SO HERE GOES CHAPTER 2. TELL ME IF YOU LIKE IT & IF I SHOULD CARRY ON WRITING.

"Coffee in 10?" a new message alert from Quinn F. pops up in the right corner on the bottom of my screen.

I see Holly briefly glance at the notification and then focus back on the Excel list we are currently elaborating together on my computer.

I'm lucky that she is very open minded and allows me a lot of freedom on the job. I briefly wonder how it would be having Brittany as head of department and I assume it would be somewhere in between having Holly, who is really cool and treats us almost like peers, sometimes even leaving us the lead, and having Ms. Pillsbury, Quinn's pain-in-the-ass head. I have been in their office learning the fundamentals of accounting and billing from her and she has given me a hard time, although, Quinn's words and not mine, she didn't treat me half as bad as she usually treats other coworkers and she might even have taken a liking in me. She is in her fifties and according to what Quinn heard she has never been in a relationship, she thought it was because of her being so uptight, but after seeing her interact with me she started saying she is a closeted lesbian going to come out for me.

It was actually funny for a while, but of course so far from the truth. Just because she invited me for coffee in their office sometimes and I was kind enough to pay her back with homemade cookies on Christmas. A simple relationship of mutual respect among coworkers.

And Quinn is one to talk, I know she does it in order to make her own life easier, Ms. Pillsbury has apparently made so many girls working under her cry and resign before, but she is really sucking up to her and apparently they work together well. I would never assume there is an attraction there, though, and not only because Quinn is as straight as it can get.

Holly distracts me from my thinking and encourages me to reply to my friend and take the break she is asking, if I want, so I quickly text her back on the work-chat and agree to meet her in the coffee room in a couple of minutes.

I exit the office, go to the toilet and then make a point in passing through the hall of Brittany's office. I haven't really seen her after the meeting and it has been more than two weeks now. I wonder if she is okay and I almost texted her on the work-chat on multiple occasions, but I see her presence status going from "available" to "in a meeting", "busy", "working home office" so I assume she is indeed okay, just not running into me anymore. My mum told me I shouldn't use the work-chat for non related matters and she kind of has a point.

I changed the time I go to lunch in the cafeteria so many times during the past few days, hoping I could catch hers, but it's either she is avoiding me, or she is doing the same time changes as I am, in the hope of seeing me. Unlikely.

I know she is not in the office every day like me, her job keeps her moving around a lot, she goes to events, she works from home when she has lots of meetings (I know that because Holly randomly commented it with me once), as head of department she is a little more free than I am and I assume with the pregnancy she might be more comfortable in a cozy home. But I still find it odd that she has been hiding from me so well. And still hasn't accepted my Insta request, though maybe by now she forgot she has it in the first place.

I told Quinn all about our encounter in the ladies' room at the meeting, obviously making her swear to secrecy, and now I have been stressing the shit out of her with the paranoia that Brittany might have regretted sharing too much information with me or that she might at least be uncomfortable for some reason.

She has been really careful, she doesn't know her at all and doesn't think it's fair to just make assumptions on someone's doing. She has encouraged me to text her, though, she doesn't consider it creepy of me wanting to check up on her, but I'm still not convinced, I am not sure where we stand and honestly our encounter at the meeting can have meant nothing to her. Quinn says I'm hot and every woman speaking the vagina monologues has to be at least a little attracted to me, but I doubt Brittany knows I'm bi and if she is anything like me, she doesn't take interest before knowing it might be mutual.

She isn't in the office now either, new girl is sitting on her own in the far corner.

I enter the packed break room and spot Quinn talking to her newest friends from the drawing department. I still think they're somehow assholes, but she complained I left her with them at the meeting and had no other chance but befriend them. It was half an hour tops. I get my coffee from the vending machine and head towards them. I see Tina and Mike, two of Brittany's fellows, drinking coffee and chatting among each other. I decide they could be my chance, since I'm such a wimp.

"Hey, guys", I approach sporting the best smile I can, wouldn't want them to think I'm rude, I have been told that's how I come off most of the time, "is Brittany okay? Haven't seen her in a while and was wondering…", I leave the sentence open.

They share a look that I can't quite put my fingers on.

"She is fine", Tina is quick to reply, almost having an understanding with Mike.

"I'm glad", i keep smiling, maybe too hard for it to appear honest, though I'm obviously really glad she is okay, "do you know when I can find her in the office? I kind of need to talk to her…", I try.

They exchange the same look again, I wonder if they know something about me or if they are just being over-protective of their boss's privacy. I know for a fact everyone in her office loves her, and how could they not. Even new girl seems to have gotten on board already.

Now it's Mike's turn to speak to me, very guarded just like Tina.

"She should be in tomorrow, but it's easier if you send her an E-mail or a text on the chat, if you want her to make time for you, she has a pretty busy schedule", he sounds apologetic and I'm glad he doesn't seem to pick up that my need to get in touch with her has nothing to to with work.

I quickly thank them and make my way to Quinn and the boys. She excuses herself from them and takes me by the hand to gently drag us in a corner.

"Why were you talking to marketing people?", she asks, not waisting any second.

"I asked them where she is, I can't take it any more, I need to see that she is okay…", I explain very honestly. I know Quinn supports me and my crazy.

"And?", she questions, a paper cup of what I can only assume being Cappuccino in hand.

Gross.

"They told me I should send her an E-mail or a text", I respond meekly, well aware that she will now pat herself on the back.

"What did I tell you?". She doesn't disappoint.

"But they don't know it's not work-related", I try to defend myself, knowing I'm not making any sense.

"Even more so. Please, do me a favor, get that beautiful head of yours out of that ass and make good use of the chat", she encourages.

"About that. Please stop using it to ask me for coffee, Holly was right there and saw", I hope to change topics and forget about the blonde that has been literally invading my every thought since the meeting.

"Holly won't say a word to you about it, I know for sure. But you know what, I'll have coffee with Patrick, Sebastian and Alex from now on, since you're not interested", she tries to make me jealous.

So tattooed guy is Patrick, Sebastian is the lanky drawer who dated Brittany and Alex must be the blonde one. Noted. At least now they have a name.

Ugh, Brittany and Sebastian, the thought makes me want to puke. But not as much as the idea he could have been her baby daddy had she let him stick around a little longer.

"Fine, whatever. Drink that shit you keep calling coffee with those sexists", I spit, turning around and heading to the trashcan and then the door.

I know I have been rude to her for no reason, she was just making fun of me but not in an unfriendly manner and I'm sure now she'll think I'm jealous she made other friends at work and I still only have her.

I sprint back to the office and I'm somewhat relieved to see Holly's chair empty. That gives me five minutes to consider what to text Brittany and actually muster up the courage to hit send.

I figure the less I ponder about it, the better chance I have of sending a message that makes sense. So I open the chat program and before chickening out I find the conversation with her, which is still empty.

Hey, Britts…

I start typing, then delete the whole thing. No, I can't call her Britts.

Her presence status goes from "available" to "away" and that gives me time to take a breath and start over. I don't even know why I'm making such a big deal of this.

Hey, Brittany. Was wondering if you're okay, haven't seen you around since the meeting. How's the pregnancy going? Will you have coffee with me when you come back to work?

I hit send before considering how many questions there actually are in the message and deleting at least the last one. I figured I had to ask something other than if she is okay, but prying about the pregnancy wasn't an option, so I threw it all in and asked her for coffee. I mean, at work, it's safe, right?

There is a part of me that hopes she won't reply or she acts rude towards me. I have a giant heart, if I say so myself, and I'm very understanding and forgiving. When I fall, I fall deep and there is no going back. See Sam, he kind of treats me like shit, even though I know he means well and gives me everything he can. It just can't be enough right now, but I still love him very deeply and I'm always there for him, not only when he hits me up for sex. It's just the way I am, if I care about you, you'll never be alone again. And sometimes it is scary to put your heart out there for everyone to squander it, and if Brittany treats me bad now or doesn't show any interest, I will just turn the page and forget all about her. If someone awakes my curiosity but then proves not to be worthy of it before I fall for them, I can delete them very quickly from my life.

I have a feeling Brittany is definitely worth it, but I'm also scared in the back of my mind that it could all be too much and end in tears, hence the part of me that wishes for this attraction to be over already.

The day goes by very quickly, I have lots of work to do and I don't get to check the chat more than a couple of times. I see she was available again and then she even read the message, but by 5 p.m. I am ready to leave and yet no reply from her. I consider bringing home my laptop, so that I can see if she replies, but I figure that would require giving Holly an explanation and I won't be home that long tonight anyway, since I'm hitting the gym. It'll have to wait until tomorrow.

This whole Brittany thing (which is most likely only happening in my head, but whatever) doesn't stop me from exchanging lovey-dovey glances with a cute dude at the gym. Okay, I'll admit it, there are two. One is there during the first part of my workout and the other, way less jacked and way more serious, is there during the second part. I started flirting a little but he is not taking the bait yet, not entirely anyway.

I might sound like a slut right now, but I don't plan on making any move on these guys, I just like to flirt and to know I'm attractive, see the lust in the way they look at me. And also, keep my options open. It's been almost a month since I last saw Sam, and with Brittany things are probably not going anywhere. I'm 28 and a sexual being, I need to know I have my options if it comes to it. Besides, I have a feeling this guy at the gym is not being coquettish only with me. I think he admires me now because he sees the improvement I'm making and the heavy lifting I started doing. He is one of the regulars here and I know he is noticing, I can see the respect in his look now instead of the smile he had when I first started. The second one still needs to be figured out, looks way more guarded and doesn't exchange looks with anyone, which on second thought could be a good thing.

I started going to the gym because Sam put my mind to it, he is the fitness kind of guy, hitting the gym whenever he can and even prioritizing it over any other activity. My body is not perfect but it never stopped me from being considered attractive, you could say it's average fit. I have always worked out a little, went for runs, done some pilates at home, walked, hiked, but I thought closing myself in a gym for hours in the smelly rooms straining myself to the point of feeling sick wasn't for me. I just recently realized my upper body was way weaker than my legs and butt and decided to toughen up some. Turns out, best decision this year so far, I absolutely love the pain and the results I'm starting to see.

It really gives me the opportunity to unload from the rest of the day and forget about life altogether for that hour and a half a day. When I run out of groceries and my lazy ass has to go do the shopping, missing out on the gym time, it quickly becomes the worst day of my week.

I leave the gym happy with my workout but once again without any moves from the guys I put my eyes on.

The next day what actually makes me get out of bed and taking a little longer in fixing my hair and my outfit is the thought of Brittany, can't risk having her accept my invitation for coffee and look like I just left the bed five minutes ago.

Who cares how I look, not her for sure.

I straighten my hair and hold back the locks on my forehead with a pin. I wear some skinny jeans with rips on the thighs that make my ass pop, a plain white t-shirt and an olive-green blazer. Satisfied with what I see, I hop on my bike, not before wearing jacket, hat, gloves and scarf and rush to work. I used to hate bicycles but ever since I moved to the city I realized they're way better than sitting in traffic blurting insults at every other occupant of the road and ending up being late anyway. Nope, not a patient driver.

I wonder if Brittany drives or rides her bike to work. I can totally see her on a bike sporting sexy flustered red cheeks in this cold. But this is just how little I know about her, I have never even seen her come to or leave work.

I park my bike between a pile of others, apparently the cold doesn't discourage many people around here, and take the stairs to the office. I see her before I can even realize it's her, she is wearing a cute pink sweater and gray jeans and boots, she is with Tina in the hallway right behind the door. They both turn to face me looking startled from the sudden intrusion in their space. I mean, it's freaking 8 a.m. and they were behind the main entrance, what did they expect.

"Uh, hi", they blurt out almost in unison.

"Hey", I smile. My eyes are all on Brittany, and I find myself checking for a baby bump, that is evidently still not there.

Bummer, that would be so incredibly sexy.

"You might want to move from here", I say, before I can tell my tongue to stop, "you're kind of in the middle".

I realize it must have sounded rude, so I quickly add "and it's dangerous, you know… for the baby", I signal to Brittany's belly.

I notice Tina shooting a look at me first and then at Brittany, as if silently asking how I dare. And then she speaks up.

"Don't worry about her, I've got it covered", she burns a hole through me with her eyes. I knew she is protective of her, but this is rude.

"No, Tina, don't be so harsh", Brittany smiles softly at me and this has to be the best way to start the day, absolutely. "Thanks for your concern, Santana, we were just going back to the office".

God, the way my name rolled on that tongue, my knees are giving out. Shitty idea leg day at the gym last night.

I feel like I should leave, but I'm not sure yet if she has replied to my text from yesterday and I'd rather confront her in person than spend another day wondering why she hasn't replied, in the chance she hasn't.

"Sure. Did you see my text?", I ask.

Tina stands by her but doesn't seem to be bothered by me anymore, apparently the fact that her boss called me by name was enough for her to stop being over-protective.

She doesn't look weak though, why doesn't Tina let her defend herself.

"I replied, go see for yourself", Brittany winks.

Holy hell, she just winked at me.

I wish them a good day and I instantly feel the loss of her presence near me. But I'm also very giddy of seeing her message. Wonder what Tina knows, Brittany didn't seem embarrassed to talk about us texting, even though it was just one text and it could have been about work.

But, do you wink to someone when talking about work?

I turn on the computer without even saying so much as "hello" to Kurt, the other guy in my office, and check in the chat as fast as the system allows me to.

The message was sent last night at 21.46 p.m.

Hey, Santana. Thank you for your message. I have been busy fixing some stuff that needs to be done before my maternity leave so I'm always on the move or else I work from home, but I'm good and the pregnancy is going well too. What if we grab lunch together tomorrow instead? Bar downstairs? The cafeteria food has been kicking mine and my baby's ass lately :-). Hit me up and have a good day. Britt.

I must be smiling like a fool, because Kurt asks me if I have something interesting I can share to light up his morning at least half as mine seems to be.

I ignore him entirely, we are polite to each other but not really friends for now, so I don't feel comfortable talking non-work-related topics with him just yet. Good thing Holly gets in later these days and she didn't witness this exchange.

I quickly type back a reply for Brittany, I know that no matter how hard I try it will never be as cute as hers. With the little smiley and the nickname signed at the end.

Lunch it is, meet you at 12.00 at the bar?

I don't have to wait long for the alert of her agreeing.

Great, it's a date.

Simple and yet knee-weakening.

I spend the morning checking the time every two seconds and Holly asks what has gotten into me, since I look so impatient. I just make up some random excuse, I know this lunch with Brittany won't be private, the bar downstairs is where almost everyone goes for coffee after lunch, it being way better than the vending machines, but I still don't know what it means that Brittany agreed to see me and made sure to turn the coffee I suggested into something longer.

I'm sure Brittany and Holly go way back and they have some sort of friendship going on, they are the only two female heads, apart from Ms. Pillsbury but she obviously doesn't count, so I don't feel comfortable discussing Brittany with Holly, it probably looks weird on the outside that I want to befriend her of all people, apparently we have very few in common.

When I reach the front door of the bar we are seeing each other at, Brittany is already standing there waiting for me, she seems to be studying the surroundings sporting a relaxed vibe, dressed just like this morning plus a jacket left open and a cute white beanie that contrasts with the redness of her cheeks.

"Hey", she greets, spotting me approach.

"Hey, Britt.", I greet in return. I figure since this is how she signed her text she must be comfortable with me calling her that.

"Thanks for joining me", she seems to become suddenly a little shier and I can't help but keep checking for a baby bump.

The way the pink sweater is hugging her belly now, makes the slight curve visible and I can hear myself gulp.

The things I would do to this woman, and not just sexual ones. I can see me taking care of her bump, and then her baby.

Santana, get a grip, now.

"Thank you for inviting me", I smile back, trying so very hard to ignore the turmoil her presence is causing in my stomach, "cafeteria food sucks lately, you have no idea what shitty pasta I ate yesterday, I feel like puking just remembering the taste", I start rambling, but the smile on her face tells me I'm doing good.

We enter the bar and agree on a seat near the window, we are sitting on stools next to each other, the bar in front of us. I could touch her if I only moved my arm slightly and the memory of us touching in the ladies' room makes me want to do just that.

I order a pasta, hoping it will be better than the one I mentioned before, and she gets a veggie cheese burger with fries, blaming it on the cravings she is having.

We share the meal mostly in silence, only making small comments here and there, but it's not uncomfortable. I bask in the privilege of being at lunch with her and she seems to be enjoying my company too. Like I imagined, many people from work start to come and go and they all make a quick stop to greet her very openly and she smiles back to everyone, she really is a perk like I first assumed.

When we finish our food, we decide to head out and let someone else take our seats at the bar, since the line of rush hour is getting pretty long. She insists on paying for both, stating that it's only fair for the one inviting to pay and it's not polite of me to refuse free food.

We walk back to our building and I feel sad that our little lunch break is already over, I wish I could just prolong our time together. As if reading my mind, she checks the watch on her wrist much like she did back during our first encounter, and asks if I'd like to sit in the garden for a while longer.

"Aren't you cold? Or maybe your baby?", I find myself worrying. I'd love to spend more time with her, but I care about her wellbeing more.

She seems amused by my concern.

"Hey, Santana, it's fine. I'm pregnant, not fragile, and I doubt my baby could tell me they're cold", she smiles, gesturing towards a secluded bench under a tree.

We sit and I take the opportunity to ask her about Tina, hoping not to sound too noisy. We haven't really discussed anything private or work-related during lunch.

"About that, I was wondering… Why is Tina so protective of you?", I try to sound casual.

She smiles, not looking bothered by the new line of questioning.

"She and I go way back", she starts with a nostalgic expression on her face, "let's just say she was a very good friend of my sister. After she graduated I told her we had an opening here in my office and she didn't want to work with me at first, I wasn't head of department then, but she still thought it wasn't appropriate for us to work together with all the history we had…", she seems deep in thought and I let her elaborate further without interrupting.

"Long story short, she came for an interview and I put in a good word, though she didn't need it, and she has been working with me ever since. On paper, I'm head and that means I'm the one who has to sit through meetings and deal with the bureaucracy, but the truth is we are peers, I'm not worried about leaving her in charge now at all, she'll be even better than me… actually, I'm worried they'll demote me after seeing just how good she is", she tries to joke, but I can see she is serious.

She must sense that she has gotten off topic a little and hasn't really answered my question, because she carries on "we all work together well as a team and I love Mike, Patty and now even Mikaela, the girl they hired after I told them I was going on leave, but Tina and I have a special bond and after what happened to my sister we feel the need to be over-protective of each other, I guess…", she trails off, but then quickly adds "sorry, I can't talk to you about that, not yet… third date material", and winks, but the sadness in her voice isn't lost on me and I sense the story must be very painful to tell.

So I try to switch topics a little.

"I though she was going to eat my head off this morning, you have like a body guard", I laugh and she smiles softly at me, I know I succeeded in lighting the mood if even just a little.

"Nah, she is all about the glares, if you get past those, you're good. Doesn't really bite", she downplays.

"So, I'm not sure I really want to know this story, at least not if you're not comfortable sharing this with me, but you mentioned a third date and that interests me a lot", I state, maybe a little bold.

"You know, I'm not really showing just yet, but I feel ugly, I doubt you would want to date me", she only half jokes. It's incredible how quick I caught up on the way she talks, she moves her hands, she slightly changes the tone.

"Are you kidding me? You're incredibly beautiful and anyone would be so lucky dating you", I know I must sound cheesy and it will most likely come back bite me in the ass, but I can't let her believe she is anything but perfect. Now that I think about it, I doubt what I say might have an impact on the way she sees herself, but it doesn't hurt to try.

"Last time I saw you, you said you're in awe of me, and now that I'm incredibly beautiful…"

Shit, she remembers.

"If I didn't know any better I'd think you are attracted to me, Santana", she lightly pushes my arm and I feel my face redden and a wave of heath coming up my chest.

"I have eyes and I can see you're attractive, don't tell me I'm the first one to notice…", I trail off, "and as I said the other night, the work you do and the passion you put into it are something to be in awe of, anyone who doesn't notice is just a fool", I explain, probably needlessly.

She is now full on laughing, amused at my evident state of embarrassment.

"Relax, Santana, I know what you mean, I was messing with you", she shoots me a smile that somehow manages to melt my heart and make me stop worrying about having said too much at the same time. "And, for the record, I really appreciate you telling me this, I don't get that a lot lately, although you're right, people usually complimented me on my looks, not so much on my brains…"

We sit in silence for a while, looking at everything but each other.

"Santana?", she whispers breaking the spell.

I only turn to her to signal she can ask whatever is on her mind.

"You're really beautiful yourself, but like, very…", she flushes and her pink cheeks are the most adorable thing I have ever seen.

God, she is turning me into a softie.

Then she quickly adds "and, from what I heard you're also very good at your job, you won't have a problem getting a contract renewal".

I guess the fact they only hired me for a year is common knowledge. Wonder what else she knows about me.

But she thinks I'm beautiful and that's enough for one day.