"What do you mean 'he keeps dying during training'?!" rang a voice Kazuma only recognized from what he'd assumed were dreams.
Ma, his de-facto teacher, spoke up, trying to defend his fellow master. "It's not quite that simple, you see. Akisame is quite proficient in the healing arts and is fairly aware of the limits of the human body. Today was a different kind of accident, as you clearly saw. Were it not for your timely intervention, he likely would have died, so thank you."
Kazuma let out a groan, rolling slightly onto his side, propping himself up with an arm before he could finally sit up fully. "The hell hit me?" He asked, rubbing his head, stopping as he noticed the wrap around one side and an eye.
Miu jumped up at Kazuma's voice, rushing over with a smile plastered to her face. "Kazuma! You're okay! Appachai accidentally hurted you and we thought you were going to die but this… person came by-"
"Excuse you, I am a goddess you bimbo!" Aqua disputed, walking up next to the blonde before plopping down beside her. "And I only healed him to find out why he kept mostly dying! Do you have any idea how much paperwork you gave me to deal with back in the divine realm?" She asked Kazuma, prodding his chest and pushing him back down. "To think, it was just a bunch of fight-happy idiots pushing a NEET too far!"
Kazuma, feeling attacked, slapped her finger away. "Oi, I'm no NEET! I go to school, I train daily, and I have friends!"
"Tch, no more maybe! But I read your record and until you started coming here and dying, you hadn't left your house other than to buy video games for nearly a year! You had even less friends than that Shirahama kid I reincarnated a month ago." That sparked a thought in her normally vacant brain, making her expression turn stormy. "And you! You're friends with the demon king of this world! How does that even happen?"
"Oh great, another chuuni," he griped, rolling his eyes.
"Actually, she might not be," Hayato's jovial voice stated, stroking his beard. "See, when she arrived, she really did heal you. Her hands glowed and suddenly your wounds started to disappear. Wouldn't even be the strangest thing I've seen. Remind me to tell you about the time I had to fight a zombie sometime."
That bomb dropped, Kazuma closed his eyes, gathering his thoughts before soldiering on. "So, Nijiima isn't full of it and is actually a demon king?"
"Yes! That's why I want to know how you managed to befriend him!" Aqua shrieked, striking his chest lightly to make sure he didn't ignore her.
"Bitch, stop hitting me! We just started talking after-" Something else she'd said during her rant finally struck him as he shot back up, grabbing her shirt and shaking her. "You saw Kenichi?! Is he doing alright now? Does he have friends? Is he happy?!"
"Let me go you filthy perv!" Aqua pushed Kazuma off of her, taking a moment to fix her shirt before answering. "Yes, he's doing fine. He has more friends already in that world than he ever did here. If I remember correctly, Eris told me he had… three? Girls in his party now. One of them is even the princess of a country if Eris wasn't joking."
With that information, what little pity and self-hate Kazuma held towards himself for Kenichi's demise evaporated, replaced with indignant jealousy. It wasn't that Kenichi didn't deserve it after saving his life so much just wishing he was the one with three hotties. Taking in the gathered masters, Renka, Miu, and Aqua, Kazuma does a headcount. Excluding Aqua, that actually made the two of them tied. Though Kazuma was willing to bet that Kenichi wasn't getting friendzoned and bullied.
The jealousy retreated slightly,, and Kazuma forced himself to smile. "I'm glad he's doing well," he said at length, somehow meaning it but feeling dirty all the same.
"Yes, yes, this is all well and good, but you still have training to do, my boy! This 'goddess' fixed you up well enough, so it's time to get back to work," Ma said, pulling him to his feet and dragging him along.
"Ma! You can't just take him back to training, he was dead!" Miu yelled at the Chinese master, completely missing the vindictive smile that overtook Renka's face at the reminder of Kazuma's temporary demise.
Kensei waved her concerns off, completely uncaring. "You saw him moving, he already felt well enough to berate our guest here, so he should be fine to finish his training while the night is young. Come along Renka, you can help me throw baseballs for him to help his evasion training."
"You sure we shouldn't start with a hammer?" Renka suggested, a wicked grin on her face. "After all, if you can dodge a hammer, you can dodge a punch."
Kazuma struggled against Kenei's grip, grabbing the door with all his strength, not that it mattered as Kensei pulled him along without any apparent effort, a giddy Renka following the two.
"Relax, we won't throw hammers are you, Kazuma."
"Some relief that is!" Kazuma snapped
"Today, anyway. If the baseballs aren't motivating enough…and to think! When I was your age, I would have been willing to face a dozen men to have a beautiful woman touch my balls."
"DAD!" Renka gasped as they rounded the corner.
"Slip of the tongue, slip of the tongue, my dear."
Aqua huffed, crossing her arms in frustration. "Great to see you ungrateful mortals just ignore the presence of a goddess. Didn't even have the decency to offer me some bubbly."
Sakeki, who had been silently drinking beer in the background, perked up at that, pulling a can free from his six-pack. "Eh, I'll part with a can of booze for a rez." He then tossed it over to Aqua, the bluenette catching it with only a bit of fumbling.
Aqua giddily opened the can, taking a deep swig of it before letting out a content sigh. "Ah, that's so much better. They don't let us drink this stuff upstairs. Now, would any of you be interested in joining the Axis Cult?" She asked, the survival instincts of all of them kicking in, causing them to flee the room. The only one still there? Appachai, who was confusedly looking around, wondering why everyone ran. Aqua slowly approached the large man, an ominous aura engulfing her as she held out a pen and a contract for joining her religion.
Appachai, who feared near nothing, gulped deeply, his hand shakily taking the piece of paper and pen.
Renka took far too much sadistic glee in pelting Kazuma with baseballs. She had even gone so far as to whip them faster than most professional pitchers could, using the training she'd had over the years. At first, Kazuma had been hit by at least nine of every ten balls. By the third round, she begrudgingly admitted her dad might be onto something as Kazuma surprised her. He had, instead of just blocking them with his underdeveloped arms and dodging the rest, he'd picked up two of the balls, using them to help deflect the pitches. Sure, it wasn't terribly impressive from a martial artist's perspective, but it was still decently inventive.
Kazuma leaned backwards, almost falling over as Renka threw a particularly nasty fastball at his head. "Crazy bitch, you trying to kill me!?" He asked, hearing the ball go through a wall behind him.
Renka smirked, tossing another ball up and down in her hand. "Me? Well, it won't kill you if you dodge, right?" she asked, whipping the ball, aiming this time 'below the belt.'
Kazuma jumped over it, only to realize he'd been played. She wanted him in the air so he couldn't dodge. Feeling that, he threw one of his defensive balls towards Renka. His luck kicked in once again, as the ball managed to hit her ball mid-air and deflected the projectile.
"Tcht, lucky shot," she grumbled, crossing her arms in irritation. It was only now that she'd run out of balls she realized her dad hadn't been helping. "Dad?" She asked, turning to see what he was doing, only to be infuriated as she saw him looking at a swimsuit magazine. "Dad! You're staying in Japan for the express purpose of teaching this loser and you can't even be bothered to stop looking at smut?!" She shouted, stomping towards the pervert, intent to inflict temporal justice upon him.
"Huh?" Kensei said, looking up to see his furious daughter and realizing he'd been caught. "Uh, I thought he might benefit from your tender mercies?" He pathetically offered, beginning to back up and searching for an escape route. Based on her cracking her knuckles, she didn't buy it. So, he did the intelligent thing and fled.
Dashing after him, reprimanding him, "Get back here you lousy deadbeat of a father!"
Kazuma let loose a sigh of relief. "Well, might as well pick up the mess we made," he said to himself, starting to pick up the baseballs, tossing them into the bin that the duo had been pulling them from. As he was finishing up, a delicate hand caught his wrist.
Shigure let out a grunt, letting go of his hand. "Form… bad. Try… like this," she directed him, showing him what she meant.
It wasn't a terribly large change, from his perspective, but she seemed insistent. Shrugging, Kazuma corrected his form, tossing the ball. Before, he'd made most of the shots, usually by bouncing them in from the rim of the hopper. This time, it went straight down the center. "Huh. I guess a baseball is a weapon too if you want it to be, eh?" He asked Shigure, too exhausted for his normal perverted tendencies to take over.
Shigure's usually stoic expression slowly morphed into a smile as she nodded.
He felt he was close, that she was thinking of something else before he asked. "Or is it more accurate to say anything could be a weapon if you want it to be?"
Shigure's small smile grew as her head moved faster, the stoic master vibrating energy at him understanding the idea without her needing to explain it. Tochumaru, her 'pet' mouse scurried up to her shoulder, holding a thumbs up at his revelation. He'd seen the insanely intelligent mouse before, but before now he'd always seemed to look down on him. Likely because the first time they'd 'met' Kazuma had been trying to perv on his owner.
Kazuma looked back up to Shigure, seeing how happy she was with a hint of nervousness. He sighed, knowing he'd regret this, but unable to deny making a beautiful woman happy, he asked her, "Would you like to show me?"
Shigure's face almost lit up as she grabbed his collar, dragging him away.
Kazuma had expected some form of obscure new torture to be his introduction to training with Shigure, but instead he found himself in her workshop, surrounded by walls of weapons and a forge. "Wow, I didn't even know that this place was in the dojo," Kazuma said in awe, looking over the different weapons as he waited for Shigure to finish digging through a pile of gear.
Kazuma had been behaving, his exhaustion stifling his horny thoughts, but Shigure's rear was right there, sticking up in the air as she was leaned over in a crate. If it weren't for the damned rat watching him, Kazuma could admit to himself he might have risked his very life to spank those perfect glutes. As it was, he'd watch from a distance. Ideally outside of the range of a sword swing.
Eventually, Shigure popped back up, holding a half dozen blunted throwing knives. They were old, beaten, pitted, and the leather holder for them looked like it had seen better days, but they still looked like they could do damage. She didn't even wait for him to respond, instead sliding up next to him, wrapping an arm around his left and soon strapping it to his forearm correctly.
Not that he was aware of that, he was mentally lost in the sensation of his arm 'trapped' in cleavage. Before he could properly enjoy it though, she pulled away, looking proud of her handiwork. Shigure grabbed his shirt again, dragging him back out to a small area full of wooden targets. It had already started to get dark, but that didn't seem to deter the excited weapon mistress as she pulled her own kunai from somewhere that Kazuma was incredibly interested in finding out. "Like… this." Shigure took a single knife, flicking it straight forward faster than Kazuma's eyes could follow, sinking deep into a bullseye.
"Uh, Shigure?" He half asked, unsure of where to even start.
Shigure blushed lightly, realizing she'd gone too fast. "Sorry" she meekly apologized, going slower this time so he could follow along properly.
And that was how Shigure gained her first student.
"So, so, this demon lord asshole, keeps attacking Belzerg, and putting my people in danger! I've sent dozens if not hundreds of stupid NEETs to deal with him, but most of them end up dying in a few months even with their cheat items! Stupid mortals just don't know how to fight like they did before," Aqua complained, throwing back her head as she took another drink of beer. "And don't even get me started on how boring death processing is! I'm just glad I don't need to deal with the damned souls. That's a different department altogether."
At some point, Aqua and Appachai had managed to find their way back to one of the communal areas, and Sakaki had been parted from more beer to see how much the goddess could handle. So far, she'd had more than him and was still mostly fine.
"So, that's why I'm still here! I'm taking a freaking vacation! I'll still look into that filthy demon lord, but I ain't going back until I feel fully charged!" She shouted, finishing off her beer before letting loose a belch. "'Scuse me."
"I see. Well, we do have room to spare here at the dojo and seeing as… Appachai, is one of your followers now, we can offer you a bed and food, so long as you pull your own weight," Hayato offered, knowing a deal when he saw one. If she could heal Kazuma like she had before, he might even start training the boy. It wasn't very often he got to play with fresh meat.
"Wuh? Like, work?!" She asked, the very idea appalling to her.
"Hoho, nothing so crude! I'd just ask you'll heal around the dojo. Surely, that isn't such a hard task for a goddess such as yourself?" He asked, knowing her ego and inebriated state wouldn't let her back down.
"Pft, yeah! I could heal anything you jar-heads do with one pinky finger. You keep me in bubbly and food, and I'll keep healing you guys," she eagerly agreed, happy that they'd come to an agreement. "Well, that and maybe help me find that filthy demon."
Far in the distance, a certain pointy-eared demon sneezed, a tremor of terror going through him.
Kazuma covered his mouth, letting loose a drawn out yawn.
Niijima prodded Kazuma, laughing at how he almost toppled over. "What, you trained too hard last night?"
"Ugh, that wouldn't have been too bad, but I got read the riot act when I got home. Shigure decided to teach me how to throw properly and I didn't get home until almost midnight. Whatever, I've stayed up later raiding. When I got home, though, my parents really gave it to me about being out on the town, being a bad influence on my brother, etc, etc. You know, the usual crap with them," Kazuma explained, adjusting his backpack and jumping lightly in place to try and wake himself up a bit more.
As they left the school and passed the gate, neither noticed the student that had been leaning on the wall. Instead of being dressed in her usual jeans and t-shirt, she was still in her own school clothing. Bouncing off of the wall, she let out a whistle, trying to catch their attention. "Oi, Satou, Haruo, I got a bone to pick with the two of you."
The duo turned as one. Kazuma had no idea who the girl was, only vaguely recognizing she was at least a year ahead of them. Niijima recognized her as Valkyrie, one of the fists of Ragnarok instantly though.
"Uh, Kazuma, I have somewhere to be, handle this would you?" Niijima asked, patting Kazuma on the shoulder before running for his life. "I'll always remember you fondly!" he shouted as he disappeared around a corner, showing his true colors.
"Tch, I'll just have to hunt him down later." Kisara walked in front of Kazuma, motioning for him to follow. "Now, come along or I'll have to do this in front of the school," she said, her tone making it clear that he wasn't going to enjoy what was coming his way.
The issue was, well, Kazuma. In his mind, this was his popular period finally coming to life. Sure, she wasn't nearly as stacked as Miu or Renka, but this girl was already trying to drag him off to do lord knows what. "Oh ho, quite forward, aren't we? I'd usually insist on a date or two first, but I feel I could make an exception this once."
Kisara froze at his words, barely inside of the alleyway but steaming furious. "What?!"
"What? You're an attractive girl, your legs are fantastic, and you clearly know what you want. I don't see why to force you to wait for a date before giving you whatever you-" Kazuma was cut off as a sharp kick flashed up, almost taking his head off. It wasn't as fast as he'd grown used to, but it was still far faster than most people could dream of. "Oh, foreplay?" He asked, his sleep-deprived mind still thinking he might get lucky.
"What? No! You gigantic perv! I was told to make it clear to you and that freak that the two of you are no longer welcome at our gambling events! You two almost made us bankrupt in a single night when you tricked Thor into leaving in the middle of a fight!" She shouted, her cheeks an atomic red as she tried to relax into a proper stance. Before she lowered her leg, Kazuma was disappointed. She was wearing spats.
Kazuma blinked slowly, his mind catching up before he finally got it. "Oh, this is supposed to be a beat down?" He asked, dropping his bag down onto the ground, stretching, his neck and shoulders cracking loudly.
Kisara let out a slow breath, glad he finally got the idea. "Yes, that. Now, are you going to take it like a man or-"
"Huh, I didn't expect you to be a pink kind of girl," Kazuma casually stated, holding a familiar pair of panties in his hands, stretching them out as her spats dangled from his one pinky. "Are you sure you really want to fight without these?" He asked, spinning them on his fingers, a cocky smirk on his face.
"I, you, what?!" She asked, feeling the wind blow, her hands shooting down to make sure her skirt didn't get picked up by a stray gust. "Give those back you piece of shit!" She demanded, holding out an expectant hand.
Kazuma crossed his arms, feigning thought before shaking his head. "Hmmm, nah, I don't think I will. I'm too tired to fight today, and I'm pretty sure you'll start kicking the second you won't be flashing me. Besides, I'm sure Ma Sense wants me to bring back a prize to show off.I'll get them back to you, but not today. Later, Red."
"My name is Valkyrie you pervert, not Red!" Her words fell on deafs ears though, the out of it disciple already sprinting away with a pep in his step.
"Ma-sensei is going to be so proud of me!" He jeered as he left, laughing.