheeks and then curtsey"
Daenerys nodded at that, though Sansa could sense some disgruntlement, she had clearly taken not being Queen with good grace, and would be with her influence, but Sansa knew being a woman, never the one to sit in the chair but be behind it, could be hard.
Though if there were to be a Queen…
She tried not to dwell on that.
"And I will then turn to Sansa and do the same" Aegon interrupted pulling her back in, to which her eyebrows shot to near her hairline.
"What?" Four voices echoed across the carriage, Sansa's not among them, her eyes wide and speech failing her, but Aegon only smiled, determination in his gaze. Sansa saw it as he looked at her, and his smile grew.
"Sansa is a Princess in the North and my guest, she should be next to the rest of the royalty" Aegon said with a nod as though it were obvious, "I will then greet her the same way I do Dany"
"But Sansa is not your family" Varys said delicately, "That is why Dany and Jon are on stage"
"She is Jon's family and so mine by extension" Aegon said, "That is my final word on this"
His final word … he wanted her next to him, aligned with him, basking in his moment of glory right by his side. A fluttering in her heart threatened to take over, a warmth spreading that had nothing to do with the weather.
Her heart.
"Does Sansa want to be on the dais?" Jon interrupted, sweet Jon, always thinking of family before politics.
Five heads turned to her then.
She was sure were the colour of a fresh tomato, or perhaps the other way in a pail of milk. But her heart continued to flutter, to swell.
"I…" She stumbled, but she need only look into Aegon's eyes, purple, deep, caring, and think of what it would mean, to align herself to him so closely, to be stood out, Margaery Tyrell and Arianna Martell wouldn't be on the stage, would they?
"I would be honoured" She offered, and Aegon's smile sealed her decision, and hers followed.
"Well then" Jon said with a gruff nod, "Its decided" Aegon nodded in return, and Sansa too.
Daenerys, Tyrion and Varys did not nod, but did not argue either, and eventually Tyrion broke the silence.
"Right" He said, clearly intent on moving them along. Something she noted passed between Varys and Daenerys then, but her gaze caught Aegon's again, and when that happened it all seemed okay.
It wouldn't be of course, she was no fool, she knew how everyone would take this, Sansa presented on stage as the King was coronated, the only non-direct relation of his, she knew what it said, what it meant.
And she'd accepted anyway.
"Then you will leave the Sept, Daenerys, Sansa and Jon will leave off the dais, you will wave out front alone, we will meet you at the carriage to return for the feast" Tyrion had clearly taken it in stride, but she knew he hadn't seen this coming; it wasn't often he didn't see something coming, interesting.
"Fine" Aegon said, but there was a glint in his eye she couldn't quite recognise, she hoped to, to know him well enough to be able to read him more closely.
"You do know what the populace will think with Sansa being on stage" Daenerys interrupted, and Sansa was surprised others hadn't, they'd all thought it after all.
"In this instance I don't care what they think" Aegon continued, "And as I said this is my final word on it, Sansa will be on the dais with us" He then nodded and turned to Tyrion to discuss the feast.
Sansa settled back, cheeks pink, trying to pretend to look outside, but she could feel eyes on her.
there we go
dany, tyrion, varys mean well, but they can see where this is going ... and how ambitious is sansa? we will see ... and then poor jon lol, wants to go back to the north but defend his sis/cousin lol, stressed out cousin vibes atm
I hope you enjoyed, do review if you can!
next chapter coming much sooner, I promise