Dead … or… Not

Nineteen June nineteen ninety-three; Hogwarts Express.

"Do you know where you're going to stay this summer?" Daphne asked Harry.

She had been curious about his home a couple of weeks back and managed to extract the fact that Harry was technically homeless. The revelation he had spent months in a desert was mind blowing. She hadn't believed him and he had shrugged in response leading Daphne to wrap her pretty head around the fact that it could very possibly be true! The boy was completely obsessed with deserts after what she had seen him constantly research in the library.

Daphne couldn't understand why he was pouring over texts and making notes on how to turn objects into sand. Transfiguration was what she had suggested to him when she was looking over his shoulder at the notes he was making.

Harry had given her dirty look like she had suggested eating shit. He was equally obsessed with runes as well, Daphne realised at that moment.

"Donno," Harry replied irritably. He was constantly pushing his hair out of his face. It had grown wild and fell all over his ears and eyes. He had never needed a haircut in his life and now after the desert his hair had grown and he didn't know how to make it short again. He made a note to do research on runes to shorten hair but hadn't gotten around to it. He had turned against using spells after his desert experience. He found them too weak, boring and simple. They lacked the mesmerising quality of using magic with runes. It had caused him quite a bit of trouble in classes where using spells was necessary. It had gotten him to make a visit to the headmaster where he was simply informed that if he didn't turn in assignments and did the necessary spell work, he would be issued a warning letter. Further disregard for the rules, he would be expelled.

Harry had scowled and complied. He felt it weird he cared enough for Hogwarts that he didn't want to be expelled. The emotion had confused him for weeks until he gave up and buried in that ever growing pit of unwanted emotions.

"You don't know?" Daphne said perplexed. "What do you mean you don't know? We are on a train Harry," she said exasperatedly. "Where are you going to go when we reach Kings Cross?! Please don't say the desert."

Why did she chatter so much, Harry thought with an internal scowl. "Dumbledore will be there at the station," Harry said, his voice soft and laced with venom.

Daphne didn't know if the venom was directed at her or Dumbledore.

She opened her mouth to offer him to stay at her place but his glare confirmed the venom was directed at her.

The compartment door opened and Tracey Davis walked in. She was accompanied by Susan Bones and Zacharias Smith.

"Hey Daphne!" Tracey said cheerfully. "Hey Harry."

Harry ignored everyone and tuned them out in favour of focusing on the book of Chakras he had found in the mystic section of the Library. According to Indian spirituality; there were seven chakras in a human body and Harry found them remarkably similar to what he was seeing and feeling with the colours.

"What a weirdo," Smith scoffed and took a seat next to Harry. "Hey Potter, stop being such a nerd will ya!"

"Err… Zac," Daphne said warily. She sensed the air of murder growing around Harry. She had been in Harry's presence long enough to know it. "Please don't talk to him."

"Why!"

"Because you'll regret it."

Zacharias balked. "What? He what will he do? Kill me?" he laughed. "Do you even know how to kill Potter?" he joked.

"Zac!" Daphne shouted in panic.

Harry was clutching the ends of his book.

Smith looked at her, surprised at the tone of her voice.

"Shut the fuck up or get the fuck out!" she growled furiously.

"Wha-?"

"I mean it! Another word and I kick you out!"

Zacharias quailed. Although he didn't understand why. Daphne however sighed in relief and turned to Susan.

Harry let the void go. He had been seconds away from crushing the moron's neck.

A moment later he wondered why he stopped. Ancient blue eyes flashed in his mind and he knew why.

Albus Dumbledore was becoming a huge inconvenience.

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When the Hogwarts express reached Kings Cross and Harry disembarked he immediately saw Sirius waiting for him near the exit. Harry grimaced when he saw the man. He didn't want to see his parents. His green was acting weird and he didn't like it.

"Alright there Harry?" Sirius asked coolly.

Harry sensed a lot of anger in his red.

"Lord Black?" Daphne said in shock. Harry had forgotten she was still following him.

"Ms Greengrass," Sirius acknowledged.

Children began to pour out of the train and the noise and crowd began to grow.

"You didn't tell me you're staying with Sirius Black," Daphne said in surprise. Sirius Black was a famous man himself. Lord of a condemned family, a hero of the war and a victim of injustice. Daphne had seen him once in her father's office. Her dad had been the Blacks Wizengamot Law advisor for years.

Sirius arched his eyebrows in amusement.

"I didn't know you had a girlfriend Harry," he said grinning.

Harry stared at him nonplussed and Daphne blushed.

"He's not!" she retorted.

"Is your mother here to pick you? I haven't seen her in years."

I'll be taking the floo," Daphne said.

Not many used it, but there was a floo-stop in platform nine and three quarters.

"Ok," Sirius said. "Alright then. Let's get going Harry. See you later Ms Greengrass."

"Bye Harry," Daphne said with a wave. As she expected, Harry didn't respond.

"He can be a total dick right?" Sirius said with a hollow laugh and turned to go after Harry and make sure he didn't wander.

Daphne just smiled feebly. It was going to be a long summer.

Meanwhile Sirius caught up with Harry and took a tight grip of his shoulder. Harry looked at him murderously. "I need to apparate us," Sirius retorted sharply.

Harry suppressed the void and just nodded stiffly.

A loud crack later, Harry found himself in a meadow that looked very familiar. It had been a year.

"Come on," Sirius said.

Harry followed. A warm breeze rolled past and Harry sighed in pleasure. He was being led into the forest and not towards the house. Harry didn't question it. He just didn't care enough to worry. Finding a place to sleep wasn't a problem at all. If Sirius hadn't shown up, he'd have probably gone to Janus. Or even back to the desert or even a forest, if one was nearby. Having a roof and food served to him was no longer an issue.

They stopped in front of a grave. On the tombstone was written:

Here lies Moony.

Friend and eternal Marauder.

Harry looked at Sirius questioningly.

"That werewolf whose heart you ripped out was my friend. I know it wasn't your fault and I don't blame you. You were only protecting yourself."

Harry stared at his godfather, unblinking.

"I just want you to pay your respect to the man. He died thinking he had to save you."

"From what?"

Sirius chuckled humourlessly.

"From you."

Sirius turned and left leaving Harry to turn back to the grave with a puzzled frown.

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Born as the seventh month ends. Power to defeat the dark lord…

Harry didn't understand the prophecy very much except that he Dumbledore thought he had to kill some dark lord who had damaged his parents. It really didn't matter to him. He had a dream now he had a dream to see the magical world live in a desert and watch how they used magic to survive. He couldn't wait to see how they fared.

He giggled at the image of Dumbledore all shrivelled up, sweating and fighting a Troll. His eyes widened when another thought came to him.

Imagine if they had to survive against dangerous magical creatures as well. Wouldn't that be funny. He laughed in delight. The image was pure happiness.

"What are you laughing about?"

A curious voice cut in.

It was his father - James.

Harry scowled. The urge to kill the man burned in his fiercely. He was annoying, a baby and always poked his nose in his business.

A moment later Sirius came running along looking relived. "There you are buddy!"

"Ah crap!" James shouted and took off deeper into the forest downhill.

"You alright there Harry? Attempted any quick escape to a desert or far away mystical land?"

Harry scowled. He had in fact tried to apparate back to Hogwarts to get some books and unpleasantly found that there were wards blocking his exit from the area. Even trying to walk out didn't work. He inevitably found himself at different locations of the land around the cottage. It was a like a magical labyrinth that didn't let him out.

It made him angry but not mad enough to lash out with the Void.

"Fine," Harry muttered shortly. He gathered his books and decided to go back to the cottage.

If the insane twosome were playing outside, then the inside would be peaceful and quiet. Apart from the creepy shuffling feet of his mother of course.

She was in the living room when he entered. Randomly dragging her feet, dead eyes staring at nothing. No colours in her except for an aura of the palest of red that didn't deserve to even be called an aura.

Harry's green eyes traced her movements with a hollow feeling in his chest. Why was the green hurting? He was so detached with the green that it almost felt like a different piece of his soul. It felt like it was crying out in pain at seeing the lady in such a state.

Harry exhaled and his lips trembled.

Every time he saw her, he felt the same emotion from the green. It grew stronger with every moment and looking at Lily confused Harry like never before. Looking into her eyes made the green squeeze his heart.

He didn't like to see her like this. He hadn't felt like this the last time. The last time, she was just an oddity. Now she was an oddity that made his chest hurt.

In the warm atmosphere of the living room, where fire crackled in the hearth and a soulless woman creeped about, Harry raised a hand to his chest and gazed at the green.

"You don't deserve this," he said to her suddenly.

Lily didn't respond. She never did. She was dead. She was a human robot without a soul.

The green pulsed and Harry felt his eyes moisten.

This was confusing. It was too painful. He remembered the agony of having the green fully activated. It gave him an understanding of what was happening.

"Am I sad?" he whispered.

Lily shuffled past him aimlessly. Her hand brushed against his arm and Harry shivered. They were cold. The felt dead. She was his mother.

He turned around, cursing the green and the sage who made him this way.

"You don't deserve this," he repeated. His voice stronger and stranger.

Harry summoned the Void. He gently lifted her and placed her into one of the sofas. The Void began to rise and float towards her. There was a melancholy feel to it. What was about to happen was necessary and important to him.

"Rest," he said softly, not moving from his position and the Void wrapped itself over her nose and mouth like a barrier.

Harry felt the cold fingers of death hold his shoulder. The moment was intimate.

Seconds ticked by and her legs twitched. A minute was reached and hands and legs began to flail.

Harry remembered his Aunt.

The third minute was about to be reached when the body stopped jerking.

Killing his Aunt had filled him with pleasure.

Lily stopped moving. The faded red aura finally faded from the physical world. She was dead.

Killing his mother made him feel hollow.

He released the Void and stared into Green eyes, so similar to his. They had gone glassy.

He walked closer until he was close enough to touch her. He didn't make a sound. The Void hung around him with a heavy weight.

The room was silent as well. Magic went still. As if mourning the moment.

Harry lifted his arm and gently shut her eye lids.

"There," he said softly. "Now you're at peace."

He stared at her for a moment before walking to the opposite couch and seating himself. He then summoned his book on runes and his notes to continue reading like nothing had happened.

The cottage was quiet. Only the sound of crackling flames disturbed the silence.

"Perhaps the opposite of summoning water would work," Harry murmured to himself. "Moisture needs to be sucked out." He summoned another book which was a translation of runes. "Now where is that rune," he muttered.

Darkness fell outside and yet the living room felt darker.

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