Chapter 27

Pepper woke up from a fitful sleep. For a moment she didn't realize where she was, then she remembered the day before and recognized Tony's guest room. It was nearly seven in the morning, her usual time to get up anyway. So Pepper jumped out of bed and put on some - by her standards - more comfortable clothes which really just meant ditching her high heels. Pepper yawned sleepily and left the guest room for the kitchen. Then she put on some coffee and wondered if Tony was already awake.

"Jarvis?" she asked therefore. "Status on Tony?"

"Good morning, Miss Potts," Jarvis replied. "Mr. Stark has been awake since 4 a.m. He is currently in the bathroom on this floor, showing symptoms of fever and severe vomiting, causing him to get slowly dehydrated."

Pepper felt a twinge somewhere in her heart region, but quickly regained her composure. This was to be expected, she told herself. Pepper left the coffee where it was and, with an uneasy feeling, walked to the bathroom. There she knocked gently and then opened the door.

Tony seemed to be in a miserable condition. He was wet with sweat and his hair stuck flat to his head. His skin color was grayish-white and even his lips had lost all color. Tony's eyes were bloodshot and swimming in water as he gave her a quick glance before turning to the toilet and vomiting with violent retching. But much more than a bit of saliva didn't seem to make its way out of his mouth. Still, the whole spectacle went on for several minutes, during which Pepper just couldn't help but watching him speechless.

"Oh God, Tony..." she then whispered more to herself than to him and finally approached him.

She squatted down next to Tony and touched him on the back.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly.

"Are you okay?!" Tony yelled, extremely irritated. "Yeah, fine! I'm great, as you can see!"

Pepper pulled her hand back, but tried not to take it personally that he was snapping at her like that. Still, she couldn't help looking at him with raised eyebrows.

"Sorry..." Tony then said more quietly. "Didn't mean to yell at you."

"It's okay," Pepper replied. "Admittedly, it was kind of a stupid question."

She noticed that Tony's body seemed to be downright shaking, and he was breathing heavily, as if he'd been through a strenuous run.

"Jarvis says you have a fever," she said.

"Jarvis is a real gossip..." Tony replied tersely.

Then he closed his eyes and looked like he was concentrating on not throwing up right again. Pepper waited patiently.

"Might have," he finally said. "I'm cold."

"I'll get you a blanket. And water."

Pepper hurried, then held out a glass of water to Tony. He grimaced and shook his head.

"Oh, yes, you need to drink something. And it has to be more than what comes out," Pepper said firmly.

Reluctantly, Tony took the glass, but he was trembling so violently that he spilled some of the water. He cursed indignantly and scowled at Pepper as if it was her fault, but then brought the glass to his lips and took several small sips. In the meantime, Pepper put the blanket around his shoulders.

"You could have woken me up," she said, sitting down on the edge of the bathtub next to him.

"What for? So you can watch me puke?" Tony asked grimly, setting the glass down on the floor. "You have a weird fetish."

Pepper simply ignored his last comment. "No, to stand by you."

Tony waved it off. "No need. Nothing exciting happens here."

He spoke loudly and angrily, but Pepper was struck by how weak he looked. His eyes shone feverishly and he seemed to be having trouble keeping himself upright at all.

"Don't stare at me like that!" Tony grumbled even more.

"Tony..." Pepper said sympathetically.

But Tony screwed up his face at that moment and turned to the toilet. The water he had just ingested landed in the toilet through several rounds of vomiting. Tony gasped and coughed, and his face now took on a greenish hue. After a few minutes, Pepper was starting to worry. He still hadn't stopped vomiting. Or well, he did, but he had started dry heaving instead. She could see that he was getting weaker and weaker with each convulsion of his stomach. It got to the point that Pepper had to help hold him up in front of the toilet. Then Tony coughed a couple of times and was still. His breathing was coming out really fast, as if he hadn't managed to get a single breath in since he started being sick. Pepper allowed herself to let go of him again but stayed close beside him just in case.

"Thanks for the glass of water," Tony said, when he was able to breath again, sounding as sarcastic as possible.

Pepper remained calm. She left it for now, sitting quietly with him, thinking that she would probably worry more when he stopped snapping around.

As the hours passed, Tony's condition seemed to get progressively worse. Pepper would have preferred to contact Agent Romanoff right now, but she knew Tony wouldn't allow her to do that after such a short time. And she didn't want to just pass over him now that he had finally confided in her and asked for help. But Pepper was scared. She had prepared herself inwardly; but she had to admit that she had not expected this. How much did he have to drink every day for the withdrawal to be so bad now? And she wasn't sure she was good in assessing what would still be within the „normal" bounds of withdrawal symptoms and what would definitely be in need of medical treatment. Tony began to pronounce the words more slurred and his gaze became increasingly glassy. Pepper felt overwhelmed when Tony refused to drink any more water and puked his guts out. And what fluid wasn't already escaping through his stomach, he was sweating out.

We can't do this alone, Pepper thought. She was so so scared. She suddenly realized what responsibility she had. Tony had, in a sense, entrusted his life to her. Then, she reasoned, he would have to deal with one or another decision she made.

"Tony?" she asked cautiously. "I'm going to call Rhodey, okay?"

Tony didn't answer at first, his eyes were fixed on an undefined spot somewhere on the wall in front of him. Then he murmured a weak "okay".

As relieved as she was about that, his ok also worried her. How bad did he have to be to allow her to make this call without any protest? She walked outside toward the kitchen and dialed Rhodey's number in her cell phone.

"Pepper, what's up?" Rhodey's voice rang out.

"Rhodey, hi" Pepper said and decided to just drop it. "It's about Tony."

"Oh."

Pepper bit her lip. Was it ever about someone else?

"Before you say anything. Tony stopped drinking," Pepper said.

There was silence on the other end of the line.

"Rhodey?"

"Um... ok? When?" Rhodey said, sounding a little distracted.

"Well... yesterday, actually."

A short snort escaped Rhodey, and Pepper got a little annoyed at how dismissive he was being.

"Tony stopped, so that's a good thing," she said coolly.

"Yeah. I'm sorry, you're right, that is a good thing. It's just... I'm still really pissed… What he said to me… what he did…"

Pepper knew about the last time Rhodey had visited Tony and where he had tried to get im into rehab. Without success, but with an unpleasant end.

"Yes... But Rhodey - he's sick. Tony's sick."

"I know that, but it doesn't excuse -"

"He needs our help."

She could hear Rhodey sighing on the other end of the line. "All right. What can I do? Where is he doing it, is he in a rehabilitation center yet, or do you want me to pick him up?"

"That's why I'm calling you. We're doing this here at his home. No rehab."

"Pepper..."

"Yes, I get what you're about to say, but -"

"You know he should be hospitalized? From what I saw, he was drinking heavily. Two bottles of hard liquor a day? Maybe more...?"

"I guess it has to be more," Pepper said. "And I know... but you know Tony as well. What he doesn't want to do, he doesn't do. And I was afraid he'd change his mind if I told him I wasn't supporting him then."

"You're putting yourself in a bad position," Rhodey said.

He still sounded restrained, but a hint of concern mixed into his tone. Pepper poured herself a cup of coffee - cold by now, of course - and took a generous sip. Then she took a deep breath.

"Can you come over?"

"Pepper..."

"Rhodey, please. I don't know what to do. Tony's been throwing up for hours; he has a fever... The withdrawal is totally kicking in... And I'm scared."

"..."

"He needs our help. And Indeed your help. Rhodey, please."

There was silence on the other end of the line, and Pepper waited anxiously. Uncertain, she lowered her cup and listened to the silence. Then Rhodey finally spoke.

"All right, I'm coming."

Tony had lost all sense of time. His stomach ached and seemed to have cramped into a hard rock. The dry heaving stayed constant, and it didn't look like anything was going to change soon. This brought Tony to the verge of despair. He felt like he was about to collapse.

"Pepper... I don't think I can do this..."

He was feverish and finding it increasingly difficult to focus on things in his field of vision. Rather, his eyes were swimming around aimlessly. He was still sweating profusely, relieved only by cold shivers in between.

"I'm sure you can do it," he heard Pepper say.

But Tony wasn't sure of that. He would have preferred to give up. He knew full well, one decent drink - and this horrible feeling would be over.

"Maybe this isn't such a good idea," he said in a blur. "Maybe I'd better reduce the drinking for a while before I quit altogether."

"Tony..." Pepper said calmly, dabbing the sweat from his forehead with a towel.

"I can't do this."

"Yes, you can."

Everything hurt, every muscle and bone in his body ached. He would have preferred to lie down, but he also wanted to stay here in front of the toilet, even when at best only a little gastric juice found its way in.

"Miss Potts," Jarvis informed her. "Colonel Rhodes has just arrived."

"Good, send him right over."

"Very well."

A moment later Rhodey entered the room. When he saw Tony, he immediately rushed over and kneeled beside him.

"You should be in a hospital," Rhodey said worried.

"Hey, Rhodes," Tony said weakly, forcing a smile.

"You look awful."

"I feel worse than I look..."

"Shit, Tony..."

Tony felt a little ashamed, but the feeling was short-lived. He had significantly bigger problems right now.

"How long has it been since your last drink?" Rhodey asked.

"Too long."

"Thirty-seven hours," Jarvis answered the question.

"You know that it's getting even worse then?" Rhodey said.

"Can't get any worse," Tony muttered.

"Yes, it can. And it will."

Tony listened with only half an ear. His stomach did a flip and he quickly tried to bend over the bowl. Rhodey grabbed him by the shoulders and gently guided him in place. Again, he choked up what felt like half his stomach, while Rhodey continued to hold him.

"You're not drinking enough water," Rhodey then stated. "You don't have anything in your stomach."

A chill went through Tony and he leaned back, shivering violently and gasping loudly.

"He's rejecting everything," Pepper said. "Says he's too sick."

"You've got to drink, Tony. Otherwise there's no point to any of this," Rhodey said. "Okay... let's get you up to bed for now so you can lie down for a while. You can't even sit up straight anymore. And you need to drink. Preferably something sugary."

"There's nothing staying in anyway," Tony explained.

"But better you have something in your stomach to throw up than just this dry heaving, right?"

Tony didn't answer. He didn't care about anything; he just wanted this all to stop. Rhodey waved Pepper over and together they helped him stand up. They each took an arm and put it over their shoulders. Tony felt so weak that he could barely take a step forward. But the two of them helped him up the stairs and carried most of his weight. Still, it felt like he was running a marathon.

Once in the bedroom, the two laid Tony on the bed. Pepper got a bucket and set it down next to the bed while Rhodey went downstairs to get something to drink.

"Cold," Tony muttered, shivering.

Pepper covered him with a blanket. Lying down brought some relief, but the ache in his limbs was just as severe. Rhodey handed him an open bottle.

"Drink this."

Tony suddenly felt insanely thirsty and drank eagerly from the bottle. It tasted sweetish.

"Slow down," Rhodey admonished him. "Not too much at once."

Tony made an effort to take in small sips of the sugary drink. Then he just lay there for a while. He had been in complete agony for hours now. Was being an alcoholic really worse than this? Just when he thought his stomach had calmed down a bit, it taught him otherwise.

"...Have to... throw up..."

He quickly was brought to an upright position by Rhodey and then he swung his legs over the edge of the bed with much difficulty. Pepper held the bucket out to him. Immediately Tony was vomiting up all the fluids he had so laboriously been drinking in small sips over the last hour. After he was finished, Tony was so exhausted that he felt the urge to just cry.

He didn't know why, but at that moment, Tony remembered a day - he had been around 17 years old - when Howard had suddenly taken him to a business meeting, something he had never done before. Tony hadn't exactly been thrilled, but had dutifully listened and even joined in with his own ideas, which had made the business partners smile - Tony had been very charming even then. Afterwards, his father and he had sat in the office at Stark Industries, and Howard - obviously pleased with him for once - had put a glass of amber liquid in Tony's hand and explained the difference between a whisky and a whiskey. While Tony had been drinking, Howard had told him that while an American actually should appreciate bourbon, an excellent Scotch would always be superior to it. It had been one of the few moments when Tony had felt connected to his father, and so he had decided to drink Scotch from then on.

Tony felt like he could taste the strong flavor of the scotch his father had given him back then. He would have liked a sip of it now, too. And with that very thought, panic hit him. Because he really wanted to take a sip of it. And that was forbidden. It was dangerous. He was not allowed to take another sip. Never again.

It was as if someone turned off the sound. Tony's heart rate began to accelerate. The panic made its way through his entire body, creeping up his neck and gripping it like an iron fist. It crept to his fingertips and made him shudder. Tony leaned forward and buried his face in his hands. The fist at the back of his neck moved to his throat and squeezed. Once again, he felt like he couldn't breathe. Both Rhodey and Pepper seemed to have noticed immediately what was happening. Rhodey squatted down in front of him to be eye level with him.

"Easy, Tony..." he said in a calm voice. "Everything is fine. Just calm down..."

"I... I can't... breathe..."

Thousands of tiny pinpricks stretched all over his body, his arms tingling and feeling numb at the same time. He felt like he was about to suffocate. Rhodey put his hands on Tony's knees.

"Slow down, Tony... try to focus on your breathing."

"Can't..." Tony gasped.

He noticed that Pepper sat down close beside him on the bed grabbing his hand.

"Pep..." he gasped. "I can't... can't do this..."

Pepper tightened her grip. "You're going to be fine, Tony. You're having a panic attack and it'll pass. We wait together. You're not alone in this."

Tony felt tears welling in his eyes, but he fought them, not wanting to cry in front of the others. Still Rhodey and Pepper were sitting down with him, talking him through it. And then, after about twenty minutes, the panic gradually subsided. As the panic disappeared, the last vestige of strength seemed to leave his body. Everything hurt. He could no longer hold himself upright and slumped against Pepper, who caught him. Then they helped him back into bed and tucked him back in. Tony was so exhausted he almost dozed off a little.

Pepper looked down at Tony with a worried expression. It all seemed so much worse than she had feared. She was sure that even Tony himself had not expected such intensity. What almost scared her most, though, was that this wasn't Tony Stark anymore. Whoever was lying there on the bed so sweaty, shivering and suffering, it couldn't be him. Pepper's world felt upside down.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" she asked Rhodey.

"Sure," Rhodey replied, glancing at the dozing Tony.

Pepper walked out of the room, followed by Rhodey.

"This is a disaster!" Pepper cried out, finally letting her emotions run wild. She wanted to control herself in front of Tony, as he certainly didn't need a hysterical Pepper at this point, but now she needed a moment herself. Pepper ruffled her hair and then looked at Rhodey. "I don't know if I can handle this, Rhodey! I can't take this stress!"

"Woah. Now slow down, Pepper," Rhodey said, raising his arms placatingly. "You knew what you were getting into, didn't you?"

"Yes!" she exclaimed, running her hands over her face several times. "No! I mean, yes! But - my God! Didn't you see him?! It is terrifying… I can't stand it, Rhodey, I can't stand it!"

"Pepper, calm down."

In fact, now it seemed to be her turn for panic. "I think I have reached my breaking point. This is too much."

"Pepper..."

Rhodey came up to her and then simply took her in his arms. They stood together in silence for a while until Pepper was actually able to calm down a bit. The Colonel's strong arms gave her the safety and assurance that she needed right now to go through this.

"Thank you..." she said after a while, breaking away from him.

"Feel any better?" he asked with concern, keeping his hand on her arm.

"Yes. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... such an outburst..."

"It's fine, Pepper. I feel the same."

"Yes... It's just..." she mumbled, feeling a few tears welling up in her eyes. "I hardly recognize him. What if that breaks him for good? What if he doesn't become himself again? Also, it hurts me so much to see him suffer like this."

"I know. Me too."

"Maybe we should have been there for him more… We just let him do it…"

"But you were there, weren't you?" Rhodey pointed out calmly. "No, Pepper…it's not our fault. Nor is it our responsibility."

"Maybe you're right," Pepper said, and now a few tears did run down her cheeks. "I should have noticed something when he came back from Afghanistan, though. To be honest, I did notice something, but..."

"Tony pushed us away. All of us. We were there all along, we kept coming to him, trying to talk to him. Especially you. And every damn time, he pushed us away. It had to come to this," Rhodey concluded glumly.

"I'm just so scared. Even if he gets through withdrawal – he's still traumatized. It might even get worse."

"It might, yes. However, this is not what we should focus on now. One step after another."

Pepper looked at Rhodey and smiled slightly. "Thank you for coming… Despite your anger… Thank you."

"No, thank you, Pepper, for reminding me that this is still my best friend."

They were silent for a moment, watching the sun disappearing behind the horizon. Day two was coming to an end with that. Then suddenly it was Jarvis who snapped them out of their thoughts.

"I am detecting Mr. Stark's condition is worsening. I recommend you quickly intervene."

Pepper and Rhodey stared at each other, startled, then hurried back into the bedroom.