A/N: Hi everyone! I am so happy to have gotten a minute to write. I miss writing...ha. I'm almost finished with school for the semester, so hopefully I'll have more time soon!

Also just wanted to thank you for the feedback on this story. Though my politics don't line up with her, I've actually based a lot of this story off Sarah Palin's pregnancy when she was governor, and giving birth just before she was nominated for the vice presidency. I also have an aunt who had a baby at 40, and that baby is now 16, so it's been interesting to explore all the things she went through back then and mix it with Palin's potential experiences, too. And of course, it's just fun toying with different storylines of the McCord's :)

Hope you enjoy!

November 26, 2014

"It'll just be for a few hours, Henry, I promise." She explained this morning as she was tucking her shirt into her pants while also stepping into her shoes. "I don't want to be gone for long today anyway—all the kids and you are home." She admitted.

Now, she's riding the elevator up to the seventh floor, her briefcase still cool in her hands from the cold D.C. weather she'd just come in from. When the doors open, she sees Blake, but no coffee. "Good morning, Madam Secretary." His usual greeting, but where was the damn coffee?

"Good morning," she says, eyeing his hands behind his back to see if he had been hiding it. "Blake? Where's my coffee?"

He clears his throat, and she watches as his breathing visibly speeds up, "Dr. McCord—"

She groans, "Let me guess, you two were texting?" She asks as she walks past him in a slump, "You two are becoming quite good friends," she murmurs under her breath, heavily stepping down the hall to her office.

"Ma'am," Blake says, his voice sounds like he's trying to catch up to her from behind, "He said it was doctor's orders."

Elizabeth thinks about what the doctor said yesterday about no excess caffeine, as it can have negative effects on stress. She closes her eyes and walks through her office door, tossing her bag over on the couch a bit dramatically and plopping herself in her desk chair, immediately sliding down to slump over in it. She rests her elbow on the armrest, burying her face down in her hand and clenching her eyes shut, "I'm going to need an aspirin, please, Blake," she mumbles, "If I'm not allowed to have my coffee."

"Right on it, ma'am." Blake says.

His quickness to serve was usually a blessing, but today his nervous voice and his jumpy movements made her want to strangle him. I bet he's caffeinated, she thinks to herself a bit pettily.

When he comes back, he has a bottle of water in his other hand and sets it on the desk before handing her a pack of aspirin from the first aid kit he keeps in his desk drawer. "Thanks Blake." She says, ripping the package open and downing a big swig along with the medicine to hopefully ease her headache.

He nods, then checks his watch, "Your meeting is starting in two."

"Got it," she says, shuffling some papers around to see what all has piled up just in the last day that she wasn't here. She wants to groan again, but decides against worrying Blake even more. He already looked like he was about to start shaking like a chihuahua in front of her desk, and if that happens, pretty soon after he might start piddling like one too. "I think that's all."

He's looking at her still, and then he finally sighs, "Right," he says.

"Did you have something else?" She asks him curiously, picking her head up from the stacks.

He turns back to face her, only halfway to her door before she'd caught him again, "I just…I'm glad you're okay, ma'am." He says, and it makes her feel like smiling for a moment. "You are okay, aren't you?" He asks, "I don't mean to pry, and I—"

"I'm okay." She assures, giving him a warm, tired smile, "I just…I have to start taking better care of myself, that's all." She says, which was the truth. Pregnancy or not, she can't be putting herself in the hospital because of stress-related incidents. But how can she really take things off her plate when they're just piling on more and more?

"Got it," he answers, shifting a bit before walking out of her office.

She stares at the back of the door for a moment and takes a deep breath, feeling a bit of nausea rush over her again. Standing up, she walks over to rifle through her briefcase—she'd packed crackers just in case this would happen. Crackers had been helping all the other mornings when she'd still thought it was caused from dizziness or something else, even though crackers had never worked for her morning sickness with her other babies.

Babies. The word strikes her like a hard slap to the cheek, and she just stands still and stares out the window. She didn't want to admit, yet, that this was a baby. She didn't want to admit that any of this was real yet. Popping another cracker in, she chews slowly, but can't seem to rip her eyes away from the city out in front of her.

She realizes in alarm that it's well past two minutes since Blake left, and the meeting is supposed to have started two minutes ago now. She grabs her notepad off her desk and scoops up a pen before rushing into the conference room.

When she turns the corner, she sees her staff waiting for her, and they'd very clearly just stopped talking when she walked in. "Good morning," she says, hoping to break the unease that she'd just caused by walking in.

While people are mumbling their good mornings and getting into small, side conversations, she's situating herself in her chair and looking over the agenda that Nadine handed her. People are completely avoiding eye contact with her, though, so she stops and looks up, "Care to tell me what was being discussed before I came in?"

Everyone kind of looks around at each other, and finally it's Daisy who shrugs awkwardly, "We're worried about you, ma'am. We have been for a while now." She admits.

Elizabeth sighs and goes back to the agenda, flipping the corners of the pages between her fingers, "I'm alright, Daisy—everyone." She corrects, looking around the room at everyone over the top of her glasses, "To ease everyone's minds, I had a small health scare yesterday, that was all." She says, but Blake's movement doesn't go without notice. He'd been looking at her, but then he looked down in a little panicked motion like he knew something he shouldn't—and he did, technically. He knew more than the rest of them. No one knows what health scare it was, not even a panic attack, other than Blake and her security detail. No one needs to know, either. "I'm looking forward to the weekend off, hopefully, to rest and recharge with my family." She throws in, even though it was the truth.

They don't seem convinced, and Daisy opens her mouth again, "Ma'am, I—"

"Daisy, if this is pertaining solely to me, I'm going to need you to not say it just yet." She says, "Let's start the meeting."

Daisy shuts up quickly and gets back to her own agenda in her hands, and everyone does the same before Nadine officially begins.

December 1, 2014

Thanksgiving with her family was everything she'd hoped it would be, but it left very little time or room or opportunity for she and Henry to discuss things that had been heavy on her mind, and surely on his, too.

Now that Stevie was back to college and the other two were busy with final exams and back on their normal schedules, the house was back to normal. Which meant semi-normal bedtimes for everyone again, and thankfully, Elizabeth is putting pajamas on at a decent hour tonight.

She hangs her bath towel up on the rack and walks in front of the mirror to grab her robe from the hook—this weather was too cold to go without something even if it is just to go to the closet from the bathroom. When she walks by, though, she catches herself in the mirror and does a double take. She stops in her tracks, her hand lifting to move her arm out of the view, and she sees something that almost makes her gasp. She stares for a few moments, frozen there with her hand up in the air, her arm bent at the elbow to look underneath it in the mirror. Finally, she's able to wrap her arm around her chest and get a different look, but it's still there.

A swell that she hasn't seen in years. A swell that is undeniably not bloating. The thought flies through her head about how long ago they conceived, and if she's further along than she'd originally thought.

She starts to move again to restart her original course of action, getting her robe, but when she looks away just slightly from that swell, she sees Henry's reflection where he's standing in the doorway behind her. As though she were caught doing something she shouldn't have been doing, she quickly moves her hand to run it through her hair, clearing her throat and grabbing the robe off the hook, wrapping it around her body and tying the tie tightly.

When she turns around, she sees that Henry is still there, and he's taking a deep breath and looking as though he's trying to will himself to move. "That made it very real." He whispers finally, leaning his shoulder against the doorframe.

She swallows thick and busies herself, trying to continue her nightly routine even though now she can't even remember if she showered, or really, what her name is or where she lives. Her mind is too clouded. Her hand hits the toothbrush holder and knocks it into the sink, shattering the ceramic top on it. She growls a little and goes to clean it up, but Henry is already rushing to her side to clean it for her.

"Babe," he says, "Take a breath."

"I can't." She whispers, stopping herself from cleaning and just laying the toothbrush down on the counter before leaning against the sink, "I can't take a breath, Henry, you saw the same thing I did," She breathes, genuinely trying to gasp for a breath now as she hangs her head down between her arms, bent over slightly.

He's laid the ceramic back down in the sink and is now rubbing one hand on her back, the other on the back of her hand, "I did." He whispers.

She stays quiet for a few more moments and then shakes her head, "I was hoping it was all just…" she can't find the right words, so she just picks herself up and buries her face into Henry's chest, and he wraps his arms around her tightly before laying his head on hers.

"Hoping it was all fake?" He asks, "Sometimes I catch myself doing that, too. But then I think about it a little more and realize I'm already more attached than I want to be." He admits.

She swallows thick and opens her eyes, turning her head and looking at them in the mirror. Her eyes drift up to his face, and she sees the gray hairs that line his hairline and pepper his dark hair that once used to be solid brown. She sees the wrinkles gathering near his eyes, and she sees the same ones near hers, too. Laugh lines, or something like that. She looks for his hands on her back and sees that they're middle-aged hands, they're not those same hands that first held Stevie in the hospital. The tiniest bundle with the biggest, most strong looking hands wrapping around to keep her safe. These hands always keep his family safe, even if they are aging.

She closes her eyes and sniffles, "I don't think I can do this." She whispers.

"Do what?" He asks.

"Another baby," she admits shakily, her voice cracking, "I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow to go over the options."

"You what?" He says, pushing her away slowly and looking at her face with a frown, "You made a doctor's appointment?"

She nods, "I didn't get a chance to tell you because we were so busy with the kids and all…" she says, "But I have one. And I'm going to…I think I'm going to discuss the other options." She says.

He takes a shaky breath, and she can tell by the way he looks that the thought of this is killing him, but he doesn't say it. Instead, he just runs his fingers through her hair and nods. She knows she should have told him, and that he'll probably want to go with her, but she didn't and he isn't now. "I'm here to support you however, babe," he says lovingly, and it makes her want to forget everything she just said and have five more of his babies. But her legs tremble a little at the thought of that, too, because she knows this might be unhealthy—this might be detrimental.

December 2, 2014

After calling Nadine a few times on the way here, she's put her phone on silent and 'Do Not Disturb' mode so that she doesn't cause any ruckus in this doctor's office.

They snuck her in through the back, of course, with the help of her security detail. If this got out that she was here for an obstetrics appointment, Daisy would have her neck, and rightfully so. The whole world would be in a frenzy. She would be the first Secretary of State to be pregnant while in office, and the thought of that makes her feel that panicked feeling again.

Instead, she just breathes and looks at the pictures on the walls absentmindedly before hearing a knock on the door. "Good morning, Madam Secretary." A woman says, extending her hand immediately.

Elizabeth shakes it and replies, "Good morning, but please, call me Elizabeth here." She says awkwardly, her teeth gritting together to form a bit of a grimace as she thinks of someone in the hall overhearing the name "Madam Secretary."

"Noted," the doctor says, sitting down on her rolling chair, "I'm Dr. Hoole, but you can call me Jennifer." She explains, giving Elizabeth a warm smile. "I have your records from Walter Reed and the doctor over there in the ER—I see that you had quite the scare?" She says, flipping through the clipboard papers.

Elizabeth nods and rubs her hands together, "I did." She admits, "There's just a lot going on right now." She says, "And adding a baby into the mix wasn't something that was planned on."

Jennifer looks back over her shoulder and gives a soft smile to Elizabeth, nodding a little, "I understand," she says, "As a forty-three-year-old woman, I like to think those days are behind me—I have two kids who are in their late teens." She explains, "So I can imagine the surprise you probably felt."

"Big surprise." Elizabeth says, "But then again, there were signs that I was…" she hates saying the word, even though it's reality, "I was pregnant." She continues, forcing herself to get it out. "Even my husband saw it. We just didn't ever imagine it actually being real, I guess, so we were considering everything else in the book." The lull in conversation then makes Elizabeth feel like she has to speak—she hates the way these situations make her nervous. "I was on birth control." She blurts out, continuing on, "I had an IUD and got it taken out and—"

"You don't have to explain." The doctor interjects with a warm smile, "Plenty of women feel the need to explain themselves, but I'm not here to judge. I'm just here to help." She explains.

Elizabeth takes a deep breath, feeling a bit embarrassed in the way she just started blabbering, but goes ahead and nods with a smile that tried to match the same warmness as the doctors. But she's pretty sure it just looks like she has gas—that nervous smile always prevails.

"So I know you're wanting options?" Dr. Hoole says, half-statement and half-question while setting the clipboard down and turning back around to face her.

Elizabeth swallows thick, "Actually," she interjects, "I would like to just understand what the health risks are. For me and for a baby." She says, squeezing her hands that were tucked between her thighs and pulling her shoulders up around her ears.

Dr. Hoole nods, "Well," she says and clears her throat, "For the baby, there are increased likelihood of chromosomal abnormalities such as Down syndrome, and there's also the risk of preterm birth or low birth weight for the baby if you do make it full term, which is somewhat unlikely at this age." She explains carefully. "We recommend genetic testing during the first trimester to get ahead of any abnormalities that might appear, to prepare the family more." She says, "We'll figure this out later in the appointment, but do you have a ballpark guess of how far along you might be?"

Elizabeth's mind flashes with all the sex she and Henry has had in the past five months. While she's trying to think, she becomes awkwardly aware that her cheeks are hot and probably red, too. She swallows thick and looks down in her lap, trying to shield her face from the doctor, "I'm not entirely sure." She says.

There was another pause again, and Elizabeth almost looks up, but instead Dr. Hoole finally responds, "Nice," she whispers, writing something down on a clipboard.

Nice? Elizabeth thinks to herself, her heart throbbing somewhere in her throat from that one little word.

"No worries," Dr. Hoole says, looking up again, "We'll figure it out."

Elizabeth nods and rubs her hands together, sticking them back between her thighs so that she stops fiddling with them.

"As for risks for mom," Dr. Hoole continues, "Our bodies just aren't quite as resilient as they once were. At this age, we are more likely to develop gestational diabetes and are at a higher risk of preeclampsia and the need for cesarean sections." She explains, "We can always minimize these risks, but they'll always be there. That's just a given at our age." She says.

Elizabeth is suddenly grateful that this doctor is almost her age. It's not some young woman telling her how old she is, the use of the word "our" really helps her feel a little less old. And then she remembers why she's here anyway, and then she really stops feeling old. She simply nods, unable to really think of much to say anyway.

With this lull, it's the doctor this time who speaks, "Alright, let's get you into the sonogram room to—"

"Oh," Elizabeth interrupts unintentionally, "I—I can't leave. Secretary…" she explains.

"Right," the doctor answers, thinking for a moment. "We can just bring a machine to you. We'll be right in." She says, getting up and grabbing a gown from the drawer, handing it over to Elizabeth before leaving the room.

After changing, about another five minutes goes by before Elizabeth hears a knock again and sees the doctor with, presumably, a sonographer. "This is Kim," Dr. Hoole says, "She's going to get all the scans and I'll be back in if I see anything abnormal. But for now," she says, "Here are some pamphlets on your options." She explains, handing her a couple of papers. One was a pamphlet about geriatric pregnancies, which Elizabeth cringed internally at that "geriatric" word, and the other was a pamphlet on her options for termination.

"Thank you, Jennifer," Elizabeth says, noticing that Kim is already almost set up.

When Dr. Hoole shuts the door after leaving, Elizabeth turns back to notice that Kim has the stirrups up on this little bench. "I—" Elizabeth blurts out, then notices the wand on the sonogram machine. Internally, she groans, shutting her eyes and remembering all the invasiveness of having a baby. It's been thirteen years, after all—she'd finally gotten the memory of this little wand out of her mind. With one look, all the discomfort was back.

Kim is a much older woman, close to retirement age, Elizabeth suspects. She lays back and assumes the position begrudgingly. "I see you've had other kids," Kim starts warmly, and there's something about her voice that's comforting to Elizabeth. She furrows her brow for a moment, trying to pin what it is, but Kim continues, "So I probably don't need to explain this little guy to you, do I?"

Elizabeth snorts and shuts her eyes, "Unfortunately I am very well-versed with this." She murmurs, laying her hands nervously over her stomach. She feels awkward, then, even though there's no where else to put them really. Sliding them upwards, she settles on latching her hands over her chest while Kim is working between her legs.

"Alright," Kim says, "As you know, this will feel familiar."

Elizabeth's eyes widen as she stares at the ceiling, immediately wanting to laugh but decides she'd better not. Of course something going up there will feel familiar—but she wonders if that was an intentional pun or if the older woman was just blissfully unaware.

"I always tell my patients that it might be uncomfortable, but just because you're nervous." She says, "Because I'm sure everyone's had bigger than this."

With that, there's no denying that Kim's pun was purposeful. Elizabeth laughs and doesn't even notice that the woman had slid the wand into place. She didn't have any words, so she just bit her lip and stared at the ceiling uncomfortably while the other woman probes around.

She was just starting to breathe normally again when she heard a swishing noise. She'd heard this noise too many times to deny what it was. All three times she'd first heard it was a different reaction in itself, and this time was no different. Immediately, her eyes fill with tears and dumped over the corners and down her cheeks as she listened to that undeniable heartbeat.

Her chest rises and shakes as it falls, trying to control herself and keep from having a sobbing meltdown.

"Well, Elizabeth," Kim speaks up, "You're further along than you look to be, I'd say. Baby is measuring about fourteen weeks," she says, "And as you can hear, has a strong heartbeat."

"Wow," Elizabeth mumbles, unable to say anything else or otherwise she would lose her composure completely. She thinks of the little swell she saw in the mirror last night, the way Henry wanted so badly to touch it, and her breath hitches in her throat. She chokes just a little, resulting in the woman asking if she was okay and that small conversation after, and then Kim starts prepping to leave the room.

Once she's gone, Elizabeth gets dressed again, that heartbeat ringing over and over in her ears loud enough to deafen her. The doctor offers her a picture on the way out, but Elizabeth doesn't take it, she just wants to get back to normal.

When she gets back to work, she holes herself in her office and completely breaks. On her couch, she's looking out the window with her feet propped up, thinking about everything that led to where she is now. The only thing that kept crossing her mind over and over was George and how he died, and the concern surrounding that whole situation. And then after her mind would get past that, she kept getting an image of her holding a baby while trying to give a speech at the UN. It was ridiculous, sure, but the image kept making her feel sick.

With her hand resting on her forehead, the other on the couch beside her, Blake comes in and announces that Dr. McCord is here. "Ma'am," he says, "Are you alright?" He asks on his way back out to let Henry know she's ready for him.

She's sitting up now, very slowly, and she drags her eyes up to meet Blake's, "It's been a long few months, Blake," she whispers.

(A/N: Yes, the wand scene and Kim's comment is one of my favorite things I've ever written)