Chapter Forty-Seven

The unfortunate yank on the comforter rolled the salamander's weight out of the crevice of her arm into a full three-sixty flip, and Kaoru's features winced even as she hid under the shield of the blanket. Every muscle in her face scrunched in humiliation and shame, and the inside of her head lit up with embarrassed cursing and self-name calling.

"Miss Kaoru? What's wrong?"

Kenshin was naturally worried about her strange actions, and his tone reflected it openly. The informal questioning felt easy and welcome, but at the same time new and overwhelming. Two conflicting responses raged war within her, and her diaphragm jerked and twitched in agitation.

"Miss Kaoru?"

His hand was on the blanket, but she fisted her fingers to keep it from moving.

"W-wait."

The soft and shaky request stilled the weight of his fingers, and she swallowed.

"I-I'm sorry… I just…" Sapphire eyes clenched shut as she fought her racing heart. "Everything's so confusing and… I don't know what I'm feeling right now."

There was a short pause, and the weight of his hand disappeared completely.

"Okay. I'll wait." The gentle understanding and acceptance in his words only added to her emotional upheaval. He was so willing to give her the space she needed, and her heart ached with foreign but also expected affection.

This… isn't real. It can't be.

A muted sob caught in her throat, but she twitched when the salamander's nose nudged her hair. Glancing up and to the side to find it had dug itself under the blanket edge with her, she mouthed a silent apology. It huffed, as if offended, but settled down on its haunches next to her pillow to also patiently wait. Throbbing pain itched her fingers and hands, but the bite of her lip between her teeth distracted her from the nuisance caused by the leftover wounds. When she was able to speak again, her voice was small and emotional.

"Are you still there?"

"Of course."

"… This is so unreal." The tightness in her throat was restrictive, and fought every word she forced from her mouth. As a result, the tone of her voice lifted towards her sinuses and came out slightly high-pitched.

"How so?" His continued mellow tone was neither judgmental nor amused.

"Because… I-I've wanted to meet you since I was ten. How…?" Her voice choked, and she pressed the blanket to her forehead. "How can it feel like I'm meeting you for the first time when… I've also been in love with you for months?"

For several long seconds, the silence in the room was deafening, and her muscles tightened anxiously. Sharp pain in her right foot stabbed upwards through her leg, but she fought the twitch of her nerves to wait instead for his response. Finally, the rub of fabric rustled in the quiet, and then the mattress dipped next to her hip under his weight. Once again, his hand wrapped around the blanket, but she released it slowly when he pulled it free.

The sudden sight of his serious face forced her lungs to expand, as if dying for breath, and she shivered vulnerably as he helped her sit up. Now at eye level, his dense violet eyes seemed to peer into her soul, and all the air in her lungs stalled as she held her breath. He was looking at her, at no one but her. She had his full undivided attention, and it made her heart tremble. What felt like an eternity later, his lashes fell, his head bowed forward, and his voice carried clearly.

"Hello. My name is Himura Kenshin. I love cooking, dry saunas, and I'm a bit of a compulsive cleaner. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Dark brows smashed together and scrunched upwards, and her breath caught on a hiccup before responding in kind.

"My name's Kamiya Kaoru… I-I love singing, my parents, and perfecting Kamiya Kasshin-ryu. I… really suck at cooking."

She giggled airily when he chuckled at her unexpected addition, and then she wiped her face before continuing shyly.

"Do you… maybe want to be friends?"

Slowly, to allow her time to deny him, his hand reached up to brush at the moisture on her face. The heat from his fingers dried up the tears, and the stroke of callouses was affectionate and open. Gentle warmth flushed her face bashfully.

"I would like that."

A strand of loose hair was caught between his thumb and forefinger, and he rubbed the soft texture intimately. The already deep and mellow tone of his voice rumbled slightly lower, and the warmth in her face slid down her spine to her stomach.

"As long as I can still kiss you, from time to time."

Dark red burst into life high on her cheeks, and the bright blue flame of her eyes darted a jumpy look over his shoulder. White teeth chewed fitfully on her bottom lip, and she glanced down into her lap.

"O-only if there aren't any cameras."

His laugh was suddenly open and less intimidating, and he tweaked her nose playfully.

"I believe you're the one who kissed me in full view of a camera just this last morning."

"Wha-… That was your fault! You tricked me!"

The tension disappeared instantly as she haughtily crossed her arms, and his laughter grew in volume. The petulant purse of her lips was the same as it had been hours before, but it lasted only briefly. A timid smile pulled those soft, pink lips out of the pout, and her bandaged hands fell to her lap to fist again into the bedding covering her legs.

"I don't ever want you to stop looking at me like this."

Instead of embarrassment, the confession was breathlessly honest and straightforward. Those flame blue eyes stayed locked on his own, and a light crease formed between his red brows as she fed his delusion that this desire was only for him. Tenderly, his hand brushed against her chin, and he nodded his head almost regally.

"As you wish."

Her smile widened so hard her teeth flashed at him, and her eyes squeezed shut. A happy giggle lightened the air, and her hands exchanged the blanket for the material at her chest.

"I would really like to hug you now."

The unexpected declaration caused another chuckle to rumble deep behind Kenshin's sternum. It was clear by her actions that Kaoru with all of her memories was not very different from the Kaoru without them. There was certainly a sharper air about her, as if she were more aware and alert. However, she was still cheerful, innocent, and slightly silly. To say he had not been worried would have been a lie. Any number of scenarios could have happened the moment she woke up. The worst being she wanted nothing to do with the demons responsible for the extinction of her own race.

Counting himself lucky, Kenshin pulled her warmly against him.

"When have you ever asked permission?"

Kaoru returned his embrace immediately, and he could feel her grin over his shoulder.

"Sorry. I've always been impulsive."

A huff puffed out his chest.

"It's grown on me."

Happy giggles shook her frame, and Kenshin smiled. Hearing her speak, listening to her laugh, even her emotional hiccups, all of it was precious. It felt as if they had finally freed her from two of the shackles Sōjirō had placed upon her. It also felt as if a barrier had been removed between them. She could communicate more freely now, and he wanted her to hold nothing back.

"I like your voice, Miss Kaoru."

Without missing a beat, she responded in kind.

"I like yours, too." At his back, he could feel her fingers playing with his hair. "You know, it's kinda strange, but… part of me feels like I've been talking the whole time and this is completely natural. Another part… was getting used to not talking and feels a little awkward. Sometimes… I might not want to talk. Is that… okay?"

The long, silky length of her unbound hair caught and spilled around his forearms. It tickled him, even as he reached up with one hand to absently caress the back of her head. Still hunched down next to her pillow, the salamander watched them with unblinking golden eyes.

"You don't have to talk, if you don't want to." Loosening his grip to let her sit back, he smiled to reassure her. "I've been getting better with sign language. It'd be a shame to let it go to waste."

A touch of red returned to her cheeks, and her eyes lit with excitement.

"Right? It's fun knowing another language. Like a secret code. We could use it tactically even."

She giggled some more, and he realized that Kaoru liked to laugh a lot. It quietly lifted his spirits. This young human woman had gone through too much, and yet remained cheerful despite everything.

"Between you, me, and Nishi-nii, we'd win all the games!"

"Nishi-nii?" Realization of who she meant hit Kenshin quickly, and he turned to the side to muffle his laughter.

"What?" There was an obvious sulk in her tone, and he tried hard to reel it back. "I thought it sounded cute." In a blink, her voice turned thoughtful. "I guess it was more fitting when he was pint-sized." A shrug lifted her shoulders, and he almost couldn't breathe. "His stern adult features still make it fun, though. Should I… not call him that?"

"Call him whatever you want."

In a way, it reminded Kenshin of the komainu on Hiko's mountain. Though older than him, they enjoyed teasing him by addressing him as their older brother. An intrusive image of Kaoru smiling sweetly and calling Enishi her big brother formed a frown across his features. Actually, he wasn't sure if he liked it at all.

While distracted by his line of thought, he caught Kaoru glance around the room with her eyes only. The grin on her face lessened with something like resignation, but returned when her gaze lifted back to him.

"What's going on with these?" Bandaged hands reached straight for the horns on his head, and her lips formed a little 'o' as she awed over them. "Oooo, they've gotten a lot bigger." Careful and almost intimate, she stroked her thumbs up the curve of each. More giggles, and she bit her lip. "Somehow you look even more handsome."

It was his turn to darken in embarrassment, and he cleared his throat before capturing her wrists.

"S-stop that."

"But I like them." Her head tilted, much like she used to do when silently questioning him. "You don't?"

"They're fine, I guess. I wish they weren't so… exposed." Lowering her hands between them, he leaned forward to rest his forehead against hers with a sigh. "I wanted them to stay our secret. Now everyone has seen them."

"O-oh." Tentative with the nearness of his face so close to her own, her intense blue irises darted to and then away from him. A hard swallow worked her throat, and she licked her lips. "I guess if they've already seen them, then so be it, but… no one else is allowed to touch them but me, okay?"

"That seems fair." Amusement tilted the corners of his mouth, and his discomfort with their blatantly visual presentation eased off. "That privilege will remain yours and yours alone."

"Yay!" The exclamation remained muted because of their close proximity. A few seconds later, and they both jerked as the salamander pushed itself between them. Clawed feet kicked at Kenshin for space, and he glared at it as it snuggled into Kaoru's lap like a cat demanding to be petted.

"Hey, you." Giggling, Kaoru scratched the top of its head obligingly. "We were talking."

A huff of fire shot from its nose, and it dropped its chin onto its front leg before closing its eyes. Twitchily, the tip of its tail flopped against the comforter. Despite the tuft of fire at the end, the blanket remained unscathed.

"This isn't exactly part of your job description."

One golden eye popped open and graced Kenshin with a lazy look. Kaoru laughed and continued rubbing his scales.

"I think he's just the best."

Sighing dramatically, Kenshin rolled his eyes.

"As long as you're happy."

A playful grin was imparted on Kenshin, and her eyes squeezed shut.

"It's funny, but somehow I knew we'd get along really well. I'm glad we finally got to meet. Although, it has been a little over a year now." A shrug laughed it off. "Hopefully these memories settle soon and I can feel like one person again."

Kenshin glanced at the salamander in suspicion, and his expression creased with worry.

"Am I… making you uncomfortable? You can tell me if you need space."

Sapphire eyes widened as he moved, and both of her hands fisted instantly into his shirt.

"No!" Her breath caught as his expression lifted in surprise, and she swallowed down the forceful and somehow frightened denial. "I-I mean… no. I…"

Silence fell, and her eyes stared up at him as if truly seeing him for the first time. Something hidden inside of her, something she had suppressed, had found a way to the surface, and traces of tears began to build along her lower lashes. She tried to smile, to hide her desperation, but it twisted her features into something heartbreaking and anguished. The longer she looked up at him, looking down at her, the thicker her tears built around the globe of her eyes, until they shimmered and rolled across her blue irises like liquid flame.

"This is… unreal." The repeated phrase sounded tortured in the still air.

The fine veneer of her façade had come apart, and Kenshin realized he had fallen for her ruse. Kaoru was most definitely not okay. Curling his hands around the trembling fingers still clinging to his clothes, he remembered their very first night together. The way she had startled awake from her nightmare, unsettled and out of breath. Then the way she had smiled at him and denied anything was wrong. The way her shivering, frail hand had felt in his as she fell back asleep. There was such strength in her, but suppression wasn't healthy.

"Miss Kaoru." Her name was a whisper from his lips, because he feared anything louder would frighten her. "I don't want only the good. I love to see you laugh and smile, but I'm too greedy to have only that part of you. I want you to bring everything to me. Your sorrow, weaknesses, frustration… even your anger and hate. Please, don't hold anything back. I will bear it all for you."

The loving monologue seemed to only deepen whatever confliction she was fighting. Dark lashes squeezed harshly together, and the mired tears cascaded down her cheeks like a river of torment. Her body began to shake almost uncontrollably.

"I…" Words were failing her, and he frowned as his gentle fingers released her hands to instead reach for her face. Tears poured over his thumbs and down the backs of his hands, but were ignored.

"It can't be real." Her voice broke down into sobs, and he watched helplessly as her sorrow overwhelmed her. "It's not the same… not at all… those eyes… that refused to look at me."

Ugly weeping twisted her features, and her words were nearly unintelligible.

"Kaoru…"

Thick lashes parted, but were spiked and clumped together. Her irises were impossibly bluer than before.

"It hu-rt so m-uch… but now I… I'm so… so hap-py."

They captured him. Mesmerized him. Demanded that he look nowhere else but at her. The fisted hands at his chest tugged down against him as she leaned closer, until her chin rested upraised on his sternum. The torture on her face morphed into the ghost of a smile as she struggled to breathe, but he couldn't move to comfort her. All he could do was watch as a memory tore her apart.

"I don't know… how to… handle it." Hiccups were joining the sobs, and tinges of red were crowding into the whites of her eyes.

"It's just… too unreal."

Sapphire irises glowed in the muted light of the room, and remained fixed upon him. Even though they were beginning to glaze with emotional fatigue and strain, she stubbornly refused to blink. She seemed afraid, as if he would never look at her again.

"You can't ever stop looking at me."

Finally, the irritation became too much, and the magnetic blue vanished as she shifted to instead press her face flat into him. Sharply, he gasped in a breath as the spell broke.

"I-I couldn't… take it."

Both of his hands hovered now beside her ears, and he slowly lowered them to hug her shoulders.

"Please, Kenshin." It was the first time she had spoken his name aloud, and it was as intimate as he could have hoped for. Unfortunately, it was soaked in tears and desperation. "I don't need space… I just want you."

An unconscious frown had creased his eyes and mouth, and he squeezed her tighter into him. He was unclear on what was going on, but understood it had something to do with the return of her memories. For now, providing comfort and reassurance came before questioning.

"I wasn't planning on leaving forever." Resting his cheek on the crown of her head, he breathed slow and deep to relay some type of peace to contrast her unrest. "I wasn't actually planning on leaving, to be honest." Calm and soothing, he rubbed one hand up and down her back. "But if this is where you want me, then this is where I'll stay."

The sobs were subsiding, but not the trembling. It hit him, that he had never once seen Kaoru cry. There had been times when she had appeared tearful and upset, but crying seemed outside the realm of her expression. He hated seeing her cry, he decided… but was at the same time happy she was entrusting something so vulnerable to him.

If possible, I would rather she not deal with these types of tears again… whatever this was.

A long, shuddering tightness at her back suggested a protracted yawn, and a moment later her body relaxed as the air released from her lungs. The outpouring of tangled emotion had finally passed, and had left her with quiet sniffles and quivering muscles.

"It's still early, Miss Kaoru. If you need to sleep some more, you should."

"Will you stay here with me?" Soft and pleading, the fear she had just recently battled demanded reassurance.

"Of course. I'll be right on the futon next to the bed."

"But… you said you'd stay where I wanted you to." Something like betrayed trust echoed in her voice.

"Kaoru…"

Remnants of her harrowing emotions still clung to her eyes, and one glance knocked the fight right out of him.

"A-alright."

The blanket was pulled up over her shoulders, and he laid down on top of the blanket next to her. She smiled sweetly as they lay facing one another, and peeked her fingers out of the blanket to play with his hair. Copying her, he lifted his left arm to brush back and pet the loose strands curtaining her face.

"Who refused to look at you?"

The question startled her, and her eyes sharpened with fear. Her fingers disappeared back beneath the blanket.

A few moments later and she shook her head to deny him a response.

"It… it doesn't matter anymore."

It certainly seemed to matter greatly, from Kenshin's perspective.

Were they… important to her?

The thought was upsetting, and his features scowled unconsciously.

"You're looking at me now. That's all I care about." He met her gaze but continued to frown, and a tentative lick of her lips interrupted her breathing. "I'm sorry, Kenshin. Everything felt… tangled. I couldn't… get it to separate."

The scowl was fought off by a comforting smile, and his hand continued to pet her hair.

"It's alright. Today was a lot. Get some sleep. We'll talk more in the morning."

She nodded, but her eyes stubbornly remained open to rove over his face across the pillow. A shaky smile formed on her mouth, and a finger appeared from the depths of the bedding to point towards the top of his head.

"I really do like your horns. You kinda… look like a dragon."

"I-is that right?"

Her head ducked slightly forward, and her knuckles covered her mouth shyly.

"Sorry, but… dragons were always my favorite."

Red eyebrows jerked towards his hairline, and she giggled.

"Do you think I'll get to meet one? I'd really like to. I bet they're amazing!"

Smiling in amusement, Kenshin tucked her hair back behind her ear.

"Probably… maybe soon."

"Yay!"

Any more giggles or suggestions would find him in trouble. Covering her eyes with his hand, he begged her to go to sleep.

"Okay. Goodnight, Kenshin.

Her eyes finally closed agreeably, and his shoulder relaxed. Pulling his arm back, he released a shaky breath and glanced at the camera in the corner before snuffing out the floating ball of flame next to the bed.

I'm definitely getting yelled at for this in the morning.

Behind Kaoru, the salamander had curled up and was strangely ignoring them.

"Hey."

Golden eyes half opened, but it didn't move. Jerking his head, Kenshin called it over.

"What are you doing? Get over here."

It yawned, stretched, then stood.

"I was trying to be considerate."

As it climbed over Kaoru's back and wedged itself between them, Kenshin rolled his eyes.

"NOW you want to be considerate? Bad-timing for that, don't you think?"

Sprawled now with its wings tucked close to its body, the salamander settled its chin flat on the bed just shy of the pillow they were sharing.

"Not for you. I was being considerate of her."

Slitted golden eyes shifted to watch Kaoru sleep, and a deep rumble vibrated its body.

"I love her."

The link hummed with unconditional affection, and Kenshin exhaled slowly. The salamander was developing a separate personality, but this, at least, they continued to share. Sharply, its pupils focused back on him, and the voice in his head turned grave.

"You better hope she likes fire dragons the best. If you lose her to some stupid water dragon, I will make your life miserable."

Since Hiko was the only dragon Kenshin knew, the thought didn't sit very well with him, either.

X

A/N: This was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Once I started typing this out, I realized… holy shit, they have so much to say to each other! What do I even start with? What should be said versus what would be said? This is what I ultimately ended up with and felt the best about. After all, not only did Kaoru regain her ability to speak, she also regained all of her memories. Not only memories from before her escape from Sōjirō, but also all of her memories from when she was alive. Trying to immediately rectify and consolidate all of those memories with who she has been for the last year sounds disorienting. Once again, I wanted more lovey-dovey stuff, but had to sacrifice their fluff for the sake of the plot. Curses. I worked in as much as I could to satisfy my need for such, though, lol.

That said… Merry Christmas everyone! I hope this will do as a present from me to you. Please accept my love and gratitude for continuing to stick it out with me as I attempt to navigate the journey this story is taking me on! I hope each chapter brings you a little bit of peace, a little bit of warmth, some much needed escape, and bits of laughter. Always remember that you are loved. Let's all meet again for the New Year!

Next chapter, Sōjirō discusses plans, and Kaoru struggles to accept her powers.