It seemed that the whole kingdom was engrossed by the ongoing rap battle. Lady and Jake had landed on the side of the castle to spectate. Even those in the Cloud Kingdom were watching intently through gaps in their wispy floor. The audience was densely packed; Finn couldn't see the performance from where he now stood.

As he'd made his way back, Engagement Ring Princess was nowhere to be found. She'd either squeezed her way through the onlookers or had abandoned the party altogether. He was a little disappointed that her present was interrupted; he was hoping to have a second chance after FP left.

Nevertheless, his good mood persisted. He wandered the edge of the crowd. As luck would have it, he quickly ran into another princess—or Queen, rather. Unfortunately, she wouldn't have been his first choice...and she was otherwise occupied.

Lumpy Space Queen was fervently kissing Lemongrab. She had him pinned against a nearby house, her lumps holding him in place. Finn shuddered at the sight, remembering that night he'd shared with her long ago. For the first time, he felt bad for the Earl.

The human quickly altered his course to avoid them. He walked softly, so as not to alert LSQ that he was nearby, then ran when he'd reached a sufficient distance. He didn't get far.

He slammed into what felt like a brick wall, and fell backwards onto the candy sidewalk in pain. Upon closer inspection, he realized what he'd hit: Muscle Princess. She stood tall over him, her hands planted firmly on her hips, a self-assured grin stretched across her face.

"Oh hi there, Finn," she said in her deep, strained voice. Despite her evident intentions, she seemed to be playing coy. "Happy Birthday!"

"Th-thanks MP," he stammered. He couldn't help but feel intimidated. Muscle Princess could overpower him easily—suddenly Flame Princess' warning seemed less absurd. "I-it's good t-to see you," he continued. "I'm, uh...I'm gonna go...find Jake now."

"I don't think so. You're comin' with me."

She plucked him from the ground as though he weighed nothing, then tucked him securely under her arm. In this hold, he struggled to breathe. His vision was limited; his face was pressed firmly against her hard chest. He flailed his legs to no avail. He couldn't even manage to move his arms. Any noise he made was feeble—his empty lungs provided little air to work with—and was immediately sequestered against her side.

"Don't worry, we're gonna have a good time," she chuckled. "You'll learn to love me."

Already they were nearing the drawbridge. Her stride was long, her pace quick—in a few short seconds, they'd be outside the Candy Kingdom. Away from any help...away from any witnesses. Finn pushed against her with all his might, until his face glowed red and his limbs ached. He couldn't budge her. In fact, she didn't even notice he'd been trying.

An arrow came whistling from outside the city. It lodged itself in the princess' other arm.

"Argh! What the—"

Muscle Princess dropped him and pulled the projectile from her flesh. The damage was superficial, but apparently painful.

"Who did this?" she demanded, calling out into the candy woods. "Show yourself or I'll—hey! Finn!"

As soon as he'd hit the ground, the hero scrambled to safety. Arduously, he crawled back toward the castle and, once the blood had returned to his legs, he stood and took off in a sprint.

"Get back here!" Her voice was fading quickly; she wasn't following him.

Not yet, at least.

He didn't look back to check. He continued running until he reached the crowd, then he pressed his way between the party-goers. Those who saw him let him pass. Those who didn't were hurriedly shoved aside.

Once he was sufficiently hidden in the audience, he slowed down and caught his breath. He wondered who he could turn to now—who wouldn't be after him? Jake, surely...but he was still with Lady atop the castle. He could never reach him. Flame Princess was long gone. Bubblegum and Marceline weren't guaranteed; they could be after him as well.

It seemed his only ally was the archer. But who shot the arrow?

Author's Note:

It feels like these chapters are getting a little repetitive. Sorry about that. I wanted to get as many of the lesser princesses in here as possible, but I think I'm gonna have to move on. I'll see if I can work 'em in later. I have some good ideas for subsequent chapters. Some lemons, some not.

Let me know what you think. How can I improve my writing? Reviews are always appreciated.

Feel free to leave suggestions for how the story should go. There's lots of leeway to work with; I'll definitely add anything I find interesting.

As always, thanks for reading!