Chapter 21
For the next two weeks, Tony heard absolutely nothing from Natasha, which made him more and more impatient. The Ten Rings would not let him go. He could hardly think of anything else, and it was hard as these thoughts were always accompanied by intense anxiety. The only solution seemed to him to erase the Ten Rings. If they no longer existed, how could they still pose a threat to him? How could they still frighten him?
But the days passed, and he waited in vain for a sign from Natasha. He hadn't talked to Pepper about it, perhaps because he had a guilty conscience. He didn't want to tell what Natasha and he had discussed and then skip that they had kissed. Besides, Pepper had been very offish the last few days and he didn't want to irritate her further.
Tony was standing in the kitchen, pouring himself a cup of coffee, and trying to ignore the restless and tense feeling inside him, when Jarvis suddenly spoke up.
"Sir, Colonel Rhodes is at the door. Shall I let him in?"
"Whatever."
Before Tony returned to the living room, he put a shot of rum into the coffee. Then, already slightly swaying, he made his way.
"Rhodey," Pepper called out, greeting the colonel joyfully.
She was sitting in her favorite spot on the couch, with her laptop on her lap and numerous papers around her. Tony noticed she was looking tired.
"Hey, Pepper," Rhodey greeted back, then nodded to Tony as well.
"To what do we owe the honor?" Tony asked, savoring his pimped coffee.
"Do I need a reason to come and see you?" Rhodey replied.
Tony didn't answer. Instead he threw himself on the sofa and undid the top button of his shirt; it was a very hot day in Malibu.
"So?" Tony asked again.
Rhodey seemed to observe him for a while before answering, and Tony tried putting on a poker face. "You're avoiding me again. You don't answer the phone, you don't respond to my messages. We haven't spoken for weeks. I wonder if you have a problem with me. Have I done something to upset you?"
"What?" Tony asked and yet again he had a guilty conscience. "I'm just… busy."
Pepper gave him a quick glance, but then turned back to her papers.
"So busy you can't call me even once?" Rhodey obviously seemed disappointed.
"This is exactly why I don't," Tony said. "Every time we meet, you come up with accusations."
"I come up with… what? What are you talking about, Tony?"
"Just… forget it. I'm just… Yeah, should have called…" Tony left the sentence unfinished and drank from the coffee.
He realized he was getting a little too drunk to have a meaningful conversation with anyone. He should have just shut up. None of this made sense anyway. Man, why had Rhodey come again in the first place?
An odd silence set in. As if somehow they had nothing else to say to each other. Then Pepper cleared her throat and offered Rhodey a soda, which he gratefully accepted.
While Pepper talked about Stark Industries' new plans and Rhodey asked questions, Tony just sat by and remained silent. It was strange. Whenever he was in company, he wished he could hole himself up, and whenever he was alone, he longed for company.
"Tony?" Rhodey asked at some point.
"Hm?"
"I asked when you're going to New York."
"Oh. Not at all. Pepper's doing that."
"By herself?"
"Sure, why not? Pepper knows what I want."
Pepper blushed a little and lowered her nose into some paperwork. "Yes, my plane leaves first thing in the morning. I'll be in New York for five days, sorting everything out. Then the construction can hopefully start very soon."
"Sounds good," Rhodey agreed and continued watching Tony closely. "So... how are you doing, Tony?"
Tony noticed Pepper giving him a furtive glance once again, and so he focused even more on his poker face.
"Good," he replied simply, suddenly with a very dry throat.
"And what about the Ten -"
"GOOD!" Tony shouted at the top of his voice before Rhodey could fully pronounce the name.
Rhodey and Pepper both winced. Tony jumped up and could already feel his pulse rising again.
Get ahold of yourself. Just think of something else.
"It's all good," Tony said, struggling to keep his voice calm.
Rhodey stood up as well, raising his hands placatory and looking confusedly from Pepper to Tony, but neither of them said anything explanatory.
"Um... Are we still talking about the Ten Rings here or is this about something else?"
Tony felt himself getting angry at the mention of the name. However, he wasn't as angry at the Ten Rings or at Rhodey as he was at himself. Why did he have to react so strongly to that name? He felt close to the next panic attack and tried to fight it.
"Did I say something wrong?" Rhodey asked, irritated.
"No… I…," Tony stammered.
The two stared at him, but Tony didn't know what to say.
"Sir," Jarvis broke the silence, and this time all three flinched. "Natasha Romanoff has entered the house, accompanied by Phil Coulson and Nick Fury."
"Now?" Tony asked.
"Now," Jarvis replied.
Relief at not having to give an answer quickly gave way to the realization that with the unannounced guests, the Ten Rings would be the topic above all.
Coulson was the first to enter the room, nodding stiffly to all three.
"Phil! It's good to see you," Pepper greeted him a little too euphorically, Tony thought.
"Phil?" Tony muttered to her, disgruntled.
A soft pink appeared on Pepper's cheeks, but she ignored him. Coulson was followed by Natasha and Fury.
"Natasha! Finally," Tony said, his mood lightening a bit.
"Natasha?" Pepper now whispered to him in return, at least as piqued as he had been.
"Stark," Fury greeted without looking at him. "Ah, and this must be Miss Potts. I've certainly heard a lot about you."
Pepper smiled briefly but looked distinctly tense. Perhaps she was expecting bad news from the agents' unusual visit.
"This is Colonel Rhodes of the Air Force, Director," Coulson explained, gesturing quickly to Rhodey.
"Ah," Fury made, apparently uninterested. "Pleased."
Rhodey nodded curtly.
"Well, Stark," Fury said. "Agent Romanoff has told me about your concerns, and we'd like to have a conversation about it."
"What concerns?" Pepper asked, puzzled.
Fury glanced at his wristwatch, as if to indicate he didn't want any loss of his valuable time. So Tony confined himself to telling her that he would explain everything later. Pepper looked like she was about to protest, but Rhodey put one hand on her shoulder and shook his head.
Tony led the three into the study and pointed to the long table. Fury and Coulson took seats on one side, Tony and Natasha on the other.
"Fine, fine," Fury began, leaning back casually. "So, Stark... you wanna attack the Ten Rings?"
Tony was already getting a bit annoyed by Fury's flippant choice of words. He sounded like he wasn't taking any of this very seriously. On the other hand, he had come here. After all.
"A reporter tipped me off that they are in -" Tony began.
"Yeah, yeah. I already know all that from Agent Romanoff," Fury waved it off, making Tony even angrier.
"Well, if you already know everything, we can skip that part and get right into planning something. Where are the Ten Rings? Where do I find them?"
"Slow down, Stark," Fury said, giving Tony a sharp look. "I'm afraid there's one crucial point we can't skip."
"And that would be?" Tony asked impatiently.
"Your suitability."
"My - what?"
"Sui-ta-bi-li-ty," Fury repeated, putting his right hand in a thinker's pose as he watched Tony most closely.
"Thank you, Dr. Pirate, for the explanatory remarks," Tony growled, looking very deliberately at Fury's eye patch.
Fury frowned, but Tony could have sworn, in the corner of his eye, he saw Coulson smirking briefly.
"I question your suitability for going on missions. We're not going to let you go to war unless we can be sure you'll survive it, Stark."
"What do you mean, 'let you go to war'? I don't work for you! I'm not a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, I'm free to do what I want."
"That's right. But you want our help."
Tony's anger grew even more. It was true. He wanted information. But he wasn't going to beg for it.
"I just need to know where they are."
"And I just need to know if you're ready."
With his eyes glinting of anger, Tony shifted restlessly back and forth in his chair.
"Mr. Stark," Coulson now interjected. "This is not about obstructing or antagonizing you in any way. We're glad to work with you."
"Then what's the problem?"
"The problem is that it has come to our attention that you are - how shall I put it - not quite fit on a ... mental level ... at the moment," Coulson opined.
"Excuse me?"
Fury reached out and Coulson slid a file into his hand. Then Fury flipped through a few pages. Tony could make out a bunch of paperwork and a few photos. One of them showed the hole in his house that the terrorists had caused.
"Is that -"
"Your file? Yes."
"Why do I have -"
"A file? Because you revealed your identity as Iron Man and are now under our surveillance. And I told you this when we first met: The Avenger's Initiative is looking for reinforcements, and we are keeping an eye on possible candidates. So... Ah yes, here it is. Well, as luck would have it, we also have some updated information from Agent Romanoff on your current condition."
Tony gave Natasha a quick glance before turning back to Fury. He had a very uneasy feeling.
"You haven't worn your Iron Man armor since the incident in Gulmira and the subsequent attack here at the house. That's almost three months ago. Why haven't you?"
"I had no reason to -"
"You almost killed yourself with alcohol poisoning and cocaine overdose. How could something like that happen?"
"That was - I didn't want -"
"Things seem to have gone downhill since then."
"What do you mean by downhill? It's not -"
"It says here that you are arrogant, narcissistic, eccentric, reckless, easily irritated, impulsive and not a team player."
"Well... maybe... I don't see a problem, though, cause -"
"And you're not stable on an emotional level right now."
"I'm not - what?"
"Agent Romanoff is not a psychologist or anything like that. But her reasoning for why you might be suffering from PTSD sounds coherent."
"PTSD?"
"Post-traumatic stress disorder."
"I know what it means! But -"
"She writes about dissociative states, flashbacks, nightmares and panic attacks. In addition, you seem to suffer from a massive sleep disorder and have been trying to self-medicate with alcohol for some time."
"That's an absolute exaggeration! Apart from that -"
"You seem quite damaged, Stark. You're looking pale, your hands are trembling, your hair is – well, not like it is usually with all the gel and the styling – you know what I mean. I could say even more, about your outward appearance alone. It all makes sense to me, it seems to fit... as does the fact that you're sitting at this table drunk right now."
"I didn't even have a drink -"
"I can smell your alcohol breath all the way over here."
There was a long pause. Tony was seething with anger inside. Natasha had put all that in her report on him? And now Fury wasn't even giving him a chance to explain himself, hitting him with one insolence after another?
If Tony had been a dog, he would have bitten now. Instead, he tried to stay calm and not let on. Flipping out would not be a suitable counterargument.
"This isn't about some mission or some excuse to be a hero or to make me look good," Tony said then. "This is about the men who held me captive, who tortured me and forced me to build a weapon for them. Can't you understand why this is so important to me?"
"Oh yes, of course I can understand," Fury said, closing Tony's file. "In the same way I can understand what this has done to you. There's no shame in experiencing post-traumatic stress. But it also means you have to take care of yourself before you go back into combat."
"Why does everyone think they know so much about me and what I am capable of?" Tony shouted angrily.
"The Ten Rings are a dangerous terrorist organization," Coulson interjected. "These people have already proven that they can fight back and do great damage. They also seem to be working with great zeal to take action especially against you, Stark. Those magnets almost got you. If we hadn't been around that day, you would have either been shot in your house or your reactor would have stopped. That would have been a short tenure as Iron Man."
"Where is Raza?"
"We don't even know at the moment. They change their hiding places almost daily. It's hard to keep track of them."
"Blah, blah, fuck this! Why are you so obstructive? We could be working together, we could have stopped this probably months ago! Why don't you want to help me?!"
"We do want to help you," Coulson said calmly. "But you're not ready."
"Not ready...?! What kind of bullshit is this?!"
"Stark, you're out of control," Fury said, now leaning forward. He gave Tony a searching look and then spoke the next words very slowly and with great emphasis. "What you need is to realize that you are totally out of control."
Tony felt disarmed. He had no chance at all. It had been agreed from the beginning! What had Fury and Coulson come for anyway? And for that matter, why was Natasha holding back so much?
"What did you bring them here for?" he snapped at her for that reason. "You said you would talk to them! You said you would help me!"
Natasha scratched her nose, seeming visibly uncomfortable.
"I said I'd talk to them, and I did," she then said quietly. "They're both here. And this was your chance, Stark."
"What chance?" Tony shouted indignantly. "Your report ruined everything, didn't it?"
"Should I have lied?" Natasha countered, also upset.
"I thought you were sticking up for me!"
"I did! I promised I would talk to them and ask them if they would come here to speak to you. Nothing more, nothing less!"
"Is that so? That all sounded a bit different the night we kissed!"
Again, there was a pause, but this time the silence was of a different nature. Fury and Coulson exchanged a glance before turning to Natasha, frowning. Natasha's expression changed from surprise to horror. Then she looked at Tony clearly fuming.
"Is that true?" Fury asked, his voice dangerously calm.
Natasha didn't answer. She stared at Tony with utmost disgust, and Tony couldn't blame her at all. It had slipped out of him, he hadn't meant to say that. But at the same time, he was as angry at her as she was at him, which is why he just stared back with rage.
"Natasha?" Coulson asked.
Finally, Natasha turned away and looked her superiors in the eye.
"Did you kiss Stark?" Coulson asked.
"Yes," she answered contritely.
Another pause.
"What the fuck is actually going on here?!" Fury asked, slamming his hands on the table. "Things seem to be going haywire around here. Is everyone just doing what they want?"
Both Natasha and Tony remained stubbornly silent.
"You are pulled off this case effective immediately, Romanoff," Fury then said. "Coulson?"
"Yes, Sir. Um..." Coulson said, seeming to think for a moment. "Natasha, you're going to join the New Mexico unit."
"New Mexico?" Romanoff asked incredulously.
"Effective immediately," Coulson emphasized.
Natasha didn't move. She seemed to be seething inside.
"Are you hard of hearing, Romanoff?" Fury asked, now a touch louder. "Get out of here. You have nothing to do with the Iron Man case until further notice."
Natasha stood up, then leaned down ominously toward Tony. "Well done!" she hissed in an icy voice before storming out of the room.
Again, Fury and Coulson glanced at each other with raised eyebrows.
"Our team remains in place for your safety," Fury said after a while, addressing Tony. "For now, we can't do anything for each other. But this is not a refusal. Take care of yourself. Get your shit together. Then we'll get back to this. Okay?"
Tony was silent, staring out the window. One phrase echoed steadily inside him.
Stark, you're out of control.
The only thing out of control right now was his blood pressure. It was raging inside him. A hurricane of anger swept over him. He was so angry that he couldn't bring himself to make a single sound. There was a roaring in his ears.
"Well then, Stark."
Fury and Coulson got up. Tony ignored the goodbyes. He continued to stare doggedly out the window.