Here goes chapter 4, I must say it's the least convincing so far, at least for me. What do you think?
I know I promised a slow burn, but bear with me.. fluff alert.
Btw. I learned how to use horizontal lines so now there is some more clarity when the scene changes. Thanks for feedback :)
Finally Sam has made time to come see me and we're now lying in bed, catching our breaths after what probably was round three. It has been slower than usual, there isn't the same passion that burns between us whenever we are together, it's still good though, it's Sam and I after all.
I feel my smartwatch vibrate with a notification and I curse myself for having forgotten to take it off my wrist. I make a point of checking it real quick, the notification has already disappeared and the first thing I notice is that it's 11.30 p.m.
I scroll through the screen and see it was Brittany asking me if she could come over.
Sam stops his hand that was softly caressing my bare back and asks me if I'm okay. He never asks, not because he doesn't care but because he can clearly see I'm always okay when we're having sex. Like I said, something feels off and I sense it's about me and not him this time.
I grab my phone from the nightstand and open her message, I figure I can't call without Sam overhearing, it's not like I can lock myself up anywhere but in the toilet and still it's not separated from the rest of the apartment at all.
I wonder why she would want to come over, she has been acting a little weird since our sleepover, a couple of weeks ago.
Who am I kidding, 13 days ago, I know exactly when it was.
I obviously noticed the change in her behavior but I made a point to prove it to Quinn, and maybe a little to myself too, that we are indeed just friends and that her demeanor doesn't influence me that much.
The truth is, I have been replaying in my head a thousand times everything we have ever shared in these past couple of months since our first conversation and the only possible breaking point I can think of is the sleepover. I wanted to ask her, just out with it, maybe I shifted during the night and I touched her in an inappropriate way, who knows. She weirded out and I have no way of understanding why other than asking her.
But I can't, I don't want to sound desperate or a loser or whatever Quinn thinks I am when it comes to the beautiful blonde.
We keep talking, having coffee breaks and lunches together, even if only in the cafeteria, but most of the time Tina and Mike and sometimes even Holly and Kurt are there. I enjoy the company of the entire group, it's not that, I just have a feeling Brittany is always moving in sync with Tina to avoid being alone with me.
We text and we talk on the phone when we're not at work, but I don't know her that well yet and I can't put my fingers on this situation she seems to be creating lately if I don't talk to her in person.
But now it's very late at night and she wants to come over, I wonder why she even is in the city, since she doesn't live here and I saw her ride her bike to the train station tonight after work was over. Besides, I know for a fact that Tina lives right next to her, so why not turn to her.
I would ask her all these questions, problem is, my bed is not available right now, I don't have it in me to kick Sam out.
Sorry, Britt, can't 2nite. What's up?
I quickly reply, then set my phone back on the nightstand and go back to kissing Sam, hoping he'll forget about this little episode. Not that I can't use my phone around him without giving him explanations, but his concern seemed honest and I didn't even bother replying.
We go another couple of rounds and when he falls asleep from exhaustion I check my phone to see if Britt replied, but I have no notifications.
Three full days go by without any news from Brittany, she wasn't at work, not even online on the computer, she didn't reply to any of my texts nor has she taken my calls. At first she'd let it ring until it went to voicemail, then she set the automatic reply right away, both on her personal and on her work phone. I obviously tried Tina, but she's been elusive at the beginning, turning unfriendly after the third or fourth time I asked her about Britt.
Not that I haven't been extra polite to her.
The thing is, I've started to worry right after Sam left me in bed that morning at 6 a.m. to drive to an early shift at work and I haven't been able to relax ever since.
It's Friday and I know that the weekend will be hell like this, and I won't be able to get a hold of Tina after today. So I march towards their office and enter without so much as a knock.
"Can I speak to you in private?", I ask Tina, not doing anything to hide my distress.
I catch Mike's and Patty's eyes turn to me, without rotating their heads, and this gives me a feeling they know something. Mikaela, new girl, has her back to me and I think she wishes she had eyes on the back of her head right now.
Tina must sense the silence from every occupant of the room and the tension my entrance has created, so she quickly stands up and follows me out of the door.
Without a word, we head towards the terrace. It's still pretty cold for April, but we both know it's the only place we could hope to find empty.
"So, for the last time, and I'm not asking, leave Brittany alone", she starts, her eyes everywhere but on me.
"But what did I do? I'm worried, is she sick?", I push. I can't let them treat me like this, not after the way Britt and I connected and not after putting my heart out there like this.
Although, no one asked me to. Back to Quinn's warning.
"She is going through something, she'll be back on Monday though", she lets out.
I feel relief wash over me, although I'm still completely in the dark.
"Did you know that she asked me to come over, the night before disappearing?", I figure I might as well ask. I didn't want to tell Tina in case she didn't know and maybe she would turn jealous on me that she came to me and she would feel even less willing to talk.
"I had no idea. She came to me, I guess after you turned her down, then…", she trials off, and I can see she is genuinely hurt, not jealous.
"I just… had another commitment that night, but had I known she wasn't okay I would probably have acted different…", I state, sounding regretful even to my own ears.
"See, this is the difference between me and you, I am a real friend who knows Brittany and is there for her when she needs it the most, you're just some stupid bitch who wants her because she is sexy as hell and has a good heart, but you don't really care about her, otherwise you would have realized she was in need", she spits, turning a dark shade of red.
"Wow, this is just harsh. You know what? I've tried liking you because you're her friend, but you calling me a bitch without knowing so much as my name is too much. Goodbye", I turn and slam the door to the terrace.
By now I'm fuming. How dares she? How dare them, Brittany too. I might have made a mistake not agreeing for her to come over that night, but it doesn't mean they have a right to treat me like this.
I go back at my desk and take out my phone to quickly type Brittany a message before the anger wears off and I can't make my point anymore.
I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me, but this is enough. I have been nothing but a great friend to you, I thought we had something and you said it yourself. That I was a gift from you sister? This is not how you treat a gift. What the hell happened to you? Why did you disappear? I really am worried and so very sick of your little friend calling me a bitch.
Because this bitch wears her heart on her sleeve and fucking loves you, so this is not fair. Call me back and explain yourself or you can consider this friendship over.
I hit send and regret that this is the first time I say I love her and it's with such anger. Love her as a friend, obviously, but still.
Midway through the following Sunday I get a text and I have a feeling it's finally her. I'm not disappointed.
We can talk tomorrow at work or after maybe?
I'm out for a walk and I even took the longest way just to avoid sitting on my ass at home alone and the message makes me halt my step.
Cold much, Brittany?
The heart-on-her-sleeve Santana would totally call Brittany right away, but I make it a point to not do so, I asked to call and she took her sweet time to reply with a very cold text, as much as it hurt, I'll leave her the room she is apparently asking for.
I spend the whole night running through every possible scenario in my head, stuffing my mouth with food and somehow I end up crying myself to sleep.
I'm so stupid.
Monday morning I enter the building, take the stairs to the offices floor and spot her right away in the break room. She is having coffee with Mike and looks like she is more than fine. She is even smiling. She is wearing a black, grey and white flannel with all the buttons open and underneath she has a light grey tank top. Even with the tables separating us I can see the tank hugging her bump making it really visible and I'm happy that she is now being able to feel comfortable and stop wearing sweaters to hide it. She confessed to me once that she involuntarily was doing so.
She sees me but doesn't acknowledge it, so I just keep walking to my office. I keep thinking of a way to reach out to her and end up finding them all inappropriate. So I just wait for her to make a move.
She doesn't really have to, though. I'm about to exit the toilet, pulling the door open from the inside, when I almost get knocked over by the door itself, being pushed by someone trying to enter the room without care. My hand hurts like a bitch from the hit it took on the handle.
"Shit", I mutter under my breath, but it catches when I spot the flannel and realize it's her.
"Fuck, I'm sorry, Santana", she lets out softly and our eyes finally meet.
I can see the apologetic look and that combined with the way my name rolls on her tongue almost makes me forget why I'm mad at her in the first place. These eyes just have such power and I know she is not only apologizing about the door accident.
"It's okay, though you might want to be more careful with these doors, we should stop running into each other like this", I exhale, turning away in an attempt to leave.
"Santana, wait", she seems to get out of the daydream she was having, "when are you up to see me?… You know, to talk…", she suddenly becomes shy and I can clearly see her cheeks turning a deep shade of red.
Why does she have to be this cute, damn.
"Whenever works for you, I've been waiting for days…", I can't help but retort.
Her cheeks turn a deeper shade of red, if possible.
"You're right, sorry… I really need to pee, the baby seems to love pushing on my bladder these days and I can't hold it in any longer, wait for me here, please?", she smiles.
I just nod my head and then figure it's best to wait outside, the last thing I need is hearing her pee, between the cuteness and the sexiness I highly doubt I could stand my ground in our conversation. I wonder where she is planning to have it. I hear her exit the toilet after a minute and I turn around to acknowledge her presence.
"Shall we?", she asks and motions for me to follow her.
"Where to?, I ask.
"Just come with me, please?", she sounds almost pleading and I realize she is asking please a lot for someone who disappeared for a week.
We walk down a hallway I have never seen before, she opens a door with her badge that I'm sure won't open with mine and we find ourselves in the old warehouse where we held the Christmas dinner party.
Of course she knows her way around the building.
The idea of us alone in here in the dim light coming from the few windows right underneath the ceiling arouses me, I just picture a romantic picnic on a blanket and then sex.
Santana, Jesus, why the hell would anyone want to have a picnic in the fucking warehouse of all places?
She abruptly comes to a stop and takes a seat on a concrete wall.
"Isn't it cold?", I ask her, motioning to the makeshift seat.
"Not really, but feel free to stand, if you prefer, unfortunately there are no chairs in here", she replies, not really unkindly but not kindly either.
We exchange a look and I stand in front of her, waiting for the explanation.
"So…", I encourage her, i case she was still waiting for me to take the offered seat after all.
"So…", she mimics. "Fuck…", she seems to be finding her white sneakers really interesting.
"I have no excuse, not really", she finally begins, "I've had a shitty day on Monday and I needed to see you, I was hoping you would make me feel better like you always do. But you weren't there and it hurt", she stops, not averting her gaze from her feet.
"This still doesn't explain the days off from work", I push.
"I needed time to think", she simply states.
"And now you have everything clear?", I bite back, realizing I'm getting unfriendly.
She senses it too because she looks me in the eye for the first time since she begun talking and I can make out the hurt in them. So I quickly apologize.
"Sorry…What was it about?"
"I saw my ex that day. You know, Mark, the one I wanted a family with. He is a doctor and I went for an ultrasound, that's why I was in the city that night. We ran into each other and he noticed the bump, so he started asking things. He took a break and we went to the bar in the hospital, he was very friendly at first and I fell for it. I told him the truth, what was I supposed to do, make up a pretend boyfriend? Let alone a girlfriend, he has always despised my sexuality. He started insulting me when he realized I'm having this kid by myself, he made quite a scene and the bartender asked him to leave. So he did and that was it. It just got to me, you know, I've worked so hard to accept this whole situation, and he threw in my face so many hurtful things, he reminded me of everything I did to ruin our relationship, he really hurt me with his words. I sat in my car for over two hours, then I drove to your house because I realized you could be the one to make me feel better", she pauses and looks at me, swallowing audibly.
"The thing is, Santana…", and her voice calling my name yet again makes my knees buckle, so I finally decide to seat on the wall next to her.
"See, it's just… That night was awful, but the fact that I instinctively ran to you instead of going home and call Tina to come over, made me realize that I love you… but like, really love you. I have feelings for you, Santana, and not just friendly ones. I'm attracted to you because duh, you're just breathtakingly beautiful", she tries to laugh and I can see how hard this is for her.
I try focussing on what she is saying in order not to forget anything, I really wish I could record it, I know for sure I won't remember a thing in an hour. But hey, she just said she feels the same.
Shit.
"Like you said in your very very angry text, which by the way I totally understand where it came from, and also I got so mad at Tina for calling you names, but like, very mad", she starts rambling and I wish she would never stop, "I love everything about you, but most of all the fact that you do indeed wear your heart on your sleeve, and you let me in, and you have been amazing to me. I guess it just hurt that you evidently had someone over that night, why else would you have turned me down, and I needed time to process the realization I'm in love with you but you might not love me back…", she stops her ramble and I really wish I could kiss away the cute pout that has formed on her lips.
We begin a staring contest and I can see the lust in her blue orbs, the pupils are very dilated and I can barely make out the blue border surrounding them, I know that all it would take is for me to lean in and capture those thin pink lips in mine. But I also know she needs an answer from me now, I'm still mad that she disappeared for almost a week, but at least she explained herself and now I probably should do the same.
"Wow, Britt…", I find myself breathing out, my brain entirely disconnected from my mouth. I think I'm panting almost as if I was complimenting her on an orgasm she just gave me, and her look confirms this for me.
"Sorry…", I try to get a grip, "I mean… thanks for being honest with me, and… I feel the same, I do, I was just scared of telling you, I didn't want to impose, I guess I was okay with us being friends as long as it made you happy… And, you're right, I was with someone that night, but it doesn't mean anything, or at least I can stop it whenever I want… You remember when you asked me about my love life, why I'm still single? It's just, I fell in love with this person who loves me back but is not available for me… I wasn't kidding, it would take two days to explain the situation and still from the outside it would be complicated to understand, hell, I still can't understand it either. Thing is, I couldn't let go of him, not really, but when I met you, I realized he has nothing on you, at all… But I needed you to come to me first", I find myself confessing, and she looks at me concentrating, still silent, the staring contest going on.
"Thing is, Santana, I'm scared of letting you in, entirely at least. You have to explain me this thing you have going on, I don't care how long it takes", she looks me in the eyes dead serious, "I'm putting myself out there, but now it's not just me, it's my daughter too", she refrains, and I can see the regret and then a smile flash through her beautiful features".
"You're having a girl?", I ask her, smiling myself.
"I am… I found out on Monday… Technically, my ob-gyn has known it for a while, but I didn't want to know. Just… that day, I was going through the ultrasound and thinking of you, just like I have for the past weeks, and I realized you would have been happy knowing it was a girl, I just had a feeling…it doesn't make any sense…", she trials off, embarrassed with her admission.
"I love it, I totally see you as a girl's mama", I tell her and she smiles impossibly wide.
I know we still have things to talk about and to figure out, but I'm fucking in love with this woman and she with me, so I lean in and take her lips in mine.
I hear her breath catch and she meets me halfway. The encounter of our lips is shy at first, tentative. But the sparks I feel go right through my stomach and unfortunately they get to my core making a pool of wetness gather in my panties. It could be almost impossible if you think about it, to get so hot and bothered by a kiss, she just is something else.
"Santana…", she pants as soon as an inch gets between our lips.
I lean in again for another kiss and this one is rushed and frenzy, our tongues battling for dominance, it's all about teeth and lips and bites and it's so hot my hands just have to get a grip of her hips.
She wraps hers around my neck and we don't even stop to catch a breath, we just keep going deeper and deeper.
God, where was this woman all my life.
I feel her hands trailing lower down my back and then she tugs at my shirt. I scoot closer to her and intertwine our legs, I hear her pant and I know she is loving this at least as much as I am.
I pull back from our kiss and her eyes open slowly to find mine in question.
"Britt, I'm loving this, but I think we should get back to work…", I explain.
She doesn't reply, instead she drags me even closer to her so now I'm basically straddling her lap and wraps her hands around my neck once again and keeps kissing me. The taste of her lips is simply amazing, something like lipstick, coffee and mint. I know Holly won't ask any questions, but I'm really worried I can't keep my hands to myself if she keeps going at this pace.
"Britt…", I try again, detaching my lips from her for a second.
I hear her profit from the break to take a breath but then she is very quick to go for my lips yet again.
"Britt, please…", I pull back with more determination this time and she looks like a lost puppy, lust still adorning her beautiful features.
"Santana, Holly won't come looking for you, will you please just hush it and keep kissing me?", she all but demands.
This time she gives me the chance to reply, although I'm kind of scared about what I'm going to say, she looks like a bear you don't want to poke.
"Brittany, seriously, there is nothing that I would love more, in fact the thing is, I'm so aroused right now, that I have to stop this, or else I'll have my way with you right here and now but I think we deserve better for our first time…", I say sheepishly, and I don't understand how I went from insatiable to shy in a second. It must be the look on her face softening.
"Oh…", she simply states, "sorry, I didn't realize… Just… The hormones, I… I can't stop kissing those lips and holding those strong arms and caressing your back and don't even get me started on how much I wish I could take off all of your clothes and get a glimpse of what's underneath… No, not just get a glimpse, stare at the perfect body that I know you have…", she looks me straight in the eyes and I swear I'm losing all that was left of my resolve.
"You're not helping, Britt…", I breathe out, and that must give her the impression she succeeded in changing my mind, because she goes back to my lips and palms my left breast with her hand over my t-shirt, the simple touch sending a jolt of arousal through my whole body.
I figure I might as well surrender to the very very horny Brittany and try to even the score caressing her back underneath her tank top. I start playing with the clasp of her bra and I expect her to stop me, but she doesn't, she just keeps kissing the life out of me and I know there is no way our lips won't visibly bruise. Being able to touch her skin with my hands just feels like heaven and I'm not going to be able to stop this.
So I do unclasp her bra and my hands start roaming through her torso, aiming at her boobs. I gently touch one, again fearing she is going to stop me, and I hear her start to moan, so I figure I could be the one setting the pace, she isn't going to stop me, maybe urge me if anything.
I just know for a fact we can't have sex in here, for as much as I wish to. I feel like a party pooper, but I realize she isn't in her right mind. We keep kissing and roaming each other bodies, until her hand reaches for the belt on my jeans and I just have to stop her.
But my hand holding her wrist doesn't discourage her, in fact I feel her hand cup my sex through my pants and I regret wearing such thick jeans and not a pair of leggings for example, I could have gotten so much more out of this touch. But still, I know that another stroke like this or two and there will be no coming back, so I try to stall a little.
"Uh uh, not fair", I pant, and she goes to kissing my neck now that her lips are detached from mine, apparently not being able to keep them still. I try taking a hold of her hand roaming so freely but she fights me and I just don't want to make any sudden moves and risk hurting her. So I try speaking up again. I'm enjoying this, maybe even too much like I told Britt, I just can't let myself go completely seeing how she did already, one of us has to stay real, I meant it when I said I don't want our first time to happen here.
"Not fair that hand there, now I get to touch your pussy too", I breathe out, in an attempt to stop her or make her realize where we are, since she seems to having forgotten, but all I manage to do mentioning the p word is spurring her on even more and now I'm a goner too.
Smooth, Lopez, you're a fucking genius.
I reach for her legs with my hand and start slowly massaging her thighs moving up towards the place we both need the most. I hear her breath catch in her throat as soon as my hand connects with her crotch and she sounds almost pleading when my name leaves those incredible lips.
We hear a door squeak and I literally jolt away from her lap, trying to compose myself for whatever is coming. Markus, the head of the warehouse, enters with a heavy step and there is no way we can avoid this encounter by now. The place is ginormous, but he is coming our way.
"Guys", he simply acknowledges.
I realize I'm standing in front of Brittany almost as if I was trying to shield her with my body. He walks further without adding anything, but I know he is just sparing us the embarrassment, there is no mistaking what we were doing.
He turns the corner and then I look at Brittany, still sitting on the wall dumbfounded, she reaches for the clasp behind her and fixes her bra back in place. We just stare at each other without a word. I know she must think I'm mad because she starts one of her very cute rambles, maybe trying to put herself back together at the same time.
"Shit, San, I'm so sorry, I thought no one would come in here, clearly, it's a fucking dismissed warehouse, what the hell was he even doing here? Shit… Now everyone will know that we hide out here to make out or whatever, thank god we at least still had our clothes on, can you imagine? You told me we should stop and I was just so fucking aroused San, really, like, I still am, I feel my vagina throb and I think my panties by now are a pool of wetness, I don't even know how I'll make it to five like this, I got carried away and now I must look so desperate to you, like, I'm not always like this, and we even needed to talk things through before getting to the sexy part, hell, we still do…", she looks disheveled but not in the good way like when she had me in her lap.
"Britt, it's okay. Seriously, we both got carried away, I wanted it too, although I'm kind of glad his entrance made us stop. And don't worry about him talking, he has no proof", I try to reassure her, although I know for a fact he is friends with lots of people around here and the word could spread in the blink of an eye.
I take her hand in mine and it's really cold, I notice she is shaking a little, so I hug her and offer my sweater.
"No, San, it's okay", she looks down at me with the cutest pout I've ever seen. "Maybe we can cover this up as me having a hormonal crisis and you consoling me, but there won't be a good enough of an excuse if I show up wearing your sweater", she tries to lighten the mood.
I smile and nod my head, hoping it won't come to us having to explain it, even if her excuse could hold up. Last thing I need is HR down my neck before I get the real contract.
"Then promise me you're heading back to the office and warming up, it's not good for that beautiful daughter of yours being all cold", I push her lightly on her arm and she smiles back.
"I'm even getting a tea before, but thanks for worrying so much about me", she tells me with honesty pouring out of her eyes,
We walk back towards our offices and when we reach hers, which is closer to the supposedly secluded warehouse, she stops to smile at me. I know we are in the hallway now, but I can't let her go before telling her one last thing.
"I always worry about you, and I always will, please don't ever do anything like this past week ever again…", I know I'm putting myself out there, but I'm way past gone by now.
"I won't, sorry, San", she apologizes, and our hands graze again ever so slightly and I know we are okay.