"And finally, some updates on our coworkers that you might find interesting…", the CEO keeps scrolling through one slide after another and I start getting impatient.
The meeting has been going on for hours by now, and looking around I find lots of tired faces trying to keep up with what will hopefully be the last presentation for today. Facts and figures about the past year can only be so interesting for employees, I mean, at the end of the month we still make the same money, no matter how much the company makes. Yeah, sure, if they don't make any we risk losing our job, but the company is going strong, so who cares just how.
Quinn catches my attention elbowing me softly. I guess I must have dozed off some.
Instead of turning to face her, I take a look at the slide being currently shown on the big screen of the conference room. I see three faces, on the left the one of my current boss who will be leaving in a couple of months, that is common knowledge, we might or might not have held a small celebration when the news came out. In the middle a guy I know from E-mail exchanges and nothing else who is apparently going to take on some more responsibility on another sales area. But what really gets to me, and most likely the reason why Quinn wanted me to pay attention, is the blonde on the right side of the screen. There is the small picture of her that is always showcased on her signature at the bottom of the E-mails, which btw. doesn't do her justice, and underneath lays the reason why she appears among the "news from your coworkers". Brittany S. Pierce, maternity leave from May/June. I try to quickly calculate in my head how far along she must be and realize it's still early in the pregnancy, probably fourth month. No wonder she doesn't show yet, seen how tall and lean she is. I only faintly hear the CEO comment on the fact that he is happy for her but sad we are going to lose our head of marketing, even though she apparently promised him she is going to come back after her entitled leave.
Quinn throws me a questioning look and I know she is asking if I knew.
I shoot her one in return. Of course not.
The presentation goes on and on, and now more than ever I want to get the hell out of here. Too bad the meeting won't be over after the presentations, there is a fucking dinner in a fucking romantic place planned, and since it is technically work, I know I can't escape. Not even making up an excuse.
I scan the room looking for Brittany, since she is in charge of planning this whole meeting, she has been walking around the room all the time, putting mics on the next speaker, instructing new girl on the pictures she needed to take, she even got on stage a couple of times to signal when it was time for coffee and then for lunch break. She is sitting in the front row, from here I can barely make out the back of her head. I didn't really pay her that much attention before, I only noticed she had her hair straight and was wearing a black blazer, instead of the usual sweaters she wears in winter at the office. Not that I know her, I only see her in the halls or at lunch, but I'm a good observer. In fact, I know very little about her and even on the job we don't really have many occasions to interact. There just is something about her that attracts me, and now that I found out she is pregnant I somehow feel like I lost my chance to get to know more about her. Like, she is leaving in a couple of months and when she comes back she will be an entirely different person, completely out of my reach. Who am I kidding, she already is way out of my reach. For starters, she is head of department and I am a nobody who just recently started working at the company and in the least appealing role of all; secondly, she is at least seven or eight years older than me, she is pretty, like, very, not to mention smoking hot. Probably straight, and, in all honesty, she must be in a serious relationship, hence the pregnancy.
I must confess I have been trying to find out more about her, but she won't accept neither mine nor Quinn's requests on Insta, and she obviously has a private profile. Quinn is the only friend I made at work so far and really the only I could trust with my attraction to Brittany. It's not like either of us can go around asking questions about her, we're the new girls and I wouldn't know who to ask without sounding crazy, stalkerish or both. Besides, the fact that she totally knows us at least by name and yet didn't accept something as innocent as a friend request on social media, shows her lack of interest in us. To be honest, that stung. Like, she seems like a total perk, someone who would be friends with anyone. It's more Quinn and me who might come off as unfriendly, but maybe what seems on the outside does not always match the personality.
I get lost in thought and completely miss the rest of the presentation. Who cares, anyway. I can only hear hands clapping and assume it's the end. I go about putting my jacket on, but I stop after threading the first sleeve halfway through. She gets on stage and now I get to really look at her for the first time since finding out her news. I can hear people whisper around me and I know they're all thinking what I'm thinking. The room is full of boys and men, and she really is pretty, can't blame them for checking her out and being drawn to her pregnant self. She informs everyone that the bus taking us to the place we're having dinner at leaves from outside in the next few minutes and urges the crowd to get out of the conference room as quickly as possible.
Quinn elbows me again, I must have been staring at Brittany being all bossy and sexy.
"I need to go to the toilet first, I don't know how long the bus ride will be, but better safe than sorry", I tell Quinn, more to divert her from saying anything about Brittany.
She nods and we silently follow the mass exiting the room. I am thankful to find the ladies' room empty, one of the few perks of working in a male-dominated filed. This really is the only place in the world where men take longer to pee than women. I go about my business and when I exit the stall headed for the sink, the door swings open startling both me and the woman entering. Of course, it had to be her. We exchange an awkward "hello" and then she locks herself in another stall, not the one I just emptied and that for some reason saddens me, as if peeing in the same toiled I just did could create some sort of connection between us.
Who am I kidding, I'm going out of my my mind. Ever since Sam is having his problems with work and whatever and we don't have sex anymore, I have been frustrated and on edge.
I'm tempted to wait for her to exit the stall and join me at the sink, if nothing to catch another glimpse of her. I fish through my purse looking for some lipstick or anything that could need fixing on my face thus giving me a reason to stay back, but I can't find anything and I suddenly feel stupid. Not to mention, I hear her starting to pee and that sound alone is turning me on in an embarrassing way, so I quickly grab a towel, dry my hands and sprint out.
Ever since Sam and I had our little peeing-party, I can't stop thinking about it and how hot it could be with a woman. He and I are friends, he has a girlfriend, there are some feelings on both parts but we can keep them tucked away, so we share friendship, confidences, sometimes sex. It's really good and the mutual trust that connects us allows for the sex to be very intimate. I've never been too shy about sex nor about my fluid sexuality, I have been with men and with women and I like it with both, but I like it better when there is a connection and with Sam it's definitely there. I still think that if he broke up with that cunt of a girlfriend he has, we could give us a real try, but not before she is gone, been there, done that, no thanks. But now I'm not getting any from him and I really need to get off, and I mean with something different than my vibrator, for as much as I might love it.
We get on the bus and after an hour ride we get to the restaurant. I must admit it really is pretty, but I knew already, and the sunset surrounding us is not helping matters. She really went out of her way to plan these days of the meeting and it was all perfectly timed, food was great so far, no complaints, she is amazing at her job.
Quinn spots the bar, made of a giant block of iced snow, and points to it. The details Brittany planned. I know it's not just her, she is head of a team of other four people and I think she needs approval from the bosses on the budget, but I know it's her brilliant mind coming up with the ideas.
We head to the bar and order two gin tonics, seeing they are listed in the small menu on the black board behind the bartenders. We try to mingle with the other guys and after the third drink I start feeling lighter and having a real good time, though keeping my guard up, I can't risk losing this job after all.
The night is all about the fun, work-related topics come up every now and then like always among colleagues, but the conversation is kept light and the drinks flow, maybe even too fast. Every time I empty my wine glass, a waiter is very quick to fill it back up, sometimes it's not even entirely empty and they already offer a refill that I can't refuse. I spot some of the bosses talking among each other, as usual they end up separating from the rest of the crowd.
Brittany is standing there with her jacket still on, near the heads of department, mine included. She has a small plate with appetizers in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other. I can only assume it's non-alcoholic. She doesn't seem too engulfed in the conversation happening around her, she looks like a lost puppy scanning the room. I wonder if she needs help, maybe she wants to find a table where to put her plate since both her hands are occupied and she doesn't seem able to neither eat nor drink, or maybe she needs to sit down. The fact that she has no baby bump showing yet doesn't mean she isn't feeling nauseous. I wish I could go there and ask without looking foolish, my slightly intoxicated mind is suggesting me to do so, but then I see Tina, one of her fellows marketing ladies, go there and help in the exact same way I was thinking I would do. She makes room on one of the tall tables where piles of abandoned appetizer-plates lay (the downside about only having male coworkers, they tend to be pigs when it comes to food) and sets down Brittany's plate, taking it from her. The blonde uses her now free hand to bring a little square of pizza to her open mouth, and then proceeds to wipe the leftover tomato from her lips with her tongue. There is something so incredibly sexy about such a simple and natural gesture.
God, I need that tongue to lick something else.
Tina then helps her out of her jacket and disappears around the corner, I can only assume looking for a place to hang it for her. I realize I lost Quinn and everyone else in the crowd and I am hence standing here alone like a fool, probably with my mouth agape, checking out Brittany eating pizza.
Creepy and desperate.
I feel someone coming near me from behind and I turn to find Dave, a guy who is in charge of the trade with Poland and works in the office next to mine. We had sort of an energy exchange at a dinner a couple of months ago, we were tipsy and smoked a cigarette together, we talked and then during the ride back (in my head of department's car who was designated driver) we held hands for a while. But nothing came of it, he is nice but I wasn't planning on mixing work and pleasure, it was my second month on the job and didn't want to mess up by having a fling with a guy who was so clearly only interested in having a piece of me, just for the sake of it. But now I'm kind of relieved that someone is coming to keep me company and hopefully distract me from my so evidently lustful and intoxicated glaring.
Damn, she is pretty.
"So, Santana, haven't talked in a while…", he begins. I try so hard not to snare, but I'm already done with this conversation and he has barely spoken two words to me.
"Haven't had the chance", I blurt back. I want to add that he is always glued to that exaggeratedly skinny IT-girl, but I don't want to sound jealous, so I just hush it.
He very explicitly scans my body from head to toe and I know in that moment that if I drag him to the toilet he could put an end to the misery between my legs, but for some reason I want to keep my dignity. Such an ass doesn't deserve to get on this ride, I deserve so much better. Although I really need to get off, if I haven't mentioned it before, and after seeing Brittany lick her lips my vagina has begun to full on throb.
I keep pondering in my head if i should go for it or not and Dave doesn't seem bothered by the lack of conversation between us, apparently he was only planning to get me for a quickie, just like I was. Would be so easy and yet so very unsatisfying, I know for sure I would be left wanting more, no matter how good of a fuck he could be. No connection at all.
I must get lost in thought checking out Brittany once again, because I notice him follow my line of sight and his eyes clearly end up on her ass and he confirms my suspects stating "great ass, the mommy".
Fucker.
My vagina instantly dries from his comment and makes the decision for me that it is most definitely not going to happen between me and him, not tonight and maybe not ever. To avoid embarrassing myself or him any further, I turn around and leave, emptying my glass in one big gulp and laying it on a table nearby.
I find Quinn sitting outside with some of the guys, cigarette lit in her hand. She is an occasional smoker, much like me, but she seems on fire tonight. I get my jacket and join them on the terrace, asking for a smoke myself. I can tell they're all intoxicated by now and I wish the alcohol had already hit me a little harder too.
One of the guys from the drawing department whose name I honestly cannot remember takes up the scene, glass in one hand, cigarette in the other, clearly swinging because of the drunken status.
"Too bad Brittany got knocked up, I wonder who the guy who did is… She never brought anyone to family days", he states with a nostalgic look on his face, almost out of nowhere. I know they weren't talking about her when I joined, but this statement made my interest peak.
Other people join in, apparently the topic becomes interesting, maybe now it is time they all voice what they were whispering when she took the stage in the conference room right after her pregnancy was made public.
"She had a boyfriend at some point, I think it was till three or four years ago, then she stopped bringing anyone", someone adds.
"Then she slept with Dan, after the Christmas party last year, she was all over the place", a guy with a fully tattooed neck chimes in.
Someone laughs, clearly remembering that happening.
I now know I will always hate this Dan guy I barely can associate with a face for having a chance with her, even just for a one-time thing. I never will.
"That was fun. The asshole told the whole world, poor thing, she was so embarrassed", comes from another voice.
"Nothing to be ashamed of, we all have had our drunken hookups, even with coworkers", a blonde guy states.
"Yeah, but he said she threw herself at him and begged to be fucked, like she hadn't gotten any in years", snorts the tattooed guy who seems to be well informed.
"And it was probably true, I mean, she is hot, but can also be a pain in the ass", says the lanky drawer.
The fist-bump each other and I get lost in confusion as who is complimenting who on what. There is a loud chit chatting and I see Quinn out of the corner of my eyes trying to make out what they are saying, interested almost as much as I am.
Man, these boys can gossip.
"You say that only because she turned you down", remarks tattooed guy, becoming suddenly serious but keeping the smirk on his face.
"You wish. She did once, but not the second time around", the lanky drawer bites back, satisfied.
"What? You slept with her? When? Is she any good? It is in the code of conduct that you have to share with the office when you sleep with a girl from work", tattooed guy ends up being surprised, he doesn't know the full story after all.
What? Thank god I didn't sleep with Dave.
Lanky guy just smirks and, in this moment, I start hating him too.
"Last year, it was after the Christmas party fiasco with Dan, we were both single… And it wasn't just a drunken hookup, we actually dated briefly", he smirks again, his lips curling up at the memory.
I wish I could wipe that expression from his face, although I appreciate him glossing on the "is she any good" part, at least he is showing some respect for a woman who apparently shared something of herself with him.
"Dude, you didn't mention it, why?", the blonde guy who tried to defend Brittany's drunken hookup with this Dan asks, sounding really interested to hear his friend's story and not just gossiping anymore.
"She asked to keep it quiet because her reputation was already lost after Dan went public with their hookup. I agreed, partly because I had a feeling it wasn't going to last", he explains sadly, taking a swig from his glass that almost turns him from sad to mad. "You know what, screw the bitch and the fucker she is having a kid with", he shouts.
I am happy we are the only ones on the terrace and you can't hear us from the inside, the sliding doors being all sealed. Everyone starts to laugh and throw random insults at Brittany and I can't anymore. Not because I am attracted to her or whatever, it is women code of conduct, since they like to put it that way.
"Hey, guys", I raise my voice to make them listen to me. They suddenly all do, maybe it's the alcohol making me bold, they know I'm not part of the group yet and I mostly tend to stay silent, hence their curiosity.
"You don't speak like that of a woman, especially not one who is not here listening to your comments and can't defend herself. This is rude", I feel my face burn up even in the freezing night.
They all look at me dead serious, before someone starts laughing and they all follow.
"Of course you defend her, it's you, isn't it?", lanky guy who dated her asks, making a point of looking me in the eye in spite of the very evident height difference between us.
"It's me what?", I ask, completely at a loss.
"She broke up with me to be with a chick, it was you, I know now", he snorts.
"Uhhh, your pride just went down a hole, replaced by a chick, no wonder you never told the story", tattooed guy seems to wake back up from a slumber, only to mock his friend.
It takes me some time to register what is going on around me, I see Quinn smirk in my direction, the guys keep talking, laughing, fist-bumping. I don't bother defending myself, they wouldn't mind me anyways.
Brittany has been with "a chick", so she has to be at least bi. Yeah, most definitely bi, the guy here is indeed a guy. Or she could be fluid like I am.
I believe in love, no matter who the other person is. My friend Eliza says I should replace the word love with sex in this statement, but she just likes making fun of me. Although, it applies to sex too.
I feel my hands tremble and I am indeed freezing, but it's not just that. I nod to Quinn and leave to get back inside. I take off my jacket and carelessly throw it on a bench without much of a care and head straight to the toilet, I need to lock myself up somewhere private and let the information sink in.
It always happens to me whenever I find out a woman I know is interested in women, it is not that often and the idea makes me dizzy. Take Eliza for example, she is way older than I am, she has kids and is separated, but when I found out she had experience with women I kind of wanted to try her myself, although I had never felt attraction for her before.
I sit on the closed toilet lid for at least fifteen minutes and I am a little worried that Quinn hasn't shown up looking for me yet. She doesn't know me well enough to understand the reason behind my disappearing, but she is smart and she might have picked up on something. I decide that it is enough, I'm not entirely sure at what time the bus back to the city is leaving and I don't want to risk being left behind, I wouldn't trust the intoxicated version of Quinn to realize I am missing. So I unlock the door and leave the comfort of the stall behind. There is a figure standing at the sink and I instantly recognize her from the back, but I think I could spot her in a crowd if it came to it.
She looks a little bloated, her eyes are puffy and red, but maybe it's only the reflection in the mirror I just caught from where I am standing, not sure if I should approach or not. There is a free sink on the left of the one she is using, but I'm quick to realize I would end up standing between her and the towel distributor, if I went there, and I'm not sure the close proximity would be a good idea right now.
But I have to move, to do something, maybe she has realized I have been in the toilet longer than appropriate, and on my own. But she stays silent, her piercing blue eyes meeting mine in the mirror. I need to find something to say but I'm at a loss. I wish I could ask her if she is okay but she clearly doesn't look okay and I would feel stupid to be even asking. The alcohol has worn out almost completely and I feel anything but bold.
"Twice is a charm, right", I suddenly blurt out.
Wait, is that even a saying? Shit.
She looks puzzled, but I can see the corners of her lips turning slightly upwards. At least she isn't upset by my intervention.
"Huh?", she asks.
Damn. Get a grip.
"I mean, it's the second time we run into each other in the toilet today", I feel silly explaining.
This time her smile is clear to see. I inwardly rejoice.
"It is", she simply states back, not giving me anything to work with.
I figure by now I should join her at the sink or at least do something, but I find myself stuck in the spot and my cheeks start burning up. I am sure she can see the redness on my face, also because she turned around to fully watch me.
"Congratulations… on the meeting", I start. I am not sure if what I really wanted to congratulate her on was the meeting or the pregnancy, but the look she shot me mid-sentence made it clear she was sick of hearing that today.
"Uhm, thanks, I guess?", she sounds unsure and I don't know if it's because I am making her uncomfortable or what.
"No, really", I go on, on a mission, "it was really great, you had brilliant ideas and you implemented them in the best possible way. I am sure you put a lot of thought and work into it and I think they should have praised you some more", i wink.
What the fuck, I was doing great, paying her a sincere compliment, and then I had to go and ruin everything with a wink like a teenager.
But she doesn't seem annoyed, she sounds grateful when she thanks me.
"You know, I have been working on this meeting for months now, together with my team of course, and it's sad to see they barely said thank you and everything was about my pregnancy, as if what I do in my personal life defined me on my workplace more than the work I do actually does. I mean, does it make any sense?", she asks, seeming really interested in my reply and not only trying to unload something that has clearly been lying on her chest.
God, her chest. I have to divert my eyes from it. It's a good chest and the tight black t-shirt she is wearing under the blazer is not helping.
"At all. Today the praise should have been on your planning and coordinating skills, really, this dinner was amazing, this place is amazing, the bar made of snow… you lucked out with the sunset, but everything else was your doing, so good job, Brittany", I smile, sincerely, keeping myself from winking this time.
She suddenly seems to tear up and I feel guilty, but she puts a reassuring hand on my arm and I am positive I can feel the skin tingle under her soft touch.
"Sorry, the hormones, I am emotional as fuck", she laughs between tears and I can only think how hot her swearing is.
We laugh together, it is natural and her hand doesn't leave my arm. I am tempted to put mine over hers, but I decide not to push my luck.
"By the way, congratulations on the pregnancy too, even though I'm sure you heard that enough for one day", I try, maybe hoping to get something out of her to sedate my curiosity.
"Thank you, I gladly take it from you because you complimented my talent first", she keeps smiling and it's damn contagious.
"Are you okay?", she asks with her brow furrowing in concern, then she feels the need to explain her question. "You know, I have been here for a while, trying to calm my raging hormones and get my eyes to dry and I have noticed you have been in there even longer than I have". By now concern is written all over her face and I can't help but think she is so lovely and I really wish I could kiss her.
"And, I know you weren't pooping because you didn't flush the toilet", she throws in, probably worried by my lack of response. Her hand still on my arm, now making me bold enough to reach it with my other and hold it there. It feels so good.
I flash her a dimpled smile and she seems to relax.
"Nothing to worry about, I just heard comments from the guys and alcohol, cigarettes, tiredness, they don't work together well", I try to partially explain the truth.
"Oh, I know, believe me, I thought so many men would be protective of the few girls, they are always gossiping behind our backs instead. What did they say to upset you?", she asks.
Of course she wants to know.
I feel like I can open up to her, now that we established some sort of weird ladies' room bond and she is not the asshole who doesn't accept us on social media any more. Although, she still is a little bit of that.
"They were actually talking about you…", i begin very carefully. She doesn't seem surprised. "Were wondering who the baby daddy is and threw in some sexist comments", I hope she doesn't want to know who said what, and I'm relieved to see her smile.
"They can wonder so long as they want, I don't give a damn", she laughs. "Just for your information, because you seem trustworthy and if a comment about me got you this upset I have reason to believe you'll keep it to yourself, I am having this baby on my own", she kind of blurts out.
Wow. No shit.
"That's brave", is all that comes out of my mouth.
"Well, thanks. I have a good supporting system, though. I'm not completely on my own, just no partner, but I'm not getting any younger, so, you know…", she feels the need to explain.
"It's brave anyway, I always admired you but I'm kind of in awe now", I confess. Her hand still between mine and my arm.
We are standing close but not too close for comfort, it's nice, warm, different. But I feel like I shared too much, even though she was the one telling me something so private, so I break the spell and go about washing my hands.
"I didn't poop, but I still need to wash my hands", I explain only to see that smile briefly gracing her face once again, "and I honestly would be ready to head home, is the bus leaving soon?", I try to lighten the mood.
I can't tell how my comment about me being in awe of her made her feel, but I can see she is thinking, hard.
"Yeah, the first one should leave in about… 10 minutes", she rotates her wrist to read the hour.
"Good, thanks", I throw a towel in the bin and lock eyes with her one last time for tonight. "See you at work", and I sprint out, kind of leaving her there but not knowing what else I was supposed to do.
So, not straight and no baby daddy. And when Santana Lopez sees a possibility, she either goes all in or she freaks out completely.