I spent the better part of the last few days trying to create a situation in which Brittany and I could be alone, bit I failed miserably so far. Once she had some dance class that is supposed to prepare for childbirth, then she hasn't been at work for three days when recording some promotional video, then one night she stood me up last minute complaining not feeling okay. We exchange longing looks, but other than that everything is as it was before that day in the warehouse, friends, coworkers. Apparently, Markus kept quiet about what he saw, or maybe the word is spreading but hasn't gotten to us or our group of friends yet.

I'm sitting in the cafeteria looking at the lasagna on my tray, not really hungry. Next to me there are some coworkers from the software development who I've been starting a friendship with, sometimes I try not sitting with Quinn and I noticed having lunch with other people is helping me expanding my network in the office. Holly has been sick all week, she is working from home when she is feeling it, but she can't be that helpful, hence my very short lunch breaks lately. I have work to catch up on and this current inability to eat is not helping matters.

I try focussing on something else, when I lift up my gaze I meet Brittany's and things get even worse, if possible. She is eating the lasagna too, I can see it in her plate even if she is four or five tables away, and she is looking in my direction. She makes sure to wipe her lips clean with her tongue, I might or might not have confessed to her that it was that exact same gesture with the pizza at the meeting that made me realize I'm attracted to her, and now I know she is doing it on purpose.

Way to get me hot and bothered in the middle of the cafeteria, Pierce.

I slightly move my gaze to meet a pair of very different blue eyes that belong to a guy I think just recently started working here, or at least I haven't seen him before. He blatantly checks me out and he must be under the impression my looks are aimed at him. Until he turns around and sees Britt, he can't have misinterpreted our gazing at each other by now because his pale cheeks tint red and I feel myself blush too. I go about eating at least some of the lasagna in my plate and then say a quick goodbye to my table-mates, excusing myself out of the cafeteria and back to my office.

As soon as I turn the computer back on, I see the screen of my phone lighting up with a text from Britt.

I thought those looks were for me, too bad new guy sitting in the middle took them for his. ;)

This is the first text I'm getting from her with a flirty tone after our very heated make-out session and this eases my fear that she was pretending nothing happened.

And who was that sexy tongue for?

I text back. Guess two can play a game.

We'll see, depends… Wanna make-out with me and find out?

I feel my neck burning up and I'm glad no one is in the office to witness it.

Toilet in 5'?

I guess this is the best I can get and I know the toilet could be dangerous, but she has me in a pool of arousal as usual. Work can wait a little, I only took 20 of my 60 minutes break anyway.

You got yourself a deal, sexy lady, first stall on the left ;)

I toy with my fingernails hoping these 5 minutes could go a little faster, but then I decide to anticipate her in the toilet and avoid someone seeing us going in together.

I lock myself in the stall and as soon as I hear the door to the ladies' room swing open, I know it's her. Delicate as usual. So I cautiously unlock the stall for her and I don't even have the time to assess the way she looks, that I'm already pined to the wall with her body keeping me in my place. I feel her bump press against my torso and my hands instinctively go up to pull her face closer to mine. I capture her lips in mine but she has a plan of her own and pulls back aiming for my neck. She starts leaving sloppy kisses and then alternates them with small bites that I hope won't leave marks on my skin, then goes to suck at my pulse point.

This just feels so good.

I gladly let her do her thing and entangle my hands in her soft hair, breathing in the sweet scent coming from it. It's just fruity and somehow matches her sexy and cute personality.

"Britt, I need you up here", I breathe softly, knowing for sure no one else is in the room but not wanting to risk being caught yet again.

She slowly detaches her lips from my neck and when our eyes meet I can totally see the lust behind them.

"God, Santana, what are you doing to me?", she whispers, and then finally tilts her head to meet my lips and deepens the kiss right away.

Hands start roaming everywhere, I try to be gentle in order not to hurt her, but whenever I slow down my ministrations she urges me on somehow. Until she pulls back and stops.

"We have to go before someone comes in", she reasons.

"Don't wanna…", I pout and she takes my hands in hers and kisses both palms, then looks me in the eye and I wonder once again how she manages to go from horny to cute in all of two seconds.

"You know we have to. I'm sorry, honey", she coos and the term of endearment makes me weak in the knees, although I probably already was from all the kissing. "Stop giving me that look", she pleads and I know exactly what she is talking about, but I play dumb, just to squeeze in a couple more minutes this close to her and because this flustered version of her is so cute.

"What look?"

"These puppy eyes… I swear you're so pretty San, I have got to meet your parents and compliment them on creating such a beauty", she looks at our intertwined hands and squeezes them.

It sounds so cheesy but yet it feels so honest, like that's really how she sees me.

"I love you", I breathe out and place a sweet kiss on her cheek, then I turn the lock and leave, I know if neither of us exits now, we never will.

I almost don't catch her whispering she loves me too.

This weekend Quinn is joining her now official boyfriend Alex and his friends from the drawing department and some others on a night out and she asked me to be there too. After trying to get an appointment for Saturday night with Brittany and being let down yet again, I decide reluctantly to accept Quinn's invitation. The guys are behaving and I can't help but suspect there's a warning from my friend behind this. We drink at a bar and then hit the club, we pace ourselves so we don't get waisted but sure enough I'm tipsy and honestly enjoying myself. For the first time in days, I manage to stop thinking about the blonde for a couple of hours and I made a point to Quinn to avoid mentioning her in front of the guys as well as when it's just the two of us. Of course, realizing I managed not to think about her implies doing just that, but I don't let it affect my mood. Nothing really happened, after all, I'm just getting the feeling once again that she is avoiding me even though she promised she wasn't going to do that ever again, if you don't count the heated encounter in the toilet. Her pregnancy seems to proceed great and by now she only has a month left at work and two till due date. Quinn thinks it might be normal that she seems to avoid sex in her situation, but she hasn't seen her the two times we have been intimate with each other and the lust she had when kissing and touching me, putting it in words can't really give the idea of just how hungry she was both times. I highly doubt that she might have had such a change of heart, but Quinn wanting to be the voice of reason keeps blaming it on the hormones.

She still thinks I should be careful around Brittany and keep my guard up a little, she asserts that apart from those random encounters on the job she hasn't really given me much to work with, sure, she's been friendly, she let me in on some aspects of her life, but according to Quinn her behavior has been weird, this avoiding me on the weekend and being so hot and cold is a red flag and apparently I'm the only fool who is too in love to realize. I guess she has a point, or at least on some things, but she was the one coming clean and saying she loves me, why would it be if not because it's true, what does she get from it? A couple of kisses and grazes?

We were fine as friends, her confession sounded like she couldn't take a friendship with me anymore, but we're not progressing either, at least not in the way I wish we would. Should I be patient and understand her situation with the pregnancy and everything else, or should I consider the fact she just said she loves me and she is attracted to be as more than a friend, but never said she wants us to be together? Quinn is of no help with these topics, she's made up her mind that I'm only going to get my heart broken and there's no changing her opinion.

I'm pondering all of this in my head during a quick break I'm taking from dancing, sitting on a bench nursing a vodka red bull that one of the guys bought me, I don't even know why because I hate this drink in particular and the fact it's turning warm is proof of that. I'm swirling the few ice cubes that are left in my glass with the black straw, when I sense a presence on my right. I slightly look upwards and I'm met with a pretty girl who just sat beside me, evidently checking me out.

"Hey", she begins, my acknowledgement giving her the impression I'm okay with her talking to me, "you sure look deep in thought. What or who has such a pretty head so worried?", she asks, her eyes a deep shade of green.

I'm not really used to girls flirting with me, guys, sure, but with this being such a small city there are not many girls who are so open to hit on another girl in pretty much the only club there is. Not with how likely it is to run into each other time and time again. But, I have never seen her before and she is definitely hitting on me, I can sense it and my slightly intoxicated mind and very horny body make me consider giving in to her intentions.

"I'm not…", I'm quick to lie, "just taking a break, this dancing was a lot", I decide to fix it with a half-truth.

"Too bad, I was gong to ask you to dance with me", she looks honestly disappointed and I can't figure her out, if she is just a great player trying to get into my pants but doing it so smoothly, or if she really would hit on me anywhere and not just because it's the club.

I shoot her a look because I'm at a loss for words.

"Or maybe I could buy you a drink, that one is definitely not you first choice", she doesn't get discouraged and points a manicured finger to the watery drink in my hands.

She has wavy, chestnut hair, long slightly under her shoulders and is wearing an all-black outfit, or at least all is dark, my eyes can't really make out the colors in these faint lights, I can only see a blouse open in the front to reveal a generous cleavage (which might be where my eyes are focused right now), a skirt and tights, boots with high heels on her feet. I didn't see her standing when approaching, but she has to be taller than me, probably even as tall as Brittany.

Damn, Brittany.

I'm still thinking of a response, because I know that accepting the drink from her could very well imply more than that, when I see Quinn sending a thumbs-up my way, so I decide to give her something to talk about, while keeping open to the possibility of pulling myself back.

"You're not wrong, I could use a better drink", I pant sultrily and lock eyes with her, noticing I'm affecting her in the best way possible, "but not if you want the drink to mean something more than that…", I finally add and she does nothing to hide her disappointment.

I'm glad Brittany hasn't completely turned me into a softie, I still can play the game if I want to.

"You don't like me? Or maybe girls?", she tries.

"No, it's not that, you're pretty and most definitely my type. Just…taken". I know I'm lying, but I couldn't think of a better excuse.

But she is relentless and now I'm in deep shit.

"Tell me about this person, boy or girl? Prettier than me?", she shoots.

"Uhm, girl, very pretty but I can't compare her to you, she's a blondie…", I find myself smiling when the thought of Brittany pops up yet again.

"Damn, you have it bad, this is the first smile I see on your face in the whole night… You know, I've been watching you and I thought you were so pretty and yet so sad, now I know why…", she stands up and leaves without adding anything.

I wonder what she thought the reason is but I don't really care.

I take out my phone from my purse and send Brittany a text, much in the heat of the moment, I would never otherwise, also considering how late it is.

Hey, Britt, thinking of you. I want a night of lovemaking just the two of us, pick up right where we left off, you know? Free tomorrow? You know where I live if you're up for it. Love you.

And with that I feel horny and embarrassing.

I wake up on Sunday morning thankfully in my bed alone and thankfully not hungover. Good thing I left the club right after the green-eyed beauty whose name I didn't even ask abandoned me on the bench and I decided to send Brittany a desperate text.

Shit, has she replied?

I reach for my phone and unplug it from the charger, realizing I was sober enough to properly follow my bedtime routine even though I had a bit of drinking and it was so very late, I think around 3 in the morning when I made it home. And good thing I could split a cab with two of the guys, only god knows how expensive everything in this city is.

I have a few texts, Quinn, my mom, Sam, Eliza, I don't even bother reading them, the last one though is from Brittany and my heart start beating a little faster when I see it just came in 6 minutes ago.

Hey. I could come by say 14:00? Or we could meet a the park and catch a bit of fresh air.

She doesn't really take the bite with my offer for sexy-times but at least she is accepting to see me. It's almost midday already, so I very quickly leave the bed and fix up myself first with a long shower and some very needed moisturizing and the apartment next.

I decide to dress casual and since it's almost summery outside I pick a yellow satin shirt and a pair of light washed ripped jeans, then take my signature black leather jacket on my arm, a purse and the newest Ray-bans I own. I put on my worn black Vans and head for the park where Brittany and I agreed to meet.

When I get there, she is already sitting on a bench near the pond, she has a pink t-shirt and denim overalls, and this time I think she looks like your stereotypical pregnant lady even before admiring her beauty and thinking how much I want to make love and do all kind of things to her.

She squints her eyes and waves at me. I can see from the look on her face that something isn't like the last time we were alone in that stall, but I can't quite put my finger on it, so I decide not to panic and let her take the lead, whatever might be going on.

"Hey, Britt", I simply greet.

"Hi, Santana", she goes with my full name. I noticed she rarely calls me San like everybody does and I must say I appreciate it coming from her. Just because San is shorter, everyone simply assumes I'm okay with being called that, truth is I like my given name way better. I make a point of asking Brittany if it's the same for her with the shortened form Britt.

I take a sit next to her, not too close for comfort, and breathe in the scent that is purely her. I wonder briefly if it's okay for us to kiss now, but since there are many kids around I decide not to risk making her uncomfortable.

"Were you drunk last night when you sent that text?", she asks, and I can't quite understand if she is mocking me or if she is mad.

I find it uncomfortable that I seem to have lost the ability of reading her gestures or her facial expressions, she was like an open book at some point, no matter how recent our friendship can be.

I try to go with the first interpretation and respond accordingly.

"I was at the club, maybe a little tipsy", I smile at her and notice she is doing a lot of squinting, the sun must be bothering those pretty, light eyes. "But I meant what I said, I did want to see you…", I trial off, partly hoping she'll let go, partly that she'll ask me to take her to my place and have sex.

God, I'm desperate, sitting in the park on a Sunday afternoon with kids running around everywhere, a very pregnant Brittany and thinking of sex.

I fish through my purse and take out another pair of sunglasses and hand it to her. She looks at me questioningly.

"Put them on, you can even keep them if you want… Santana Lopez never has too many sunglasses", I explain, also trying to divert the topic since she doesn't seem interested in replying to my last statement.

"Thanks", she smiles gratefully and does as told. They look better on her than they do on me, but I find myself missing the sight of those blue orbs already.

"Sure", I start biting at my fingernails and she seems to be focusing on that.

It's awkward for some reason, as it has never been before between us, not even when we confronted each other on our feelings in the warehouse and the thug at the pit of my stomach that something is indeed wrong increases tenfold.

"What's wrong?", I blurt out my thoughts.

"Nothing", she shiny replies.

"You're not being yourself right now, so tell me, what's wrong?", I insist, "did I come on too strong with that offer of lovemaking?", I suddenly lower my voice realizing where we are and inwardly curse her for choosing this place for our encounter.

She just keeps quiet, but I'm not having any of this, I'm beginning to get angry.

"Because I remember you making the first move and if Markus hadn't walked in on us I think you would have ripped my clothes off and we would have done it right there and then, not to mention the stalls the other day, so don't tell me you don't want it anymore, because I wouldn't believe you", I spit. I know I'm getting worked up, most likely over nothing.

"It's not that…", she finally answers, "I was just hoping we could talk?"

"Sure, we can talk", I concede, "I'm not some crazed sex machine, I just thought it was what you wanted, and I sure do want it in case you still have doubts about it", I admit.

"I think this is a mistake", she suddenly blurts out, then she motions between me and her with a finger, looking everywhere but at my face. I don't have it in me to say anything, I just hear the noise of my heart breaking and a tear rolls down my cheek past the sunglasses.

I dry it with a quick motion bit I know she noticed it. I can't be overdramatic right now, Quinn was right after all, it was most likely all in my head.

"A mistake? Brittany, you said you had feelings for me, I didn't put words in your mouth", I try to reason without losing my temper.

"I know…", she huffs, "don't think I'm not hurting right now. I did have feelings for you… I mean, I do. And I so wanted to have sex with you that day, not only because I was horny but because I wanted it with you. But I can't, not now…", she trials off.

"You can't have sex?", I ask, not sure what she meant.

"I can't be with you", she answers resolutely.

I just wish I could stand up and leave, I normally would if it weren't for the fact I'll see her at work tomorrow no matter what, so I know I have to face it.

She wipes a lone tear streaming down her face and no matter how angry and hurt I am right now, I wish I could take her pain away first.

"Why?", I ask, giving her time to compose herself.

"Remember when I told you I wanted this time to be for myself only? That I didn't want to share this kid with anyone? For a moment I thought I could do it with you, but I can't. What if we break up in a couple of months and I'll always end up remembering giving birth with you by my side but you're not there anymore? What if my daughter falls in love with you and then you leave us both?", she sounds pleading when asking me questions that have apparently been running through her head for some days now.

"Why does it have to end in heartbreak?", I ask naively.

"Look at us right now, it is already ending in heartbreak", she reasons.

"It doesn't have to… You're doing this to us", I retort.

"Because I have this one to think about", she points at her bump, "you're only thinking about yourself", she accuses, and it hurts.

"Don't you think I'm taking your feelings into consideration? Hell, I was willing to be by your side as a friend because you said you didn't want to share this kid, but you Brittany, you said you loved me. You don't get to call me selfish right now", I spit, now full on mad and heartbroken.

"That's not what I meant", she tries to reason with me, "just… you don't want to commit to this, to a family with me, it's too soon, we barely even know each other".

"Don't tell me what I want or don't want, because you have no fucking idea", I find it more and more complicated to keep my voice down, "you just assume what's best for you".

"You can't say it's not true though, it is too soon", she repeats.

"Maybe", I concede, "but we wouldn't have to rush anything, we could be friends for now, and then see where it goes".

Here I go, the ass still bending to find a solution to accomodate someone who has clearly made a decision already.

"I don't have the time to see, Santana", she sounds exasperated and my name exiting her mouth is anything but arousing now, "you're free, you can put your heart on the line and hope for the best, you can keep your sex buddies and have fun, I don't have the luxury anymore, I wouldn't forgive myself for ruining the best time of my life over an experiment".

"Then let me be there as a friend, if you don't trust me with your heart", I plead, feeling so stupid and pushy and knowing this, however it might end, is going to shatter my heart.

She just called me an experiment. Talking about luxuries.

"We can't be friends, Santana, there are too many feelings involved, on both parts…", she reaches out for my hand and the second our skins make contact I physically feel the hurt in my heart. I retract it as if it got burnt.

I doubt I felt this hurt before.

"Then what do you plan on doing?", I ask, knowing full well there is no reasoning with her right now and that I have no saying in it whatsoever.

"We'll see each other at work…", she trials off, looking at my face, made confident by my shades on her face keeping some distance between our eyes.

"And what? Pretend we don't know each other?", I ask exasperated, willing to see how far she can get.

"That would be for the best…"

Damn, such a sweet, innocent girl definitely can kill someone with a sentence.

"You know we won't be able to avoid each other completely, right? Or do you expect me to change my job so you won't be reminded of just how big of an ass you are? Great example you're setting for your daughter, no doubt about it", I spit, standing up from the bench but keeping my gaze on her.

"Santana… please… I know you're hurt and I am too, can we finish this conversation?", she asks calmly.

"No, you literally just asked me to avoid you, so that's what I'm doing. You don't give a shit about how I feel, about what I want, you're making a decision for both of us and I've gone all the way and beyond to accomodate you and your needs, but since I have the luxury of walking away from it, your words not mine, I am".

"Santana…", she pleads, hurt evident in her voice.

I'm hurt but I still feel like her eyes could make me forgive her, so I turn around and sprint for the exit of the park, I know she is too heavy to keep up with this pace and follow me, so I just run and run until I make it to my apartment completely breathless. I lay down on the bed and break down.

The next day I show up at work with the same jeans I was wearing at the park and a plain white v-neck, not even bothering to wear make-up. I look like shit and I know no matter how waterproof the mascara can be, it would be smeared by the time I make it to the office.

I have a good cry during my bike ride and hope it has dried my tear ducts for at least the next two hours.

I try to avoid Quinn, but I haven't replied to any of the at least ten texts she sent me yesterday and I know she'll be looking for me.

I'm not wrong, she comes barging in to my office at 10 a.m. sharp.

"Hey Holly, hey Kurt", she chimes in, "San, coffee, now!", she all but orders.

Kurt and Holly greet her kindly and go back to work, pretending not to notice the demanding tone Quinn just used on me, same as they pretended not to see my puffy eyes this morning. Although I must confess the idea of wearing my reading glasses to cover them was a good one on my part.

We make it to the terrace without stopping by to actually get coffee and I know she means business.

"What the hell?", she spits.

I know full well what she means, but I fidget with my fingers, avoiding her gaze.

She must sense it's not about me disappearing on her, because she gently touches my forearm and tilts her head to meet my eyes.

"Oh San…", she coos and hugs me tight.

I reciprocate the hug and feel the tears I was so good at keeping at bay for two hours spill out.

"What did the bitch do?", she asks, trying to keep her disdain in check, maybe not sure if it really is what she thinks it is.

I detach from Quinn's arms upon hearing someone join us on the terrace. Some random guys start chatting and lighting cigarettes, not really taking us into consideration.

"She broke it off", I explain with the lowest voice I have ever had, and Quinn has to come closer to hear what I said.

"Why?", she asks. I know she means well but I can't recount the full story right now, I still have tears draining and can't possibly cry out any more.

"She doesn't want me in her or her daughter's life, not even as a friend", I summarize.

"And you have no say in this?"

"None, she treated me like shit, you have no idea", and I know now I'm adding fuel to the fire.

"I fucking knew it. Please, San, stay away from that woman…"

"Oh believe me, I will, she asked me to pretend we don't know each other, so I'll do just that"

"How long since pregnancy leave?"

"30-40 days tops, I think"

"Shit", she simply comments, and hugs me again.

Now the real hurt begins. Do you feel bad for Santana or think she had it coming somehow?