Bloodied and bruised, Finn Mertens arduously climbed the vaporous ladder and, upon reaching the floor of the Cloud Kingdom, popped his aching head through the wispy barrier above him. He refused to acknowledge his overwhelming discomfort, though it noticeably hindered his movement.

Hickies from the Universe, he reminded himself. It's just hickies from the Universe.

And the sudden onslaught of deafening music was delegated as yet another hickey.

The party in the clouds was insane. Finn didn't know much about clouds, magical or otherwise, but he would have expected this many people to weigh one down. It seemed as though the entirety of Ooo had made to the skies; as far as he could see, the cloudscape was consumed by an ocean of flesh, all gyrating in tune to the music. Where he had ascended, the crowd was just beginning to thin out, and his vision was limited to the gaps between the partygoers around him.

The human took a deep breath and climbed a little higher, such that the floor of the Kingdom rested at waist-level. He scooped up as much of the white matter has he could reach and bunched it up around him. When he stepped fully onto the dance floor, he wore a (frustratingly thin) skirt of cloud. Without his usual attire, those dancing closest to him seemed not to recognize who he was, and proceeded to laugh at what they thought was yet another Oooian who had helped themselves to a little too much punch. Finn's face grew red regardless. He thrust his hands into the makeshift garment and covered himself, then proceeded through to the densest part of the crowd.

It didn't take long to find Jake. A natural-born party animal, the dog had taken residence by the main stage to show off his divine moves. Thankfully, Lady had departed elsewhere before Finn arrived.

His heart swelled in his chest at the sight of his brother—perhaps his last source of hope on this confusing, dark night. He shoved his way past the dog's attentive audience.

"Jake! Jake!" he called, his voice barely carrying over the music.

The dog paused and looked his way, then his jaw dropped.

"Whoa!" His voice was similarly drowned out by the atmosphere, and the pair had to stand mere inches apart to speak. "What the heck happened to you?! Why're you naked?! Bronwyn was just supposed to take your hat!"

"My hat?!"

"As part of the birthday prank! She wasn't supposed to take your…everything! Hey, where's Kil Whan?! A girl her age shouldn't be strippin' boys down, and I—"

"Jake! The princesses are attacking me! We gotta get out of here NOW!"

"They're what?! No, dude! That's just a part of the prank!"

"WHAT?!"

"Yeah! It's kinda ruined now, but Bronwyn was supposed to lure you up here by takin' your hat! Marcy and Bubblegum were gonna smooch you up on the dance floor in front of everyone to get you mad embarrassed! They were super into the prank this year—the smoochin' was their idea! But that was just a distraction for the best part, 'cause I would've come in like—"

"JAKE!It's not part of the prank! All the princesses are attacking me together! You gotta help me, man!"

"You just don't get it, dude! It's funny 'cause you're, like, a ladies man and you don't even know it! They all wanna smooch you, but you're like 'no, no, I'm a hero, I can't take advantage of the ladies'! The crowd thinks it's hilarious 'cause they all wanna be the smoochee and you just get red like a tomato!"

Finn's face turned red, like a tomato. "This is serious! It's not a part of your prank! They have some kind of law or something! Flame Princess told me about it but I didn't listen! Muscle Princess, Breakfast Princess, and all the others beat me up and forced me to have Tier 15 with them on the roof down there!" He pointed through the floor, toward the kingdom below.

Jake frowned. "This isn't a very good reverse-prank, bro! It's not even funny; you shouldn't joke about that kinda stuff!"

"Jake, please!" Finn grabbed his brother by the shoulders and shook him. "Stretch us outta here! There's no time to argue about it—they're probably still coming this way and—"

Something caught his eye. A turquoise something. While Jake's audience had diverted their attention back to the stage, this something was still staring right at the duo—until Finn looked its way. It dipped behind a group of people before he could identify who it was. The human, still holding his brother, scanned the vicinity. It seemed whatever direction he looked, there was one person watching, standing between the other indifferent party goers. Immediately, he identified Wildberry and Emerald Princess among the chaos—they certainly stood out.

He turned back to the dog. "Jake! It's happening! Right now—they're here! They're gonna take me!"

"Did somethin' bonk you on the head?! Let's find Bubblegum! She can scan your brain with one of those science gizmos or whatever!"

"JAKE!"

An enormous black mass breached the clouds beside them, erupting from the white froth like a shark. It tore the human loose from his brother and swept him higher into the night sky. Before he had time to identify his attacker, a lasso of green vine flew at the pair from the dance floor below and wrapped itself firmly around his midsection.

As the Vampire Queen continued her ascent, the human was pulled free from her grip. He dropped like a stone and landed squarely in the arms of none other than Jungle Princess. Marcy doubled back in a flash and sped toward them. Jake lobbed a mess of tentacled arms at her enormous figure and held her at bay.

"Marceline! What're you doin'—this wasn't the plan!" he shouted.

Jungle Princess took advantage of the interruption and dashed to the nearest ladder. In her wake, the other princesses ran from the crowd. Neither Marceline nor Jake had time to react before the turquoise woman leapt from the Cloud Kingdom.

Holding Finn securely in one arm, she gripped the side of the ladder with the opposite hand and slid gracefully toward the candy streets below. Above them, the other princesses followed as quickly as they could, though none were as adept as she. A few stories from the ground, JP released her grip on the cloudy pole and let herself drop to the houses below. With as much ease as before, she directed their fall between two buildings, kicked nimbly off the wall of one, pushed off the wall of the other, and landed softly in the alley between them.

She smiled sweetly at her captor. "Eh, these cities aren't much different than the jungle after all," she joked.

Finn was too shocked to reply.

Back at the top of the ladder, Marceline—now adorning her usual form—flew under the clouds with Jake clinging to her back.

"Don't worry, buddy! We're comin' to rescue you!" he called out to the streets below.

"JA—" Jungle Princess clapped a hand over his mouth and forced him to the ground.

"Now, now," she said. "Don't want to give away our position. That demon will eat us alive."

Finn tried to offer a defense of Marcy, but it was muffled against her palm. He watched as the vampire and dog traced circles overhead. Evidently, JP had been fast enough to escape before they could catch her direction. He wondered how long it would take Marceline's acute senses to discover them without a lead. Ultimately—excruciatingly—they glided out of sight, toward the castle.

"Finally. Now, if I remove my hand, are you gonna scream?" she asked. Finn shook his head. She smiled. "Good."

There was something wholly warm about her demeanor. Despite the circumstances, her tone was that of a friend at a regular outing. She withdrew her hand, as promised, then wandered to the end of the alleyway. Finn remained laying on the ground where she'd placed him.

There was a tantalizing sway in her gait; her hips swung back and forth as she went, emphasizing her bottom. And it certainly helped that she wore her usual, revealing loincloth. Finn bit his lip in frustration, in utter disbelief that, after all that had happened tonight, his mind was still intrigued by the idea of sex.

He shook the urges from his head and spoke, "Please, JP. I don't want any trouble. I won't fight you. I've been through enough tonight…I just wanna go home."

The Princess peered out into the empty streets and, satisfied that no immediate threats were present, walked lightly back toward the hero.

"I'm sorry, Finn. I'd have liked for this to happen under better circumstances but, well…let's just say there's competition in Ooo."

"I know. I've been dealing with the other princesses all night."

She moved to inspect the other end of the alleyway. Her long legs carried her over the human, revealing that she truly wore nothing underneath her already sparse clothing. Finn felt his member shift in response, and the familiar haze of incomprehension grew in his thoughts.

He slammed his head against the candy concrete and quickly regained his composure.

The Princess found no imminent disruptions on the opposite street either. She turned on her heel and gazed at him lovingly.

Finn had never had the chance to get to know Jungle Princess well. For one, she was seemingly self-sufficient. Having never been called to her aid, the hero only ever saw her at formal functions with the other princesses—which were few and far between. For another, her figure and attire would've driven him insane if he had to witness it regularly. As a teenager, it was difficult enough talking to Bubblegum, who was rarely caught wearing less than three layers, without becoming instantly aroused. Seeing someone who left so little to the imagination…he would've spent most of his spare time in the shower.

The hero sat up and rested his aching back against the wall. He huffed at the pain this minor contact elicited.

"Yeah, I can see you've had a few run-ins already," she said.

JP bit her lip and sat down beside him with her legs folded. She eyed his wounds. She seemed genuinely upset by his rough appearance. A gentle finger traced his scratches, starting at his knee, winding its way up the curve of his waist through the cloud skirt, and ending at his collar bone. There she pressed a flat palm just over his heart. Their eyes met. Feeling that his heart had skipped a beat, she smiled warmly.

"Y'know," she continued. "I'm not a bad healer myself. It's kind of a…jungle magic thing."

"Really?"

"You ever hear of those magic forest cyclops whose tears cure all wounds? Well, it's kind of like that."

He was astounded. "Why've I never heard of that? It wasn't even in the Enchiridion."

"Out in the jungle, we try to keep it quiet. It's…kind of embarrassing."

"Why?"

"Well…we don't have magic tears, per se. We have, um…magic saliva."

"Saliva," he repeated.

"Spit."

He took a moment to consider the implications of this, then his face grew hot. "I don't know about that, JP. I think I just need some bed rest."

"Don't be silly." She giggled. "I can have you fixed up in no time."

Before he could protest further, she leaned in and kissed him deeply. Jungle Princess was surprisingly soft to the touch; he'd expected her skin to be rough and weathered from her feral lifestyle, but found it as welcoming as silk. She smelled of fresh earth, the petrichor of a light rain descending from the heavens. Not unlike a certain huntress. It'd be a lie to say it wasn't exhilarating but, his mind being a cluttered mess, he couldn't find the opportunity to enjoy it.

She was soft in her approach. Her lips rested gently against his own for a moment, then departed. Simple. Gratifying. He felt warm. Another light kiss on the chin. Yet another on his neck. JP repeated the gesture across his pained chest, down his aching abs, then paused at the edge of his makeshift garment. She looked up at him, her gaze one of adoration, not lust. Finn was too exhausted to object—too exhausted to consider the implications of his existing in this moment, let alone enjoying it.

He relinquished control. The hero closed his eyes and rested his pounding head against the wall behind him, and acquiesced to the princess' advances. In turn, Jungle Princess blew lightly on his lap. The thin shroud of cloud gave way, revealing him to her. She began to salivate at the mere sight of the human, and swiftly went to work.

As softly as earlier, she ran kisses down his length. Each loving touch electrified the otherwise spent adventurer. Ever so lightly—so imperceptible that it would go unnoticed if his partner weren't searching so eagerly for his reaction—his fingers clutched at the pavement, his eyelids fluttered, and his breath caught in his chest.

She turned her head and continued to watch his face. In one fluid move, she took his full length in her throat. In utter shock, Finn's eyes shot open and he gasped for air. He looked down and witnessed her grinning up at him, his manhood still fully engulfed.

Satisfied with his response, the princess went back to work.

JP was certainly different than Bubblegum. She was noticeably warmer—her mouth felt hotter, in an unexpectedly pleasing manner. Much like a bath, it was cozy and comforting. She had no trouble taking in the whole of his length. She didn't bob her head. Rather, it felt as though a myriad of muscles along her throat—muscles which were undoubtedly nowhere to be found in other humanoids—massaged him delicately. Her long tongue ran laps along his shaft, further escalating his pleasure.

His agony finally began to subside. The human shifted and his breathing became haggard. Jungle Princess continued her performance as his seed spilled down her throat.

With the last of it consumed, she released his member, sat up, and beamed at him. Two streams of tears ran down her cheeks, distorting her tribal paint. Finn couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm. Whether it existed for her outstanding skills or her having gotten the chance to demonstrate them, he wasn't sure. Though he suspected it was a little bit of both.

All at once, the pain returned to his body. The fleeting euphoria of his orgasm evaporated into the night. He groaned.

"JP," he choked. "Your spit isn't working."

Her smile faded. She hesitated, then said, "I…may have embellished that…just a bit…"

"You mean…your spit doesn't heal?"

"No. I just…I thought it'd be nice if, y'know…"

Finn sighed. "I get it."

The princess perked up. "But you felt better for a while there, right? It helped?"

"I guess so," he admitted.

JP straightened out her back, emphasizing her bosom.

"So maybe…this will help, too."

She unclasped her top and let it fall onto her lap, revealing her generous chest.

She wasn't wrong. The human stared unapologetically. This was, perhaps, the best pair of breasts he'd seen yet. They were enormous for her frame and perky all the same. Her nipples were entirely unlike any of the others—they were a darker shade of blue but, most notably, rather puffy in their shape. He smacked his lips hungrily. The princess sat forward, presenting the immaculate set for him to taste. He obliged.

"Hey!"

The duo jumped and turned to the offending noise. Wildberry Princess watched them from the nearer end of the alleyway.

"Get away from him," she said, her tone uncharacteristically sinister.

"Or what?" Jungle Princess sneered. "You gonna launch your berries at me? You haven't got a chance, WP. Back off and wait your turn."

The little red princess was fuming. "This isn't even fair! Your name was at the bottom of the list!"

"List?" Finn asked.

"We were all ahead of you," came another voice.

At the opposite end of the alley stood Purple Princess, hands on her hips and a scowl on her face.

"When's the last time you even spoke to Finn before tonight?" came a third.

Emerald Princess was sat on the rooftop above them.

"You've had your fun. You're outnumbered. Now, head on home and let his real friends have a go," said yet another.

It was Slime Princess, resting on the roof opposite. They were truly surrounded.

Oh, Glob, Finn thought. It's another group.

"Slime Princess?" he groaned. "You don't even like me. You couldn't stand the thought of kissing me."

"It's not about the attraction," she chuckled. "It's about the power.I'm in it to win it, even if I have to grin and bear it."

Jungle Princess stood and sighed. It was the sigh of someone who'd come across a minor inconvenience, not a guaranteed defeat. She was going to fight for her captive. The turquoise woman waved a hand at him. A thick vine burst free from beneath the pavement and wound around the hero's wrists, securing him in place.

"Don't worry, hon," she said sweetly. "This won't take long."