Disclaimer: These characters and world is owned by Richelle Mead. This plot is mine.

This story starts from Mid chapter 24 in Last sacrifice, Rose has just finished talking with Adrian and looking for Dimitri. She decides to catch him at the end of the church service.

Chapter 1

Dimitri was walking away from the church with his guards when I fell into step with him.

"Don't," he said in a hushed voice. "Don't start-not here."

"Wouldn't dream of it, comrade," I murmured back."

He continued walking towards guardian housing, his guards and I followed him. We walked quietly together, it almost felt like we were back at St Vladimir's, walking the grounds together. After several minutes, the tension in Dimitri's body eased a little. He'd grown wary when I joined him but must have eventually decided I'd be on good behaviour.

I kept taking sideways glances at him, his expression was exquisite. I was so used to seeing him hide emotions that it was a bit startling for him to suddenly have a host of them on his face.

I found myself saying to Dimitri: "Don't you think that if God can supposedly forgive you, it's kind of egotistical for you not to forgive yourself?"

"How long have you been waiting to use that line on me?" he asked.

"Actually, it just came to me. Pretty good, huh?"

"It's irrelevant. I don't have to forgive myself even if God does. And I'm not sure He would."

We reach his apartment and I ask the guards whether I can speak to him alone, while maintaining my stare at Dimitri. He knows that i'm not leaving until we do.

I follow him in to his tiny apartment and he shuts the door.

"What do you want from me Rose?" He asks, keeping his arms crossed and maintaining a distance from me.

"Oh I don't know, a conversation for starters" I reply sarcastically. The attempt at conversation in the jail cell didn't really count. I continued, "I just want to talk to you. I know that you've been through a lot. I know that you did terrible things-I saw them. But it's in the past. It was beyond your control. It's not like you're going to do it again."

A strange, haunted look crossed his face. "How do you know? Maybe the monster didn't leave. Maybe there's still something Strigoi lurking in me."

"Then you need to defeat it by moving on with your life! And not just through your chivalrous pledge to protect Lissa. You need to live again. You need to open yourself up to people who love you. No Strigoi would do that. That's how you'll save yourself."

"I can't have people loving me," he growled. "I'm incapable of loving anyone in return."

"Maybe you should try instead of just feeling sorry for yourself!"

"It's not that easy."

"Nothing we've ever done has been easy! Our life before-before the attack wasn't easy, and we made it through that! We can make it through this too. We can make it through anything together. It doesn't matter if you put your faith in church. I don't care. What matters is that you put your faith in us."

We were keeping our voices low, conscious of Dimitri's guardians outside. Again, I reminded myself about what Lissa and Mikhail had both said. Getting Dimitri angry was not going to do him any favours. The problem was, I had yet to say anything that didn't make him angry.

"There is no us. I've already told you that." We were moving closer and closer together as we got more heated.

"And you know I'm not a very good listener." At this point I was standing directly in front of him and he had bent down to talk to me.

"I don't want you here," he said, eyes blazing. The words hurt, but something about it all thrilled me, just as his earlier agitation at my flippant comments had. This wasn't the cold and calculating Strigoi.

This wasn't the defeated man in the cell. This was my old instructor, my lover, who attacked everything in life with intensity and passion. "How many times do I have to tell you that? You need to stay away from me." I could see him trying to control his breathing and the point in his neck pulsating.

"But you aren't going to hurt me. I know that."

I turned from him, trying to calm my churning emotions. When I looked back, our eyes locked, power and electricity burning between us. Dimitri could ignore it all he wanted, but that connection-that deep calling of our souls-was still in there.

Without even realizing it, I reached toward him, needing that touch. I jumped up and wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs encircled his waist. My lips pressed firmly against his and my tongue waited for entry into his mouth. For a second he granted my tongue access, kissing me back with ferocity, grabbing my ass to pull my body closer to him.

He started to pull back, removing his lips from mine. I looked at him "Don't you fucking dare".

He started kissing me again and turned to push me against the wall. He ground his hips into mine and I could feel his arousal pressed against my core. I let out a moan as he kissed my neck and slammed his length between my legs while he pressed me into the wall again.

I could hear on of the guards open the door a crack and quickly shut again. I didn't care and I started to rip Dimitri's shirt off his head. He moved us towards the bed and threw me on the bed. I got up on my knees at the edge of the bed and he removed my shirt, kissing down my cleavage while I worked on removing his pants. I took him in hand and started stroking him roughly. He removed my bra and unzipped my pants while I worked on his manhood.

I shimmied out of my pants and pulled him on top of me on the bed. He slipped his hands between my thighs and started to rub my centre. I moaned loudly and guided his length into my folds. I didn't have time for foreplay, I needed him right now. I needed him to know how much I loved him.

He kept working at my clit while he thrust deeper and deeper into me, until he found the right spot and he kept hitting it over and over until I came undone.

He flipped me over and worked me into a new position until I came undone again and again. He was insatiable and I loved every second of it.

We were not gentle, it was animalistic and raw, so different to the night in the cabin. Nor were we quiet, occasionally I heard neighbours banging on the walls, but nothing stopped us from having every inch of each other for hours.

I was initially disorientated when I woke the next morning, I could feel a warm body pressed against me. My muscles ached and it throbbed between my legs. There were scratches, bruises and bite marks all over my body. I think I even had carpet burn on my knee and blushed when I remembered how I got that.

I turned to look at Dimitri, who had similar marks all over his body. My movement woke him up. He looked in my eyes and suddenly the guardian mask slammed into place. He turned his back to me and got dressed, I felt a chill run down my spine.

"I want you to stay away from me," he said. "I don't want you to keep trying to bring back feelings that are gone. That's the past. None of that's going to happen again. Not ever. It's better for us if we act like strangers. It's better for you."

I felt like I had been slapped in the face, I started to grab my clothes and roughly throw them on. The loving, compassionate feelings he had stirred within me heated up to fury. "If you're going to tell me what I can or can't do," I growled in as low a tone as I could manage, "then at least have the courage to say it to my face!"

He spun around so quickly that he might have indeed still been Strigoi. His face was filled with a mingling of desperation, frustration, and maybe even fear. Underscoring all of it was pain, like he suffered from terrible, exquisite agony.

"I've already hurt you. Why can't you understand that? How many times do I have to say it?"

"You told me . . . you told me before you left that you loved me." My voice trembled. "Last night proved that"

But he did nothing. Nothing except stare at me with a look that made my blood run cold. Like I was something strange and bad.

"Rose. Please stop. Please stay away." He was working hard to stay calm.

In an undertone, I murmured, "This isn't over. I won't give up on you."

"I've given up on you," he said back, voice also soft. "Love fades. Mine has."

I stared at him in disbelief. All this time, he'd never phrased it like that. His protests had always been about some greater good, about the remorse he felt over being a monster or how it had scarred him from love. I've given up on you. Love fades. Mine has.

I backed up, the sting of those words hitting me as hard as if he'd slapped me. Something shifted in his features, like maybe he knew how much he'd hurt me. I didn't stick around to see. Instead, I pushed my way out of his room and ran along the hallway to my room.